I was living a beautiful, content life of marital bliss, enjoying motherhood and generally just being there. Life was good, I believed in myself, God was not a word in my lexicon; I passed my leisure reading fiction and watching movies. But, and it is a big ‘but’, at times I felt that there was more in me. I was made for bigger things. Slowly this ‘but’ became a kind of obsession and that is when I attracted Linda Goodman’s Star Signs. The year was 1999.

Suddenly everything that I was so sure of seemed like an illusion. I became more introspective, and life just changed…for the better. Reiki came into my life and took charge of me. I was changing for sure, but the world around me was changing as well. To begin with I could not read fiction any more. Books like A. Parthasarthy’s Vedanta Treatise, Richard Bach’s Illusions, Deepak Chopra’s Seven Spiritual Laws for Parents, Ageless Body Timeless Mind, The Path to Love, James Redfield’s The Celestine Prophecy, Dr. Brian Weiss’s Only Love is real, and many other books of this ilk became my constant companions.

By and by I gave up reading the newspaper (something I used to be devoted to), watching television; eating animal products (including dairy), left-overs (again something my fridge used to be proud of), processed, packaged, bottled stuff; allopathic medicine, etc. Now I enjoy locally produced fresh foods (primarily fruits, vegetables, and nuts). All this just happened.

The major change happened in my way of looking at things. I started looking at everything including my body as a gift from God. Hence everything in my experience including family, friends, foods, clothes, weather, environment and what have you became a ‘present’. Now what do you do when you keep receiving presents in each moment? Only one phrase emerges from deep within: ‘Thank you.’ Gratefulness becomes a part of life, and all the complaints, criticisms, judgments just disappear. Yes, this actually happens. Once you experience this eternal gratefulness, you start living in ‘oneness’. Everything becomes an expression of God.

‘God’ the very word I was allergic to, has now become a constant refrain in my conversations. Each moment He experiences His highest expression through me; hence each moment has become a reason for celebration.

I realize that it is not just about me; entire humanity is waking up from a deep slumber, as though by a pre-determined agreement at a mass scale. The change is not happening just with me, but with the ‘collective unconscious’. The ‘time’ is finally here for a major ‘shift’ of the ages; and my waking up is just a small part of the larger plan that is unfolding around us.

Yes, these are special times, and things are coming to a head now. The choice before us is clear. Do we wish to choose unconditional love or fear? Are we with Light or with Darkness? It is for us to exercise our freewill. The responsibility as always lies with us. Please choose wisely, as these times will not come back in a hurry. It will take another great cycle, another age, another yuga for the conditions to be so ‘right’.

Having said that, if I could, in any way, be of any service to anyone, I am always there!

Chitra Jha is a healer, writer, corporate trainer and verbal ability instructor.

I don’t know if it was the cigarette or my twisted mind that lead me to start reliving the long weekend, each piece of garbage at a time. “Is this all that is left of my life”, I thought, “a black garbage bag on a Monday morning, ready to be trashed again over the coming week?” The bag more or less represented my whole life, or the lack of it.

There were three envelopes that once carried the manuscripts of a book that I had sent to different publishers. All returned unopened, marked “return to sender” with a lousy sorry note attached which conveyed a tired, mocking “Yeah rrrright!”

There was a credit card receipt for fifteen hundred bucks that I pissed off at a pub on the Friday night with people, half of whom I didn’t even know and the remaining half, I wish I didn’t know. Still I went to spend the Friday night with them just for the want of human company and to feel alive. Staying alone gives me an overdose of privacy which I need to shake off every now and then. With no real friends around, beggars can’t be choosers; you go with whomever is ready to go with you.

Hiding under it was a movie ticket stub for The Hangover. While it was by far the funniest movie I saw in a very long time, I wished the whole time that there was someone beside me in that theatre with whom I could share my laughter. There are a bunch of people I could have gone to the movie with, but there wasn’t even one in that bunch whom I wanted to be with me. So even though it was a funny movie to watch on a Saturday afternoon, it was quite depressing getting out and knowing that it was Saturday and I had nowhere to go but home. So I decided to burn some fuel pointlessly and roam around the city of Hyderabad. Those oil reserves ain’t drying up for another half a century and I have bigger things to worry about. I went around the city, and realised even though it boasts of a rich history, there isn’t much in the city except malls. Malls of all shapes and sizes, big, small, cheap, costly but mostly pretentious.

Joining hands with the ticket stub was another credit card receipt for two thousand bucks, which I blew away on a pair of sneakers that I didn’t even want, if I must be honest. I bought it while I was browsing through one of the malls. God knows my credit was touching an all time high and the market did not look good enough to expect any kind of raise. These plastics are getting to me. No matter what I do to keep them inside my wallet, they keep coming back with a vengeance and accumulating charges bigger than the last time.

“Is this all that is left of my life”, I thought, “a black garbage bag on a Monday morning, ready to be trashed?” Credit card bills, lame trips to malls, lousy weekend get togethers and loneliness, is this all that I have accomplished over all these years?”

Rolled up in a paper ball was an airplane ticket of the round trip that I took to Calcutta on Sunday. My maternal grandmother had passed away and my mom was insistent that I show up personally to pay my respects. I never enjoyed these family gatherings, happy or sad; they were always full of gossips and hypocrites. I bid my farewell to granny and was sitting in a corner waiting for a couple of hours to pass so that I could be on my flight back home. My mother came and joined me, and even in that difficult time she managed to put on a smile for me which oozed love, affection and a genuine concern. We just sat there talking about nothing and everything for the next two hours, and even though she never asked, I don’t know how, but she knew exactly what was going on in my life. It is kinda spooky the way she always reads me. Just before leaving she gave me a hug and said, “I love you son, please come and visit us in the near future.” I felt a warm feeling envelop me and in my mother’s love I found the reason for my life.

I never understood how in the western culture moms become a thing of the past once you move out. For me, my mom will always be there. That one hug, drove away all my loneliness, made me feel wanted more than ever before, and probably gave me the will to keep up the fight. I know that when I make it big, she will be there to share it with me. Girlfriends may come and go but my mom is the constant in my equation.

I ashed my cigarette butt before taking one last drag and flicking it out of the window. I sealed the bag. I watched as down in went, through the chute, taking all my miseries with it. It was a new week, and I had bills to pay and expectations to meet… so off I went to work.

That should have been the pinnacle of my success as an ads and promo manager in the multinational company where I worked. But even then, I was hiding a secret, a loneliness and depression so debilitating that I almost crumbled under its weight.

A few days before the event started, I had said goodbye to my sister who flew to Michigan to visit a friend. It was the last time I was to see her for quite a while. The reality of her absence never really hit me until I arrived in Dumaguete. I found myself alternating between tears and dread, sadness and depression. I felt like I did when my mother died death and it was left to my sister and I to hold the family together. With my sister gone, I felt bereft, abandoned and lonelier than I could ever explain.

It was an implosion of the heart, mind and body that followed. The glamorous job that used to bring me so much pleasure was losing its attraction for me. My mind began to wander. I began to lose the edge that made me so effective in my job. I started missing deadlines. I found myself beginning to distance myself from my colleagues mentally and physically because of this sudden and inexplicable feeling of insecurity and loneliness. Added to this, was the growing paranoia that my boss, who was planning to move to Australia, was looking at me with professional jealousy because I was in line for a promotion when she left.

Months passed and I found myself sinking deeper and deeper into the emotional and professional limbo. I was deeply unhappy.

I turned to the internet for solace. There I met a guy in one of the popular online social networks. He introduced himself to me as Vince. He was 27 years old and lived in Davao. Vince told me that he had a son with a woman whom he hasn’t gotten around to marrying just yet. He was unemployed but waiting for his visa so he could go to the Middle East to work at one of the US military bases there.

I met Vince during a holiday break in June 2009. He was a decent enough guy; kind of shy and well-educated but otherwise nothing spectacular about him stood out. We had lunch and saw a movie. Afterwards, we headed off to my hotel room where we had sex.

At age 44, I had managed to remain a virgin for God knows what reason. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve had numerous boyfriends in the past but never slept with any of them. Many have tried to seduce me but I’ve always been rather shy and frightened of intimacy. I still believed in the purity of love and marriage, bless my silly little heart. But why was it different with Vince this time? I was not in love with him but I saw in him my one last chance to re-engineer and overhaul my old frightened self.

I’ve learnt that when you’re unhappy, the only way to fight it, is to immerse yourself completely in emotions that are unfamiliar and new.

Raw emotions challenge you to think out of the box and making love to a man for the first time was a life-changing choice I made without a tinge of reservation or regret.

That one-night stand, I shared with Vince was a milestone experience that left an indelible mark on me as a woman on the cusp of changing her life. Intimacy was nothing to be feared. A man’s kiss was meant to be enjoyed.

When I went back to Manila and resumed my life, I felt more alive than ever since my sister left. I left Davao without a parting farewell from him. No text messages, no calls. My cell phone was silent. Three or four days later, a text message arrived. It was from him. I read it with gratitude. I knew now that I had met one of life’s mysterious challenges head on when it presented itself to me. I was strong enough to embrace life and its surprises. I made a choice that will change the regular pattern of inhibition that used to define my relationships. But most of all, I made a choice knowing that something in me was going to change forever.

Casual sex or not, I will always think of Vince with gratitude. Because he held me in his arms in tenderness and understanding. Because he laughed at my feeble jokes. Because he shared something deep of himself in the short time we were together.

It was not love. We were simply two lonely people meeting at the right time to share some warmth and a connection. The world can be a lonely place and from time to time, we need a harbor where we can safely shelter with a kindred soul — at least until the rain stops and we go home once again to a life of quiet desperation.

In recent weeks, I have been getting calls from clients who have lost or are about to lose their jobs. It doesn’t matter that they may not have even liked their job. Now that they are out of work without a job they thought they could count on for a livelihood, most are at a lost about what to do next. Some are in the denial stage while others may have moved on to anger and depression. Many are foreigners and for them, losing their jobs also means that they have to move back to their home country with their family. Some feel they have lost their corporate identity and self-worth.

Are you in the same situation of having been retrenched or are facing some crossroad in your career or professional life? Here are some suggestions on how to get yourself out of it:

1. Acknowledge the Crisis

Losing a job can create as much emotional turmoil as losing a loved one; one may go through the different stages of loss, starting with denial, followed by anger and depression, before acceptance comes.

I know one 45-year old man who went through these stages recently, after losing his high paying job of 15 years. Initially, he refused to accept that he was facing a professional crisis. He dismissed the whole situation as “just a bad patch” that he was going through, blaming it all on an “incompetent boss” and was confident that the ex-boss would soon be begging him to rejoin the company. “Right now,” he said, “all I want is to take a long holiday and worry about it later.”

Two months after this discussion, when it finally dawned on him that his ex-boss was not going to call him back, he then became consumed with anger and hurt. He started bad-mouthing his former employer and told everyone he had resigned because of unethical practices.

When he first came to me, he was already in the depression stage. He could not understand why he, of all the staff in the organization, was fired. Was it because he was too frank and not adept at politicking? Was it some inadequacy on his part?

I told him that the first step towards moving forward is to acknowledge that he is indeed facing a crisis in his life. He was now 45, and it is a fact that many potential employers would prefer younger candidates to fill up job vacancies. No doubt experience counts, but many would-be employers are willing to forego that for they perceive as creativity that is unfettered by past experiences.

Once he has acknowledged he is facing a professional crisis he can then choose how to respond to it.

2. Explore the Options

I have always loved the way the Chinese express the word “crisis”. The Chinese character for “crisis” actually comprises two characters – one means “danger” and the other “opportunity.”

Oxford Dictionary defines “crisis” as “a time of intense difficulty or danger; a turning point for better or worse.” The origin comes from the Greek word krisis which means “decision.”

Whichever way we choose to look at it, one unifying theme defines it: A crisis serves as a wake-up call to alert us to both danger (and turmoil) arising out of non-synchronicity in our lives, as well as to opportunities that can lead to greater things in life. The eventuality depends on the choices and decisions we make.

So take this as a wonderful opportunity to step back and detach yourself from the situation, take a new, fresh look at what you really want for your life and then make the move forward to the life you deserve!

3. Redefine Your Purpose and Passion

How many people really take the time to push the pause button on their lives in order to explore what is their true passion and purpose? Very few, I believe. People just tend to flow along in the path of least resistance – from school to college to job after job, with very little thought given to what they really want to achieve in their lives until it’s probably too late for them to do very much.

So count your blessings now that you have received this wake-up call and been given this opportunity to pause from the auto-drive mode you are in to explore and to discover your purpose and passion.

Reflect on the following questions:
a. Do you feel good about yourself, your life, and where you are going?
b. If time and money are not a problem, what would you be doing on a daily basis?
c. What do you really want for your life? What don’t you want? What have you settled for?
d. Do you feel fulfilled and satisfied with your life choices so far? If not, what would you change if you could?

Whether you are experiencing a professional crisis right now or not, let this article be a reminder for you to step back, re-assess where life is leading you and if you discover that you have been sacrificing meaning, fulfillment, balance and happiness in life for the outward trappings of “career success”, it’s time to regain control of your life and choose a more meaningful path to self-fulfillment.

To many work is worship and that’s really fine, but one has enjoy what you do; and the only way to enjoy what you do is if you add value to work, and work adds value to you.

Here ‘value’ does not mean just the monetary pie; it means 360* value – to you as a person, as someone who aspires to grow in the chosen field, and in turn extended to your colleagues, your family, the society you live in. In a nutshell, your entire ecosystem.

We often here ourselves lamenting “I am just not happy with what am I doing” and yet we continue the same motions for years and years. The other common refrain is “I don’t know what I should do to enjoy work!

Do those statements sound familiar. If they do then listen up, this articlesis something you must read.

If you aren’t enjoying work, the first thing to note is that there is just no point in blaming all those around you – your present employer, colleagues, HR, your… I am sure you get the idea. You and only you are responsible! So what you need to do is to create your ‘world of work’… just exactly as you would want it to pan out.

Before you go on that it’s too late to make a change, remember  the oft repeated Chinese proverb says “The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago; the second best time is now.”

One shouldn’t be scared of change. A lot of times we act like a well built ship that just waits in the harbor, refusing to explore the vast expanses, challenges, and eventual fruits of the sea, just because of fear. We use excuses such as lack of risk appetite, family commitments, a comfortable and cozy present and what not… the reasons can so go on as much as the human mind can imagine… rather than imagining good, most of the times, the ‘safe and comfortable’ psyche in us plays truant and forces us to image the worst!

Another thing we need to do is to give this “work” thing much more planning and thought. We need to do an honest appraisal of our personaity, formal qualifications, strengths and weaknesses, and above all, our innate qualities and habits. If we are honest to ourself  then it is certain that our ‘ship’ will sail to victory, even though the waters may be unchartered! By refusing to plan and think enough, we are just plain squandering the wonders life can show us, sans the slug and grin in just working for the sake of work.

Chose tremendous joy and happiness, and exposing your best to the world, just by a little mind-time… let that little time be a week, a month, 6 months or even a year…  It is such a great investment, and if it can lead you to greater heights in life and career, then why not spend that time? It is a worthy investment, one that will throw up a whole new perspective.

In the process, ‘work life’ is now at your terms, something you will enjoy and bring you sheer joy…  You go with the flow, and so there is no energy expended. With each step you will propel further with greater force and move ahead, sans any resistance!

So, are you ready for the long haul? A cheerful, successful and contended haul…. Yes, you are. So get going now…  Vroom!

Alfred Hitchcock movies have become a recent obsession of mine. However, while watching Vertigo for the first time a couple of days ago, I found myself thinking of the great re-make possibilities (evidence of the influence of the non-original; important to note that I am not a snob in this regard, just aware). Having heard about this movie for years before I actually sat down to watch it, I must admit that I found it slightly melodramatic – I realize that this melodrama is a bit of a Hitchcock hallmark – but I thought this particular story could be improved. Jimmy Stewart – one of my favorite actors of all time, and apparently one of Mr. Hitchcock’s – was, of course, good; but, especially toward the end, I found Kim Novak and the acting in general, to be a little, well, cheesy? Not to say Hitchcock wasn’t a genius. I would truly hesitate to recommend a remake of North by Northwest, Notorious or even Rear Window, but I think Vertigo is a possibility. And maybe The Birds. I don’t know. That movie’s melodrama and pre-digital filming may be part of what makes it so frightening, part of the essence. Well, others would likely say the same for Vertigo — just my opinion here, really.

Anyway, obsessing over Hitchcock movies and observations on originality are recent by-products of my current life circumstances. I like to refer to this time in my life as its ‘intermission’. When, at 45, you have (and I’ll summarize here) worked your way through college and are the first in your family to graduate, met and married the (very complex and challenging) love of your life, carried and are raising three children, built a home, adopted too many animals, and are working so hard that it seems ridiculous to have to count calories and fight a pesky 20 pounds, it can come as quite a shock when your career comes to a screeching halt as the economy takes a ‘should have been foreseen’ tumble and jobs are lost, careers de-railed and industry devastated – especially if you happen to live in the infamous Detroit area.

In summation: My husband’s company went under two years ago and I lost my job 10 months ago. We are both unemployed for the first time, ever (remember, 45 here). We’ve both worked our way up in our careers, and in recent years we’d started to make a little headway on pursuing those dreams we all hear about. Being optimistic-minded people, we were not prepared for derailment. In a nutshell, we are screwed. Hence, a self-preserving obsession with escapism.

Movies and books are my anti-depressant alternative. Now, I am not leading a non anti-depressant rally, although I do sometimes feel a sense of concern at what the long term effects may be – not that I have any idea. They are just so prevalent, like antacids, sleep aids and Viagra. It seems reasonable to believe that there may be some ‘not good’ consequence in the long-term.

Then again, I have been known to fortify my own psyche with liberal servings of red wine or various tequila-based drinks that pair nicely with a Marlboro Light (yes, I am a ‘two-drink-in’ smoker, especially when at a bar or outside) from time to time . . . so I most certainly must digress. Mood or anti-stress enhancements take many forms, and we all have an activity that calls to our awareness. You know that behavior you would prefer not be brought to your attention by your spouse or grown child,“Please don’t light up a cigarette, mom – you know how bad that is for you?”

My answer, “Yes. FOUR. – and – Yes I do, leave me alone.” I believe I have earned the right to make my own bad decisions from time to time. (The age card is great. I plan to play it for the rest of my life.)

Please note the ‘time to time’ caveat. If I begin to fall over the edge from ‘independent-minded adult’ to ‘really out of control mess’, it’s nice to know that those I love may actually try to stand between me and falling off a cliff. Even with recent circumstances – I’m still an independent-minded adult here. Until you see me with dirty hair and pajamas, sputtering and lying on the floor – I got it.

On the way, the little girl is busy describing her favorite ice-cream, “Mom, you know what I like most, the vanilla base with a cashews layer in the middle and then the pineapple ice-cream.” While describing her wish her mouth is watering at the very thought of the world’s best vanilla ice-cream topped with a piece of pineapple! But lo, the best ice-cream corner in town is out of the vanilla flavor. They have only chocolate.

Now this little girl is torn apart, she wants ice-cream from this corner only. The thought of walking another ten minutes to reach the not-so-nice corner did not excite her at all. And here there is only the chocolate flavor available. Well she takes it. At her first lick, she gets a pleasant sensation in her taste buds. She likes chocolates anyways… BUT how can she start to enjoy a chocolate ice-cream, when she’d spent half an hour imagining, expecting and picturing a vanilla! Now, starts the complaining, “Why didn’t he have vanilla? I don’t like chocolate, I don’t know why you brought me here. What a waste!” The mother is completely exasperated. “You’re spoiling your fun, at least enjoy what you have,” she tries to persuade but to no avail. Because while the little girl is enjoying the chocolate ice-cream, she’s also enjoying complaining!

Ever wondered what life would be like without the right to complain? The biggest luxury of life is the right to complain. If this right is taken away from us, for some life may become very boring and for some it may finally dawn that they need to own their own choices! Recently in a workshop, a participant declared, “But in life we do not always have choices.” My immediate answer was, “Okay, give me an example.” To no one’s surprise, he couldn’t come up with any. Not that he didn’t have a long list of frustrating incidents, but as he thought about them with this new perspective of choices, he didn’t think it worth mentioning those events. He already knew the answer.

It is a familiar misperception to think that we have no choices. Is it that we do not have choices in any given situation or is it that we do not want to give up the right to complain while enjoying the benefits of the choice exercised?

I have a close friend who is stuck in a job he doesn’t enjoy at all — you see the chocolate ice-cream phenomenon. On one of his more than normal grumpy days, I asked him, “So why are you sticking?” With slight irritation, he answered, “I’m not sticking, I’m stuck!” I suggested he just reverse his own statement and repeat it a few times for himself. Like, “I’m not stuck, I am sticking.” I think he tried it, I don’t hear him complaining anymore and he also got a promotion last month.

Take any area of your life that you are dissatisfied with and but you continue to remain in that situation. You will notice that it is not that you do not have another option available; you will notice that out of available options what you have chosen is the best one, the one that offers the most benefits, though this was not what you originally wished. It is in this situation that we say that we do not have any option. Essentially we are saying that we do not like the available options and would like to retain the right to complain and grumble.

Your ability to change your reality expands manifolds when you take responsibility of your own situation; when you give up all complaints and accept your choice. It is only after true acceptance of your choice that you get the energy to create new options — to make the best of the current situation being the first. This process of taking ownership and responsibility makes a deeper level change in you. You realize that you and only you are responsible for your situation and only you can bring about any change. While owning your choices can be a big burden, it actually liberates you.

On the same day while returning home, I got a cab near to my office which was going directly to my suburb. Unfortunately there was a hectic traffic jam. As the cab driver was in a hurry to reach his destination, he took diversions into various side streets to avoid the traffic jam. One route he had taken was very close to my apartment and so I got an opportunity to be dropped off just in front of my door. I felt relieved and my bad mood dissipated altogether.

This was a simple instance of the duality that punctuates our existence. While experiencing a stressful situation in the morning by having to walk 3 kilometers to get to my office, in the evening I regained my balance as I was dropped off just in front of my apartment and arrived home very early.

Morning it was a pain; evening it was a gain.

This simple experience reminded me that life is about cycles and we must experience complementary opposites in every facet of existence.

Within every 24 hours we have bright daylight and dark nights. Dark nights are automatically followed by sun-drenched days and vice versa. We have gotten used to the cycle and never doubt that one will follow the other.

Similarly our life cycle is about phases of success and failure, happiness and sorrow and so on. But the only difference is that we do not know the time frame for our personal cycles; it is not fixed like the 24 hour day and night rotation so we all tend to get dejected during our down cycles. However we must remember that although we may not know exactly when one cycle will end and the next cycle of our lives will begin….we do know it will happen….It is a fixed law of the universe and in this fact we must find solace and wait patiently for the season to change.

It was obvious to me that like any self respecting American, and a Harvard MBA to boot, he wanted a concrete answer. I told him that like any self respecting Indian I needed time to formulate my concrete views — a few weeks I told him. Unusual for an American, he agreed to meet me later on this point. As luck would have it I received an invitation to speak to a diverse audience in Washington DC, as part of the many farewell parties in my honour as I was packing my bags to return to India for good. I spoke on the topic: What Does It Mean To Be An Indian?

Here’s the gist of my speech.
It is always a difficult task to distil from the collective experience of a humungous civilization that single defining aspect of life that constitutes the character of India. I can only try ever so humbly. In trying to piece together my several thoughts on this subject, I was helped by a few incidents of a more recent vintage. These incidents perhaps highlight what it means to be an Indian.

When I saw Ms Susan Boyle winning the hearts of the world with her talent and simple upbringing in the show Britain’s Got Talent, I asked myself whether a similar show in the Indian context might reveal to me what was perhaps hidden in the multiple images that India conjures in any mind. Sure enough I happened to receive an email forward by someone named Mary that stunned me. Here was a group of labourers performing a sensational dance relating to Lord Krishna in the wildly popular show India’s Got Talent. They called themselves The Prince Dance Group and had a physically challenged guy too. The amazing choreography, the use of traditional mythology, the perfect sense of timing and above all, the self confidence to perform before an urban audience — it was truly breathtaking.

The judges were among the best known talents in India: film director Shekhar Kapoor, actress Kiron Kher, and actress Sonali Bendre. As the act came to a close I could see tears in the eyes of the judges. Though there were not many close-ups of the audience I suspect there was hardly a dry eye in the crowd. Even as the dance came to a close I could hear shouts of “BHARATR MATA KI JAI!”

As the dance came to an end Kapoor actually wept and declared, “I have seen performers in the US,UK and Russia but believe me I have never seen anything like this . I am really proud to be an Indian.”The other judges just about managed to control their tears. Kher was ecstatic –“Fantastic, Fantastic!” she shouted .

I really cried for more than one reason.. Not only did I find the talent stunning, I had found the answer to the question I had been asked to answer — What Does It Mean To Be An Indian?

Here was a bunch of Oriya labourers — I have spent a decade in Orissa and am more than familiar with the extensive and degrading poverty there. These labourers live under inhuman conditions and as far as we urbanites can see they may have no hope of ever living a civilized life, even generations from now. Yet these guys had shown that one defining Indian characteristic ….Endurance… a quality that makes us not just put up with great odds but strive with the confidence that one day we will win — that every night is followed by the dawn, that all is never lost, that no matter how the international community jeers at our corruption, our idiotic politicians, our inept bureaucracy, our moribund education system, our abysmal health system, our crumbling infrastructure, our humungous population, we will come up triumphant.

Of course we realize that these are lofty sentiments and unless they are translated into concrete action we will remain as a nation thriving on pious platitudes. Believe me, young India has clearly told the older, fading generation, “We have seen and tasted progress. We will go ahead no matter what. Not all our vile politicians or bumbling bureaucrats or corrupt policeman or judges can hold us down. We will rise despite you guys.” Indians have endured much over thousands of years but have now decided that if you can’t beat them just dexterously move around them.

The evidence of a young India on the move is now seen in the far corners of the country as youngsters from small towns and remote villages display uncanny talent and ambition. I recall seeing a TV journalist asking a young boy in a remote village in Bihar about his role model. “Bill Gates” was the answer coming from a smiling cherubic face, even though it seemed to me that he had not eaten a fulsome meal all his life! He had endured hunger for years and his family had endured hunger for maybe generations but that did not prevent this youngster from aspiring to be the world’s richest man sometime in the future. The extraordinary confidence in that boy’s body language told me that he was aiming for the stars and at worst he may make it to the moon.

My own family is a saga in the endurance that characterizes India. My grandfather was a laborer in a harbor in a small town in south India. He and his large family of 5 sons and a daughter endured a marginal existence. My father joined a private sector company during British rule in India. When the world went to war in 1939 my father lost his job. He told me much later that my mother had, at one stage, only one saree, the traditional Indian women’s wear. She would wash this lone saree at night and cover herself with a towel and quickly wear the saree at break of dawn. The family endured near poverty and yet I am an MBA from an ivy league Indian business school, and a modestly successful guy. My niece was ranked among the highest in GMAT scores in the world. She is a Harvard alumnus and works for the most admired consulting firm in the world at Wall Street. Her siblings are all highly qualified professionals, who in their early years endured a humble middle class existence but are now in the topmost income brackets in the USA — a far cry from their laborer great grand father.

At this point of time I look at India as a genie that has come out of the bottle. The British denuded India over 200 years. Thereafter a rapacious polity and a repressive bureaucracy kept the lid tightly closed. But now a long suppressed people have decided to endure such atrocities no more. India’s time has come. BHARAT MATA KI.’

As I took my seat there were not a few wet eyes in the room. My eyes were wet too. If you believe in what I have said please forward this to your friends.

How much do we do in a day with our nose to the grindstone? Myopic, focused, making a list and checking it twice. Done. Done. And done. But what have we done? Really? What’s the “big real” of what you are doing? There’s a Big Real behind everything we do. Sometimes it’s a negative Big Real. Sometimes it’s a positive Big Real.

I’m not posting to my blog. I’m evoking the truth.

I’m not working on my book proposal to have it to my agent by Sept 15. I’m writing a book that could spark people into true action, and it’s burning inside me, and people want it and they want it bad.

I’m not cleaning my house, I’m making it a Zen temple in which I can hear myself think and we can cozy up. (Okay, I’m just jokin’ with that one. Vacuuming is vacuuming and it sucks hard. Pun. I know, I just caught it.) But you get my point.

What’s became rote or banal for you that is really part of a great dream or vision or bad plot that you really don’t want to be participating in?

Working overtime? How about: making sure you’re getting to Miami for your next holiday to flame your mojo?

Hauling your ass out of bed for a run? How about: connecting with the power of your body and tapping into your creative thinking?

Cutting people’s hair? How about: your salon is a place where people heal and are heard and have their beauty nurtured.

Waiting on tables: How about: you’re learning and teaching loving kindness.

Filing papers for your boss? Maybe the Big Real there is that you’re helping a do-no-good company make no-good money while your own genius wilts on the vine?

Look up. Zoom back from the tasks and see the holy weaving of your time and love and action. Make it matter. Because it does.

The normal human instinct and reaction is to lash out and let loose the anger and frustration that such situations obviously release. It is quite natural for anyone in such situation to feel alone, bereft and angry.
It is at this juncture that one needs to remember, “How is it relevant?”. Let’s replay the scenes with the ‘how is it relevant’ context.

Scene 1. “The boss is firing the hell out of a person and the person is miserable”. The boss has been a great enabler in the past and will be so again. So, how is it relevant that he is angry now? Or, the boss has been an insecure joker and anyways, you are looking out for a job, so how is it relevant? Anyways, nowadays, we don’t spend our lives in a single job and definitely not with a single boss. So, how is it relevant?

Scene 2. “The boss is miserable because the subordinate is not delivering”. The boss has had several subordinates and will have many more. If the subordinate does not deliver, move on. How is it relevant? A leader needs to do their best to get the team to deliver and grow. However, if the team is following Murphy’s Law of having risen to the heights of their incompetence, what can an individual do? How is it relevant?

Scene 3. “The entrepreneur is spending a sleepless night because of tough calls required that would impact everyone’s life negatively in the short term”. Either the promoter has focussed on the welfare of people before or not. If the welfare has not been the focus, the tough call is a confirmation of the promoter’s selfishness, else it’s a reaffirmation of the promoter’s focus on the overall good and growth of the team and organisation. Sleepless nights; How is it relevant?

Scene 4. “A friend or a partner fights with you for no reason and one wonders what happened?” Like the promoter example, there have been great times before or not. If there exist memories of great times, then how is the fight relevant? If not and you are going to move on, again how is the fight relevant?

Every event in our life is but a turning point. The fork we choose is based on what has happened before as also the fact that nothing is permanent.

So, getting too involved in the present and getting too involved, especially negatively is just not worth the time and effort. Ask someone who has lived long enough and most situations in life would evoke a memory of having handled it by saying “How is it relevant?”.

We often realise this in hindsight. My suggestion is to use this approach through life and make better choices with regards to how we react to situations. Hope you enjoyed this article. Anyways, “How is it relevant?”

I enjoyed sharing this thought!

What is the reach of such incidents? Everywhere possible – individually and collectively, physically and psychologically.

The Pearl Harbour incident was a turning point in World War II; it involved America and changed the equation of powers in the war. Miss Ayn Rand introduced communist policies in the American economy which altered the course of John Galt’s life, causing him to ‘stop’ the motor of the world. Turning points. They underscore the significance of the Law of Causality. They alter the course of a person’s life.

How? The tool is emotion. Did I say tool? ‘Weapon’ is a better description. Self realization is only achieved by making humane emotions instrumental. Joy, pity, love, hurt – they never miss the bull’s eye. They squarely hit the junction of the mind and heart: the soul. We all are victims of emotions – and turning points. Life changing experiences also take the form of people. Sometimes they leave after a season, and others, they are there to stay. Either way, they turn around one’s perception, wholly or partially. They add dimensions to the intellect, and vindicate the vision.

What are the lessons they teach you? Unfathomable. How many? Unfathomable again. Consciousness of dreams, ambition, direction, self worth – facets that constitute a major portion of the self are attributed to them. Every smile of pride, contentment, serenity is accompanied by a thought reminiscent of them.

I have my own turning phase – exclusively mine, without any need of a copyright. It made me myself. I gained insight because it happened. I smile when I think of it. Sometimes it wets my eyes. This is what my life turner does to me. It owns me, I own it and I owe it – my life.

Think back about your life turning phase, and the whole era seems as if it were meant to happen, to complete your being, to make it one whole. So natural, as if somewhere deep down you always knew it would occur, though before it took place you could never dream about the form in which it confronted you.

Anybody who senses a chunk missing from life, they only have to look sideways. One of those turns is the one that will flip life around. It will come, because there is no choice, no chance of missing it; it is meant to come. The only alternative is to shut the eyes.

When time is not a parameter, every life is larger than the rest of the world put together. The spell is willingness. Part the curtains, tug at the clouds and look around, see – that is your life changing experience, your turning point!

In today’s fast paced life we all seek peace and happiness. We set material goals and work toward achieving them. But, in doing so, we often neglect the call of our soul and as a result we are lonely, even among our friends or family. Why then, does everyone talks about this ME time? If we are so lonely, then why do we need “Me time”?

To me, “Me time” is time for self, when we are not lonely but are in solitude. As some wise man once said, “Loneliness kills but solitude vivifies.” Quiet time alone renews us and helps restore our life balance. Finding a little solitude in everyday life can improve energy levels and self confidence and helps to generate a happy and positive attitude toward life.

The difference between solitude and loneliness is very simple….when you are comfortable with yourself, with your silences and your fears and are ready to face them, then you cross the line from loneliness and enter solitude. Now you are ready to have an honest conversation with yourself. You cannot build up a character in a solitude; you need a defined character to appreciate solitude.

We live this life connected to the outside world and very often, we are disconnected from our own inner world. Too much time is spent chasing material things. We pursue dreams, money and passion in the hope that they will bring us peace. We are so determined to feed our bodies with possessions that we forget to nourish our souls and slowly the emptiness within starts to show on the outside. Feelings of depression and sadness begin to wash over us. When we forget to address our inner needs, emotional cracks begin to show.

We should pamper our souls the same way we pamper our bodies.

In solitude we begin an honest conversation with ourselves. We start to befriend ourselves and look into the mirror to confront and embrace our true selves. When we start accepting ourselves for what we are at that point in time, and are ready to grow, then we are able to make that transition from loneliness to solitude. We fall in love with ourselves. Yes we do and when we look back and admit to all our faults and pat ourselves for our achievements, we see our true character. We can then start a new relationship with ourselves and those close to us.

The courage to go within comes from life and living life to its full potential. It comes from exploring every opportunity life gives you and learning from your failures and victories. Your true personality is formed when you go through pain and difficulties and the way in which you handle them. Solitude is like shady trees planted on path of life, where you take refuge when your soul is tired. Ever so often you should stop a while and rest. In the words of Pearl S Buck, “Inside myself is a place where I live all alone, and that’s where I renew my springs that never dry up.”

The meeting lasted perhaps 20 minutes — I can’t be sure because I lost track of time as soon as I met His Holiness. I can’t remember very much of what he said, or what I said either for that matter.

Nevertheless, it was a turning point in my life and in my spiritual growth.

At the time, he was teaching monks in all-day sessions and had agreed to meet us during the lunch break. I wondered with a twinge of guilt if I were keeping the Dalai Lama from his lunch. I figured he knew better than me if he could spare the time, but I was certainly grateful for his kindness and generosity of spirit.

My cousin and I were waiting for him when he came back from the morning session. As we greeted him, he put his arms around us and propelled us into the hall where we were to chat. I was struck by his high level of energy and his rather infectious good humour.

Everything I had read and imagined about him was true. He looks at you and you feel yourself becoming calm and peaceful. He exudes compassion. When he talks to you, all of his attention is focused on you.

What I hadn’t quite expected was the strength mixed with gentleness and the compassion that went hand-in-hand with the cheerful smile and the deep laugh. I cried a little as I spoke to him of my troubles. He held my hands and comforted me not with platitudes but with spiritual truths. I was strangely at peace – even when I cried.

There was an indescribable quality to the meeting. When I came out of the meeting I felt as if I were walking a few inches above the ground. For several months after that, every time I struggled with a difficult spiritual issue, I would have a conversation with the Dalai Lama – in my head. And, always, it pointed me in the direction I needed to go.

Although I have only met him once more after that occasion, I have accepted him as one of my gurus in my heart.

In the two meetings, he talked a bit about dharma (in its connotation of a commitment to spiritual growth) and about the spiritual principle of non-attachment. He talked not in a didactic way at all, but casually as if he were just chatting with a friend. He is, of course, a living example of these spiritual principles.
A link to the official website of the Dalai Lama:http://www.dalailama.com/

Editor’s Note: The photo above shows His Holiness The Dalai Lama with Pamposh Dhar

What’s it going to take?

We usually use that phrase in dire circumstances. What’s it going to take for you to wake up? What’s it going to take for me to quit? What’s it going to take for them to realize?

But life is an urgent circumstance, really, when you think about it. Birth is miraculous. Survival is miraculous. Death is inevitable. Suffering is well….optional. Life is urgent.

I wonder what my days would be like if I approached my happiness with more urgency and insistence (like I do deadlines and should-do’s). I have GOT to meet my dancing quota! Come hell or high water, I WILL get a facial and lay in the sun! Wild horses couldn’t keep me from lunch with my girlfriends!

Most important deadlines: to meander, to laugh until I snortle by noon every day, to see the first robin bird of spring before the week is over.

So, in the spirit of urgent vitality, and not knowing when death may strike, and being acutely bored of my same old pattern of complaints, I’m asking myself, lovingly but firmly: LaPorte, what’s it going to take for you to be incredibly joyful?

What’s it going to take for you to make an evolutionary leap as an artist, lover, mother, friend, human?

What’s it going to take to get you to walk to the lake that’s four minutes from your house?

What’s it going to take to get you on the dance floor?

You want to eat life whole? To know God? To radiate pure love?

What’s it going to take?

Studying his profile from time to time, I saw he was about 54, a sparse, almost ordinary man, but there was in his voice that indefinable tone, a persuasive softness, a tone calculated at once to awaken and to soothe, and in his eyes a twinkle, reflecting the state of a man who has found a treasure.

We talked of spiritual things from various viewpoints. Midway, he asked me what exactly I did for a living and I told him, “I’m in advertising.”

In response to my question about how he earned his livelihood, he smiled enigmatically and said, “The taxi is just an excuse to enable me to do something else, something worthwhile.”

When I probed deeper, he turned and gave me long, hard look, as if sizing me up. “I think you are a good man; and a good man can always do more good,” he observed laconically and then lapsed into silence.
Then suddenly, he asked, “What is your name?”

“Idris.” I replied.

“AlHamdulillah!” he exclaimed, and then said, “My other business, Idris, is Sadaqa”.

“Sadaqa? What’s Sadaqa business?” I ventured, although I wasn’t unaware of what Sadaqa meant. But Sadaqa— an occupation?

He smiled again, a serene smile and said softly, “You know my friend, in the world of mathematics, you can add, subtract, divide and multiply in precise quantities. You cannot increase what you have, by dividing it or giving it away. But, in the spiritual world, things work differently.

“The more you give of what you value, the richer and more prosperous you become. Whether you give of your wealth, or your time, or your love, your care or wisdom, you can never impoverish yourself by giving generously. The Almighty will recompense our generosity in multiples of a thousand [alfan alfa].”

I took a deep breath, trying to digest what he’d said.

He looked at me sharply, “Sounds unbelievable, but it’s true. What do we really own? It is how we spend what is entrusted to us.

“I gave a man in need a thousand dirhams,” he continued, “The next day, my brother called me from back home to say that our old house has been sold for a good profit of ten thousand dirhams. I helped build an orphanage, and the divisional court quashed a long running dispute against our farm.

“Incidents like these keep happening to me, in cash and in kind. And I keep on giving, going out of my way to search for lost souls whom I can help with whatever I can.”

He then quoted from the Holy Quran, “Who is he that will loan to Allah a beautiful loan, which Allah will double unto his credit and multiply many times?”

He then looked at me with a radiant smile, “My brother Idris, ‘Fee Sabeelillaah’ (spend in the way of Alláh) belongs to the world of the heart and the spirit, not to the world of mathematics.”

When we reached Dubai, I realized that I had learned a lot about life from this man, and asked him for his mobile number. He said, “We’ll meet again if it’s Allah’s wish. Until then, keep on giving. And, yes, remember, He will open the tap for you, all you have to do is to extend the pipeline.”

I have followed his advice and today, I am part of the great invisible pipeline.

It was three months later, when I stopped a taxi near the Dubai Museum. The man at the wheel was wearing a peak cap, his back hunched, his collar turned up, and his face hidden, while I had a kafiyyeh (scarf) wrapped around my face, for there was a sandstorm blowing.

“How much for Jumeirah Corniche?” This was during the time when no meter taxis were around in Dubai.

“Ten dirhams!” answered the driver.

“That’s not fair,” I said.

“What will you pay, then?” he retorted.

“Thirty,” I muttered matter-of-factly.

Without a moment’s hesitation he said, “Yalla—faddal!” (come on, get in!)
At Jumeirah corniche, I promptly paid him the thirty dirhams I promised and opened the door to step out.

“In a great hurry, Idris?” he asked.

Question: How many women with menopause does it take to change a light bulb?

Woman’s Answer: One! Only one! And do you know why? Because no one else in this house knows how to change a light bulb! They don’t even know that the bulb is burned out!! They would sit in the dark for three days before they figured it out. And, once they have figured it out, they wouldn’t be able to find the darn light bulbs despite the fact that they’ve been in the same cabinet for the past seventeen years!

But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, two days later, the chair they dragged to stand on while changing the stupid light bulb would still be in the same spot! And underneath it would be the wrapper that the light bulbs came in because no one ever picks up or carries out the garbage! It’s a wonder we haven’t all suffocated from the piles of garbage that are a foot deep throughout the entire house! It would take an army to clean this place! And don’t even get me started on who changes the toilet paper roll! I’m sorry. What was the question?

Sheesh! Talk about making a mountain out of a mole hill! But that seems to be the story of my life these days. Hormones are real and unbalanced hormone levels in our bodies can cause us to act differently (particularly in us women). Have you ever seen a transsexual and wondered how he manages to look more like a woman than some women?

Did you see the male on America ‘s Next Top model last season? Either he happens to have been born with more progesterone and estrogen than testosterone or he had some injections. Whatever the case, there is an imbalance. As we get older, our bodies stop producing the amounts of hormones necessary for us to lead “normal” lives. Thus we have a world full of old men who are grouches and old women who are witches.

Unfortunately, a lot of people get set in their ways (especially when they live alone) and end up living lonely lives. To top it all off, men go bald and develop large bellies and women have grey hair and square bodies. It’s just a mess! We hate looking at ourselves and each other. No wonder we lose our patience with people and pull out old pictures of ourselves every chance we get.

God told us that we are not going to live forever and Nature tells us that we are not going to be the sexy or buff people we were twenty five years ago!

There are things we can do however:

We can pray and ask God to give us the strength to become more active and less hungry!

We can see a doctor and ask for natural hormone replacements.

We can have faith and believe.

We can be reminded of old people who drive us nuts and make it a point not to act like them.

We cannot give into ourselves. We just can’t. We have to learn to love ourselves. Temper tantrums are accepted for babies but not for us. Mood swings are accepted for babies but not for us. Eating everything we get our hands on is expected from babies, but not us.

Let’s keep it real, if you are my age, more than likely, we have more days behind us than we have in front of us. We want our last days to be a blessing for everyone that we come in contact with (not a burden).

Let us grow old gracefully. And for the rest of you, be patient with us, God is not through with us yet. Remember children, do what your parents tell you. This is only right. “Honor your father and mother” is the first commandment that has a promise attached to it, namely, “so you will live well and have a long life.” (Ephesians 6:1-3).

It is essential to whole living that you get to the source of your pain and screwed up choices. What happened in your childhood or another life informs patterns in your current reality. But sooner or later, you’ve simply got to get over using yesterday to explain today’s behavior.

Decide to just get over it. Let it be that simple.

For most of us who had normally dysfunctional upbringings (I’m not talking about suffering exceptional atrocities or repetitive abuses) our past is no excuse to continue being a flake, a tyrant, obnoxiously needy, or a rage-babe. Look, we’re all terrific for going to therapy, for having past life insights, and reading Wayne Dyer. Yeah for the New Age. Really. But knowing why you’re so screwed up is only half the journey.

“My father never told me I’m pretty, so now I’m fat.”
“I was a pilgrim burned at the stake in my past life so now I’m afraid to voice my opinions.”
“My mother was overly emotional so I suppress my feelings for fear of being like her.”

Choose to let it be done.

I once dated a guy who thought he was Jack Evolved because he’d done enough time in therapy to know that his parents’ affair-riddled marriage rendered him commitment-phobic. “Babe,” he’d start to explain, “I’m just repeating my father’s behavior, it’s like, deep stuff.” Uh-huh. Like I care why you’re a two timing narcissist. Maybe a few more hours of therapy would have unearthed the courage in him to be a good boyfriend. I’ll take faithful over self-helped any day.

Therapy, yes. Strategy, yes.

It is immensely, undeniably valuable to excavate the origin of your fear and your pain. It’s down right essential. But when you start using that awareness as an excuse to stay stuck, you become the worst kind of victim. This is one of the potential problems with talk therapy. The rehashing of who-done-you-wrong and how it screwed you up could be better spent on making a plan to take full responsibility for creating a future that does right by your tremendous potential. I think after some incredible therapy, most people could do with a kick-butt life coach that helps them strategize and be accountable to their dreams.

An acquaintance and I were talking about her relationship with her step dad. It was no secret that they’d had a rough ride and there had been plenty said and done to make them both bitter. She was now working for him. I saw them laughing together, being affectionate, respectful.

“So…what changed?” I asked her. “You two were barely speaking at one point.”
“We just decided to get over it,” she shrugged. “You know, just let it go. So we did.”

Maybe enlightenment is a decision that has little to do with the past.