Say NO and feel great!
by Shalu Wasu Filed under Communication, Conquering fear, Life Skills, Personal Growth, Problem Solving, Time Management
Saying no is perhaps the most important productivity tool that exists. Saying no is an art. It is also perhaps the most difficult thing to do for most people. I used to dread the occasions where I knew I will have to say no and I used to prepare for such situations for days. Now, I almost look forward to saying no to people and I actually enjoy the process! Find out how the change happened.
1. You are doing everyone a favour by saying no.
Whenever you are saying NO to someone, remember that it is for their benefit! By saying no, you are
• Giving the person an opportunity to look for someone who can do the job better.
• Avoiding negative feelings about the person.
2. Visualize the alternative (to saying no) in vivid detail.
• You will feel bad and will curse yourself for accepting the task.
• You will do a bad job.
• You will hate the person for putting this on to you.
• The person will hate you for doing a bad job.
• You should not have said yes, if you were not going to do a good job, the person will tell you later.
3. Remember what happened the last time you said yes!
4. Use the situation as an opportunity to build a better relationship.
If you like the person and don’t want to burn your bridges then having to say no can actually be a great opportunity to improve your relationship with this person. This is very much possible, provided you take the extra effort to honestly explain to the person why you cannot do this and why you value the relationship and that you really believe that by doing a half-baked job you will be hurting the relationship.
5. Enjoy!
Sometimes, saying no is just pure joy! The joy gets magnified if you do not provide any reasons at all!
6. Go overboard explaining why you cannot.
The explaining might make the person feel better than if you had said yes!
7. Use the big–picture test.
Focus on the big picture. What are your ultimate goals and objectives? Is this task in sync with your goals? If not, just say no and rest assured that you have made the correct decision.
8. Use a bit of cunning if you need to (in this order).
a. Negotiate. If you can take this off my plate, then I can do that. Or if I can get resources for this, then I can do that.
b. Postpone. Let me think about it and get back to you on email.
c. Deflect. I cannot do this BUT I can help you with that.
d. Bluff. Carry around your dummy calendar (choc a bloc of course) and show it to the person!
e. Throw the ball back. Ask for help in deciding how you should fit in the new task on the list of priorities (especially if it is your boss).
f. Lower expectations. Point out that you might be able to do everything, but not to the usual high standards that are expected.
g. Googly or curve ball. Say yes, then call back or SMS in the next 10 minutes to say why you cannot do it. Why 10 minutes? Well because that is the average time required for homo sapiens to come up with a good excuse.
h. Scare them off if nothing works! It’s just that I have this crazy flu and I don’t want you to get it
9. If they get really pushy, switch gears and think of it as a game.
There is no way you can say yes NOW! Smile and tell them so.
10. And before we end, here are a few statements for you to practice!
- I have another commitment.
- I have no experience with that.
- I know you will do a wonderful job yourself.
- I am in the middle of several projects.
- I am not comfortable with that.
- I need to leave some free time for myself.
- I would rather decline than do a mediocre job.
- I am not taking on any new responsibilities.
- I would rather help out with another task.
- Let me hook you up with someone who can do it.
- I am not the most qualified person for the job.
- I do not enjoy that kind of work.
- I do not have any more room in my calendar.
- I hate to split my attention among projects.
- I need to focus more on my personal life.
- I need to focus on my career right now.
- Some things have come up that need my attention.
- This really is not my strong point.
–
Shalu Wasu is a creativity consultant and trainer based in Singapore apart from being guest faculty at select institutes. To attend his one-day open programme on creativity on 15th January, 2009 at NUS, Singapore, please visit www.lifeahoy.sg or contact shalu@lifeahoy.sg.
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Thanks Shalu to remind that we always have the option to say NO as well.
The article also suggests that every negative concepts have their own positivity, we only need to look for it.
Nice piece of wisdom Shalu i couldn’t agree more with Rachana , But at times it becomes really difficult if the person is really close or important to you.
Good advice for the start of 2009 especially since staying focused on my long term goals is my New Year resolution!
I feel that Indians need to learn to say ‘No’ . In India people avoid saying no and they will delay it till the person gets the message himself.
I certainly agree, saying NO is an art; and I like your approach by thinking that saying NO is a benefit to the other person only! Hope to practice some of it.
Keep writing.
Sumit-
I also agree that saying “NO” in many situations including even an invitation to a party is preferable and one must acquire a style to say “NO” without hurting anyone’s feelings.
Saying “NO” must be learned by everyone.
Thank you for celebrating the power of saying “no”. This insightful article was just what I needed to read to wake myself up from making far too many commitments and obligations in 2009!
It’s better to under-promise and overperform than overpromise and under-perform.
This is a great post. I especially love your list of “no statements” to practice. We talked about this recently on Bigg Success, titled “This Word Helps You Keep Your Resolutions”. For example, if you’ve said “yes” to getting some exercise in everyday, you have to say “no” when someone asks you serve on a committee. There are only so many hours in a day! Say yes only to commitments that will help you achieve your most important goals.
Now I know ‘The Art of Saying No’
– thanks for such an informative post. ‘No’ it self is a negative term and this article shares its positive face which is quite interesting!
Its simply great …!!!
Hello All,
Its very necessary for all of us to learn to say “No”, Since its easy to say but tough to practice. We can practice only by courage and fact. Can we have a fact to say “NO”
gr8 post , Shalu…
I have been “advising” couple of my friends on the benefit of this..though I concede not in as persuasive a manner as you put it
I have been a “beneficiary” of practicing this art for quite some time, though not with a touch of finesse as you say it…. still it has worked great for me, so far.
Now I will just forward the link to these friends!
Happy New Year to you and family
Zula
I like them all except #8, though I do understand how people get to this point.
Superb, Is it compses in hindi? If so send me
Digvijay
Thanks I’m allready tickle
digvijay
While the overall concept is not new, Shalu’s handling of the method is lovely. Thanks.
This is great. I said No for the very first time yesterday and felt great…
Great ideas ……….
Great! No regrets opening this site. Big help. Thank you very much!
Thanks Mr Wasu for such a wonderful tips of declining.
its really useful almost daily as we have to go through the situation where we do work unwillingly.
Its of great help.
Good One
I read this article a few months ago. I shared it with my circle of friends many times, I guess. It crosses my mind every time I feel like saying NO loudly to feel great after saying YES for some backward minds for years and were never satisfied. I, thankfully, reached a point where I can make my choices whatever the result was as long the purpose of life is to live sanely and happily! Today, I’m writing to you to say Yes for saying NO and to feel great! I equally thank and congratulate you for this article. Please keep up the good writing:)
Norma Fares
Lebanon
Great article – very insightful and I really liked your use of examples. I posted it on http://www.OptimistList.com for other readers to enjoy.
Keep up the good work,
Tony
Learning how to say no without feeling unnecessarily guilty is an important life tool!