How to Handle Control Freaks

The ego is a wonderful thing. It confirms an individual’s assessment of his self-worth in terms of being the only superlative person on this planet. This automatically clears the way to a style of living and management that leaves no doubt in the person’s self-esteem that he is by far the best bet in any situation and what he does not know or can’t do is not worth the trouble of even talking about.

Do you know anyone who fits this description? Their opinions are final even if their arguments are full of holes. No one can dare oppose them or even try to put in a word edgewise.

They feel justified that the control of every moment of our lives should not only be in their hands but that their say must prevail in every matter. The result is we have Control Freaks. Look at life from any angle; they are everywhere. Give them a position of authority and they immediately take on a monstrous image. As parents, superiors and drivers the worst in them appears easily.

The rage levels in our midst are rising every day. This mindset of being so obviously superior and better, stuffed with self-importance is behind this rising phenomenon. New words like flight rage and shopper’s rage are making their entry into our lexicon because these are newly emerging tendencies for which our language was not equipped earlier. This goes to prove that these tendencies are all around us now. The other day I went into a shop looking for a new mobile phone. The owner is known to me but that day his son happened to be at the counter. The moment he saw me coming in he became busy with a drawer of his. Nevertheless I did mange to get to him by asking if he had new phones. He never looked up and simply replied “No” and continued to rummage in his drawer. I left without seeing his face. I suppose I am too old, out of date, economy minded and not really his kind of client. A wave of anger did rise but I controlled it.

The unfortunate part of this is that it is becoming part of the personae of capable and well-meaning people too. They judge themselves on the basis of some activity in which they are really better than many but they start assuming they are the best on all counts. So their self assessment is terribly slanted; they see themselves as superiors standing out from the lesser beings around them. Unfortunately, these people become awfully arrogant and intolerant and fly into rages just about everything and anything. They demand respect as a right. I saw this advertisement for a car in which the catch phrase is “demand respect”. So I must be right; even the publicity managers have caught on to this weakness in us.

These grand guys see others as totally incapable nincompoops and in their anger there is an element of disgust at the incompetent lowly oafs they have to live with. They are as far as I can see always at boiling point and when they interact, this view that they have of others is fully evident in their responses and reactions. They never correct, explain, advise or ask questions but berate and criticize. Their comments are scathing and designed to hurt like they would crush an insect under their feet for defiling their space. Every expression of theirs indicates their frustrations and saintly forbearance for their loutish brethrens and their own strength in comparison in tolerating it all.

Well they are what they are and what we need to bother about is how to deal with them. Arguing with them or trying to make them see our point of view will only enrage them more and it is well nigh impossible, not unlike trying to pass through a stone wall. They would see this act as insubordination or at least a case of pure and simple arguing back for argument’s sake. But then we can’t keep totally silent either. So a little manipulation is called for and for this we need to learn a bit of applied psychology. The first thing is to stay calm and not react. This takes out the wind from their sails. The second thing of importance is to go along but with an aim to divert them. This is not so easy but it can be done; it is done by primarily avoiding frontal tactics. For instance a boss I know gives very difficult-to-put-into-action orders far removed from ground realities and he refuses to listen to the field staff. His employees say “Yes, Sir” and go out to do it. This is their break of sorts and when they come back they put alternative suggestions logically and well-meaningly and this works.

Control freaks are always in a hurry and in their hurry end up destroying quite a lot of things around them that they themselves have built up. The trick is to let them rant but keep the control of the final action and pacing in one’s own hands. As long as these freaks are not contradicted, all is fine. It might even be a good idea to let them apparently interfere. Ask them for something. This will keep their egos quiet. Don’t get intimidated – just go about as if nothing troublesome is happening.

We have to be kind to them. They need to be humoured but if abuse creeps in, the only solution is separation. Sometimes it is not worth wasting ourselves out on these freaks as they may drain us out. No relationship is worth that!

Pradeep is an author, personal growth trainer and marketing consultant.