The end of my crisis

At the beginning, I felt slightly astonished. Glancing at my life, I realized that it was all gone, in a matter of instants. I thought about it for more than what seemed an endless second and the result wouldn’t change.

I lost my job.

Funny how fast I became an actual victim of this worldwide earthquake. It took me about a couple of hours to understand that all my certainties were somehow linked to the idea of having a job, a fixed income, a wealthy lifestyle, the power to buy and acquire goods. And how a significant part of me had been actually deprived of basic needs such as time, joy and health, in the name of Production – the goddess of contemporary masses.

I spent a full week wandering around with a wide open smile on my face. I couldn’t help feeling just good and I happened to experience guilt while talking to people, realizing how lighthearted I was, in spite of all.

The decision came soon after the D-Day.

You know, I came to the sad – and yet understandable – conclusion that most of us live a double-dimensional life.

For someone like me, born in the early eighties, the concept of wealth was never questioned. I was raised with the equation Work = Wealth stamped on my passport. Go wherever you want but make sure to jump on board before it’s too late. The machine won’t wait for you forever and the best that you can do is to mould yourself properly, in order to fit in the system.

And so I did. I did it my way, of course, which was never precisely in line with the actual pre-made scheme, imposed by “society”. But I managed anyway. I joined a New York law firm first, to then experience a breakdown, followed by a series of random and very useful parentheses as a waitress, Italian teacher and so on. When I finally joined Barcelona, I thought I was over all confusions and I devoted myself in full to the search for a stable and secure lifestyle.

Wishful thinking…towards the wrong wishes, though.

Now I find myself in my apartment, there are rays of sun entering my room and nice sound from my music system. I am enjoying the destruction of the perfect, fake and illusionary balance I built for myself.

I made someone else rich with my innocent and professional commitment, that’s for sure. But who cares? Does it really matter? Is it truly the end of the world?

This last question deserved a closer and deeper look.

I spent sometime reading my very own words, which I lightly spread around the world in shape of stories, articles, blog entries. And I managed to recognize the answer, hidden in between lines and commas.

No, it is not the end of the world. It is quite the opposite, indeed.

We are experiencing a unique opportunity to enrich ourselves and learn how to sustain our lives in a considerable manner. Considerable for our own happiness, the health of the planet and the potential creation of a newly balanced general system.

Practically speaking, I looked for an answer to a trivial though fundamental question. What?

The “what” issue struck me in a moment when people are seriously struggling to make their way out of the employment crisis, because we must keep in mind that this is a human earthquake, first of all. And I couldn’t help thinking about families in need to feed and educate kids. A friend of mine, who is a teacher, told me that lately her young students are complaining because of hunger and that never-seen-before fathers are showing up to pick them up at the end of the school day. Unemployment causes food issues, first, but also reunites families. Just to prove once more that this is a double-sided medal. I devoted a closer look at small businesses, where bored employees are probably studying a degree while wishing for customers to miraculously appear and make their day. They most likely won’t sell an item throughout the day but hopefully are learning something practical for their next venture.

But my situation is different, I am lucky. I don’t have kids to feed and I do have a higher degree. After days of inner ponder and mind-mapping, I came to an astonishingly simple conclusion. I will make my way out there and help people, travelling where I can afford the luxury of not making someone else rich, while collecting diamonds for my very own soul.

Just like the character of one of my Tickles, I will be the one travelling all the way to India to actually put into practice my human rights degree and devote my energy to something that will enrich myself enormously and, hopefully, others.

I will pack a smile, strength, willingness and energy. This is all I need. In my pocket I will store drops of love I have received, which I will make sure to spread around with the same intensity they came to me.

I wasn’t responsible for this gigantic mistake that is currently affecting us all. My illusions are still up high in the sky but they deserve to be projected towards change. Change of perspective and direction. Turning illusions into reality is now a priority in my agenda and I firmly believe that more people are joining the club, right now.

This is a will. These are my last words about this moment, which I won’t call crisis ever again. I cannot speak for everybody, our stories are coloured with different shades. But to be myself completely, I had to let go and realize that I am still sure, now more than ever, and that nothing will be able to change my course of action towards my mission: enlighten my steps through hard work, spreading a renewed wave of energy among us, trying to put down a heavy stone to make my world a real better place.