Assistance or Interference?

“I just wanted to help.” How often have we heard this sentence in our lives? There is an old saying: The road to hell is paved with good intentions. This truth came to me in a roundabout but very emphatic way the other day.

I finally had to admit that I needed help in the office. So, I took on the mantle of Good Samaritan and gave the job to somebody in the family who would, I thought appreciate the offer. Appreciate she did and a little more than was warranted. I ended up having her help in ways and means that totally upset me.

The second day I came to work, my computer settings were changed and even the position of the mouse and board were rearranged. A wave of annoyance shot through me. But I went along and brought the settings back to my preferred original state and got down to work. But then this attitude began to show in every little thing. Something what my teacher used to call ‘mental interference’. Nothing would ever be done to my liking. There was always a little change in the way the job would be executed. Something more in the way she thought was more appropriate or better still with a smug assurance that I would certainly be pleased. Even my coffee would not be made as I wanted and this was really the last straw.

Finally I had to have a heart-to-heart talk with her and this is what I had to say: “Kate, please understand that I would like your assistance but you are going beyond the call of duty. You are doing my thinking for me. This is not appreciated at all. It amounts to imposing on me. I feel threatened and suffocated.

“You are welcome to ask questions and make suggestions but not to act in any way that would upset my stream of things. All the small acts that you think would do me good or would help me work better are not helping. It’s irritating beyond words. You have to let me live my life my way and let me work in my fashion even though it may seem inefficient or incorrect to your way of thinking. Then, do not forget that you are here to help me in pursuing my goals my way; not yours.”

The tendency to think for others is in all of us. It is a kind of arrogance that is terribly well couched. In the guise of a “doing good” we tend to give full play to our vanities. In the name of being kind, nice and helpful we permit our egos full liberty to interfere in the lives of others. This often goes to the point of tyranny; especially in delicate relationships like parent to child and teacher to student or boss to employee where the child or employee either does not know how to handle the situation or dare not talk back.

We only end up stifling the spirit of the other and being hated for it. Turn the camera lens to your own self. See if you are suffering from this malady too by any chance? Have you decided that you are quite the best example of human-hood and are judging, correcting and trying hard to put the world into a better shape? How did you ever come to this conclusion?

Just live your life the way you best can and let the world take care of itself. Give help only in the measure asked for and wait for the request to come. And lest you be taken advantage of, don’t be in a tearing hurry to run errands for others either.