My child will not be deprived like I was
When I was young I had to ride my bicycle to school. During the winters I had no gloves and when I got to school, my hands were frozen for a long time afterwards. Imagine writing an exam paper early in the morning with stiff fingers and a time constraint.
I first saw television when I was 17 years old. I first used a computer in my twenties, and did not own one until I was past thirty. I had to take care of my siblings, because my mother was emotionally absent and my father was physically absent – working his heart out to provide for his family.
I got my first car when I was nearly thirty and I had to buy it myself. The thought of buying me a car never even crossed the mind of my dad, even though I was the oldest child. His reasoning was that apart from the cost – I was already a liability because I went to university – I was soon going to find a husband who would be able to transport me or buy me a car.
Of course when I had my child, I vowed that he would never be deprived of these things like I was. I would ensure that he would have a car, a television and a computer. I would be involved in his upbringing and know everything about his friends and his activities.
I was so proud of myself when I achieved all these things for him. When he went on to study and did not like the course, I just wanted him to be happy and he left the course. When he could not find a job, I paid him an allowance. He used the allowance to drive to a designer coffee shop every day in his own car, buy the newspapers and sit there all morning searching for a job while enjoying his coffee and cigarette.
Eventually the penny dropped (for me) and I found him a job. When he did not like the job, I sympathised with him and told him about the lousy jobs I had to do in my life to put food on the table. I also sold the house so that he had nowhere to go to if he decided to resign from his job.
It so happened that I left the country at the same time, thereby removing his entire comfort zone. By then he was legally an adult and could not claim maintenance from anyone. His friends were working or studying, and he had to look after himself – he did not even have any siblings to rely on, being an only child.
Poor boy.
However, you should see him today. He is a competent, intelligent leader that people look up to and that employers are bidding for.
The other day one of his cousins complained about the hard work that his employer expected of him. My son told his cousin about the time when he stayed in a garden shed because it was all he could afford, and how it made him grateful for what he had. He also now encourages all his cousins to take their studies seriously and not make the “mistakes” he made.
When a chicken hatches from an egg, the egg does not break nicely on the dotted line. That chicken has to kick and peck and struggle until it can break the egg from the inside. It must then continue to struggle until there is enough space for it to get out of the shell. And then it must start to walk around immediately – no crawling, no help from the hen.
If you or I walk past and see the chicken struggling, we are tempted to simply break the eggshell away and help the chicken to get out. Then we are surprised when this chicken that had a good start in life, cannot get onto its feet. We are sad when this chicken becomes the prey of predators and is unable to run away fast enough.
I often hear how younger friends and relatives are trying to give their children everything they never had or always wanted but could not afford. Then I wonder what is the best for me to do – to stand on the sideline and see them learn their lesson, or to step in and say please let me tell you about my mistakes – you can still rectify yours.
But did I make any mistakes? My son and I are both better people because of what we learnt from our journey. Today he has things that money can buy, such as a car and television and computer. But far more important is that he has compassion and integrity and good judgement and a sense of humour, and money cannot buy any of those things.
A Barbie doll may bring a sparkle to the eye of a girl, but being engrossed in a fascinating book will have a more lasting impact. A new bicycle will bring joy, but earning the money to buy the bicycle will bring determination and a vision and a passion.
I would love to write a best-seller on good parenting, but I am afraid I will need a lot of input from the experts. Do you know where I can find any experts?
————————
Elsabe Smit is the author of the soul-touching collection of short stories, A Tapestry of Life and of the blog http://www.mypurpleblog.com , Spiritual interpretations of everyday life.
You will like these as well!
|
Featured Tickles  Heal Your Relationships to Heal YourselfIt has been rightly said that this world is a mirror. It reflects back our inner/true reality to us. As within, so without. Everything in our life; our job, our economic condition, our dwellings, and the people in our life reflect one or the other aspect of our reality. Isn’t this a beautiful arra The Power of UnlearningAs I picked up the vacuum machine and started vacuuming the carpet in my living room, a sense of dissatisfaction loomed over me. It had been just about a year since I bought this vacuum cleaner and it was already low in its efficiency. The buzzing sound of the motor from that machine sounded healthy 15 elephant tethers that stop you from being creative!The problem is never how to get new, innovative thoughts into your mind, but how to get old ones out. Every mind is a building filled with archaic furniture. Clean out a corner of your mind and creativity will instantly fill it. - Dee Hock When still a baby, the elephant is tethered by a very thick Smoking a cigarette is like talking to your mother-in-law because...Once upon a time, many years ago, in prehistoric times, at a time when there were no cities, no buildings and perhaps even no villages, there was a hunter. He had had a successful day and was walking through a forest back to his tribe. He had slung a deer across his shoulder with some homemade rope Here Is Your D-I-Y Kit For A Leading Edge LifeManagement gurus and their disciples, thinkers, strategists and business process re-engineers have been busy propelling the modern world into not only coping with, but also keeping in step with the rapid changes of an ever shrinking, increasingly competitive and exhaustingly demanding global market. I Wish I Were A GoldfishI am told that a goldfish cannot remember anything beyond a 3 minute time frame. One of my favorite pastimes is to sit and watch our goldfish swim around lazily and rising up only to gobble at the food before going back to their contented existence. Their swimming around actually reminds me of chil The Fine Art of Persuasive Communication!There are many areas to look at in communication: a message is communicated through visual, vocal and verbal means. From that, comes the importance of body language, how we present ourselves, and so on. The visual and vocal elements are indeed very important to effective communication, but we will Teaching the teacherThe arbiter of knowledge and skills, the teacher, is a revered figure around the world. In India, the teacher is known as the guru, the wise one who can be trusted to lead the knowledge-blind and shine the light of competence and skills in the darkness of ignorance and incompetence. Over time it ha How To Nurture A Successful RelationshipHave you ever wondered how certain couples were able to stay together for many years? What are they doing right? What are the factors that contribute to the success of healthy, long term relationships? There are a few fundamental components that will improve your chances of having a successful relat Waves Of InspirationI stay in the coastal city of Chennai and one of my favorite pastimes is to explore the coastline that borders one side of the city. Starting from the crowded marina and Eliot’s Beach to the less crowded and secluded ones that dot the East Coast Road (or ECR as it is called), I have always found How To Be Depressed"Depression was, indeed, the hand of a friend trying to press me down to the ground on which it was safe to stand--the ground of my own truth, my own nature with its complex mix of limits and gifts, liabilities and assets, darkness and light." Parker Palmer I've never been through pregnancy depress Make an ass of yourself but do not let the world know...Many a time we are swept by that overwhelming feeling to bare all. Not to be mistaken with confession which is done after ensuring that there is nothing further to lose on account of reputation. I am referring to pure tear jerker stuff. Born out of righteous indignation. Or plain stupidity. The form Time management with the monksOne mile south of Georgia O'Keefe's beloved Ghost Ranch in New Mexico, thirteen miles down a cliff-hugging dirt road in the heart of Chama Canyon, you will find Christ In The Desert. The Benedictine Monastery is cloister to about twenty monks. I'd fantasized about retreating to the remote monastery Forcing yourself to get up early in the morning is pointless!A google search on early rising gives 1,500,000 results. Amazon has 6699 books on getting up early. Countless self-development ‘gurus’ have written books and articles that extol the benefits of getting up before your friendly neighbourhood rooster does. They have together compiled a list of 10 5 Reasons Why I Got Off My Tail And Found A New Passion!I've taken some time this month to clean out my Gmail inbox, the main goal being to have a completely empty inbox. I went through each email one by one, until I got to the very last entry. It was labeled "journal" and dated 12/14/06. I knew it was there for me to print and tape into my actual jour If Excellence Is Your Ideal Everything Else Will Fall Into PlaceA young man went to Gautama Buddha and sought the Master’s guidance on how to achieve Enlightenment. The conversation, which in my opinion must be required reading for anyone, went roughly as follows: Young Man (YM): Master, how long will it take for me to achieve enlightenment? Gautama Buddha ( |
Loading ...
Twitter 
Facebook
Subscribe
Almost every one craves advice on good parenting. Unfortunately,the factors to parenting are dynamic and inconsistent. on may part, i would equate is to labour pains. Nothing prepaers you for it than the actual moment.No matter having a reputable Doctor by your side, it is your cooperation and wilingness that see`s you through it and so are the children`s attitudes.
I do agree that our children will not face our difficulties, but I think that thay should learn at least the lesson.
Giving easily everything to them it is not a good deal, neither for us, nor at all for them.