You are One of a Kind
Do you remember what God told you when you were about to take off on your journey from heaven to earth? You had just fastened your seat belt when God appeared and said, “I have never ever made anyone like you before!”
“Really, God?” you asked.
“Yes,” He said.
“Wow, am I so great? Am I a designer model?”
“Yes. And let me tell you, I promise never ever to make anyone like you in the future, too.”
Do you ever realize that there never was and there never will be a person like you? You are unique.
You enter this planet with that high a self-esteem. However, that doesn’t last long. The first person who punctures that self-esteem is generally the mother. Very unknowingly, very lovingly, with a lot of ignorance, the mother starts on a long journey of damaging the self-esteem. Imagine a 3 months young (I hate to say old. Before you can become young, the English language makes you old) baby sitting on the carpet. The baby pees on the carpet. He is playing in that liquid and enjoying himself till the mother storms in screaming at the top of her voice, “What have you done? You have spoilt my carpet worth Rs. 20000.” The baby does not understand the language, has no idea of what a carpet is, and does not understand what Rs 20000 is. All that he can make out is that the mother is annoyed.
This is probably the beginning of the erosion of the high self-esteem the baby came to the world with.
We often decry the child. How many times do we say ‘no’ and ‘don’t’ to a child in a day? Every ‘no’ and ‘don’t’, every negative remark, slices off a part of the high self-esteem. Imagine a child coming from school and joyously telling about his victory and how he scored 100 runs in the school cricket match. The mother will usually respond with “Yes, yes, keep playing cricket. Who will study?” It may be a good idea to share the moment of joy and happiness with the child. You can certainly remind him of the studies later.
A boy came back from the school with his report card. There were 5 A’s and 1B. The mother promptly asked, “What is this B doing here?” When we don’t appreciate the A’s and look at B’s, we dampen the spirits of the boy.
When the child goes to the school, the teacher takes over and reinforces the mother’s effort. The teacher and the parents need to establish synergy in handling the child. The parents need to know how the child behaves at school and the teacher must know what happens at home. This calls for proper exchange of inputs during the PTA meetings.
Your child feels great if he feels wanted, appreciated and loved. He feels great if he is told often that he is great. Conversely, he feels let down and discouraged and lives with a low self-esteem when he is told he does not know anything, does not deserve what he wants. Comparing a child with his siblings and friends can be damaging too. The child loves attention. Spend some time with him. Give him the love and care he deserves, and you will see great results. Self-esteem is reinforced with your encouragement. If you appreciate his decision-making skills and his ideas, he is sure to become a great achiever in life. Respect is another area children are hungry for. Take your child seriously and treat him with respect. Explain to him everything and treat him as an intelligent child. You will be pleasantly surprised with the astounding results.
People who feel good about themselves, produce great results.
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Didn’t know that an army brigadier with a rough and tough image who conducts adventure camps can write sensitively on the subject of building children’s self-esteem. If you write some more stuff on parenting, you will be a real challenge for another tickler Chitra Jha. Hehe.
Chitra is a good friend and we share many common thoughts and ideas. Self Esteem, Life Skills and Parenting are just a few. I do conduct pparenting as well as self esteem workshops, particularly for RYAN INTERNATIONAL group of schools.
That is a revelation. Good to know that.
AMEN !! Ties in with the article by Tanja Diamond about Super Manifesting. You cannot expect anyone to super manifest the positive for a beaten-to-pulp self esteem position.
Zig Ziglar it was I believe who said , that we are all born winners, but learn to lose. No prizes to guess who are teachers were.
Lets not decorate ourselves by damning our children !