Most people accept anger as a part of life. We all feel justified when we get angry and we can point to all the people and reasons for it. Certainly no one in their right mind could disagree. We all shake our heads as we hear of yet another “idiot driver who almost killed me”, the boss “who set me up to take the fall”, the spouse “who knows just the right buttons to push to send me over the edge”. We also know there are times when it is right to get angry at injustice and abuse but we must use that emotion to change the situations not just to vent. But in this article I’m referring to something very different.

I want to talk about that anger that sits like a lava pool just below the surface building and building until the most obscure incident makes it explode. I’ve been there and I know how damaging it can be. But most people feel like they have every right to be angry‚Äîtheir laptop just crashed, the copier will not print, their child just spilled milk after they told them to be careful, they “think” their spouse or co-worker just gave them a look…

So the eruption occurs. It’s like the old marriage counselors comment “It’s never about the burnt toast!”

But the anger is there and when it comes out it is usually damaging, so what do you do?

We immediately want to justify it, who wouldn’t get angry at this or that? But justifying it doesn’t help you resolve it, so unless you live in a perfect universe with no one else around, it needs to be resolved.

Now obviously this is a very deep subject with millions of variables, but I am going to give you some simple tools here to help you get started.

The first step is being aware. By this I mean instead of just letting the anger flow when it is tapped, stop and be aware of how you are feeling. Being introspective like this will put the focus back on you and off of others—that in and of itself can solve a lot of problems.

Step two is to ask yourself why this event made you angry. Did it hurt you‚Äîif so, how and why? What does it say about you? Did it threaten you; make you feel unsure, insecure, dumb or embarrassed? If you are a man, did it challenge your manhood or integrity? We have to accept that it’s not natural to just have immediate rage, as so many do, over everyday events, so we need to discover why the pot is simmering.

Now I’m a guy and at first this “stop and think about what you are thinking about” and “how did that make you feel” went against everything my football, weight-lifting, martial arts mindset could imagine. But I finally got sick of allowing anger to rule my life, ruin relationships and limit my success. So if you really want to be manly about it‚Äîstep up!

The final step, once you have identified some of the root causes, is NOT to lie down on a couch and talk about it for the next five years. Just let it go. Shine the light on it, expose it and let it go. Put it off and put on whatever it is you need to heal and replace that area of your life. Obviously this is not a one time process, it’s a habit that you learn and develop, but these three simple steps can literally save your life‚Äîso try them.

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Duke Clarke is a writer/coach/speaker who for the past 35 years has been teaching individual how to excel and be successful according to God’s principles and a biblical point of view. To find out more information go to http://www.GodWantsYoutoProsperFamily.com or http://www.DukeClarke.com

Whether stress kills or not, the talk of stress is so dominant in our lives, at home and work… be it a professional, a homemaker, or a school going child, ‘stress’ seems to the most hated, but most spoken word…

The only way to change this is to use opposite thinking whenever the thought of stress occurs.. Try this: if someone says ‘stress’, what if a couple of people around chant ‘happy, happy, smiling, smiling…’

Society and the media, not necessarily in that order have made it a fancy of our times to highlight stress…. How many times have you come across a story of people who have lived life happily, contended with whatever they could make of this wonderful journey! There seem to be no takers, or it is that stress sells better in this world! And if that is so, then, are all of us collectively driving this habit…!!

Well, this is not to speak of semantics, but directed at pushing each of us to our limits and extremes of positivity, and consequent happiness….

If you can kill yourself silently, by latent and potent ‘stress’, isn’t it much better, worthy and life saving, if we do the Opposite –  live happily, stay joyful, and enjoy every moment of life….

Should not more and more of us should go around and say.. Hey, you know I am happy, and am happy for no reason… sounds silly? Nope…. As though, “Hey I am stressed for no reason” did not sound silly and outright stupid?!

Look around and we see anyone and everyone ask if there is a reason to be happy… Happiness is a natural form of existence and hence, it needs no reason to be in that state… If you can be upset, agitated and downright negative for no reason, then why don’t you apply the same rule and stay happy…

Be happy for no reason, Celebrate for no reason, and just enjoy life and every single moment of the journey!

So, when you are not feeling nice, and feel low for no reason and for any reason, think opposite… Force happiness on you, just by quickly and deliberately placing the opposite of what you feel, and with a little time and effort, you seem to be happy, joyful and in a productive state of mind!

Some research shows that most people who carried so much of stress when they went to bed after a long and hectic day at work, suffered palpitations, and even massive cardiac arrest only in the waking or early hours of the day… and just closely observe.. you would see that in a sedentary life, all of us, sorry, atleast most of us, feel grumpy and grouchy only in the beginning of the day….. left unattended, you nurture the same feeling and so, gone is another great day of life by worrying, not even knowing the reasons for it…

It is best to use the power of opposite thoughts in such a situation… kill the morning grumpy, grouchy face by going for a quick jog, listening to an inspirational audio tape, some indoor cycling, or just anything that rushes blood to your heart and mind…

Being negative and grumpy is indeed unnatural, and that is the reason they are life taking… Only happiness if life saving, and anything which is not happiness is against life itself… precious and potent life’s of you, me, and each one of us….

And not only in the morning, this can be done any time of the day… Just change the place where you are for a few minutes, take a stroll, listen to a few lines of great music on your iPod, just do something and get out that negative flow.

So, keep this a rule… when you are not happy, just push you to think opposite… Action is the antidote to worry and negativity.. and it can be any action, even silly…. Let things be silly, its ok, but its more important to Live than anything else….

Practice this for sometime, and see your moving to your natural state… being happy, staying positive, and consequently, produce more results…

and make the best our of Life…. and this journey….!

In recent weeks, I have been getting calls from clients who have lost or are about to lose their jobs. It doesn’t matter that they may not have even liked their job. Now that they are out of work without a job they thought they could count on for a livelihood, most are at a lost about what to do next. Some are in the denial stage while others may have moved on to anger and depression. Many are foreigners and for them, losing their jobs also means that they have to move back to their home country with their family. Some feel they have lost their corporate identity and self-worth.

Are you in the same situation of having been retrenched or are facing some crossroad in your career or professional life? Here are some suggestions on how to get yourself out of it:

1. Acknowledge the Crisis

Losing a job can create as much emotional turmoil as losing a loved one; one may go through the different stages of loss, starting with denial, followed by anger and depression, before acceptance comes.

I know one 45-year old man who went through these stages recently, after losing his high paying job of 15 years. Initially, he refused to accept that he was facing a professional crisis. He dismissed the whole situation as “just a bad patch” that he was going through, blaming it all on an “incompetent boss” and was confident that the ex-boss would soon be begging him to rejoin the company. “Right now,” he said, “all I want is to take a long holiday and worry about it later.”

Two months after this discussion, when it finally dawned on him that his ex-boss was not going to call him back, he then became consumed with anger and hurt. He started bad-mouthing his former employer and told everyone he had resigned because of unethical practices.

When he first came to me, he was already in the depression stage. He could not understand why he, of all the staff in the organization, was fired. Was it because he was too frank and not adept at politicking? Was it some inadequacy on his part?

I told him that the first step towards moving forward is to acknowledge that he is indeed facing a crisis in his life. He was now 45, and it is a fact that many potential employers would prefer younger candidates to fill up job vacancies. No doubt experience counts, but many would-be employers are willing to forego that for they perceive as creativity that is unfettered by past experiences.

Once he has acknowledged he is facing a professional crisis he can then choose how to respond to it.

2. Explore the Options

I have always loved the way the Chinese express the word “crisis”. The Chinese character for “crisis” actually comprises two characters – one means “danger” and the other “opportunity.”

Oxford Dictionary defines “crisis” as “a time of intense difficulty or danger; a turning point for better or worse.” The origin comes from the Greek word krisis which means “decision.”

Whichever way we choose to look at it, one unifying theme defines it: A crisis serves as a wake-up call to alert us to both danger (and turmoil) arising out of non-synchronicity in our lives, as well as to opportunities that can lead to greater things in life. The eventuality depends on the choices and decisions we make.

So take this as a wonderful opportunity to step back and detach yourself from the situation, take a new, fresh look at what you really want for your life and then make the move forward to the life you deserve!

3. Redefine Your Purpose and Passion

How many people really take the time to push the pause button on their lives in order to explore what is their true passion and purpose? Very few, I believe. People just tend to flow along in the path of least resistance – from school to college to job after job, with very little thought given to what they really want to achieve in their lives until it’s probably too late for them to do very much.

So count your blessings now that you have received this wake-up call and been given this opportunity to pause from the auto-drive mode you are in to explore and to discover your purpose and passion.

Reflect on the following questions:
a. Do you feel good about yourself, your life, and where you are going?
b. If time and money are not a problem, what would you be doing on a daily basis?
c. What do you really want for your life? What don’t you want? What have you settled for?
d. Do you feel fulfilled and satisfied with your life choices so far? If not, what would you change if you could?

Whether you are experiencing a professional crisis right now or not, let this article be a reminder for you to step back, re-assess where life is leading you and if you discover that you have been sacrificing meaning, fulfillment, balance and happiness in life for the outward trappings of “career success”, it’s time to regain control of your life and choose a more meaningful path to self-fulfillment.

Success breeds complexity.

Do you really think Tim Ferris, author of the bestseller, The 4 Hour Work Week works only 4 hours a week? Simplicity and traditional success are a tricky combo. The masters of it are exceptions. They are also chilled, prosperous and rarely in a rush.

Leo Babauta is in no rush. Why hurry when you know what’s most important?

His new book, The Power Of Less, is an easy, breezy read on “the fine art of limiting yourself to the essential…in business and in life.”

My four favourite reminders from this inspiring book:

1. Let your life be ruled by the moment. (Huh, is this a productivity book I’m reading?) Don’t schedule most appointments. If someone requests an appointment, tell them to call you a little before they would like to meet and if you’re available, then meet.

2. If you aren’t finding yourself passionate about a certain tasks, allow yourself to move on to something you’re more passionate about. The more passionate you are about a task or project, the more energy you’ll put into it, and the better you’ll do with it.

3. Create a simple projects list – just three projects, not ten, that will have your entire focus until you see them through to completion. The other projects on your list go on the “On The Deck List.”

Leo is a big proponent of email checking restraints. His suggestion is to set email times – check it once in the morning, and check it once in the afternoon. Leo admits that this is not as easy as it sounds. His answer is deceptively simple:

4. Every time you find yourself habitually switching to e-mail, stop yourself. Breathe. And then focus on your work instead. Your reward: you get a lot more done.

Got the itch to Twitter or check in on your Facebook friends in the middle of a looming deadline? Breathe. The itch will pass and your fans will love you all the more when you tweet. I breathe a lot.

Many productivity books have a drill sergeant running between the lines. Panic! So much to do to organize all that I have to do. The Power of Less is a sweet exception to that. Babauta’s energy is gentle and kind. No whistles. No drills. Just a zen-like understanding of what it takes to honour what’s essential.

Alfred Hitchcock movies have become a recent obsession of mine. However, while watching Vertigo for the first time a couple of days ago, I found myself thinking of the great re-make possibilities (evidence of the influence of the non-original; important to note that I am not a snob in this regard, just aware). Having heard about this movie for years before I actually sat down to watch it, I must admit that I found it slightly melodramatic – I realize that this melodrama is a bit of a Hitchcock hallmark – but I thought this particular story could be improved. Jimmy Stewart – one of my favorite actors of all time, and apparently one of Mr. Hitchcock’s – was, of course, good; but, especially toward the end, I found Kim Novak and the acting in general, to be a little, well, cheesy? Not to say Hitchcock wasn’t a genius. I would truly hesitate to recommend a remake of North by Northwest, Notorious or even Rear Window, but I think Vertigo is a possibility. And maybe The Birds. I don’t know. That movie’s melodrama and pre-digital filming may be part of what makes it so frightening, part of the essence. Well, others would likely say the same for Vertigo — just my opinion here, really.

Anyway, obsessing over Hitchcock movies and observations on originality are recent by-products of my current life circumstances. I like to refer to this time in my life as its ‘intermission’. When, at 45, you have (and I’ll summarize here) worked your way through college and are the first in your family to graduate, met and married the (very complex and challenging) love of your life, carried and are raising three children, built a home, adopted too many animals, and are working so hard that it seems ridiculous to have to count calories and fight a pesky 20 pounds, it can come as quite a shock when your career comes to a screeching halt as the economy takes a ‘should have been foreseen’ tumble and jobs are lost, careers de-railed and industry devastated – especially if you happen to live in the infamous Detroit area.

In summation: My husband’s company went under two years ago and I lost my job 10 months ago. We are both unemployed for the first time, ever (remember, 45 here). We’ve both worked our way up in our careers, and in recent years we’d started to make a little headway on pursuing those dreams we all hear about. Being optimistic-minded people, we were not prepared for derailment. In a nutshell, we are screwed. Hence, a self-preserving obsession with escapism.

Movies and books are my anti-depressant alternative. Now, I am not leading a non anti-depressant rally, although I do sometimes feel a sense of concern at what the long term effects may be – not that I have any idea. They are just so prevalent, like antacids, sleep aids and Viagra. It seems reasonable to believe that there may be some ‘not good’ consequence in the long-term.

Then again, I have been known to fortify my own psyche with liberal servings of red wine or various tequila-based drinks that pair nicely with a Marlboro Light (yes, I am a ‘two-drink-in’ smoker, especially when at a bar or outside) from time to time . . . so I most certainly must digress. Mood or anti-stress enhancements take many forms, and we all have an activity that calls to our awareness. You know that behavior you would prefer not be brought to your attention by your spouse or grown child,“Please don’t light up a cigarette, mom – you know how bad that is for you?”

My answer, “Yes. FOUR. – and – Yes I do, leave me alone.” I believe I have earned the right to make my own bad decisions from time to time. (The age card is great. I plan to play it for the rest of my life.)

Please note the ‘time to time’ caveat. If I begin to fall over the edge from ‘independent-minded adult’ to ‘really out of control mess’, it’s nice to know that those I love may actually try to stand between me and falling off a cliff. Even with recent circumstances – I’m still an independent-minded adult here. Until you see me with dirty hair and pajamas, sputtering and lying on the floor – I got it.

Not so long ago, when there were still prying but sympathetic peers abound (of which the later variety is a rare and endangered species these days) there lived an average Joe monk in a monastery. One day after his usual ablutions, meditations, chores done and frugal meals partaken, he set out to gather firewood in the nearby woods for the rituals at twilight. Then it happened. With both hands occupied, holding the bundle of firewood perched on his head, there was little he could do to defend himself when a wild dog dug its sharpest teeth into the fleshiest part of his rear end anatomy.

Smarting under the sharp pangs of his submitting so meekly before the lowliest of creatures and limping under the practicality of having to now shift weight to one leg that which didn’t have the honor of submitting itself to the cursed cur’s uncompromising and deep oral dalliance, the monk thought thus hurrying towards the tall and fortified walls of the comforting monastery beyond the reach of such wily whelps.

“Mm..let me see now….there are around 377 brother monks behind the blessed boundaries. This pronounced limping coupled with the not so nuanced painful contortions of my face are bound to draw both attention and sympathetic yet piercing questions about what transpired. There is no other way for me but to open up and give them a detailed account of the state of affairs. The more matronly of the fraternity will want to dwell on the shape, size, speed and stealth of that scourge on four legs. Not once, but many a tens of times will I have to go through this motion of explaining to each and every one. Reliving through those painful moment again and again with no prospect of the pain ever dulling. Or me finding time to tend to that tender part of self in the privacy of my chamber. I trust the better way out of this predicament would be to…”

Into the sight came the hallowed monastery, rising magnificently from the woods. Amid the chirping of the birds snuggling into their well feathered nests and the call of the wild, the monk could make out faint peals of the clear bell ringing in the dusk as it struck thunderbolt awareness into his hollowed head.

Like a hurricane in a hurry, shot the monk towards the monastery doors, throwing caution to the winds. Scurrying up the tower that housed the bell, lifting the otherwise half-a-ton weighing gong, he struck it against the bronze bell with all his might… all this was a moment’s work.

Surveying the surging shaven heads and their scrutinizing gazes, the monk turned around, bent over, lifted the ochre robe well above the mark that pumps blood into the sternest of cheeks and proceeded to recount the ordeal he hath passed through that unfortunate evening….

Now my dear friends; when did we not feel the strong urge to announce to the world what we have passed through in the wilderness of our respective corporates? Almost everyday I hear you all cry in unison. I know. I have been there. But thankfully I haven’t done that. For however much the temptation is to unburden myself of the travails I face day in and day out, I know there aren’t many kindly and brotherly souls around. So I shift weight, drag the feet and keep a smiling face. And I work hard at throwing a sympathetic glance in for good measure in hope that some numbskull will fall for it and entertain me with his tale of misery. And over and above that, I make sure to carry a sturdy staff and bide my time. For though there is a dearth of kindly hearts it’s more than made up by an overabundance of the blasted bowwows.

I am guilty of having been caught in the urgent versus important trap for many years, before I realized what an amazingly beguiling and addictive behavior this is and most importantly how completely useless and unproductive such an orientation can be.

Let me share this little secret and hope this helps you in your life and more importantly helps you in becoming more effective and successful.

Urgency is an emotion. The online MacMillan dictionary defines it as “the feeling of wanting something very much or wanting it immediately”. It can also be called as a pressure of necessity. But, is it usually a necessity? Urgency in most cases is externally driven and is a state of mind created by demands, pressures, timelines, etc. I am not saying that there is nothing called as urgent or that it is a mirage. When one is choking or someone is experiencing a heart attack, there can be no mistake, remedial measures are urgently required.

However, in most cases, the urgency one experiences or sees another person going through is externally induced and can definitely be handled more effectively if one weren’t responding blindly or in haste.

Importance on the other hand is an underlying fact. Usually it is long term and requires much thought and lot of effort to accomplish an important task or achievement. An obvious example is one’s health. We all know it is important and the bedrock of almost everything we do in life. Yet, the urgency of several external factors tends to make us neglect and ignore this important thing till it becomes a problem and turns into being urgent as well as important.

This brings me to the third dimension, urgent and important. Some things are such and usually require priority attention. Unfortunately most of us are never taught to understand this concept and apply appropriate responses. Therefore, our responses are usually prioritized based on external stimuli and therefore urgent things usually take front seat while some important things tend to get ignored till they either lose their relevance or become urgent and important.

I can go on and on about how this lack of clarity sabotages several facets of a persons life. Suffice to say that the sooner one learns to differentiate between urgent and important and prioritize accordingly, the better their lives would be.

A simple tool to do this is to plot urgency and importance on two sides of a table. One would get four quadrants –
Urgent but not Important
Urgent and Important
Important but not Urgent
Neither Urgent nor Important
Situations in quadrant 1 and 4 can easily distract a person, steal productive time, and end up creating larger problems over a period of time if given undue importance and focus. Unfortunately, this often happens because this is usually externally influenced and often by someone in a position of authority or power. Take a simple example. A student is writing an exam and the invigilator keeps shouting out that only so many minutes are left. This sense of urgency often leads the student to miss out on some important thing in the haste to complete. This happens quite often in most work situations. Over a period of time important things tends to get neglected as everyone keeps tackling urgent tasks and slips into being reactive instead of proactive.

So, next time someone comes up and tell you that something is urgent, pause and think before rushing off into action.

And, this will remain true as long as human beings exist. Let’s ponder on why we need to play sports.

Humans are nothing but an assembly of different kinds of energies. This includes positive and negative energies. The positive energies are enthusiasm, hope, compassion, joy and any emotion or thought that is constructive in terms of bringing people together for a good purpose. And we cannot live without them even for a moment. The negative energies are the leftovers of our evolution from animal to human. These raw energies include hate, envy, anger, fear or any emotion or thought that divides humans or creates conflict. War is one of the results of this animal instinct or negative energy.

When we fight, attack, defend, run, jump, deceive, catch, hit, throw or anything that is considered aggressive or unacceptable in the civilized world, our negative energies are at work. These characteristics are not needed in the modern world because they are against the grain of civilization. But a channel is needed to divert or convert these negative energies to our advantage. Hence the need for sports.

Let me put across the logic behind this. Where would we find these words appearing as perfectly acceptable? In sports! These are precisely the characteristics needed to be a winner in sports. All these comprise a sports skill set. You do not see this skill set set being appreciated often in your work life, do you? In everyday life, you get punished or ostracized for attacking, hitting, throwing, catching or deceiving. But, you are applauded when this skill set is used in sports.

Now that we have dealt with the origins, let us focus on the merits of sports, The main thing is that any game does is give a level playing field to all — that is, it offers the same playing conditions to all competitors and they have to act on their skills, right there on the field to prove their worth. There are no secret support systems. In this progressively chaotic and corrupt world, sports remain the only tiny islands of equality.

Another thing that it does is to inspire many to great achievements. The legendary cricketer, Kapil Dev who hailed from a small village in Haryana was inspired to aim for excellence by just listening to the radio commentary of the cricket games. And not many know that the first test match that Kapil played was also the first ever international test match he actually saw. Think about the stories of other great sports achievers like Sir Vivian Richards, Tiger Woods or Roberto Baggio and you’ll understand the aspirational power exerted by the lure of sports.

Apart from this, sports are the biggest uniting factor among diverse people in every corner of the world. From soccer to cricket and basketball to golf, there is nothing like a competitive game to draw supporters from every background together with one purpose in mind — to cheer on their team to victory!

And off course, we cannot forget participating in sports is the best way to remain physically fit. The flow of adrenalin also helps to relieve depression and anyone who particiaptes in sports will confirm that is an enormous stress reliever as long as one is not playing in a seriously competitive arena. Sports occupy a very important place in world priorities and for a very good reason. It is definitely a “win-win” situation any way you look at it — as a spectator or a participant.

‘Knowledge is power’ – a quote often heard and one I had the benefit of hearing from my father over many years when growing up as a teenager.  Again, I didn’t really understand what this statement meant, or more essentially, what this meant to me.  As a young adult the concept of power related to simple and obvious examples; political leadership, strength of force and perhaps even the ability to impose one’s will on another.  Today I now know that power is much more to do with the self.  Thankfully it appears that cliché we used to hear so much ‘empowerment’ has been replaced with others, so perhaps we can now free to revisit the theme and really aim to understand what it means to each of us on a fundamental level.

Personal development is the path to growth.  This brings a multitude of benefits.  It is probably fair to say that for a lot of people the idea of personal development is a catch-all phrase that encompasses a study of the self and ways to improve in different areas.  Some people focus heavily on self development from the perspective of becoming more effective in their chosen career.

Many smart people realise that simply improving your technical skills and knowledge is not enough.  If you want to excel in your chosen career, and life generally, you need to equip yourself with a range of tools; including skills and knowledge but also the ‘softer’ skills of good communication and ability to influence, as well as strong sense of purpose and iron-clad self-belief.  This focus on the emotional and for some even spiritual development is a task taken up with relish.  After all, the development of the self is the highest achievement we should all seek – to be more valuable and beneficial to others in life we need to be the best we can be.  This is not a new philosophy but one that humans have pursued for thousands of years and is the common theme found across so many religions and philosophies.  So perhaps I can pose you one simple question to you; what is it that you think stops so many people from either embarking on this worthy quest, or give up so readily when the going gets tough?

‘Try’ is an interesting word.  We all use it, some more than others.  We teach our children that to ‘try our best’ is good enough.  Another jewel I was handed by my former mentor was the real meaning behind the word try.  I challenge you to ‘try’ this on for size and see how you feel, at a gut level with this argument; try is the word we use to describe the following – “I will do this until I find it too hard or difficult and then I will give up”.  Some people react badly to this lesson; I’ve had howls of protestation when quoting this statement.  Who would ever like the label of being a person who simply gives up when the going gets tough?!  But giving up is not the issue here.  Sometimes giving up is entirely the right thing to do.  Every good entrepreneur knows the real skill is in knowing when to get out of a venture or project and find a new direction.

In my own personal experience I spent many years battling with a traumatic situation in my personal life and remained in that situation despite the fact it was literally killing me, simply because I believed that I could not (or should not) give up and accept the reality that was in front of me.  My values told me that to give up was to let others and above all myself down.  Ironically when I did eventually ‘give up’ and let go the dynamics of the situation changed dramatically and a new road to recovery opened up, my life began to change for the better and so did the lives of others around me.  No, the actual kernel of this lesson is simple; anything worthy of achievement will often contain an element that we simply find unpalatable, uncomfortable and, as so many people will think and describe, the source of stress and anxiety.  That emotional pain that some of us push ourselves towards is actually a sign, a signal of something very important and, I put it to you, an essential element of personal growth. 

If you feel uncomfortable and anxious, good, know that this means you’re growing.  Don’t fear it or allow it to control you, know it is in your life for a reason.

The lesson my former mentor gave me was this; at a deep and fundamental level much of what we pursue in the quest for our personal development will result in us feeling pain and frustration.  The degree may be slight; we may simply experience the feelings of anxiety and stress, or just feeling uncomfortable and generally agitated with our current situation.  In the more extreme cases we may even encounter real fear; the fear of complete failure.  Certainly, some people in this situation describe the sense of a complete loss of personal belief and conviction.  Thankfully this may rare and temporary but the emotions it can bring are still powerful and dramatic.

This may be a stark admission but I also still occasionally experience periods of complete loss of self belief.  This overwhelming feeling comes, often unexpectedly, like a tsunami and takes me.  A downward spiral of emotions that follows almost always ends at the same place; that eternal question – is this really all worth it?  Thankfully because of the teachings of The Winning Edge, and constant support of my new mentor, Richard Jackson, I am able to prepare for these moments and can hold on to the knowledge that just like that tsunami I will eventually be washed back up on to the beach.  Perhaps a little dazed and gasping for breath but still very much alive and welcome of that fact.

Feeling uncomfortable and dissatisfied, or even frustrated, stress and anxious are all signs; signs that you are probably operating in a way that is beyond your setting for ‘normal’.  It’s certainly worth remembering that these feelings are only the physiological reaction to how your brain is interpreting incoming data.  As trite as that could sound this is a vital point to remember and will help to shield you the next time you encounter them.

All stress and anxiety is self-induced, this is a provable fact, albeit a very uncomfortable one for some people to fully accept.  If you are operating at a level that brings you the feelings of stress and anxiety it demonstrates that you are probably operating in a way that you are simply not used to – you are literally outside your comfort zone.  This can be daunting but also massively liberating; it should be accepted as a marker to remind you that you are somewhere new in life and probably experiencing something your neurology just isn’t familiar with.  The trick is to be aware of it and above all accept it.  Respected personal development proponent Jamie Smart offers this wonderful phrase; “acceptance is the WD40 of personal growth”.  How perfect; wouldn’t we all want to oil the wheels of our own growth occasionally?!

Of course it could be that you really are operating beyond your limits and if you have genuine doubt about your ability to cope, or ever worse fear the real consequences that could befall you, then you should reevaluate the situation and, if need be, extract yourself from it appropriately.  Taking risks without calculating the odds and being aware of the potential outcomes is foolhardy and not the sign of real entrepreneurship, nor is it an attitude to be recommended to those wanting to experience the journey of personal growth and development.

My challenge is a simple one.  Ask yourself these questions at every opportunity; am I actively pushing myself beyond my comfort zone? What actions am I deliberately taking, in a calculated way, to raise my game and what will I do today to place myself in a position where I probably will feel unsettled, anxious and ever ‘stressed’?  This is the key to personal growth. Growth is often painful and uncomfortable but soon this new level of being becomes our new ‘normal’ and we can then aim to step up to the next level, and so on, reaching for that elusive goal of being the best we can be.

One thing is for sure, stretching yourself will bring stresses and discomfort but also the immense sense of satisfaction and feeling of massive achievement.  In July of 2008 I joined a small band of similar lunatics and decided to participate in the world-famous Bull Run in Pamplona, Northern Spain.  Originally a great idea in the pub a year before turned into a macho challenge that meant few would pull out without fear of ridicule.

A year later, standing in the crowd, early in the cool morning air, listening to the silence of many hundred ‘bull runners’ all experiencing the same emotions of fear and considerable anxiety, I really asked myself ‘why?’.  My mind raced with a mixture of possibilities; just walk away and join the spectators, run with the bulls and suffer the horror of being on the evening news as the latest tourist to be gored to death, or simply hold on, feel the fear and run as fast as my feet could carry me.

What on earth could have possessed me to join in a ritual that was as much a display of collective madness as much as a test of manhood and carried the very real risk of being flown home in a black plastic bag?  Completing the run and arriving, in gladiatorial style, to the immense wave of noise and emotion in famous bull ring of Pamplona was without a doubt one of the most intense experiences of my life.  My heart was pounding so hard I thought it would burst from my chest at any moment; I was on adrenaline overload.  At that moment, I was more ‘alive’ than ever before and living more in the moment than I had thought was humanly possible.  With the pain of personal growth comes the sweetest of rewards; living our life completely consciously, being there, being complete and yet being aware that we can all be so much more.
So be more!

Nial Adams – now leads a team of dedicated Associates who promote the acclaimed Winning Edge personal development programme from Mancroft International.  A father of two, Nial enjoys the crossover of boundaries between his personal and professional life, both of which are dominated for his desire for personal growth and understanding, as well as his desire to help others experience this amazing journey.  As a long-term practitioner of classical martial arts and ranked Master Instructor he has spent over 30 years searching inside for the answers.

Contacts:
Mancroft International, Drayton Old Lodge
Norwich, Norfolk, NR 8 6AN, United Kingdom
Tel. 0844 884 2940
W. www.mancroftinternational.com
E. nial.adams@mancroftassociatesltd.com

If research is anything to go by, the answer will be, not as much as you should have done.

We’re told that people are so overwhelmed by the gloom they read and hear on the TV and newspapers that we’re forgetting to laugh.

I say “forgetting” because, as kids, we were masters at laughing. Research, again, suggests that, while adults laugh on average 15 times a day, small children manage up to 400 laughs a day.

On our Creativity courses at ManageTrainLearn, we produce evidence that suggests that the more you laugh at work the more creative you are.

Goran Ekvall, professor of organisational psychology at Lund University in Sweden, says that laughter is an essential ingredient for workplace innovation. When comparing the creativity of various departments of a Swedish newspaper, Ekvall found that the most creative teams were those that had a high level of laughter and humour.

This is why Tom Peters says that you can measure an organisation’s creativity from its laughometer.

There are many other reasons why laughter is good for you.

* laughter releases serotonin, the “feel-good” hormone, into your brain
* laughter helps you connect to others. It’s one of the best rapport-building tools around.
* laughter massages your inner organs
* laughter can help you lose weight by burning off fat
* laughter helps your immune system work better.

Madhuri Kataria, who created the idea of World Laughter Day, says, “There is an epidemic of seriousness that is raging all over the world. People seem to think that being grim-faced and serious is the only way to show commitment at work.”

It reminds me of that Red Indian proverb, “When you get to heaven, most people ask themselves, “Why was I so serious?”.”

So, here, to raise your serotonin, build your team, and increase your organisation’s creativity, is one of my favourite jokes of the moment. Read it and laugh. Or read it 400 times today and laugh.

A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, “Your first job will be to sweep out the store.” “But I’m a college graduate.” the young man replied indignantly. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that,” said the manager. “Here, give me the broom, I’ll show you how.”

Editor’s Note: Here are some of the cutest things our reader’s kids have said. They will provide ample smiles and laughs we reckon. Enjoy!

The perfect antidote to stress is Conscious Relaxation, which is simply allowing our bodies to relax bit by bit in a controlled, aware manner. Not only is it extremely refreshing and rejuvenating, with every exhalation we release the build up of negative energies, toxins and tensions.

Many techniques exist for Conscious Relaxation including Meditative techniques, Yoga Nidra, Progressive Muscle Relaxation and techniques used in Hypnotherapy available in the form of classes, CDs and books.

Conscious Relaxation needs no added skill and simply taps into what our human bodies are designed to do naturally, which is breathe and relax. And if practiced daily for as little as 20 minutes, it can benefit us in the following ways:
1.    Boosts of our energy levels. We automatically experience increased energy levels when our bodies relax. This allows us to be more productive and focused in our tasks and chores.
2.    We smile more and feel better about ourselves. Studies have revealed those who consciously relaxed were more positive in their outlook and generally optimistic about life.
3.    By consciously letting go suppressed emotional energies like anger, anxiety and sadness we end up feeling lighter after a session of conscious relaxation.
4.    Body organs function normally and over time, immunity increases.
5.    Decreases muscle tension and allows the release of suppressed mental and emotional energy, promoting feelings of well being and harmony.
6.    Better problem solving abilities and greater concentration especially for students.

Conscious Relaxation is easy to practice and requires no more than 20 minutes per session. A single session of conscious body relaxation is equivalent to hours of sleep and rest.

Pushing maintains the swirl. Sometimes, what’s out of sight and zooming toward you isn’t quite here yet. A leap in another direction doesn’t always land you in a more findable spot.

Waiting may be the quickest way to get somewhere.

How do you know which tack to take? Push or wait? If pushing makes you hyperventilate, makes your eyes bug out with effort, then maybe you’re pushing against yourself rather than anything that’s actually in your way.

If you think you’ve done everything right, but there’s still no reward, try waiting. Even for a little while.

Now and then, allow yourself be the target, not the arrow.

If you’re wondering why you have been overlooked by the gods, consider the possibility that they can’t pinpoint your location through all the dust you’re kicking up as you flail.

Take a deep breath. Sit down. Be quiet. Sip your tea.

Photo: Sleepy Buddha by Silvio Tanaka

I was talking to a friend today (okay, it was my shrink), about my almost, no my definitely insatiable need for the entrepreneurial rush.

“It’s a total high for me.” I explained. “Going from zero to sixty. I mean, the very definition of velocity makes me libidinal (distance over time). I love having an idea when I’m walking the dog late at night and then in about six weeks actually making money from that late night glimmering or seeing it on paper.

And when I can help other people get a rush on it….it’s pure juicy juice. I need that juice.

“So what’s the problem?” my Jew-Bu shrink asks.

“Well, I’m not sure that kind of boldness is meaningful. Truly meaningful. Like, love and closeness and friendship.” I looked out the window, searching for the answer. Then I looked at him, ‘cause I’m paying him for answers.

“Positive addiction,” he diagnosed. “It’s a healthy high, it makes you stronger. As long as the craving for it doesn’t take you over, then it’s cool.”

Dr. William Glasser wrote a book about it (in 1976), aptly named, Positive Addiction. “A positive addict uses his extra strength to gain more love and more worth, more pleasure, more meaning, more zest from life in general.” Sounds about right to me.

He gives positive addiction these six criteria:

1. It is something noncompetitive that you choose to do and you can devote an hour (approximately) a day to it.

2. It is possible for you to do it easily and it doesn’t take a great deal of mental effort to do it well.

3. You can do it alone or rarely with others but it does not depend upon others to do it. (That rules out sex addiction if any of you were thinking that, but it clearly does not rule out masturbation, just in case you were thinking of that).

4. You believe that it has some value (physical, mental, or spiritual) for you.

5. You believe that if you persist at it you will improve, but this is completely subjective – you need to be the only one who measures that improvement. Like Churchill said, “Never, never, never give up.”

6. The activity must have the quality that you can do it without criticizing yourself. (That rules out consuming chocolate, because I still tend to criticize myself for mass consumption of chocolate bars).

Whether my drive for strategic creativity is a positive addiction or not, the very notion of re-framing it is incredibly liberating. I want what I want because it feels good. And it’s taken me a good part of my adult life to fine tune my circuitry of sensation to be clear about those life-affirming desires – the good, the bad and the positively addictive.

What’s your positive addiction? ‘Fess up and be proud.

Recognize any/all of those symptoms?
There you are…you are having a bad day on hand.

That’s how, some times, days that are not so good, happen and things get to happen in rapid succession too in the so-called “domino effect” way.
At the end of the day one feels stressed and burst out.
Wondering why did it all happen?
There is a loss of appetite too at times.
Then insomnia follows.

That is indeed a bad day.
Happens once in a while to the best of us.

Now, how does one get over it, quickly, by putting it behind as past and move on!

I have been through such days myself several times.
For no fault of mine things go wrong one after the other.

With experience behind me now, I know how to recognize one immediately, after the onset of the domino effect.
As soon as I notice the onset, here is what I resort to.

1) I alert myself and recognize that it is indeed on hand, a possible bad day!
2) I make up my mind that I won’t be snappy at all, come what may.
3) I am extra polite and courteous on that day, and smile consciously too as many times as I can.
4) I put off as much of written work as is possible.
4) I take frequent breaks to take some deep breaths.
5) I make it a point to call/meet some good old friends during the course of the day to detract my mind.
6) I call off meetings as far as possible.
7) I walk back home.

Once I am back at home the stress factor definitely sets in.
I know for sure I have been through a bad day.
The next challenge is how to get over it.
Quickly and effectively.

Here are some activities that help lessen the stress and invite sleep early, too.

Choose the one(s) that fit your schedule and time on hand, matching your energy levels as well, once you are at the fag end of your day.
Plan the rest of the evening accordingly, doing one or more of these activities.
1.  Switch off your mobile set as soon as you can.
2.  Spend quality time with your best friend and share the happenings, if you can, with him/her.
3.  Spend time with children.
4.  Listen to music that you love.
5.  Meditate for at least 30 minutes in solitude.
6.  Go for a work out.
7.  Play an outdoor team game.
8.  Do some creative activity like playing your favourite instrument, cook, paint, pursue a hobby, etc.
9.  Get a massage done.
10.  Go for a swim/take a cold/hot water bath just before turning in.
11.  Eat a light dinner either at home, or at your favourite restaurant with family/friend(s).
12.  Write a hand written letter to somebody you know/love.
13.  Help your spouse in the kitchen chores if you can.
14.  Help yourself to your favourite drink/chocolate in moderate quantities.
15.  Pray in solitude with your favourite incense sticks lit up and thank God with a sense of gratitude, for the good days that preceded this bad one.
16.  Hit the sack early.
17. Read a light book so as to invite sleep and avoid insomnia.
If you are able to accomplish some of these activities before you turn in, I am sure you would not only sleep sound, but also wake up with the lark, fresh and rejuvenated.

Sri Paramahansa Yogananda, the author of ‘Autobiography of a Yogi’, aptly describes this balanced state as being “Actively Calm & Calmly Active”.

Some of the tell-tale signs of a rising stress level are:

• Local tensing of muscles,
• Shallow and rapid breathing with some rise in pulse rate,
• Decrease in focus,
• Reduction in happiness level,
• A nagging feeling of moodiness, grumpiness, negativity and hyper-criticism against others or life in general, etc.

Whenever these happen, we can do some of these:

1. Take a break for 5-10 minutes

This is investing time to eventually save time, because you will come back to work smarter  with more focus. Take deep breaths (abdominally i.e. diaphragmatically), stretch up, have a glass of water, or fruit juice or hot soup (avoid too much tea/coffee), tense all body muscles in a wave and then relax, etc.

2. Exercise every day

Before coming to office, exercise either intensely (heavy sweating) for 20 minutes, moderately (light sweating) for 30 minutes, or gently (series of light stretches) for 40 minutes. For people who have not had regular workouts, moderately is the best; for those who choose to exercise gently everyday, moderate to intense workout twice a week are desirable, but while we can customize our exercise, regularity is always the key.

3. Enjoy your work

Bring your whole heart to it. To work only for salary is a kind of slavery, we must also work for joy and with creativity. While working, be sincere but not serious. Keep smiling and do your best.

4. Manage your time well and prioritize

When with spouse/kids/parents, give your whole attention to them and while working in office, be focused on work, but have no resistance if you have to switch roles suddenly, say because of a phone call. This living in ‘now’, and acceptance-driven gliding between roles, will create a dynamic work-life balance. Mismanagement of time, work-life imbalance, and stress, feed on each other.

5. Mindful eating

We become what we eat and think, so let us choose carefully. Choosing thoughts takes a long practice; choosing foods also needs some mastery over habits hard-wired into our brains and the slavery to taste buds, but with a healthy self-love and care, it is do-able. Never skip your breakfast. Make your last meal of the day two hours before sleep. Eat fresh fruits, seasonal greens, sprouts, almonds, etc. Don’t drink too much water with/immediately after the meals, but any amount an hour later. Drink plenty of water the first thing in the morning.

6. Tame your ego

We all have ego, it is our body-identified lower self-awareness. One can never be completely free from awareness of the self, but it can evolve from the small ‘I’ which limits our consciousness to ‘me’ and ‘mine’, to the big ‘I’ which includes all. Taming ego smoothens relationships. We don’t need any self-mortification here, no need to give up our assertiveness – we don’t have to become a doormat or a vegetable, but we just need to respect others as we respect ourselves, and appreciate their point of view. Our behavior reflects our attitude; our attitude reflects in turn the centering of our consciousness.

7. Learn & practice yoga

Some pranayama (yogic breathing techniques to manage and balance the prana or life force) followed by meditation, will effectively manage stress like nothing else. Pray before and after meditation, and pray for others also.

–

Hans is a chemical engineer  who  worked in sales/marketing for 28 years.  Thereafter, for the last 8 years, he has been a motivational speaker, yoga coach and corporate trainer. In his personal life, he has been practicing yoga-meditation for close to 25 years.

To begin with, the expression itself is a misnomer. Work is a part of life, how can we balance a part with the whole and is it not vain and futile to even try to do that? What is actually aimed at is a work life-personal life balance.

But even that becomes unnecessary when we have the right attitudes, rooted in right values, which create right perceptions. We do not need to get the happy balance in our lives, we merely have to remove the unhappy imbalance that is there in our minds. Stephen Covey knows it when he says, ‘the way we look at the problems, is the problem’.

Imagine senior managers being taken out to some natural resort and made to play some childish games, to develop team-spirit; or people writing slogans to develop the so-called work-life balance! We should realize that so long as people do not get along with themselves (which they won’t until they take time to know and like themselves), they can never get along well with others.

It is all about self-awareness. It is also a major clue to the problem of rising attrition. Nor is this balance about distributing hours. With long working hours topped by an insane commuting time, how many hours can be spent with family anyway? But love and care are matters of hearts, not just hours; two people can stay together for a life time and remain strangers. The key is, where quantity is lacking, quality can surely compensate.

Let us remember that it is not how long we work that stresses us, it is the reluctance with which we look at it and our inability to enjoy it with a happy role-playing detachment. Like the ocean in turmoil at the surface but calm and serene deep down, our outer activity has to be anchored in an inner tranquillity. Our technology is giving us a crazy speed; the inner sense of direction has to keep pace with it.

Unless we learn to do that, even our personal life, which we are trying to side with, in the name of work-life balance, will be a stressor – like at workplace, we shall have conflicts in personal life as we already do. Then, where shall we go? Are we solutioning or escaping ? Unless we have balance in our values, balance in our mental attitudes, there can be no balance in our lives. We indeed become what we think. Unless we choose balance in our thoughts and aspirations, i.e. within us, how is there going to be one outside? We indeed live ‘inside out’.

Work, like love, is probably the most beautiful expression of life – rightly done, it can be liberating. That can happen only when we bring our heart to our work and enjoy what we do – no matter how modest it may be; that’s when the barriers between work and family will melt away; conflicts may occasionally surface but they will always be manageable for a mind that is anchored within.

Life, my master taught me, is a joyous battle of duty and at the same time a passing dream. We take our roles too seriously, with a crippling sense of doership, so we fail to play them well. To consider work and personal life as opposites, and then try to balance them out, is a fallacy. It defeats itself.

We must stop working like slaves merely slogging for livelihood, which will inevitably happen when we work just for money. Money is not evil, but to work for money alone, certainly is. With that attitude there can neither be happiness at workplace, nor in personal life, nor can there be any way for a balance between these two negativities.

Work life and personal life are complementary to each other, not opposites. We do not need to balance them; we need to balance our minds. Cheers!

–

Hans is a chemical engineer  who  worked in sales/marketing for 28 years.  Thereafter, for the last 8 years, he has been a motivational speaker, yoga coach and corporate trainer. In his personal life, he has been practicing yoga-meditation for close to 25 years.

□ You have more than one child.
□ You work full time.
□ You are the entertainment planner.
□ You are the meal planner and chef.
□ You are the disciplining parent.
□ You are the paramedic for minor injuries.
□ You are the chauffer.
□ You are the homework checker.

Super moms are supposed to be good jugglers so we juggle a job, home, a child and a husband. Super moms are always on the go, so we drive our kids to soccer, ballet and museums. Super moms are known to be social, so we choose play dates on weekends instead of sleep. Sometimes I wonder, if we are secretly vying for the “super mom” label?  I do fit the description above but honestly, the more appropriate term for me would be “super exhausted mom”. I am certain most of you will agree.

A few months ago, I lay in bed at midnight making my mental list of things to do and tasks to accomplish for the next day. For a moment I thought, wouldn’t it be nice to be thoughtless?  How does one achieve a state of thoughtlessness? Does that feeling exist? Is that state of mind called Nirvana? Wow, that seems like a hard thing to achieve.

I woke up excited the next day and frantically searched for a meditation or yoga class in my neighborhood. The timings of the yoga and meditation class interfered with dinnertime for my daughter so I gave up on that. Again that night before sleeping I was making my mental list and at the same time wondering how to achieve this thoughtless state of mind.

If I have sparked some curiosity and made you slightly interested in the topic, I promise to get you on the other side. After failed attempts and different strategies to achieve this state of mind, I realized that I didn’t need to be in this thoughtless state of mind all day. In the real world where I live, it would not be possible to juggle work, home and a child if I was constantly in this thoughtless state of mind.

All I needed was 20 minutes of focusing on myself. I joined the gym and did some cardio for 20 minutes without staring at the television and without music. There are days when I can’t get to the gym, on those days I choose to do some simple stretches at home without any external stimulation. I have to admit those 20 minutes of not thinking of chores helps me recharge myself. Initially some chores/errands will seep in your head but you have to consciously try to block them for 20 minutes. Eventually you will get your full 20 minutes of nothing. When I was younger “nothing” was so boring but in my mommy role the idea of “nothing” is amazing!

Do anything you like; for starters you may choose to paint your nails, drink chamomile tea, apply a face pack or go for a walk around the block. I insist on doing any self-nourishing activity alone and the only disclaimer I have is to avoid external stimulation such as television or music. This is you your moment so don’t let the TV, iPod or anybody else dictate your thoughts. I am still not sure what is Nirvana but this is the closest I have come to “mommy nirvana”.

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