Stay Aloof. Be Depressed.

Very recently I received a power point presentation called the peacock in the land of penguins. In the final paragraphs it clarifies how in life and in organizations, creative people are recruited because fresh talent and creativity is required to rejuvenate the organization but then once “in”, the new recruits are put under pressure to conform to the older and staid rules of thinking and behaviour. Alas; this is life! The Ford Motor Co is a fine example of this malaise. In an organization, at least, the recruit has an option to leave and look elsewhere and many do. The misfortune of life is that all the cards are stacked in favour of those at the top in any hierarchy, be it commercial or social. A candidate who changes his organization or activity too often will not be seen as a multi-tasker and talented, rather this would almost certainly be seen as a sign of inconsistent behaviour and even failure.

Most people think, work and live their life generally with the prejudices that they tend to pick up in their short lives. A good professional education gives them the wherewithal to make something of their lives. Most are really capable and in their chosen field do rise to the top but soon get stuck in their own success. It is happening with clockwork regularity with all of us. Look around and you will see people with promise and acumen who were success stories in their prime now are stuck in their typical groove; nothing wrong in this except the fact that they are now in a position of authority and so involved with themselves that their eyes and minds are closed to all inputs differing from their own standpoints. It can be difficult for their juniors because they are not only in a position to stifle their juniors they do so with gusto. Their influence extends even to people in their surroundings; you can only be an extension to their selves.

Once in a position of influence every individual regales in it. Bosses browbeat their juniors, teachers ask for silence, DMs (District Magistrates) order lathi charges, husbands batter their wives into submission and wives teach husbands a lesson or two through passive aggression. The question is why? I have seen this happen over and over again. Why do we first create a relationship and then go all out to break it?

It seems so silly to desire to be surrounded by fresh ideas, voices and talents but not give them any rope. Instead of making use of their creative abilities and being their mentors, elders become their tormentors more out to prove themselves in their elegant superiority. We are looking for a quiet audience; not partners or associates. In personal relationships, this scenario is played out in every marriage. It has always puzzled me no end why people who profess to need each other and love each other to the end of time soon start berating each other, see only their faults and the favourite phrase between them is often “shut up” and “leave me alone”.

Have you heard the wisecrack “Be reasonable, do it my way”? This seems to be the main theme of life. If only we could get away with it. In the last few months I have had the good luck to read about Pablo Picasso and see him in a movie too. From what I can gather, this man of prodigious talent, found material success in a big way and could cater to every whims of his. Yet like the last Nizam of Hyderabad, he was living in glorious loneliness. He was really a man of great capabilities and sadly nothing of it ever passed on; what a tragedy. There was no sharing. He spoke and you listened. He did his bidding. He entered into relationships with no intention to maintain any. Many women came in his life and out they went. As the women recount, he would suck the life out of them and give nothing in return. If only he had shared some of his spirit and let it live after him!

I have known closely another brilliant man. The first in his family to become a graduate in the 1940s, he was a capable artist, musician and very good with his hands and well-read too. He rose to an eminent position in the business world and was highly respected as a brilliant and creative manager. He was genuinely interested in life and learning was in his blood. This was when he was in his thirties and forties. He was so well ensconced in his life that he forgot to upgrade himself with time and forgot the art of listening. He never shared his experiences and wisdom. By the fifties his aura was diminishing and by the time it was time to retire he was a highly respected man in the organization but the upper management would keep him a little isolated by making him a master of project in which interaction was limited with the rest of the organization. His family was in awe of him for the most part of his life and afraid for the rest. Slowly he was being left alone as he would not let anyone speak in front of him. The only person who talked back at him was his wife and she never had much good to say. More often than not, when they were not bickering they were not on talking terms at all. He died a depressed man.

“Why quarrel?” was and is my question. Why not make the best of the relationship and enjoy the togetherness by listening and giving? But this seems to be the most difficult part of the bargain. Instead we throw out our ire on the closest and nearest and make our own lives miserable to boot.