One day his horse ran away. All his neighbours exclaimed how terrible this was, but the farmer simply said “Maybe.”

A few days later the horse returned and brought two wild horses with it. The neighbors all rejoiced at his good fortune, but the farmer just said “Maybe.”

The next day the farmer’s son tried to ride one of the wild horses. The horse threw him and the son broke his leg. The neighbours all offered their sympathy for his misfortune, but the farmer again said “Maybe.”

The next week conscription officers came to the village to take young men for the army. They rejectedthe farmer’s son because of his broken leg. When the neighbours told him how lucky he was, the farmer replied “Maybe.”

The same incident was being seen in a different light by the same people. The farmer’s friends were reframing the situation.

What seems to be lucky in one context turns out to be unlucky in another context and the other way round.

Here is another example. A college student breaks his leg during summer vacation. He is crestfallen because he can no longer play tennis and football with his family and friends.

A few days later, he realizes that he now has the quiet, alone time to learn how to play the guitar, something he had always wanted to do but had been too busy to attempt.

He discovers he has a great aptitude for music and becomes a decent guitar player by summer’s end. One year later, he changes his major to music. After graduation he embarks on a successful music career.

Years later, his friends recall how unfortunate his leg fracture was that summer, and he says, “Breaking my leg was the best thing that ever happened to me!”

From then on, whenever he is disabled by injury or illness, he recalls the lesson and is far less despondent over his temporary disability than he otherwise would have been, as he takes the opportunity to do something novel.

The same incident was being seen in a different light by the same person. The musician was reframing the situation.

Proactive Reframing as a Creativity Skill

Reframes are a different way of looking at things. Being able to reframe experiences and situations is a very powerful skill which can help to generate ideas from a different perspective.

In the first example given above, the reframe was triggered by an additional bit of information that was introduced in the story.

In the second example, reframing was done without any additional information. It was a case of more or less proactive reframing.

Such proactive reframing can enhance our creativity manifold. Here are some examples of proactive and deliberate reframing.

v During the 1984 campaign, there was considerable concern about Ronald Reagan’s age. Speaking during the

I will of course keep updating my progress. So can you.

1. Exercise

Everyone knows regular exercise can do wonders for your body and mind! Start small, keep it simple and keep going!

2. Learn to reframe any situation

A reframe is a different way of looking at things. Being able to reframe experiences and situations is a very powerful skill which can help to generate ideas from a different perspective. Read this article – Reframing a situation for creative ideas.

3. Figure out what time to get up

People fret so much about what is the best time to get up in the morning. Getting up early seems to work for a lot of people, but it is not for everyone. The only way to find out the hours when you are most productive is to experiment. So try getting up early for a few days and try moving to a different pattern every few days. Stick to the one that feels most natural and productive. For me, getting up early has never worked, so I work late and get up late.

4. Remove blame from your relationships

Stopping the blame game will remove negative energy and pay rich dividends. Check out these articles – On living life and building relationships without blame, Mars and Venus as each other’s teachers.

5. Patience is bliss

I admire people who do not lose their patience. I am what a lot of people would call a very patient guy, but I see a lot of benefits in developing this habit even more. The good thing is that patience is a skill that can be cultivated. “It’s in my genes” is not a good excuse.

6. Empathize

There is a very old American Indian saying that we should not judge a man till we have walked for a mile in his shoes.

When we look at any situation from our point of view, we are looking for options, ideas and solutions from one point of view. However if we try and look at any situation from another person’s point of view, the options, solutions and ideas that we will get will change and most of the time for the better! If we can make it a habit to look at each situation from multiple points of view, the options, ideas and solutions available to us will also multiply. This is particularly so in situations related to personal relationships. When we have a sense of empathy, there are greater chances that our solutions will be WIN-WIN rather than WIN-LOSE.

7. Passion rocks

Everything seems to fall in place if YOU have figured out what drives you. If you have lost your passion (or never had any) for your work or relationships, figure out a way to get it back. (Changing jobs is 112 times easier than doing the same to your relationships though!) Check out this article – Passion is your real wealth!

8. Eat healthy

Again, a no brainer but so important. Your body (including your brain) is made up of the food you eat. What do you want it to be made up of?

9. Cut down one recurring task every week

It could be putting your bills on auto pilot, some money automatically getting deposited into your savings account, creating rules for your email to get deposited into different folders, electronic payments instead of depositing cheques, delegating responsibility and authority, or outsourcing.

10. Make friends with failure

Failure has such negative connotations, and yet failure is what brings us closer to success every time. Many times failure is essential for us to move on to the next level. Find more in this article – I love to fail.

11. Get comfortable with ambiguous situations

Generally we are uncomfortable with uncertainty. When we are in this state, we feel irritable. We try and resolve the uncertainty in order to be comfortable again quickly. We feel compelled to appear more certain, confident and decisive than we really are at that time. So we would rather leap to a conclusion and then focus our energies in defending it. This, most of the time is the sub optimal solution.

12. Be curious

A curious mind enables you to see what most people generally miss. By keeping your curiosity and a sense of wonder alive, you spur your mind to create new channels of thought. You find new connections and become more creative. Check out this article – Is curiosity a cousin of creativity?

13. Live with a purpose

Have a ‘big goal’ in life. Life without a big goal is dull, meaningless and boring. After you have determined your ‘big goal’, make sure that every day takes you closer to the big goal.

14. Have fun on the way

It is important to work towards big goals and even more important to have fun on the way. The goals are a means to have fun on the way!

15. Have a soulmate

To live is to relate. When you have a relationship of deep affinity, empathy and mutual trust with someone, you have a sense of completion and life suddenly starts feeling rich and bright.

16. Take on debt

Yes, you read that right! Very few people have grown very rich without leveraging. So, be cautious but take on healthy debt. Just make sure your returns are more than the cost of money though!

17. Enjoy the simple pleasures

The simple pleasures are more satisfying, longer lasting and often free! So try sleeping in late, lie down in the grass, stomp in a puddle, call in sick and go for a movie, help someone anonymously. A good idea is to make a list of 25 of these and make sure you do tick off a few every day!

18. Learn to say No

Being able to say NO is perhaps the most useful productivity tool out there. Check out this article for more on this subject – Say NO and feel great!

19. Peace-of-mind fund

Again, something basic but very useful if you have not already worked on it. Having an emergency cash fund that will last you 6 months will give you an extra punch in your next discussion with your boss!

20. Cut down on the news

Watching or reading most news is useless and depressing. A lot of it is an attempt to influence your mind anyway. Give yourself a break. Stop watching or reading news. If something is worth knowing, you will get to know!

21. Create family time

Just do it. You know in your guts that it is the most important thing. Go with your gut feel. Do not allow your conscious mind to win on this one.

22. Be yourself

Don’t waste your energy in wearing masks. Paradoxically, no transformation is possible without self-acceptance.

23. Learn to lose!

Losing an argument (and not feeling bad) is absolutely wonderful for relationships. You’ve got to try it and see for yourself. But remember, the key is losing an argument and not carrying any negative feelings forward.

24. Get out

A lot of us have forgotten the great outdoors! When we are not in our cubicle, we are probably watching TV or surfing the net. The same is true for kids. Spending time in a park or near a lake is therapeutic!

25. Delegate

It’s better for both of you! Find out more here – Dare to delegate.

26. Boost your self-worth

You are what you think. Stop comparing. You are one in six billion with unique strengths. Take some time to appreciate yourself for all your wonderful qualities. It may be worth it to check out what qualities all your friends see in you! Also, keep it in mind that you are never too small to make an impact!

27. Do not fear rejection

The fear of rejection is worse than the rejection itself! Check out Dealing with rejection in your job, you are approved! Certified, signed and stamped by YOU! and Fear of rejection

28. Use email efficiently

It is not uncommon to save many hours a week by being more efficient with your emails. Check out - I save 1 hour every day by using simple email tricks!

29. Hang around young people once in a while

Apart from making you feel energetic, this will trigger off a lot of ideas and probably open up your mind to what is the next big thing.

30. Learn how to present better

Presentation skills are very important. The good thing is that most of us have lousy presentation skills and so it is easy to stand out! Take a look at my first attempts at standing out – Avoiding death by Power Point.

31. If you smoke, quit!

I do not need to read any more. Read this if you are not convinced. – Kick the butt. Get a Life!

32. Brand yourself

In the world that we live in, it is important to treat yourself as a brand. Read this article – Success through Personal Branding!

33. Learn mind mapping

Mind maps are helpful in generating tons of ideas quickly. Read – My journey with Mind Maps.

34. Be more creative

“The creative act, the defeat of habit by originality, overcomes everything.” – George Lois.

Creativity can solve almost any problem. Read these popular articles. Why be creative?, 16 habits of highly creative people and 15 elephant tethers that stop you from being creative!

35. Be good at saying sorry

When you say sorry something magical happens and the world conspires to make you win! Look people in the eye when you say sorry.

36. Be fantastic at saying thank you

Repeat.

37. Keep learning something

Never stop challenging yourself. You could learn a new language, build a website, start a blog, or write a book.

38. Imagine

Some people call it day dreaming! It just works wonders as relaxant and of course it helps in boosting your creativity. Imagination is visualizing something that is not there. It is seeing something with your mind’s eye. It is the bridge between ‘what is’ and ‘what can be’! Check out – Is imagination another cousin of creativity?

39. Stay Positive in negative situations

“In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.” – Albert Einstein

40. Be aware that you are procrastinating

Procrastination itself may not be bad. It may simply be your mind telling you to go slow or maybe your subconscious mind does not agree with a rational decision that the conscious mind has made. Just be aware so that it may not become a bad habit. This might help – Understanding and Overcoming Procrastination

41. Review your day

A very useful habit that helps to keep the focus and helps to plan the next day. Just 2 minutes before going off to sleep may be enough.

42. Do not bust other people’s ideas

Even the ability to come up with ideas of your own does not give you the right to bust other people’s ideas. Read this useful article. – Idea Busters at the work place!

43. Keeping in touch with old friends

This is something that I am very bad at. My plan is to make one phone call to a forgotten friend every week.

44. Don’t keep doing ‘something’

Being busy sometimes becomes a habit. We feel uncomfortable when we are doing ‘nothing’. Don’t let that happen to you. It is simply wonderful not to be doing anything (sometimes!).

45. Smile

Something so basic and yet so powerful!

46. Assume the other person genuinely likes you

You will be surprised at the remarkable change in your relationship.

47. Break your regular patterns

Don’t let your brain get too comfortable! Shake it up every now and then. Take a different route home, cook something no one has ever cooked before, go for a movie during lunch time.

48. Get to the root

Every problem usually has 2 solutions. A temporary fix and a permanent solution. A permanent solution may require more time and effort initially but it is in almost all situations, the better choice.

49. Learn to unlearn

Sometimes it seems that the whole world is trying to teach us something. It is overwhelming and can get you into a rut. It is important to do a regular clean up exercise. Check this out – The power of unlearning

See you in Shangri La!

What are the general ingredients for success for an entrepreneur who is leaving his job to have his own set-up?

An idea. A business that is your hobby, passion or interest. So come up with a business idea. What hobbies or activities you like that can generate money?

Develop a business plan. Write down what your business will offer, how and to whom. Include your long-term goals. Writing brings clarity.

Do market research to check out your competitors. Who else is offering the same service? How do they promote it and at what prices?

Determine how will you market the product?

But when I look at all the people who left their jobs and are now successful small business owners, I find that they have different attitudes and behaviours. Everyone may not operate from the structured steps mentioned above. For instance, one entrepreneur would measure success by sales growth, while another by independent lifestyle.

Small business owners can be divided into five groups, each displaying distinct attitudes, according to a study conducted in the USA – Idealists, Hard Workers, Jugglers, Optimisers and Sustainers. While each type can be successful, they all take different routes to success.

Idealists: Twenty-four per cent of business owners surveyed, fit the Idealists mold, making this the largest of the five groups. Idealists start businesses to work on something special, according to the study. For example, Navin says. “I love creating content, developing software and doing all the designing.” After working for different organisations, he now owns his business that looks at interactivity of web-based applications.

Although they love creative work and are technically adept in their field, Idealists are impatient with administrative tasks. So they may not want to grow their business to an extent where all they would be doing is to manage people and administrative work.

Optimisers: At 21%, they prefer the personal rewards of entrepreneurship – freedom and flexibility for expansion. They do want growth, but the most important thing is the profit made.

Hard Workers: Representing 20% of those studied, they tend to put in more hours to achieve results. They’re detail-oriented, financially aggressive and the most growth-oriented group of entrepreneurs.

Jugglers: Accounting for 20% of the sample, they are the most personally involved in their businesses. They feel the pressure to pay bills, make payroll and keep cash flow positive. They’re technologically savvy and embrace the internet. They think nobody can do it like them and are consequently reluctant to delegate. Anup left his job as a senior designer while he was with a leading newspaper and now runs his own designing shop. While he has couple of junior assistants, he does most of the job and deals with clients himself. He is a one man organisation!

Sustainers: At 15%, these entrepreneurs are likely to have inherited companies rather than started from scratch. They might have left their job to join the family business or a friend’s business. They work hard and would rather put in more hours than apply technology to problems. They’re the most conservative group, often declaring they don’t want growth and are happy with the way things are.

I know what I’m asking you to do is hard. I’m asking you to change what could be lifelong patterns of behavior. I know it is not easy. But here’s the deal‚Äîcontinue on your current path and your situation will only get worse. The latest statistics on obesity are shocking‚Äîin less than 8 years, 75% of Americans will be overweight and 41% will be obese! We are turning into a nation of fat people. Why? Because of our habits‚Äîwe eat too much, we exercise too little. Think you’re heavy now? Guess what, unless you change those leaves, you’re going to be a whole lot heavier in eight years.

I just put together a seminar called “Kicking Your Own Buts” on how to change this type of behavior. I studied different methods of change and researched changing the most difficult behaviors‚Äîaddictions’ to see if there were lessons for the rest of us. There were:

1.) Know thyself. Truer words were never spoken. You know what is going to work for you and what isn’t. If you’ve been a night owl for 40 years and hate exercise, getting up at dawn and running is not going to work for you. Craft a plan you can live with. Forever.

2.) Oh yeah, baby‚Äîwe’re talking forever. The deal is not the change itself‚Äîmost alcoholics are great at quitting. It’s the staying sober part that’s hard. Dieters can lose weight‚Äîthey’re good at that‚Äîit’s keeping it off that’s hard. If you can’t do it forever, it’s no good.

3.) You have got to want to change for you. I watched many, many episodes of A & E’s series Intervention and only those who really want to get better have a chance. Most bail out as soon as their family is out of sight. Change is hard as hell‚Äîif you don’t really want to do it for yourself, don’t bother trying.

4.) Try Kaizen. Kaizen says take tiny steps. I did this with my backlog of e-mail. I have serious perfectionist issues‚Äîif I can’t do it all and do it right, I’ll put it off. (See #1) My inbox was getting to be a nightmare. E-mail needed to be deleted or filed or dealt with. Then I tried Kaizen‚ÄîI would just aim to have 10 less in the inbox at the end of each day. Then I went to 25 less, etc. I got through the backlog and now have a cap (no more than 50) that can be allowed in my inbox at the end of the day. You can do this with anything‚Äîwalk in place for 5 minutes while watching your favorite TV show. Build up gradually. Leave one bite of food on your plate. Kaizen is all about taking small steps to change. You’ve been practicing your bad habits for a lifetime‚Äîstop expecting to change them overnight!

5.) Get smart. Dean Ornish observed that even when told if they did not change they would DIE, heart patients did not change their eating and exercise habits. He discovered that doctors were just telling patients to exercise and lose weight, not telling them how to do it. You have to learn about whatever change you are trying to make. Many of us eat without really paying attention. I noticed my jeans feeling a little snug and realized the scale was moving toward my‚ÄîOHMYGOD weight. So I started writing down everything I was eating. Everything. A cookie here, a piece of candy there, a roll at lunch‚Äîit adds up faster than you realize. Start writing. All I want you to worry about is calories. Do you even know how many you need JUST TO MAINTAIN your current weight? Find out ASAP if not‚Äîgo to mayoclinic.com and look under health tools for their calorie calculator. Don’t lie about how active you are. The number you get (maybe around 2,000) is all you should eat if you don’t want to gain any weight. I’m not talking about losing‚ÄîI’m talking about staying where you are today. Guess how many calories are in one slice of P.F. Chang’s Great Wall of Chocolate cake? One piece = 2,000 calories. Wake up! Look at serving sizes. You may think a bowl of your favorite cereal has only 70 calories. But that’s for 1/3 cup and you’ve been pouring a bowl of two cups (420 calories). Knowledge is power. Ignorance is not bliss. In this case, ignorance is obesity. Apply the knowledge plan to any change you want to make. What you know now is clearly not enough.

6.) Ask for help. We Americans are tough and we believe we have to go it alone. AA and other programs work for people because they give them a support group. Ornish found in his work with patients that if they had others to offer them support, their efforts at change were much more successful. This could be a mentor, a therapist, a family member, a friend or a teacher. There are also thousands of groups on the Internet‚Äîjust search and see. Having other people trying to make the same change as you are supporting and encouraging you can be a huge help. The key here is fit‚Äîit has to be a person or a group you are comfortable with and you trust and respect. Change is hard, but it’s much easier if you have some support along the way.

A tree is not its leaves any more than you are your habits. Have the courage to let go of what’s not working. Nothing says fall like the smell of burning leaves.

————————

Denise Ryan, MBA, is a Certified Speaking Professional, a designation of excellence held by less than 10% of all professional speakers.  She is a blogger http://motivationbychocolate.blogspot.com
Her website is http://www.firestarspeaking.com

Rejection is a given – no matter how fabulous you are, you will at some point be rejected. What’s not a given (and where your power lies) is how you react to rejection. Here are some tips to keep rejection in its place:

1.) Realize it’s not about you. Let’s face it, we all think we’re the center of the universe. If someone turns us down for lunch, it must be because they don’t want to be with us. We will disregard the other 43 possible explanations (they already had plans, a last minute meeting was called, they are broke and can’t afford lunch, etc. etc. etc.). We are hardest on ourselves. Try again – maybe the timing simply wasn’t right. Don’t give up!

2.) Maybe your “prospect” doesn’t have enough information. They don’t know all your charms yet (because if they knew you, they’d love you!) or they don’t have enough information about your company. Or your approach was wrong for them. Don’t give up – on average it takes seven contacts to make a sale – I think this is true for building a relationship of any sort. It takes multiple contacts.

3.) If you have tried and tried again, maybe your rejecter was actually doing you a favor. Some clients are more trouble than they’re worth. Some relationships bring more pain than joy. If someone doesn’t value you after repeated exposures – move on to the next person. There are LOTS of prospects out there.

4.) Are you rejecting yourself? If you go into a sales call thinking “I know they won’t be interested” or if you approach a potential date thinking “There’s no way she’ll go out with me,” you’ve already rejected yourself and sealed your fate. Do you think your product is terrific or that anyone would be lucky to get to have lunch with you? If not, get to work! You have to feel great about you before anyone else will!

5.) You can’t please all of the people all of the time. You can never be all things to all people. The trick in this life is to be yourself (not an easy task, most of us are trying to be what we think other people want). When you are completely yourself, you’ll attract people who like you for you and you’ll be much, much happier. Once you really know who you are (or what your product is) you’ll understand who would be best suited for you. You can reduce rejection by dealing with people who are most likely to value what you have to offer. (Why waste your time trying to sell ice to Eskimos? Pick a better market!) I’ll use myself as an example. I’m a high-energy, out-of-the-box, extrovert. I’m blunt (my friends say brutally honest) and I’m easily excited. This is WAY too much for some people. But if I try to be more demure, more calm and passive, I’ll lose what makes me unique and what draws the right clients and friends to me.

If you can master being truly who you are, rejection is always a favor. It saves you from more pain down the road and frees you up to pursue better prospects. Just don’t give up too soon and realize how incredible you are!

————————

Denise Ryan, MBA, is a Certified Speaking Professional, a designation of excellence held by less than 10% of all professional speakers.  She is a blogger http://motivationbychocolate.blogspot.com
Her website is http://www.firestarspeaking.com

All of us have been posed this question some time or the other. And we usually shrug off the question with flippant dismissal. Very few of us are ecstatic or gush about how swell life is. Many of us reply with weary sighs while some of us grimace with ill-concealed pain. What we are talking about here of course is not life in the sense of being alive and breathing, but the quality of life we live.

I often wonder about the quality of life we seek, and can’t help comparing it to food to see whether we have the recipe to make life tick.

Childhood to maturity

For most of us, childhood is when life is most enjoyable. Bereft of responsibility, we are taken care of, sheltered, fed, clothed, educated and kept in good health. All we have to do is savour every wonderful moment to the fullest. Whenever we take ill, all we have to do is lie back and recover. Nothing clutters the brain beyond the events of the day. It is often said that a child is happiest because he or she lives in the present with both mind and body as one unit.

When we are young adults, life begins to bloom as the mind and body are nourished with knowledge and metabolism, peaking to produce perhaps the finest co-ordination between the mental and physical states. Life is one great colourful flourish on the canvass of time. But what happens thereafter?

Youth moves on to maturity and we begin to gain “focus” on our lives and what direction we wish our lives to take. Ambitions and achievements take over from the spirit of adventure. Dedication and devotion to purpose replace daredevilry. Deliberate thought process prevails over impulsive intuition. Career quests overshadow the carefree spirit.

Coping with stress, chaos, work-life imbalances, pressures of the daily grind, people relationships, demanding targets, conflicting goals, aspirations and professional paradigms of an ever-changing world are daunting tasks that sap us mentally and physically! Burnout, suicide and divorce are some of the outcomes of such a life.

Life on a platter

There is no solution unless life resembles a balanced meal. And how is that so? Well, sometimes we assume life to be only that part which takes up most of our time. For the career chasers it is their vertical growth rate in the organisation or in their own business and for the homemaker, it is housework. All this reflects quantity and not quality. But not so with food!

Almost anybody I know has dined out at a restaurant. When choosing where to eat, we invariably look for not just good cuisine, but also the location of the restaurant, the parking service, the air-conditioning, the music, the décor, the ambience, the nature of its current clientele and so on. While all we really do is eat there. But the packaging and the surrounding benefits are so necessary and all so important to us. Then why do we judge life by just the food, or sometimes by just the main course?

Why not package life in a way that even the most miserable meal or career glows in the ambience of hobbies or career offshoots? Whenever I’ve sat down to order a meal, I invariably look for the accompaniments, and often enough it is these that decide the success of the meal. I cannot get into my steak, no matter how delicious it looks, without my baked potatoes, spinach and boiled veggies and that pat of golden butter oozing goodness. I know of a fellow who went berserk when he did not receive his pickles with the food. It simply shows that not always is the quality of food or for that matter, life, defined by just the main serving, but often enough, it is the tiny add-ons that really decide the lip smacking goodness of life.

Packaging the zing!

What are these add-ons that put the zing into life? This is for each one of us to find out individually. It can often be an absorbing hobby or sport or music or any parallel line of activity that brings in tangible fulfilment. Sometimes physical evidence of effort ploughed in, does not reflect as much as we desire, in our basic square meal in life. So we choose to bring in activities of our own, which meet this need.

I often offset my reverses or lack of results at work by creating my own successes, unto myself, if not to anybody else, through penning my thoughts and experiences into tangible form, either in prose or poetry. Energizing yourself becomes necessary to sustain the quality of living in the main life zones, usually career and family life. Somehow, if we were as fussy about the add-ons to our lives as we are in choosing the toppings for our pizza, life could become one big delight.

Not all of us are fortunate enough to choose a line of work or career that dovetails comfortably with our skills or education or interest. But aren’t we often told at the restaurant that the very item we wish to savour is not on the menu of the day? Do we leave the restaurant and seek another one where we find what we want, even if it takes all night? The chances are, we don’t and instead settle for the next best or whatever else is available.

We can make the best of the situation by either being open to the new experience of what gets served in our plate, or disguising what we have with a whole lot of sauces and condiments, hoping to reconstruct something totally new. Isn’t life often frighteningly like that?

If we could only pause to listen to the winds of fresh thought whispering through our minds, we would certainly have cause for celebrating the true quality of life!

That may seem a little daunting, when we do pause in our journey through life’s many twists and turns, to consider how we actually make choices. Choice of career, choice of spouse, choice of investment, the list goes on. Is it by instinct or “gut feeling” or do we actually analyse the important decisions we make in life? Or do we get so paralysed by fear of making the wrong decision, that we simply abdicate from any responsibility and just leave it to “fate”?

A case in point was a young man I was coaching recently. He has been working in a financial institution for several years now. Armed with a Bachelor of Science degree from NUS, he had several options when he first graduated. So how did he make his choice, I asked him. Was it what he really loved to do? I’m afraid not, as he did not have a clue what he would really like to do with the rest of his life! No, instead he looked at which job paid better, he also asked his parents and a few friends for their opinion, and of course, the answer came from their beliefs as to which job was more “stable”, had better prospect, and so on.

Certainly not a wise way to make decisions. Yet, who can take him to task for how he embarked on choosing what direction to take for his life then? Were any of us taught how to make choices in school?

Or are we taught to go the safe route, to live with compromise, as we would have plenty of that?

For those looking for a job or those at the crossroads as to what direction to take for the rest of your life, here are some thoughts on what not to do when making choices:

1.    Don’t attempt to weigh all options.

This is what I used to do – make a “pros and cons” list for each option and then set about analyzing what’s the best thing to do. All that happens at the end of the process is that we simply end up more confused than when we first started off!

2.    Don’t think of all the things you don’t want.

When thinking about what career to go into for example, don’t waste time thinking what you don’t want to be doing. Instead, focus on what you do want to do and what job is ideal for you. As the saying goes, what you focus on expands. Similarly, don’t focus on solving problems. If you keep focusing on your problems, and what you don’t want in life, that is exactly what would expand!

Instead use a creative approach – think about what you want in life and focus on how to create that for your self.

I remember an incident when I was still young and struggling with my business. One day I was sitting in my office, shuffling all the bills and cracking my head which one should I pay first with my limited resources. Then, a friend – much older and wiser than me came in, asked what I was doing, and when I shared my dilemma with him, he opened my desk drawer, pushed all the bills in and said to me, “Now go out and make the money you need!”

There are three types of choices that can help take you forward – primary, secondary and fundamental choices.

Primary choices are choices you make with regard to major results e.g. “I choose to be financially free in five years’ time.” Meanwhile, secondary choices that can help you take a step toward your primary results. In the above example, a secondary choice to support the choice to be financially free may be to build a second source of income, or perhaps to set aside money for investment.

What about fundamental choices? This is something not many people are aware of, but it is indeed crucial if you want to be really successful in life. Whereas a primary choice concerns itself with specific results and a secondary choice supports those results, a fundamental choice has to do with a state of being, or basic life orientation.

A fundamental choice is the foundation upon which primary and secondary choices rest. It is not subject to changes in internal or external circumstances. An example could be the choice to be true to oneself.

The schools do not teach us how to make choices in life, but it is a skill that can be learnt and once mastered, can help us live a life of our dreams.

Patrick Lim is a Certified Professional Trainer, and Certified Professional Coach (IPMA UK) and COO of Institute of Business Coaches, specializing in coaching for business and life coaches.

How many of us are really prepared to go that extra mile to achieve this so-called goal, which ideally everyone is expected to be pursuing? As I see it, the goal is more in the desire form than in practice. Every goal has ladders and every ladder has steps. Every step necessitates a struggle or overcoming a shortcoming. One has to gauge correctly what is it that will make us go forward towards our goal. A sincere and impersonal guide and mentor are needed and they are extremely difficult to find or even recognize. Once the elements requiring correction en route are understood, a great effort is needed to retrain ourselves with new thought patterns and habits. Subconscious patterns, inculcated since the day we are born are deeply embedded in us and we have to literally fight against their hold on our everyday lives.

My personal perception is that most prefer to find a minimum sustenance program in life and stay within their comfort zones doing little to even accept the fact that it’s their own shortcomings that are keeping them back. Even when life gives us a knock or two and is kind enough to show us the way and the error of our ways, we find enough logic to rationalize and let the lesson slip into the comfortable slot of unpleasant occurring.

Take a struggling lawyer. He has passed out recently and raring to go. What can he do to advance surely and speedily? Perhaps become a junior with an already established lawyer and under his umbrella make a mark for himself? To arrive even at this juncture would need a certain modicum of language ability and study of legal texts and some luck. If he has it and he is taken in, the beginning is made. Would he be content with this? His job would be to take orders and work his heart out, quite often giving him tired muscles and a bruised ego. A junior is but a junior. Will he bear with it because of the learning process he is going through and grow or will his vanity refuse to take this position so low in the pecking order and quit and move into a situation closer to his comfort zone? And what could this be? An independent status, struggling to exist but at least his own boss!

Scurrying back into one’s comfort zone is a natural and primary tendency.  This is at all levels; mental, emotional and physical. Laziness influenced by arguments from our ego wins over effort most often. Change means learning and changing habits and this requires a concerted and very conscious effort. Is this sustainable in real life? Why disturb the status quo?

Take for instance the status of most marriages. Is it a made-for-each-other existence or a compromise where we learn to coexist for the comforts of a home? There are wives being battered but they continue to stay put. There are husbands being nagged to death but they continue to stay put. There are millions of people stuck in jobs and situations they hate but doing very little to take the next step that will take them to better their existence. How does one explain this? Simple: It is so much simpler to live and continue within one’s existing known comfort zones.

Let’s look around us. How many people are bothered to improve their communication ability yet never failing to complain that nobody understan

There’s an old German saying that goes, “You have to take life as it happens, but you should try to make it happen the way you want to take it.” Are you planning to just let life “happen” to you or do you plan to play an active part in designing the life you want?

Some of you may say, yes, I would like to do that, but trouble is, I don’t know how to get started. So you just go with the crowd, or take the path that’s most hassle-free. Unfortunately, more often than not, the crowd may not know where it is going, and if so, then everyone ends up like everyone else, wondering what has happened to their life many years down the road!

A lot of people tend to take life for granted. They think that by the time they are in their 40s or 50s everything will fall into place by itself.

Are you willing to take that chance? Remember, you only have one life, and you can’t turn back the clock. Life is not a full dress rehearsal; it’s only going to happen once. You can’t say, “Cut, let’s start it all over again.”

The truth is, for most people, after 20 or 30 years of working, they only discover what they do not want, without a clue as to what they really want in life.

We all know we want something. Words like financial freedom, wealth, lifestyle, are catch words everyone is using. But do they know what it actually means? Do they know what it takes to achieve that? Do they know how or where to get it?

So my advice is: take the time right now to work out a design for your life. If life was a movie, and you are the producer and actor, what role would you want to play and how would the plot unfold? Designing your life is like making a movie. You have to be able to see the end at the beginning. It may start off a little hazy, but as you continue working on it, it would become clearer and clearer. You’ve got to write the script, put in the characters. Use your imagination, let your creative juices flow.

Does it mean that what you have designed is going to be set in concrete? Certainly not. You are the producer of your life. You can change, delete, or add in anything you want in your project. But at least by doing this exercise of designing your life, you are in control of your circumstances, rather than become a victim of them.

Here are some simple steps to help you get started!

1.    Find a nice quiet spot where you will be undisturbed for at least 20 minutes.
2.    Equip yourself with a pencil and a new note pad that will become your “Life Book”.
3.    Draw a time line across a page, from now to say five years on.
4.    At the left end of the time line, write “Present State”; at the right end, write “Desired State”.
5.    On the left end, describe as accurately as you can your Present State. Ask questions like:
a. What am I doing now?
b. What is my income, if any?
c. Do I like what I do?
6.    On the right side, under Desired State, describe as clearly as you can what you would like to see five years from now. Ask yourself, if I can’t fail…
a. What do I really want to be?
b. What do I want to have?
c. What will my life be like?
7. Between the Present State and Desired State mark on the time line
a. What must I do to get what I want?
b. Who can help me?
c. What skills do I need?
d. What resources do I need?

The first time you may not get all the answers you want. If you do this exercise daily for some time, I can guarantee you that you will end up with a pretty good design for your life. You will know where to get what you want, what to do, who can help you and so on.

You don’t stop working on your project to design your life. I recommend you keep going back to the “Life Book” you have created; it’s a “project in progress”.

Take charge of your life now. If not now, when?

Patrick Lim is a Certified Professional Trainer, and Certified Professional Coach (IPMA UK) and COO of Institute of Business Coaches, specializing in coaching for business and life coaches.

You can be stressed to the max on a bad day, yet, as long as life seems manageable, you don’t usually look for new strategies to get through it.¬†¬† The tendency is to pull yourself up by the bootstraps, grit your teeth and keep on going.¬† During prolonged or sudden tough times, though, normal defense mechanisms are not enough to keep you from feeling vulnerable and overwhelmed.

It’s when events are overwhelmingly beyond your control, that you either find new ways to cope or are pulled down by the undertow.¬† Your usual defenses are inadequate to protect from overwhelming long-term stress.¬† Stress can build gradually beyond tolerance level, or a surprising turn of events like those recently reported in the news can create the kind of vulnerability that demands openness to change.

The soft inner core of your being feels exposed.  This exposure opens a crack in the old armor through which an opportunity for renewed life can shine.

Here are six tips that can help you thrive in tough times?  .

Nourish Yourself – Let go of the bootstraps for a few moments, acknowledge your stress and be kind to yourself.¬† What nourishes you – inspirational reading, music, a cup of tea …?¬† Are there people or places, a favorite chair or spot in nature that provide sustenance?¬† Make nurturing yourself every day a priority.

Stay Present – Don’t project ahead. Take life one day, one moment at a time.¬† Tough times are more manageable when you pay attention to making decisions and taking action on only the next step.¬† Fearful preoccupation or worries about dire imagined future possibilities can leave you open to illness, accidents and errors in judgment that compound your problems.¬† Scale down, simplify your activities and concentrate your precious energy supply on only what is critically important right now.

Accept Support – This can be difficult for people who prize self-sufficiency.¬† Remember it is as virtuous to receive, as it is to give.¬† Without the receiver, the giver has no way to share their abundant gifts.¬† Don’t deprive your friends and family of the pleasure to help you when you need it.¬† Shared burdens provide opportunities for enhanced closeness and appreciation for one another.

Trust Your Resilience РChances are you have been through tough times before.  What natural strengths did you rely upon in those situations?  How did you make it through adolescence, Childbirth, Marriage, Divorce, School, First job?  What are your natural inner resources?  Trust that you have what you need to see this tough time through.    Visualize Success РSee yourself moving into a new chapter of life.  How do you want to write that chapter?  Creation begins in the imagination.  If you can think it, you can create it.  In order to be free to dream and hope for something new, you must let go of old visions, descriptions and limitations of the person you think you are or can become.

Forgive Past Errors РForgive past hurts, and people who may have inflicted them, knowingly or unknowingly.  This is not out of kindness to them, rather out of kindness to you.  After all, you are the one carrying the burden of these hurts.   Forgive yourself for mistakes or paths not taken.  Release the burden of the past so you can travel lighter in the present.

In times of crisis and radical change, remember that living means growing.  I have never seen anything in nature grow backward.  So, as bad as you feel, and as much as you doubt it, if you are alive you are growing.

Growth is creative.  So, take advantage of the opportunity in these tough times to re-create your life by nourishing yourself, staying present, accepting support, trusting your resilience, visioning possibilities and letting go of the past and perceived limitations.

Even though tough times are hard, they can also be the best times to explore ways to live more harmoniously with yourself and others.

Aila Accad

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Aila Accad, RN, MSN ‘The De-Stress Expert’ is a Speaker, Author and Transformation Coach. Learn more and contact her for speaking, and transformational coaching at: http://www.ailaspeaks.com . Sign up to receive her complimentary De-Stress Tips Newsletter and get “Ten Instant Stress Busters” e-book as a gift.

And an awful lot of people will do that, and be the poorer for it. They will stop trying to swim upstream, and instead let the current carry them where it may, and they will feel out of control and blame it on things outside themselves. They are victims of events. And victims want every one else to be a victim too – it proves they’re right about their own behavior. They will have chosen to be a victim – even though most would deny it.

Others choose to be victors. Faced with the same events and circumstances and consequences and outcomes as victims, they will continue to swim upstream – possibly more slowly and with more effort, but still working their way toward their goals. They know it may take longer, it may be tougher, but they choose to stand and fight, rather than let themselves be overcome by events. They take action – sometimes actions that seem so small – but they know that only action leads to results. And in doing that they often find opportunities that they couldn’t have dreamed of, but exist because of the very circumstances that turn others into victims. As Steve Schiffmann says in his book Make It Happen Before Lunch, “dwell in possibility, there is always a door somewhere waiting to be opened.”

Victors are optimists, opportunists, takers of action.

I was talking to the editor of a recently launched real estate investment magazine and she admitted the market is tough right now, and many people are holding off, sitting on cash, and taking a wait and see attitude. But others are looking for alternative forms of financing, taking advantage of what they see as bargains in the market, and continuing to work their goals. Even in what is described by the media as one of the most downtrodden of markets – real estate – littered with the failures of so many – others are working and prospering. They’re victors – and they will be stronger and more successful for their efforts.

Remember the aftermath of Katrina? How some people pitched right in, started clearing brush and helping others, and doing what they could to start the process of rebuilding their lives and the lives of others. Under the most difficult of circumstances – these were people who had lost everything – they put their heads down and started with action – doing something, anything, to move forward. They’re victors. I have no scientific proof, but I suspect those that showed that behavior ended up getting back on track faster, and moved forward on their life’s path much more quickly than those victims who waited for help – and complained when it wasn’t forthcoming as fast as they expected.

The media did a disservice in the aftermath of Katrina by focusing on the bad things – the late response, the lack of organization – and made it easier for people to be victims. After all, Anderson Cooper on CNN, among others, showed how screwed up the rescue efforts were. And how could an individual, a victim of Mother Nature and FEMA, be expected to make a difference? Many didn’t feel they could make a difference, and I suspect those people may be still waiting for and expecting more help. Victims rarely win – they just serve as examples of how “they” – the system, the government, the neighbors – didn’t take care of them. And a major word in the vocabulary of victims is ” fair” – as if there was some obligation in life for things to be “fair” – whatever that means.

To be a victor requires courage, goals that keep victors pointed toward where they want to go, and an understanding that they may not be able to control all the things that happen to them, but they sure can choose how they deal with them. Victors keep control of their responses. They have their bad days – weeks – months – but they persist. And in doing so they win in the game of life.¬† Regardless where you are right now, choose to grab ahold of whatever it is that you really want, set your plan to get it, and act. You’ll be better for it – I guarantee it.

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Andy Cox helps his clients select and develop teams and talent. He focuses on helping leaders and emerging leaders define and develop their skills and talents using goals. He can be reached at http://www.coxconsultgroup.com , or at acox@coxconsultgroup.com

Well Business Burps are a little like this. They have the following characteristics:
• Something unexpected happens following a period of high energy.
• There is excitement.
• There is resentment on the part of competition i.e. that’s not fair.
• There is some embarrassment on our part to exploit the situation.
• The event is likely to be totally ‘left field’.

A recent example of this is Sacha Baron Cohen’s character Borat, the sixth most famous man in Kazakhstan. This is viral marketing at its very best. It is embarrassing, offensive to the Kazakhstan government (at first), completely unexpected and well thought out (Borat has his own website, mySpace, etc) and many, if not most, people are talking about him.

So what has this got to do with business. First of all Borat is business for his creator. Secondly his appearance is at odds with what has gone before. So if, like many businesses, Sacha Baron Cohen had adopted ‘Best Practice’ we would have just got yet another mediocre comedy film. Instead we got the product of ‘Next Practice’. Like Borat, our new business ideas must be the product of ‘Next Practice’, a ‘Business Burp’. Not only should your idea be different, its method of delivery or production should be future looking too. So when you are next considering a strategy of innovation or business growth or ‘burping in the boardroom’ then consider
the following:
• Is your idea unexpected (for the marketplace)?
• Does the energy exist to see it through?
• Does it have the impact for competitors to scream ‘its not fair’?
• Can you avoid the fear and other barriers that could stop you exploiting the situation?
• Can this be delivered through new processes or working practices that make it even harder for competitors to copy?
• Are you forward and outward looking?

However when it comes to creative thinking, ambiguity is a good thing, even a great thing. If we are too specific with guidelines and rules to solving problems, it doesn’t give us much leeway to generate new ideas.

Generally we are uncomfortable with uncertainty. When we are in this state, we feel irritable. We try and resolve the uncertainty and become comfortable again quickly. We feel compelled to appear more certain, confident and decisive than we really are at that time. So we would rather leap to a conclusion and then focus our energies in defending it. This, most of the time is the sub optimal solution.

By its very nature, life does not lend itself to close scrutiny. It is fuzzy, indeterminate and paradoxical. There are contradictions everywhere. Wanting to understand life is to expect it to be straight, neat and orderly which it is not. We can say just one thing for sure about the world: “I don’t know.” When we are okay with the ambiguity and paradoxes of life, we know that there are no standard answers in life. We break loose fresh perspectives and look for several possible answers. In the process, we turn more creative.

In fact this article itself is paradoxical – We started by saying that ambiguity is bad and then we said it is good! That’s how life is. Learn to enjoy ambiguity.

So what should we do to get comfortable with uncertainty?

1. Accept that uncertainty is certain

2. Enjoy being confused. Be comfortable without a solution!

3. Be a ‘find outer’, not a ‘knower’

4. ‘I don’t know’ is a GREAT ANSWER!

The answer to our problem perhaps lies in this difference. Those saints were ‘awake’ and for us January first has become a common time when all of us set up wake-up calls. By setting up wake-up calls, we think that our job is done. What happens next is similar to what happens when we hear the wake-up call in the morning. It is almost always a nuisance.  But what if you have an urgent meeting at 9 AM and you need at least an hour to travel to the office and there is the possibility of getting fired if you are even a single minute late? You will jump on your feet as soon the alarm bells rings. So the first point is that the success of your resolution depends on how much importance it has in your life.

This importance is relative. A boy will not wake up even if you remind him of some important function is school. It might be important for the school and you but he is least interested. But you promise to take him for kayaking or something which he always wanted to do and he will wake you up before you hear the alarm. So, the second thing is how attractive is the proposal.

For the common resolution like quitting cigarette one might know the bad effects of smoking on lungs and health and attracted to quit but still smoking might be not too serious to struggle against. So the third point is that even if your resolution is something very important and attractive, ask yourself, does it really touch you deep?

Jogging and quitting smoking might not touch me really deep but what if I want to follow my wish for them and I am taking the New Year as an opportunity to initiate something which I always wanted to do? This is a little confusing. Jogging and smoking are habits. They are not one-point decision like taking admission in an institute. Once you have taken admission, you are into it but for daily jogging you have to start every day until it becomes your habit. If you want to quit smoking you have to struggle with yourself every day not to give in to the temptation.

Other types of resolutions remind me Socrates’ famous quote ‘Knowledge is virtue.’ Many may disagree but for Socrates it was impossible to believe that if you ‘knew’ there was a pit two steps ahead still you would fall into it. For him knowledge was ‘knowledge’ i.e. realization not information which could be forgotten.  So, financial gains, success in business, progress etc. are such that if you really want them and know how to proceed then for you first January is only a date to remind you of that. You will achieve them even if you do not resolve about to do so as your New Year promise to you.

But then what about New Year resolutions? I suggest we had better resolve to make an effort to live a conscious life, not for this January but for the rest of the life. Buddha was shaken by the agony of life around him and woke up so he had no reason left to come back. Shake up your soul. You may continue living as you live but from now onwards just see every day passing. Do not pass life , live it. Look at your surroundings. Feel yourself, feel others. Do not set wake-up call this year but just wake up. And, all your resolutions will resolve themselves.

–

Rachana Sharma has Doctorate in Philosophy and Masters in Philosophy and Sanskrit. She has published articles in various philosophical journals such as Paramarsh (Pune University), Journal of Philosophical Research (New Delhi), and The Philosopher’s Index (Ohio University, USA).

Now is a perfect time to reflect upon what your declaration would say. It is interesting that in our culture, the New Year does not begin in the springtime, the season of rebirth and planting new crops, but rather in the winter, the season for withdrawing and reflecting. Keeping this in mind, when preparing your Living Willfully Declaration, you first need to spend some quality, quiet time, contemplating the bigger picture. Here are some questions you may want to ponder and perhaps write about in a new journal: Who is the person I want to become before I die? What values do I want my life to reflect? Who do I want to share my life with? What supports do I need to put in place to help me on this path? What do I still need to learn? How can I realize my utmost potential?

What other questions might you want to ask? Asking the right questions can be more powerful than seeking the right answers. The answers to such cosmic questions are often beyond the scope of rational thinking or one’s present level of wisdom. By asking good probing question, you are setting an intention and creating the opening for unexpected answers.

It may be bit overwhelming to create a definitive Living Willfully Document. As with every great expectation, it is best to begin one step at a time. So you may want to start with setting an Intention or Living Theme for 2010. The word ‘intention’ comes from the Latin root intendere, meaning to stretch toward something. It is not a goal that has a specific outcome. An intention is an aim that guides your actions; it is something realized not achieved. Simply stating an intention invites your intuition, creativity, and the universes’ natural goodwill to play apart in the answer’s unfolding.

This is very different from a New Year’s resolution. Unlike a resolution, an intention is not based on something you want to fix about yourself, but rather how you can elvove into the person¬† you want to be.¬† An intention is receptive and keeps you in the present moment, focused on the process; whereas a resolution is driven and keeps you in the future, focused on finishing.

Again by crafting a Living Theme as a question, you are inviting a certain outcome without forcing a particular agenda or result. It also keeps it off your to-do list and away from self defeating should’s.¬† Some examples of Yearly Intentions are: “How can I live more lightly upon the earth?” “How can I invite greater integrity into my life?” “What do I need to do to express more joy in my life?” “Can I allow myself to be more loving?”

Have fun with this. Try out a few variations until you find one that truly resonates with you and then let it organically unfold. Wishing you a wonderful, willful New Year!

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Karin Marcus, Certified Life Coach / Retreat Leader
“Let the beauty of what you love, be what you do” Rumi
Karin@Steppingoutcoaching.com 610-667-5247

http://www.SteppingOutCoaching.com

Download your complimentary “Walking with Intention: A Self-Guided Mini Retreat”

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I was living a beautiful, content life of marital bliss, enjoying motherhood and generally just being there. Life was good, I believed in myself, God was not a word in my lexicon; I passed my leisure reading fiction and watching movies. But, and it is a big ‘but’, at times I felt that there was more in me. I was made for bigger things. Slowly this ‘but’ became a kind of obsession and that is when I attracted Linda Goodman’s Star Signs. The year was 1999.

Suddenly everything that I was so sure of seemed like an illusion. I became more introspective, and life just changed…for the better. Reiki came into my life and took charge of me. I was changing for sure, but the world around me was changing as well. To begin with I could not read fiction any more. Books like A. Parthasarthy’s Vedanta Treatise, Richard Bach’s Illusions, Deepak Chopra’s Seven Spiritual Laws for Parents, Ageless Body Timeless Mind, The Path to Love, James Redfield’s The Celestine Prophecy, Dr. Brian Weiss’s Only Love is real, and many other books of this ilk became my constant companions.

By and by I gave up reading the newspaper (something I used to be devoted to), watching television; eating animal products (including dairy), left-overs (again something my fridge used to be proud of), processed, packaged, bottled stuff; allopathic medicine, etc. Now I enjoy locally produced fresh foods (primarily fruits, vegetables, and nuts). All this just happened.

The major change happened in my way of looking at things. I started looking at everything including my body as a gift from God. Hence everything in my experience including family, friends, foods, clothes, weather, environment and what have you became a ‘present’. Now what do you do when you keep receiving presents in each moment? Only one phrase emerges from deep within: ‘Thank you.’ Gratefulness becomes a part of life, and all the complaints, criticisms, judgments just disappear. Yes, this actually happens. Once you experience this eternal gratefulness, you start living in ‘oneness’. Everything becomes an expression of God.

‘God’ the very word I was allergic to, has now become a constant refrain in my conversations. Each moment He experiences His highest expression through me; hence each moment has become a reason for celebration.

I realize that it is not just about me; entire humanity is waking up from a deep slumber, as though by a pre-determined agreement at a mass scale. The change is not happening just with me, but with the ‘collective unconscious’. The ‘time’ is finally here for a major ‘shift’ of the ages; and my waking up is just a small part of the larger plan that is unfolding around us.

Yes, these are special times, and things are coming to a head now. The choice before us is clear. Do we wish to choose unconditional love or fear? Are we with Light or with Darkness? It is for us to exercise our freewill. The responsibility as always lies with us. Please choose wisely, as these times will not come back in a hurry. It will take another great cycle, another age, another yuga for the conditions to be so ‘right’.

Having said that, if I could, in any way, be of any service to anyone, I am always there!

Chitra Jha is a healer, writer, corporate trainer and verbal ability instructor.

2009 was an eventful year with its fair share of ups and downs and nothing indicates that 2010 won’t follow suit, if not further test our mettle. As the economic downturn spreads and recession reaches our various shores and businesses, we will certainly feel the heat and the pressure (many of us are already facing it)…but that is how you turn coal into diamond…under extreme heat and pressure.

It’s just a matter of perspective…of seeing the world through a different lens. In the midst of adversity lies opportunity…and I do believe that these difficult times will provide us with great opportunities.
1.    opportunities to learn and grow from our mistakes, from others’ mistakes and from the tough experiences we undergo
2.    opportunities to revisit and rethink our way of being, doing and having – it’s a good time for introspection towards self-development
3.    opportunities to be more disciplined and laser-focused in whatever we do – so that we may achieve our goals and resolutions for the year
4.    opportunities for acknowledgement and gratitude for whatever we are blessed with.
So let us be ready and greedy for opportunities this year! As we prepare ourselves for a turbulent ride this year, my wish to you is to simply enjoy the ride! And in Jan 2011, as you look back on 2010, you will say, yes it was a hell of a roller-coaster ride, there were ups and downs, it was tough, I outgrew it and I enjoyed it!

Welcome back for the ride in 20010! Cheers!

Little did I realize then that I was hooked on to being different and yet being the same all the time.

Does that confuse you?

Let me explain. When I stuck my head inside me like an ostrich, whoa, I found a person – confused, desiring to be someone else, someone who was slim, svelte, spoke very well, oozing confidence, knew what to talk, spoke so knowledgeably that I silently gawped. So I plunged headlong and imitated, spoke like “Her’ adopted her values and attitudes. Headily I watched myself transforming into a miniature ‘She’.

I even had an invisible crown perched perkily on my head thinking here I was perfect and had arrived.

When suddenly I found I was all alone, isolated and bored.

What went wrong? Back into my vena cava I found my arteries pumping blood for nothing because it was not for Me.

So I took stock and found much to my surprise that I was not listening to Me!

There she was this young girl wanting, waiting, willing to talk and no one to listen.

I sat down, closed my eyes and shut my mouth and began to listen to Her.

Here is a replica of what I heard and listened to:

She told me how I was a beautiful person, until I started wearing a mask — especially for some else and some body else’s.

She told me that every one was different and special in their own ways, asking me to be gentle with myself and wanting me to focus on my good points. She urged me to reveal this face to the world. Be bold! She nudged.

She said go out listen to nature! Stay in contact with her and she will never cease to amaze you, she will reflect all your beauty which no one else can.

Do not believe all that you see or read in the newspaper! You are good enough!

If you can say ‘No’ to the aggressor without inflicting pain on the other, you are a woman my friend!

Don’t believe that every problem has only one solution – life is far too varied to stop at one.

Set your own value system, make the noblest thoughts you have, embody your life as you live it.

Cut out all the dross in your life and focus on what will survive even death.

Respect yourself and others will have no choice but to go along with you.

Show your human side to others else you can run the risk of seeming invulnerable  and end up making others inadequate, and making yourself seem so sufficient that they assume you would never need any help.

Send out good vibrations to all you meet, you will engender similar feelings. Imagine a circle of fabulous fragrance wherever you go.

Finally trust! Believe that what you are doing is right for you. Seek his Grace in all your actions.

Sure enough you will find yourself unleashed and raring to go.

Come open your eyes gently, smile at the world and embrace all who live in it for you are all that you have.

I have been actively making new-year resolutions for the last 3 years with very little success. It is usually regular stuff like fitness, skills, jobs, money, etc. It usually lasts for a few weeks. The longest was last year when I started jogging regularly and kept at it for a few months.

While analyzing why my resolutions have not been working I realized that most of these were ad hoc nice thoughts and did not really fit into any bigger plan. As a result, after the initial enthusiasm wore off, I was not motivated enough to keep following them.

It is that time of the year again and I am determined not to fail this year. So I have decided to take a different approach! I have not yet made my resolutions for 2010 but I have worked upon my strategy. Take a look at my six-step strategy for this year and see if it will work for you.

STEP 1: Reflect on 2009

1. What did I learn last year? If you have trouble answering this question, it’s time to change whatever you were doing. It doesn’t matter how old you are, you can and you should learn something new every year.

2. What was my greatest achievement over the past year? Reflecting on your accomplishments is an effective way to track your progress and also to raise self-confidence and contentment.

3. Which moments from the last year were the most memorable and why? It may bring up some below-the-surface passions and goals, or some pastimes worth exploring.

4. What have I struggled with in the last year? The objective here is to learn from your struggles and better equip yourself for future encounters.

5. What should I have NOT DONE in the last year? Steer clear of this in the future.  Set up barriers against this if you have to.

6. Am I carrying any baggage from the previous year that can be dropped? Emotional or physical. Eliminate anything that might pull you down.

7. Is there anyone I should have called? Regular communication can solve problems before they fester. Finish this task before you start planning your next year.

8. Is there anyone who deserves a ‘Thank You’ note? Take time each year to thank the people who have helped you.  People always, always, always remember ‘Thank You’ notes.

STEP 2

After reflecting on each of the questions above for a few minutes, answer the following questions about your biggest goals in each of these areas (not restricted to the next year but life’s goals for all these areas). Do not restrict or restrain your answers. Let the answers flow.

1. Goals related to family and friends: Is it more time that you want to spend with some people? Do some relationships need mending? Think about the people most important to you. Where do you want to take your relationship with each one of them?

2. Financial goals: How much do you want to earn by what stage?

3. Career goals: What level do you want to reach in your career?

4. Health goals: Are there any fitness related goals you want to achieve, or do you simply want to follow your doctor’s advice, or become a vegetarian?

5. Personal goals: Dig deep inside. What is it that you want to do – only for yourself?

6. Self-development goals: Is there any knowledge you want to acquire in particular? What information and skills will you need to achieve other goals? Is any part of your mindset holding you back? Does any of your behaviour upset you? If so, set a goal to improve your behaviour or find a solution to the problem.

7. Self-indulgence goals: How do you want to enjoy yourself? Make sure that some of your life is for you too!

8. Giving-back goals: Do you want to make the world a better place? If so, how?

STEP 3

Once you have answers for these goals, choose ONE (yes, ONE ONLY) key goal from each of these categories. Also, run them through the following checklist:

• The goals are positively stated.
• The goal are precise.
• The goals are written down.
• The goals are realistic.
• There is at least ONE unrealistic goal.

STEP 4

Break down each goal into:

1. Your life’s objective

2. 5-year objective

3. 2009 objective

4. Monthly/quarterly objective

Step 5

Make an action plan for each of the 8 goals. Also decide on a date every month when you will check your progress. Mark the dates in your calendar/outlook/whatever device you use. Give yourself the flexibility to revise the objective during  monthly sessions.

Step 6

Email the summary to your family and best friends. This is the most important step! Or better still, make your resolution(s) public! Tell the whole world about what you are going to do. Let the power of their collective expectations help you!

Write about your resolutions in the comments section below! Won’t it be fun to come back here and check how you and everyone else has done?

Shalu Wasu is a creativity consultant and trainer based in Singapore apart from being guest faculty at select institutes.

Are you ready for 2010? The editor recommends the following articles.

That should have been the pinnacle of my success as an ads and promo manager in the multinational company where I worked. But even then, I was hiding a secret, a loneliness and depression so debilitating that I almost crumbled under its weight.

A few days before the event started, I had said goodbye to my sister who flew to Michigan to visit a friend. It was the last time I was to see her for quite a while. The reality of her absence never really hit me until I arrived in Dumaguete. I found myself alternating between tears and dread, sadness and depression. I felt like I did when my mother died death and it was left to my sister and I to hold the family together. With my sister gone, I felt bereft, abandoned and lonelier than I could ever explain.

It was an implosion of the heart, mind and body that followed. The glamorous job that used to bring me so much pleasure was losing its attraction for me. My mind began to wander. I began to lose the edge that made me so effective in my job. I started missing deadlines. I found myself beginning to distance myself from my colleagues mentally and physically because of this sudden and inexplicable feeling of insecurity and loneliness. Added to this, was the growing paranoia that my boss, who was planning to move to Australia, was looking at me with professional jealousy because I was in line for a promotion when she left.

Months passed and I found myself sinking deeper and deeper into the emotional and professional limbo. I was deeply unhappy.

I turned to the internet for solace. There I met a guy in one of the popular online social networks. He introduced himself to me as Vince. He was 27 years old and lived in Davao. Vince told me that he had a son with a woman whom he hasn’t gotten around to marrying just yet. He was unemployed but waiting for his visa so he could go to the Middle East to work at one of the US military bases there.

I met Vince during a holiday break in June 2009. He was a decent enough guy; kind of shy and well-educated but otherwise nothing spectacular about him stood out. We had lunch and saw a movie. Afterwards, we headed off to my hotel room where we had sex.

At age 44, I had managed to remain a virgin for God knows what reason. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve had numerous boyfriends in the past but never slept with any of them. Many have tried to seduce me but I’ve always been rather shy and frightened of intimacy. I still believed in the purity of love and marriage, bless my silly little heart. But why was it different with Vince this time? I was not in love with him but I saw in him my one last chance to re-engineer and overhaul my old frightened self.

I’ve learnt that when you’re unhappy, the only way to fight it, is to immerse yourself completely in emotions that are unfamiliar and new.

Raw emotions challenge you to think out of the box and making love to a man for the first time was a life-changing choice I made without a tinge of reservation or regret.

That one-night stand, I shared with Vince was a milestone experience that left an indelible mark on me as a woman on the cusp of changing her life. Intimacy was nothing to be feared. A man’s kiss was meant to be enjoyed.

When I went back to Manila and resumed my life, I felt more alive than ever since my sister left. I left Davao without a parting farewell from him. No text messages, no calls. My cell phone was silent. Three or four days later, a text message arrived. It was from him. I read it with gratitude. I knew now that I had met one of life’s mysterious challenges head on when it presented itself to me. I was strong enough to embrace life and its surprises. I made a choice that will change the regular pattern of inhibition that used to define my relationships. But most of all, I made a choice knowing that something in me was going to change forever.

Casual sex or not, I will always think of Vince with gratitude. Because he held me in his arms in tenderness and understanding. Because he laughed at my feeble jokes. Because he shared something deep of himself in the short time we were together.

It was not love. We were simply two lonely people meeting at the right time to share some warmth and a connection. The world can be a lonely place and from time to time, we need a harbor where we can safely shelter with a kindred soul — at least until the rain stops and we go home once again to a life of quiet desperation.

Role models are useful. They are lighthouses when dream-chasing gets cloudy, they are proof of stamina and magic. But emulation is tricky terrain. I have a friend, an aspiring novelist and brilliant writer in her own right, who said to me once that she wanted to be the “Canadian Anne Lamott,” I said, “Why don’t you just be the global You?”

We must have the daring to be nothing but ourselves if we are to know what true power is.

Comparison is crazy-making. It stamps on potential and truth and all the good things you might already have going for you if you weren’t so busy shadow-boxing with the people whom you think have it better. Would you compare a snowflake to a snowflake to decide which was more beautiful and unique? No two snowflakes are the same.

Comparison is a slippery slop to envy and for the most part, envy wastes energy that could be put towards getting what you want or optimizing what you have. It’s a trap. I used to envy trust-fund babies and my friends with rich parents. “Poor me…no leg-up, born into an average family, gotta be self-made…” Yack. Whatta waste of mind space – space that could be filled with creativity and ingenuity.

So here’s the freedom-generating habit to stop comparing and to melt envy:
1. When you’re tempted to compare yourself to others, stave off the comparing by feeling your way into your dream. Rather than comparing, imagine. Imagine yourself feeling the way you want to feel – successful, brilliant, artistically free, earthy, healthy, connected. That’s it. You’re not making yourself less than or more than anyone else – you’re simply giving yourself permission to want what you want.
2. Bless the people you feel envious of – the rich, skinny, in-love, confident, powerful people. Quicker than you can say “I wish I had that…,” say to yourself, or even better, to them, “Way to go…you look great…I admire you.” With envy out of the way, you’ll have more space for your own greatness to step forward.

On the way, the little girl is busy describing her favorite ice-cream, “Mom, you know what I like most, the vanilla base with a cashews layer in the middle and then the pineapple ice-cream.” While describing her wish her mouth is watering at the very thought of the world’s best vanilla ice-cream topped with a piece of pineapple! But lo, the best ice-cream corner in town is out of the vanilla flavor. They have only chocolate.

Now this little girl is torn apart, she wants ice-cream from this corner only. The thought of walking another ten minutes to reach the not-so-nice corner did not excite her at all. And here there is only the chocolate flavor available. Well she takes it. At her first lick, she gets a pleasant sensation in her taste buds. She likes chocolates anyways… BUT how can she start to enjoy a chocolate ice-cream, when she’d spent half an hour imagining, expecting and picturing a vanilla! Now, starts the complaining, “Why didn’t he have vanilla? I don’t like chocolate, I don’t know why you brought me here. What a waste!” The mother is completely exasperated. “You’re spoiling your fun, at least enjoy what you have,” she tries to persuade but to no avail. Because while the little girl is enjoying the chocolate ice-cream, she’s also enjoying complaining!

Ever wondered what life would be like without the right to complain? The biggest luxury of life is the right to complain. If this right is taken away from us, for some life may become very boring and for some it may finally dawn that they need to own their own choices! Recently in a workshop, a participant declared, “But in life we do not always have choices.” My immediate answer was, “Okay, give me an example.” To no one’s surprise, he couldn’t come up with any. Not that he didn’t have a long list of frustrating incidents, but as he thought about them with this new perspective of choices, he didn’t think it worth mentioning those events. He already knew the answer.

It is a familiar misperception to think that we have no choices. Is it that we do not have choices in any given situation or is it that we do not want to give up the right to complain while enjoying the benefits of the choice exercised?

I have a close friend who is stuck in a job he doesn’t enjoy at all — you see the chocolate ice-cream phenomenon. On one of his more than normal grumpy days, I asked him, “So why are you sticking?” With slight irritation, he answered, “I’m not sticking, I’m stuck!” I suggested he just reverse his own statement and repeat it a few times for himself. Like, “I’m not stuck, I am sticking.” I think he tried it, I don’t hear him complaining anymore and he also got a promotion last month.

Take any area of your life that you are dissatisfied with and but you continue to remain in that situation. You will notice that it is not that you do not have another option available; you will notice that out of available options what you have chosen is the best one, the one that offers the most benefits, though this was not what you originally wished. It is in this situation that we say that we do not have any option. Essentially we are saying that we do not like the available options and would like to retain the right to complain and grumble.

Your ability to change your reality expands manifolds when you take responsibility of your own situation; when you give up all complaints and accept your choice. It is only after true acceptance of your choice that you get the energy to create new options — to make the best of the current situation being the first. This process of taking ownership and responsibility makes a deeper level change in you. You realize that you and only you are responsible for your situation and only you can bring about any change. While owning your choices can be a big burden, it actually liberates you.

The singer, who had many melodious songs to his credit, then announced, with some regret I thought, that many youngsters did not like old songs. The difference, he argued, was one of rhythm and speed. He also offered to sing songs like Kaun Aya Mare Man Ke Dwaare. At this point there were loud moans of disapproval. He realized and so did I, that your truly was in a minority and the bulk of the audience was not interested in melody, preferring the kind of music that has made Himesh Reshammaya a rage.

The singer sang adhunik songs for the rest of the evening even as I reached for ear plugs and swallowed a headache tablet. I could not leave since I was among the ‘honoured’ guests.

I recall receiving a few rejoinders to my blogs telling me that the youngsters of today are not interested in politics or writings on social issues and to please restrict myself to fun stuff. I replied that if it is true that youngsters are not interested in political or socio-economic issues then the happiest people in the India and everywhere else in the world will be politicians. I can imagine the look of delight on the faces of the likes of Mayawati, Laloo Yadav Karunanidhi etc.

The top 5 religions in Facebook are Christianity, Islam, Atheism, Agnosticism, and Hinduism. It is too early to reach any conclusions but it is interesting to note that a preliminary analysis of the major networking sites reveals that youngsters are not keen to fill up the box item Religion in their profiles. A researcher says that youngsters do not want to be ‘judged’ and would prefer the vague term Spiritual rather than specifically state their religion in the box item.

Talking about my writings I started expressing my views in print in the form of letters to editors of papers and magazines. When I found the space inadequate, I wrote articles in some newspapers. When I found even that inadequate I wrote blogs. When even that did not suffice I started writing books—so far 4 have been published.

Now my young friends tell me that ‘we are the Twitter generation and Ravi will you please restrict yourself to fun stuff and that too in 130 characters?” Ten years from now some  cheeky youngster will tell me to say it in ’5 or fewer’ words. I will then have to do what a young journalist did when his editor advised him to be very brief in his telegrams — those were the days when journalists sent telegrams to their head office. The youngster was on the crime beat and had to report a rape incident involving an insane man who fled from the scene. His brief telegram read: NUT SCREWS AND BOLTS. Will I have to write in this style in the next decade?

No one is exempt from life’s polarities.

Sometime ago I read a Jewish folk tale about the wise king, Soloman. The king had asked his ministers to find a magical ring which could make a sad man instantly happy and a happy man instantly sad. One of his intelligent ministers gave him a simple ring with the following words engraved – This too shall pass. He then asked the King to look at this ring at moments when he is either happy or sad.

In our life, we encounter happy or sad moments daily. When it happens we get swept away by the moment, feeling elated, angry, sad or overwhelmed and we lose our sense of balance or inner equilibrium.

The right approach at this transient time would be to maintain our balance, accept and learn from the moment, take it in our stride while remaining detached. Become an observer instead of being a victim of circumstances – remember this moment too shall pass.

When things are that charmed, I always pay closer attention.

The creation of sand mandalas is a ritual in the impermanence of life. Incredibly complex patterns are painstakingly built by trinkling grains of coloured sand into their microscopic places. Mandalas can take many weeks to construct – not a grain out of place. And then….the mandala is swept into the wind, the sea, or smeared up into a pile of nothing but sacred sand and given to worshipers or carried to the river by procession.

All that work. Then poof! Since not many of us have worked in the medium of sand, try this metaphor on for size: imagine covering a 5 × 5 foot canvas working with only the teeny tiniest brush. You work round the clock for weeks, barely eating. Eyes stinging, hands cramped. The perfect masterpiece of meaningful complexity – worthy of the Louvre. Instead of a gallery show or collecting a commission, you take it out back and burn it.

Or, imagine building a successful company from just an idea; weaving a marriage together for years; growing a community; a garden; a belief system that guides your entire life — then letting it all go, just walking away. No leverage, no strings, no regrets.

Could you do it?

I think I could. I think I might.

Visitors find my house a strange place, because the two women here, Mum and I, are never seen talking to the man, and somehow the atmosphere suggests that we never do. My house is a strange place. We don’t talk to ‘Dad’ — the word only symbolizes a blood relation, the quotes refer to the irony that the word means nothing to me. He can force any child to become an adult overnight.

Anyway, I have been able to assemble the pieces of my young memory to chalk out the story about my father. He lost his job when I was seven because the company he worked for closed down, or split up, or changed ownership, or downsized — you get the general idea. He set up a law firm after that, because he thought himself good enough — only he wasn’t. To cut the dark story short, I’d just say that failure followed, lots of it. So psychologically, he’s a mighty frustrated man. Like the office-going crowd, he leaves the house every morning, returns in the evening and stays at home on Sundays and other holidays — only nobody knows where he goes.

To me, he’s everything evil: greedy, rash, devoid of self-respect and dishonest in addition to being frustrated.

We live in the same house. Mum and I never talk to him. I am asked ‘to ignore him and act like he doesn’t exist.’ Stupid policy, if I ever heard one. I have maternal relatives residing nearby. They don’t have the time to spare me an ear: one that’s not deaf, that is.

I was fifteen when I was verbally abused for the first time — not by some mean school mate or a spoilt bully but by ‘Dad.’ Of course, I was asked to ‘ignore him and act like he doesn’t exist.’ The abuse still happens. He damaged appliances once when we were out for a few days. I was asked again to ‘ignore him and act like he doesn’t exist.’

Aunts and uncles find the situation too trivial to act upon. They are too busy with their corporate life and home-making. But never too busy to read out the list of things that I ‘must’ do for Mum once I get a fat-salary kind of job in the corporate world. I have to do that stuff to compensate her for suffering under ‘Dad.’ All in all right now, we can’t move. And he won’t move. Who wants to part with freebies and luxuries?

My aunts and uncles all believe we should not rock the boat but endure the situation until the equation changes. I can hear their empty rhetoric even now, “How come you all let it come to this?” The ever popular response goes something like this, “God, how emotional can you be?”

Some relatives even have a spiritual perspective on it, “It’s your destiny, your karma. Just focus on your duties towards Mum, ok? Pray to God, it’ll get better.”

Am I a strong person? I have started to cry against my ego. Recently I felt a pang of fear. I have started to feel I have reached the saturation point. I have begun to wonder how much more I can take. No, I guess I don’t have a reservoir brimming with strength, after all.The impact of it is that I am a shock-absorbent sort of person. Indifferent, some would say. Cruel, some might say. Numb, I say. My father and relatives — they don’t really matter but Mum means everything, though.

“We’ll live somewhere else, away from Dad, ok?” I was nine the day Mum uttered that promise. I am nineteen today. Ten years have passed since I heard these words said. Ten years since it should have happened, but didn’t. Ten years is a long time. Is there any redemption? I hate the man who made my life a hell. I loathe the people who let it happen. I’ll probably forget the details with age. Maybe I’ll forgive them. I think I will, some day. But not today. Not tomorrow. Not in a long time.

Some day I’ll have kids of my own. I’ll teach them to fight against injustice. I’ll tell them never ‘ignore and pretend.’ They won’t have to go through any of this….I promise myself.

What is the reach of such incidents? Everywhere possible – individually and collectively, physically and psychologically.

The Pearl Harbour incident was a turning point in World War II; it involved America and changed the equation of powers in the war. Miss Ayn Rand introduced communist policies in the American economy which altered the course of John Galt’s life, causing him to ‘stop’ the motor of the world. Turning points. They underscore the significance of the Law of Causality. They alter the course of a person’s life.

How? The tool is emotion. Did I say tool? ‘Weapon’ is a better description. Self realization is only achieved by making humane emotions instrumental. Joy, pity, love, hurt – they never miss the bull’s eye. They squarely hit the junction of the mind and heart: the soul. We all are victims of emotions – and turning points. Life changing experiences also take the form of people. Sometimes they leave after a season, and others, they are there to stay. Either way, they turn around one’s perception, wholly or partially. They add dimensions to the intellect, and vindicate the vision.

What are the lessons they teach you? Unfathomable. How many? Unfathomable again. Consciousness of dreams, ambition, direction, self worth – facets that constitute a major portion of the self are attributed to them. Every smile of pride, contentment, serenity is accompanied by a thought reminiscent of them.

I have my own turning phase – exclusively mine, without any need of a copyright. It made me myself. I gained insight because it happened. I smile when I think of it. Sometimes it wets my eyes. This is what my life turner does to me. It owns me, I own it and I owe it – my life.

Think back about your life turning phase, and the whole era seems as if it were meant to happen, to complete your being, to make it one whole. So natural, as if somewhere deep down you always knew it would occur, though before it took place you could never dream about the form in which it confronted you.

Anybody who senses a chunk missing from life, they only have to look sideways. One of those turns is the one that will flip life around. It will come, because there is no choice, no chance of missing it; it is meant to come. The only alternative is to shut the eyes.

When time is not a parameter, every life is larger than the rest of the world put together. The spell is willingness. Part the curtains, tug at the clouds and look around, see – that is your life changing experience, your turning point!

It was at that time that the industrial revolution took us from farms and craft work to “jobs” in the factory. It completely changed our daily lives. It made traditional crafts obsolete and undermined the time-honored ways of interweaving home and work life.

We are now facing another shift — just as transforming. With so much change in our economy and technology, old job descriptions are blurred and organizations must be able to adapt and change on a dime. Old style jobs get in the way of this new world of work in which temporary and contract jobs often make the most economic sense.

What’s happening as a result is that many people feel betrayed. No longer can you count on a job for life or a paternalistic relationship with your employers. Your sense of security has been shaken. So how can you best deal with this? Let’s just take a look at some of the possibilities of how your work may look in the future:

- you can start a business of your own
- you can become a consultant
- you can become an artist
- you can work part-time
- you can create a “portfolio” career performing two or more types of work
- you can work with organizations on a full-time basis under very fluid arrangements with your tasks and working hours and location changing with each project

There are plenty of opportunities that come with this societal change. There are many more career choices open to you. Many of you have shifted your priorities so that you now want more family time or flexibility in your time, the ability to make a difference in your community, the chance to be your authentic self in your work. These options are more available now.

To effectively manage your career you must:

(1) Embrace the concept that everyone is a contingent worker – your employment is contingent on the results the organization can achieve from your work.

(2) Develop a mindset, and way of managing your career, that is more like an external vendor than that of a traditional employee.

(3) Expect to move from organization to organization more frequently than in the past.

Have you experienced this in your own work life? Do you feel prepared for this change in our society and work? Is there any goal you’d like to set to be more prepared?

Know that you are truly in charge of your destiny – why not create a work life you can love?

If you are lucky, a realization springs on you somewhere along the way that there must be more to life. So you start on your quest for the meaning of life, not knowing if and when you will find it. If you are luckier still, you are given a second life to live, and boy do you make it count!

I’m one of those lucky few.

In my first life, I donned my pauper rags and blindly followed the crowd, arms stretched out, begging for handouts, watching as life passed me by. I think that for many, being diagnosed with cancer would seem a death sentence. For me, I was already dead on the inside, thus the notice was welcome. But I discovered, while getting closely acquainted with my own mortality, that an indomitable human spirit lived within me. And the essence of my being shouted out at me, “I want to live!” So I discarded my rags in favour of silk robes and thus was given a new life.

Here is the first lesson my inner spirit taught me

Cancer can be an inhibitor or a catalyst to living your greatest life. Cancer was how I have become closely acquainted with my inner spirit, it was the catalyst that taught me my life lessons. Lessons that while I stumble, fumble and stutter along this path, I will take along. Too often, we cling to our old rags, behaving like paupers, when the opulence of silk robes are but a hair’s-breadth away.

It’s about the Attitude

Learn to develop an attitude of gratitude. I took what I had for granted. I mistook privileges for entitlements and opportunities for rights. I’ve learnt to keep a Gratitude Journal in which I list even the smallest thing for which I am grateful to have in my life. Start out small, by listing the little things you take for granted and often overlook. You will be amazed at how much we actually have and take for granted every day. You might be left in awe of all that you do have and it becomes harder and harder to don those rags again.

Laugh more and for longer

Can you remember the last time you truly laughed? Was it as a child, giggling at a funny face your dad had made? Laughter has a way of naturally bubbling up to the surface. Too often, we’ve been conditioned to think that laughing is silly when, to succeed, we need to be serious. Thus, you suppress the natural spring of laughter until pretty soon, the spring runs dry as you forget how to laugh altogether.
Take time to look at the world through the eyes of a child, let there be wonderment and laughter. Personally, I’ve learnt that laughter is the elixir to a happy life.

Celebrate

Be part of the joy of life. Celebrate your successes and achievements. Learn to recognize those moments when you feel as if you were floating on a cloud and celebrate them. Believe that every day in every way you do something extraordinary. And don’t take that fact for granted. I never felt that I was worthy of applause, thus I never celebrated any success or achievement. After all, there was always a higher goal to aim for. I was my own inhibitor to joy.
I’ve learnt that celebration is a lovely affirmation of who you are, your unique contribution and achievements. Celebrating pays homage to the fact that you are special and that you have the right to celebrate and applaud your achievements.

One moment

Seen in its entirety, life can seem very long. Yet, when I suddenly realized that my long life expectancy might be considerably shortened, I jumped into action. I ran hither and thither, trying to live my dreams, face my fears and fulfill my responsibilities. This left me feeling exhausted and I was no closer to living my greatest life.
I’ve learnt about focus since then. We have only one moment, we experience only one moment at a time, so why not live in that moment. Set your goals, and then follow the course you have mapped out for yourself, one moment at a time.Through focus I have the feeling of finally experiencing life instead of standing along the sidelines watching it zoom by.

Be kind to yourself

I had observed that my mind was a runaway train of negative chatter, chug, chug, chugging along, churning even more noise. And I decided to apply the brakes. A feat easier said than done, so I decided instead, to start by being kind to myself. And in this way, turn the volume of the deafening noise down to a low hum. Eventually, I know that I will succeed at silencing that accusing, blaming, self-reproaching voice.
I know now that the key to positive self-talk lies in being kind to me. If I want to make the turnaround, I need to be kinder to myself. I forgive myself easily now. I remember that I am a spiritual being having a human experience. It is not expected that I be perfect nor is it expected that I live a perfect life. How would I gain the knowledge of how to live my greatest life, if not through the experience of living life itself?

These are the lessons my inner being has taught me. Use it or toss it. Today, at this very moment, I stumble, fumble and stutter my way through life, donned in the finest silk robes, rich beyond my wildest imaginings, living my human experience.

Do you still have the newspaper delivered? I do. I like the feel of the paper and the ritual of spreading it out to read while I eat breakfast. On Sunday I take the whole thing apart before I even start my reading. I sort the parts I want to read in their “proper” order and get rid of all the fillers and ads.

Unfortunately my pleasure is slowly being taken away. Today’s paper only had 36 pages (plus the ads). It barely lasts through breakfast. Because of economics, papers are cutting back on their hard copies. They are pushing readers to the internet. They are waving a two edged sword—encouraging people to read the paper online causes the loss of readers for the “real” newspaper. Many of the country’s newspaper publishers have converted to online publication only.

Getting the news without the ritual of the daily newspaper is like the difference between eating and dining. You do get the job done, the fuel for your machine, but where is the pleasure of the slower pace and the feel of the paper.

Life is already moving too fast, I want to hold on to the small pleasure of reading the newspaper with my breakfast in the morning. Is that asking too much?

Original People, Thoughts, Ideas, Products, Efforts, Plans,
Campaigns, Features, Creators and Entertainers….
They originate to dominate.
Their origins are original,
Never duplicated.
Always original! To be duplicated and replicated after they happen.
As they do happen once in a while.

Oscar Wilde who was one of those rare originals, wrote: “Most people
are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinion, their
lives a mimicry, their passions – a quotation.”

That is the best example I could think up of to cite on originality.

Origin must be having its origins too.
It has for sure….
Within talented individuals who make and break records.
Who leave an indelible mark on sands of time.
Originality! Where and how does it originate?
How does it originate and then slowly permeate?
To obliterate the duplicates!
In all walks of life.
Through relentless struggle and strife.
All through life.

How does it get to substantiate itself with the ides of time.
How does originality ultimately substantiate itself and
make itself stand out as a one time great?
Rather than get common and kind of, out of date.
As most of the times we ordinary mortals are extraordinarily late….
Late in arresting and sustaining originality within us.
Thereby instead of being before time and original, we tend be, late….
Late in arresting nurtured. original thoughts,
Morphing them into actions.
Bold and brave,
As we internally yearn and crave,
Since we were naive, slaves.

We are late…only and to duplicate everything! Including our own
thoughts, lives and well being!
Duplicate, triplicate, as we replicate and propagate,
Through repetitive, non progressive education and experiences.
Through our inert inability to arrest that annoying inefficacy….
Like a concubine thought!

Thereby we are not an original being of our original thinking.
Our Being as such is duplicated due to such and other several
concubine-thoughts.
Concubine thinking within our cocooned, educated brick-in-the wall
types of minds,
Matured through education that is solely pursued for materialistic
lives and lifestyles.
Mundane, shallow, selfish and short lived….
Always duplicated and never original.
Clinging concubine thoughts.

Originality originates in original mindsets,
That do not get set as such through worldly education and experiences.
I know and am convinced that the origin lies in our mind sets, in what
is now recognized and acknowledged as “Superconsciousness.”

That word has now found a solid ground and following.
There are more believers and in-tillers in that form and feel.
More takers. More mind tillers.
More stakers too.
As it is no longer a secret.
Now that it is out, I hope and pray that originals are on the anvil
always, and in the making, all the time.
More surreal and sublime than ever.
Free to duplicate and replicate originality.
Free to emancipate and accelerate….
To bloom and to fructify.
Originality.
Selflessly and perpetually.
Like eternal original music and unlike short-lived duplicate echoes!
To elate and elevate.
May be levitate too.
Life, lives and life styles.
As minds and mindsets are indeed originals and should be allowed to
remain that way.

Are you a mundane or an original ?
Do you believe in yourself ?
In your original mind ?
In change?

Do you also believe and delve in Superconsciousness ?
Then let go of the mundane.
To gain through pain and perseverance.
To happen as yet another original,
To rule and remain.
Through refrain….
To originate as your own original self.

What about challenging Newton’s laws and Einstein’s theories?

Can you listen to people whom you dislike, love your enemies and watch for one hour the TV channel you hate most? Well, it’s time we are prepared for all these. Traditionally creativity is considered as conceiving of new ideas and converting them in to reality. With the unprecedented growth (read: explosion) in every field, even outlooks are changing.

Gillette’s market leader Excel was superceded by the Sensor and Sensor 2, and then by Mach 3 and Mach 3 Turbo.

3M has a policy that 30% of their revenues should come from products introduced in the market during the last 6 months. And how do they achieve it? – by making their own successful products obsolete.

Intel’s philosophy is to cannibalize its own business by constantly bringing out better processors to replace the ones that are already market leaders.

Any new product in consumer electronics always comes from Sony (of course, except for iPod,) and in a couple of months Samsung and LG bring out the same product at 40% less cost (again, that’s a different story.)

When the companies launch a new product, they are already working on the product that will replace it. Microsoft launched Windows Vista in January 2007, but they had already started working, from October 2006 onwards, on the next operating system that is going to replace Windows Vista.

Despite being the number one in the market as the largest selling vehicle in SUV category, Toyota stopped production of the model “Qualis.” In the Indian business scenario, this is simply unheard of and never an option to be considered.

Gravity for instance, is taken for granted, as a fact of life. But it was recently reported that Boeing, the world’s largest aircraft manufacturer, is working on experimental anti-gravity projects that could overturn a century of conventional aerospace propulsion technology if the science underpinning them can be engineered to hardware. Boeing’s Phantom Works advanced research and development facility in Seattle is trying to solicit the services of a Russian scientist who claims he has developed anti-gravity devices.

3M’s corporate philosophy describes, “We have continued to accept mistakes as a normal part of running business. It’s important to add, however, that we expect to have originality in our mistakes. We can afford almost any mistake once.”

It used to be ‘black boards’ for several centuries, and people accepted. Yes, black boards ought to be black, how can they be white? If asked why is a black board black, someone would respond, “The chalk we use to write is white.” A reasonable man is content with this answer and stops there as things are in order. An unreasonable man challenges the logical answer, “Why should you write with only a white chalk? Why not with blue or black or red or green?” He then comes up with the brilliant idea of the white board which is suited for writing with any colour.

An optimist invented an aeroplane, while a pessimist (read: dissident) helped put a parachute there. Had there been no dissidents, there would not have been any safety devices, no security departments, no defence services, no emergency lights and no standby arrangements. The earth would still be at the center and the sun revolving around us. We would still have to travel thousands of kilometers to watch the cricket match being played in Australia or New Zealand, black boards would still be black and Neil Armstrong landing on the moon, a hoax.

To spur imagination and ignite discovery research, DuPont as a company, have defined a set of large, “unreachable” goals. Some of those goals do indeed seem unreachable: immortal polymers, zero-waste processes, elastic coatings as hard as diamonds, elastomers as strong as steel, materials that repair themselves, chemical plants that are run by a single chip, and coatings that change colour on demand. Nevertheless, they are entirely serious about these “stretch” programmes. They publicise them widely. The specifics are not important as the expression of such goals. Goals like these convey an attitude – DuPont is a company that believes its people are extraordinary achievers whose achievements know no limits.

People accept things as they are known at that time and our lives revolve around those accepted principles. About 400 years ago it was believed that Earth was at the centre and the sun and others planets revolved around us. It was true at that time and life was based on that belief, and everything went very well. Suddenly this belief was challenged, and the sun was put at the centre. Now everything is going smoothly with this new belief.

During the 1940s, Juran and others proposed that there will be some unknown factors in our manufacturing processes and they will affect the quality of products. By analysing the past data we can estimate them because of their random occurrence and we have to accept things within those limits. In other words, we have to accept and live with things, with varying qualities. It was true at that time and with this knowledge some of the major developments took place – transistors were made, televisions and computers became popular, Neil Armstrong landed on the moon and satellites were put in orbit and used for communication purposes. However during 1980s, Deming and others challenged these beliefs and asserted that everything is happening with our knowledge and by properly designing systems we can get the same quality without any variations.

When young children start colouring, they often go beyond the boundaries. It is believed that this is due to the poor muscle control or undeveloped hand movements. However, some psychological research shows that it is also due to their open outlook – not getting bogged down by boundaries. They ask, “Why should one be limited within the boundaries?” That child, who challenges even the real boundary, when he/she becomes an adult, creates an imaginary boundary of his/her own, even when there is none. Most of us take for granted that what the rules say, or what is written in the hand book is final. That is the imaginary boundary we have built and we continue to remain within that boundary.

What we are not aware of is that what the rules say or what is written in the hand book is true, but not final.

Final is yet to come and will, likely, never come. Challenging the status quo has been going on ever since man first walked the earth. However, the actual changes have been happening occasionally ‘just like that.’ Now it is time that we integrate it as a basic necessity of our existence and even, accelerate the process. So go ahead and colour outside the lines, but be certain that you are staying on the same page.

(Dr N Annamalai, Creativity & Innovation Consultant – Trainer, Chennai.
Email: annamalai_n@vsnl.com, Website: WWW.Creativitysphere.com)

What do I mean by reinvent? To remake or to bring back. You can change your entire life, one tiny bit at a time, you know. Is there one area of your life that you’d like to reinvent? Career or work, physical fitness or maybe friendships and relationships perhaps?

Something might have popped in your head when I asked that question — and there’s a good chance it was immediately followed by a “yeah but….” Well I’m here to tell you that most of us have pretty ‘big buts’ (and I don’t mean the one you’re sitting on!)

Let’s talk about some of the obstacles that keep you from doing things you love and how to work around them.

Obstacle #1: Age.

I don’t care how old you are. If you are 60 and say you are too old to change, how do you think you’ll feel when you look back at 80 years of age, and remember how old you thought you were at 60. There are many stories of folks who reinvented themselves at all ages.

Artist, Grandma Moses began painting in her seventies after abandoning a career in embroidery because of arthritis. An art collector discovered her paintings in a Hoosick Falls, New York drugstore window in 1938. In 1939, an art dealer exhibited some of her work in New York. This brought her to the attention of collectors all over the world, and her paintings became highly sought after. She went on to exhibit her art throughout Europe and in Japan, where her work was particularly well received. In 1956 she was paid $1000 for a painting for President Eisenhower.

Yes, your body is going to age, but your mindset towards aging has a tremendous influence on how well you will age. Studies on longevity show that genetics have only a 30% influence on the length of our lives; the remaining 70% depends on one’s lifestyle.

In the 1800’s, 65 was established as the marker of “old” when the life expectancy was only 47. Life expectancy is pushing 80 today; 65 is just beginning a new chapter.

More people are living to be 100 and older. When these centenarians are asked about how they’ve achieved such longevity, they generally mention four key ingredients: being optimistic and having a positive attitude; engagement….doing the things in life one loves and feels strongly about; being active and mobile; and, adaptability to loss and resilience.

Obstacle #2: Physical Ability.

My father was a great admirer of Helen Keller, the famous deaf-blind author and renowned speaker. He had an opportunity to “hear” her speak as her speech was translated into sign language for the mostly deaf audience. My father who is deaf himself, spoke to Ms. Keller through finger spelling letters into each other’s hands.

She was the first deaf-blind person to earn a Bachelor of Arts degree. A prolific author, Keller was well travelled and very outspoken in her support for women’s suffrage, workers’ rights, and socialism. She met every US President from Grover Cleveland to Lyndon B. Johnson and was friends with many famous figures, including Alexander Graham Bell, Charlie Chaplin, and Mark Twain.

Her words: “I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.” I remember these words when I start to feel like what I’m doing is insignificant. Do what you love to do. Start now!

Obstacle #3: Time.

Think for a minute. What would you do with five completely free hours a day – every day? Or how about three completely open days a week — every week. How about having a few weeks or months here and there, throughout every year that are yours to do as you like? You probably can’t even imagine it!

You must free up time to go after your dreams or to even do nothing at all. The most authentic and creative side of you can re-emerge only when you have open time.

You probably spent much of the first 40 years of your life meeting other people’s needs. Now is YOUR time. Move your desires to the top and let other people’s needs drop down your priority list.

I know….I know….I hear your protests. This does take courage and I can speak from experience, But, it gets easier. You learn to teach people what to expect from you by your words and actions. You don’t have to do lots of explaining. If I have an afternoon blocked out for “me” time, I can honestly tell people, “No, I can’t schedule you in that slot because I am booked.” Ralph Waldo Emerson said “The greater part of courage is having done it before.” So give it a try. Block out a space of time just for you. And let me know what ideas pop up for YOUR latest reinvention.

Etymologically speaking, William Shakespeare used the term ‘sea change’ in The Tempest to mean the change of Ferdinand caused by the sea. Shakespeare used the word to mean a transformation of form while substance remains the same. However today we use this term to mean a change which is large and sudden.

Ignoring the confused usage, I set about thinking about change and what it means to us. We resist any change that disrupts our routine and time- tested ways of doing things. Change makes us anxious and disoriented. We resist change by being passive and cocooning ourselves. And as change stares at us, we adopt tactics like offering resistance, criticizing and being cynical about it.

Given the turbulent environment of the days, can the waves of personal sea change ever leave us untouched? The answer is ‘no.’ So, how do we cope with this?

Here are the five A’s of managing sea change:

a) Accept – Change is here to stay. Remember in the evolution chain, we human beings started off by sharing a common ancestor with the apes. Look at how far we have come since then.

b) Adapt – Our forefathers had a wonderful capacity to live through sea changes in their times. They had the resilience to face and survive change under extremely harsh circumstances. If they were unable to manage change, we wouldn’t be here today. We share their DNA and are created to be flexible so we can adapt to change.

c) Analyze – Change brings in both good and bad. Initially things could turn out to be bad, but we must believe that the final outcome will be good. See the woods, not the trees or the shrubs.

d) Act – Having analyzed the situation, the next step in change management is to work out a plan to meet change, manage it without trauma and then implement the conditions.

e) Await – Last but not least, await and prepare for the next wave of change.

And as the old saying goes, “Change is the only thing in life that is permanent.” Let us stop being a change-phobic and remember that we are all masters in change management.

In the last month or so, I’ve witnessed two store closings, three blog unpluggings, two staff fires, three complete re-namings of brands, and some serious slashing of product lines. YES! All making way for success!

Here’s the thing about defining fulfillment on your own terms. You don’t have to have a storefront to be a wildly successful retailer. You don’t have to get up early in the morning to beat the competition. You don’t have to keep staff who are slagging because you’re a humanitarian or unionized (besides, cutting someone loose so they can go hone their truer talents and bliss is profoundly humane). If it’s not working, you get to give it up – quickly, just like that.

Quitting is a form of enlightenment, I tell ya.

Yes, success is gritty business. You’ve got to hustle your bustle. You’ve got to eat intensity Wheaties for breakfast. But there’s a difference between happy rigor and inane slogging. Slogging doesn’t work. It just doesn’t. You can’t plant misery seeds today and expect to get a juicy crop next season.

I hear this time and again, “If I just hang in longer, maybe she’ll come up to speed. It might sell in the summer. If I dig deeper, I’ll learn to love Excel.”

‘Fess up – it ain’t workin’. You’re smart to see it. You’re brilliant if you move on.

Indicators of when it simply is not working:
1. You use “It sucks” in a sentence to describe any aspect of your situation.
2. You “drag yourself” to it.
3. Sunday night anxiety (dreading Monday).
4. Dismal sales (yes, the universe speaks to us through cash flow).
5. The bleak absence of synchronicity.
6. Not a whole lot of thanks coming your way.
7. Your mother is your best customer.
8. Seething resentment.

The clues are so generic that we just plow them over with duty and ego and fear of totally flopping.

But vitality is a sensation, and it requires a sensitivity to signals and surroundings – and the courage to flow and shout and stomp your feet in sync with the signals of life.

Don’t worry about how you’re going to fix what’s broke. Just notice what sucks with ruthless honesty. It’ll be a momentary rush when you do. You might even feel a strange sense of elation. And when you’re high on the truth, you’ve got a new vantage point of where to go next. Turn the lights off when you leave. Announce your new destination.

What’s it going to take?

We usually use that phrase in dire circumstances. What’s it going to take for you to wake up? What’s it going to take for me to quit? What’s it going to take for them to realize?

But life is an urgent circumstance, really, when you think about it. Birth is miraculous. Survival is miraculous. Death is inevitable. Suffering is well….optional. Life is urgent.

I wonder what my days would be like if I approached my happiness with more urgency and insistence (like I do deadlines and should-do’s). I have GOT to meet my dancing quota! Come hell or high water, I WILL get a facial and lay in the sun! Wild horses couldn’t keep me from lunch with my girlfriends!

Most important deadlines: to meander, to laugh until I snortle by noon every day, to see the first robin bird of spring before the week is over.

So, in the spirit of urgent vitality, and not knowing when death may strike, and being acutely bored of my same old pattern of complaints, I’m asking myself, lovingly but firmly: LaPorte, what’s it going to take for you to be incredibly joyful?

What’s it going to take for you to make an evolutionary leap as an artist, lover, mother, friend, human?

What’s it going to take to get you to walk to the lake that’s four minutes from your house?

What’s it going to take to get you on the dance floor?

You want to eat life whole? To know God? To radiate pure love?

What’s it going to take?

The coming months can be decision making times for senior leadership of Indian organisations. Decisions that are vital to the health of their organisations and employees. These decisions then need to be communicated and the entire organisation needs to be aligned with the new decisions. When it comes to taking tough decisions, asking important and difficult questions and taking a stand, most leaders still follow a traditional command and control path, which creates tremendous resistance, tension and uncertainty across the whole organisation in times of change.

Most of the decision making happens at the executive level. Command and control system assumes that the leader has all answers and all he needs is a bunch of people who could execute what he knows. At times like this when the problems are chaotic and complex, depending on the wisdom of the leader or the top team alone is foolish. How could then leaders involve the entire organisations in times of complexities and navigate through ambiguities? The answer is to effectively use the whole system intelligence. This way the leadership team can involve and engage the whole system in the process so that they do not have to later communicate and align everyone to a change agenda.

So the leadership team’s challenge now is in engaging the whole system and tapping into the whole system intelligence for actions that would help the organisation cope with the present crisis. One way of doing this is to use whole system approaches to planning and implementing change and what have come to be known as large group methods.

All organisations and communities are strongly influenced by factors and events that lie outside their boundaries. A shared understanding of these environmental influences – in the past and the present – has been an important aspect of popular large group interventions.

Large group intervention designs that allow people up to thousands to come together to co-create the destiny is what organisations would be using instead of boardroom decision making that then needs to percolate down. Command and control based management practices feel insecure to use the whole system and leaders feel others will not agree to the idea. But the fact is if leaders can involve all stakeholders, tap into the whole system intelligence, the system would be able to see the problem in a holistic way and take decisions that would have an agreement from all.

So, the need of hour for leaders is to create large group intervention platforms where a significant number of people in the organisation can come together to take effective decisions that affect their lives and organisations’ future. Tapping into the whole system intelligence, gives voice to greater numbers of stakeholders, promotes whole system organisational learning, produces faster and more sustainable change, generates higher levels of commitment from organisation members, and achieves business results.

This much awaited spring is a time of fulfillment. There is something sacred about this energy. Heavens are poised to inject their magnificence into our land. New sprouting leaves and grasses (which are yet to raise their heads) upraise every local heart. This magic touch of nature is literally poised to sweep out any dross and odd bits of morose energy from every heart. The vitality of spring has that power. It is indeed a time of great uplift! We are now emerging from a winter cycle of suspension of growth into evolution! Yes, we are almost there! It is time for movement, change, growth, and newness.

The energy of spring influences people in a very profound way. Though Ladakhis are always a very friendly people, I see that their smiles have broadened. Long dark winters, with short days, and hardly any sunlight do take their toll on people. As they say, sun not only gives us heat and light, it also affects our moods. But all that is past now.  Just as a seed pushes aside the dirt and stones to come into light, it is time for us to pick ourselves up, dust off all the lethargy and celebrate our growth. The beginning of spring is a great time for renewal of energies. It is time to clear away heavy energies built around us and become light at heart. The sun is definitely brighter and stronger now, urging us to shine in all our magnificence!!

We can use spring as a beautiful metaphor for human life. When life seems at its worst, with no visible hope, spring tells us to know beyond any doubt that just beneath the surface of our dark reality lies an abundance of vibrant shoots, just biding their time and raring to push their way up: to sprout, flourish, and blossom; provided we let them do so.

Unfortunately many amongst us block our growth through negative feelings and emotions. Toxic ingredients like fear, worry, and stress don’t let spring come into our lives. If only we can cultivate faith, optimism and joy; we will grow in all our glory. It is time to think about that!

As I go out for my walks, I observe profound changes. Life in all its Divine abundance and diversity is awakening from the slumber of winter. It reminds me of my own awakening from deep sleep. As the earth is getting charged by the energy of the sun, I feel a new energy sending a tingle down my spine. As nature readies itself to pursue a new cycle, I gain understanding of eternal cycle of life. Spring embodies new beginnings and new hope. For me it is a ‘new’ expression of Divine love which was present during the long, cold, dark and dreary nights of winter as well. Life existed even then, but it existed as a potential. The way it exists in all of us; a potential waiting to be realized. In some of us it is not apparent but it is there all the same. Nature is never partial to just some of its components. It gives us equal opportunity for greater aspirations and inner movements. The sun shines forth on all new beginnings!!

I feel so fortunate to be soaking in nature unspoilt by human hands. I feel my consciousness merging with the glorious energies around me, and I realize that spring is a part of me. The light is shining ever brighter inside me. When I sit down to meditate on the river bank (right outside my house), I get the feeling that spring is not just an outer event. It’s ‘we’ (yes, that includes all of us, including you), who are about to happen. It is ‘we’ we are waiting for. We are on the very cusp of discovering ourselves. We are too modest to admit it. For far too long we have covered our magnificence under a blanket of snow (so to speak). We are too used to looking outside of us in awe and wonderment. The spring is asking us to look at our own worthy selves. We are pregnant with promise. We are full of vitality. We wear auras of many colours, and we have the power which is one with ALL THAT IS, including the spring!

Yes, there’s spring in the air and hope in the heart! What more could one ask for?????

I lost my job.

Funny how fast I became an actual victim of this worldwide earthquake. It took me about a couple of hours to understand that all my certainties were somehow linked to the idea of having a job, a fixed income, a wealthy lifestyle, the power to buy and acquire goods. And how a significant part of me had been actually deprived of basic needs such as time, joy and health, in the name of Production – the goddess of contemporary masses.

I spent a full week wandering around with a wide open smile on my face. I couldn’t help feeling just good and I happened to experience guilt while talking to people, realizing how lighthearted I was, in spite of all.

The decision came soon after the D-Day.

You know, I came to the sad – and yet understandable – conclusion that most of us live a double-dimensional life.

For someone like me, born in the early eighties, the concept of wealth was never questioned. I was raised with the equation Work = Wealth stamped on my passport. Go wherever you want but make sure to jump on board before it’s too late. The machine won’t wait for you forever and the best that you can do is to mould yourself properly, in order to fit in the system.

And so I did. I did it my way, of course, which was never precisely in line with the actual pre-made scheme, imposed by “society”. But I managed anyway. I joined a New York law firm first, to then experience a breakdown, followed by a series of random and very useful parentheses as a waitress, Italian teacher and so on. When I finally joined Barcelona, I thought I was over all confusions and I devoted myself in full to the search for a stable and secure lifestyle.

Wishful thinking…towards the wrong wishes, though.

Now I find myself in my apartment, there are rays of sun entering my room and nice sound from my music system. I am enjoying the destruction of the perfect, fake and illusionary balance I built for myself.

I made someone else rich with my innocent and professional commitment, that’s for sure. But who cares? Does it really matter? Is it truly the end of the world?

This last question deserved a closer and deeper look.

I spent sometime reading my very own words, which I lightly spread around the world in shape of stories, articles, blog entries. And I managed to recognize the answer, hidden in between lines and commas.

No, it is not the end of the world. It is quite the opposite, indeed.

We are experiencing a unique opportunity to enrich ourselves and learn how to sustain our lives in a considerable manner. Considerable for our own happiness, the health of the planet and the potential creation of a newly balanced general system.

Practically speaking, I looked for an answer to a trivial though fundamental question. What?

The “what” issue struck me in a moment when people are seriously struggling to make their way out of the employment crisis, because we must keep in mind that this is a human earthquake, first of all. And I couldn’t help thinking about families in need to feed and educate kids. A friend of mine, who is a teacher, told me that lately her young students are complaining because of hunger and that never-seen-before fathers are showing up to pick them up at the end of the school day. Unemployment causes food issues, first, but also reunites families. Just to prove once more that this is a double-sided medal. I devoted a closer look at small businesses, where bored employees are probably studying a degree while wishing for customers to miraculously appear and make their day. They most likely won’t sell an item throughout the day but hopefully are learning something practical for their next venture.

But my situation is different, I am lucky. I don’t have kids to feed and I do have a higher degree. After days of inner ponder and mind-mapping, I came to an astonishingly simple conclusion. I will make my way out there and help people, travelling where I can afford the luxury of not making someone else rich, while collecting diamonds for my very own soul.

Just like the character of one of my Tickles, I will be the one travelling all the way to India to actually put into practice my human rights degree and devote my energy to something that will enrich myself enormously and, hopefully, others.

I will pack a smile, strength, willingness and energy. This is all I need. In my pocket I will store drops of love I have received, which I will make sure to spread around with the same intensity they came to me.

I wasn’t responsible for this gigantic mistake that is currently affecting us all. My illusions are still up high in the sky but they deserve to be projected towards change. Change of perspective and direction. Turning illusions into reality is now a priority in my agenda and I firmly believe that more people are joining the club, right now.

This is a will. These are my last words about this moment, which I won’t call crisis ever again. I cannot speak for everybody, our stories are coloured with different shades. But to be myself completely, I had to let go and realize that I am still sure, now more than ever, and that nothing will be able to change my course of action towards my mission: enlighten my steps through hard work, spreading a renewed wave of energy among us, trying to put down a heavy stone to make my world a real better place.

1. See the glass as already broken.

Change is a natural and inevitable part of life. Just as change is essential for the formation of a business in the first place, so it is essential for the continuation of the business in its later stages. The Buddhists teach that, to understand and accept the inevitability of change, we need to see “the glass as already broken”. In other words, we need to accept that, in time, everything that is made will be unmade and everything that works now will stop working. In time, a simple product like a glass will disintegrate and fall to dust. Nothing stays the same and we must accept it.

2. Open up your thinking.

Being able to see the way ahead is one of the hardest things to detect and get right. Napoleon Bonaparte was reputed to have dismissed the invention of steam ships with the words, “What, sir! Would you make a ship sail against the wind and currents by lighting a bonfire under her deck? I pray you excuse me. I have no time to listen to such nonsense.” Gary Hamel says that those who run enterprises must guard against such closed thinking by listening to three types of employee: newcomers because they’re not yet into the corporate way of thinking; young people because they have more creativity; and those on the periphery because they’re closer to change.

3. Ride the horse in the direction it’s going.

Even though seeing the way of the future can be tricky, it’s not difficult…if you look closely and without attachment to the way you want it to be. Charles Handy tells the story of how former American President Dwight D.Eisenhower, when President of Columbia University, received a deputation of students asking for a pathway across the grass.

“Why do they walk there?” he asked.
“It’s the easiest way to the hall,” came the reply.
“Well, if that’s the way they’re going to go, then cut a pathway there,” he said.

4. Let go of your attachments.

Seeing change and the need for change is sometimes much easier than we make it. It’s the blocks that get in the way. The main blocks to change are the attachments we hold on to from the past. The three main ones are:

• attachments which make us feel secure, such as status, possessions, routine, old skills and old know-how
• attachments which give us power, such as titles, connections with important others, and a position that is able to reward and punish
• attachments which make us feel good, such as having others need us, look up to us, and be dependent on us.

Hanging on to these attachments when the signs say “Let go” is like the mountaineer who falls down a cliff in the dark and holds on when the ground is just a few inches below his feet.

5. Share your bread. One of the solutions to managing successful change lies in learning new ways. It also means learning together. Peter Senge reminds us that the word “company” came from the word “companion” whose original meaning was “com” meaning “with” and “panis” meaning “bread”. In other words a companion was someone you shared bread with. Senge says that one of the best ways of managing change is to share ideas with others in the organization. This is what car makers Ford did when faced with massive change. Instead of hiring outside consultants to tell them what to do, Ford undertook a one-year teaching programme that involved every one of their salaried employees. And they taught and listened to one another. 200 Ford leaders taught and listened to 1200 section leaders who taught and listened to 50,000 others. As Ford CEO, Jacques Nasser, said, “There is simply no better, faster way to distribute knowledge around a company than through teaching. And the company has to do this teaching with their own people.”

The general consensus is that change is hard. The management gurus tell us so. But there is nothing inherently difficult about change. It’s part of life and at the heart of what happens throughout our lives. Follow the simple steps above and you can put it at the heart of your enterprise.

Paying attention, doing the thing that needs doing and realization that it IS (you are in the middle of your dream!) are the three elements that are needed for “living the dream”.

Anything in life that happens starts with an idea. So let’s start with the dreaming part. We all dream, either aware of our dreams or just idly wishing in a daydream. In his book, The Three Only Things, author Robert Moss says that dreams are so more prevalent in history than we realize.  Great discoveries were made often in dream states by scientists.   We all have dreams, and some are significant and others are just leftover brain fluff from a long tiring day. Even daydreaming can lead to some brilliant ideas and aha moments. Sometimes, answers to huge problems come in dreams or warnings show us that we need to take a different path. Paying attention to those ideas or bits and pieces that come daily to our mind are crucial. Once you have the dream of what you want, you have to take some action. As Robert Moss states in his book, “What we can imagine has a tendency to become real in our bodies and our world.”

This is the big part of the equation, becoming real – emphasis on the word “big”. Planning, revising, editing, making mistakes, turning a matter upside down, just DOING it is the matter of manifesting your ideas into reality.   You have to have stamina, vision, incredible work ethics, and good old fashioned endurance to make things happen in the physical world. A good chunk of faith in your self is always a necessary ingredient to this process. Probably most important to this whole idea is to surround yourself with other people who believe in you and your dream! The energy of good vibes can never be discounted. Get those people on board your own train of grand plans, chugging along to wonderland!

The final piece is the most misunderstood, and sometimes someone else has to remind you of it. When do you know you arrived? Or do you ever get there? Or does it matter? How do you know you are “living the dream” when you are in the middle of it?

Does a fish know it is surrounded by water? Do birds know they are surrounded by air? Do you know if you are surrounded by all the things you have dreamed of?  Fish and birds may or may not know; we can’t take a poll and ask them. But when you are in the flow…you just know. Your energy is up, people want some of what you have got going on, and they want to be part of it. You attract more good stuff into your life, and despite setbacks and some difficulties, the direction always leads you into the next step, and into more ideas, and more growth, The old saying, “If you ain’t growing, you’re dying” is a perfect yardstick. 

A good question to ask yourself is, “What am I doing toward living my dream?”  The answer(s) may take you by surprise and turn your heart and head in a brand new direction!

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Margaisa the Fairy Godmother aka Peggy Barry Bartz owns A Rose in The Road, a multi-faceted company that encourages, entertains and enlightens hearts. Visit her web site www.aroseintheroad.com.

Ashok, a young management graduate from a prestigious school, settles down in his new assignment full of confidence in his ability to make a difference in his new job. He initiates what he thinks are much needed changes, sure to propel the organization to stratospheric levels. Soon he meets with what he thinks is irrational resistance. Pulled up by top management, he resigns.

Most young managers and often even experienced ones find it difficult to understand why people are not able to accept the simplest of changes which are in fact ‘in their interest’. They conclude that they are surrounded by bad colleagues, by incompetent executives. This diagnosis is not always correct. The fact is that many of us do not have an understanding of the concept of systems.

Almost anything we can think of is a system or part of a system. Our body is a system that we can understand. Each person is part of a system—the family, community, organization, etc. Simply speaking a system is a number of parts acting as a single entity. Technically a system is an entity that maintains its existence and functions as a whole through the interactions of its parts. These parts are interconnected and work together and the behaviour of the system depends on the total structure. Change the system structure and you change the behaviour.

There are two issues of significance here. Firstly, systems function as a whole so they have properties above and beyond the properties of the parts that comprise them. These are known as ‘emergent properties’. These properties cannot be predicted by analyzing the parts in isolation. Thus the expected performance of a team is not just the sum of the individual capabilities of the members of the team. Secondly and conversely if you take the system apart these properties are lost. Analytical thinking sometimes does not work because of this second feature of systems. Thus analyzing the individual performance of the executives in a failed department may not reveal the correct reasons for non-performance—the problem may be of the lack of teamwork and coordination.

Dynamic complexity is a concept young managers may not be familiar with. Consider a business team. Each member of the team has his or her moods and these can vary moment to moment. There are many ways in which these members can relate with each other. So even if the team is small in size it may have a great deal of dynamic complexity. Problems that seem to be simple on the surface may be having a great deal of complexity when probed further. Every new connection to the system—the addition of one more person for example—increases complexity, not by one, but exponentially.

To understand the ‘exponential’ bit you have only to realize that managing two people is more than twice as hard as managing one person! In a complex system like a company or even a department in an organization it is useful to remember the following.

The relationship between the different parts of the system determines how it works, so each part, however small, can affect the behaviour of the whole. The humble peon for example can have a big effect on the working of a department as some of us may have experienced.

All parts of a system are interdependent, they all interact. How they relate to each other gives them the power to influence systems.

Arising from the above we have a useful tip on how Ashok our young management graduate, referred to in the start of this article, could have handled his situation better. The more connections he would have made the more possible influence he could have exercised. Networking, for this is what this rule amounts to, brings influence. Research suggests that successful managers spend four times as much time networking as their less successful colleagues. {Paul Luthans in ‘Real manager’ 1988]

Different parts can combine to affect the whole—a phenomenon we often dismiss as ‘cliques’. Any system is a web. The many links in a system make it stable. Any change in one part will, by the very nature of the interconnectedness of its parts, affect changes in the rest of the system. The other parts will also resist change because it means they will have to change too. Complex systems like organizations resist change. The vast bureaucracy in an organization is notoriously change resistant.

New business practices are resisted as people feel comfortable with the old ways of doing things—something that Ashok discovered to his cost. Systems do however change and sometimes very fast in some circumstances. Ashok could have succeeded if he knew another aspect of systems—the principle of leverage.

Imagine a system as a web with many parts connected. Suppose you want to change the position of one part. When you pull on it directly, it seems to resist. Really it is the whole system that resists. However cutting a small link in another place may free this piece. Like undoing a crucial knot in a tangle of string. You have to know how the system is made up to know which knot to undo. Once this is understood even major changes can be achieved with little effort.

In Ashok’s case he was not aware, that he had only to win the confidence of the PA to the CEO and he would have had no problem in initiating change!! Change can happen if you identify the right connections. This phenomenon, whereby a small effort can get a huge result, is the principle of leverage, a feature of systems. Charlie Chaplin had quite by accident pressed the right ‘lever’.

How does one apply this principle? Ask the key question ‘What stops the change?’ Look at the connections that are holding the part you want to change, in place. Cut or weaken these and the change may be easy.

As for Ashok, did his business school education prove inadequate? Maybe yes, maybe no. You gain knowledge through analytical thinking. You gain understanding through systems thinking.

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K.R. Ravi is South Asia’s first Dr.Edward De Bono certified public trainer in lateral thinking, and a pioneer in spreading lateral thinking in the Indian corporate sector. For more details, visit http://www.krravi.com or contact him at createravi@hotmail.com.

People embrace change easily, when it comes to their desk for execution. But the same persons, when in a discussion, resist or try to block any such move even when they agree that the change being proposed is the right thing to do.

Why? What do we call this trait in a human being?

Is it just that they accept the change because there is no alternative? Or are they convinced that the change is good?

If it is the former, we can understand why they resist the change in the first place. How do we make them think positively that the change is being proposed for becoming efficient? Then will they get convinced that the change is good, and really participate and contribute?

I always walk into a room, and when I propose a change, I openly tell them that I am going to take an extreme position in this, and everyone else should try to literally drag me from that extreme position to a workable solution. And 80% of the time, I have won the extreme position after pretending to go to the middle of the road. What does it tell us? People are not ready for extreme changes, when they first hear them, but after healthy discussion and exchange of ideas, we can convince them.

Tough days call for tough choices, doing more with less, and if the change is the tough choice, then it takes priority and leadership to drive that change through.

The struggle happens every day when we fight and argue with our own foggy brain under the warmth of our blanket and try to present ourselves the gift of that extra ten minutes by hitting the snooze button. Invariably ten minutes do stretch and we find lifting ourselves from the bed dejected having lost the battle once more.

Let me try to list down some very simple ways to win the battle of the bed:

Be motivated to get up early: The force of a deep desire of getting up early is the best way to bring mind over mattress. If we are really motivated to wake up at a certain time, we will surmount all excuses of going back to sleep in the morning. If we really value the benefits of getting up early, we will make it happen come what may.

Getting up at the same time everyday: Whatever our pattern or requirement of sleep, it’s imperative for us first to set a fixed awakening time. It may be a bit difficult initially to hone in on the right range of bedtime for us. There may be huge oscillations staying awake too late or going to bed early some night but eventually a time will set in when we will know what time is best suited for us to go to bed. We will automatically go to sleep at a time every day allowing enough sleep to wake up refreshed in the morning.

Early dinner: An early dinner before 8 PM everyday gives you ample time to digest your food. It eventually prepares you for a more deep and sweet sleep.

Don’t watch television just before sleep: The biggest energy sapper in most lives today is the process of watching television. It takes a lot of positive energy out of us, makes us lounge till late night and gives us insomnia. We should avoid watching television just before sleep and replace it with other habits like reading books, playing or reciting rhymes to our kids. Let’s try and enter sleep with sweet thoughts which will help us eventually to get up early and refreshed.

Snooze button is kept out of reach: We need to keep the alarm clock away from the bed and not right next to us. It will force us to get up from bed and not hit the snooze button lying in the bed. Once you are up, in all probability you will stay up. The best way is to stretch your body completely for ten seconds and force yourself out of the mattress.
Let’s now win the battle and join the esteemed “5 o’ Clock Club” to success.

In this journey to success, be guided by those words of Sam Veda: ‘A person, who rises early in the morning, feels energetic and remains active throughout the day. The mind remains fresh for the entire day. Therefore we should make it a habit to get up early in the morning.’

Read another point of view here - Forcing yourself to get up early in the morning is pointless!

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Kaushik is a Business Training and Development professional working with a well known MNC bank in India. His interests are reading, travelling, trekking, spirituality, photography, cultural and social activism. Reach him at k_cborty@yahoo.com

In our world today, it seems that one thing that is fully certain is change.  The speed of transformation that our business world is seeing – the rapid growth of technology, the ever changing needs of consumers, the needs of our families, the continued demands of our bosses and competitors, and the unending wish lists of our valued customers – does confirm that change is critical.

Many of us have the habit of resisting change. If at all possible we would rather avoid or pass on any change and maintain the status quo. There are some who are always looking for a change in the way their home or office is set up or in the way they conduct themselves. However, most people prefer being “settled” and feel uncomfortable at the thought of change.

In the days ahead, with the accelerated ecological imbalance that humanity has created in our environment, there is a definite pending change in the universe. One small example of such is that Delhi marked December 2008 as its warmest winter since 1953. The many reports of climate changes, the erosion of forests and lack of rainfall is a sad change that we are inviting upon ourselves.

Recently I met a senior level bank manager from Andhra Bank. The manager was explaining how difficult it is to get the staff members within the public sector in India to change and move on with the new demands of our time. The competition from the private sector is ruthless, but some public sector employees still remain relaxed and reluctant to make any positive progress or change at all.

Because change is inevitable, it is best to prepare for it. Change can be a painful process at times. It requires saying goodbye to old processes and adapting to the new, which at times may be strange. A principle and attitude to adopt in times like these: Let us change for the better. Be it in the way a job is done, be it in relating to family members, be it driving or communication, be it in one’s view of other, or whatever may be the case. Let us change for the better.

The major two categories in which change occurs or must occur are:

1)    Inner personal life

2)    Work / Home / Business life

A fine example of the change that occurs in our personal lives is given by nature in the emergence of butterfly from the cocoon.

Metamorphosis of the adult butterfly is a beautiful example. As we studied in our school days, there is a four-stage process that produces an adult butterfly.

A) Egg: Female butterflies lay their eggs on plants to enable the newborn caterpillar (later stage) to get food from plants’ leaves.

B) Larva: Also called caterpillar. It emerges from the egg after a few days. The caterpillar spends most of its time eating.

C) Pupa: The caterpillar forms a protection shield called a pupa when it has finished growing. Most of the transformation takes place inside the pupa.

D) Butterfly: When the pupa has finished transformation, the butterfly emerges from the pupa. The adult butterfly lays eggs on plants after its mating period, and the circle repeats.

In our personal lives we should look for change, a change for the better. Through the ‘egg, larva, pupa’ stages we must wait to become the beautiful butterfly in our character and in our being. Not only does this change become a showpiece to others, but becoming beautiful in our inner selves becomes a great benefit which only we will know.

Second, in professional life, statistics indicate the amount of stress a change brings in one’s life. For instance, a person’s stress increases by 35% during the move from one house to another. Stress increases 55% during a job change; 60% when a child is born. Although the percentage differs from person to person, the issue of change and its effect on every person is significant.

The best policy is to be ready for change. Welcome it when it comes. If we build a ‘least resistance policy’ to change, which in any case is inevitable, we will eradicate undue stress and increase our ability to cope as we adapt to any system or process tactically.

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Sam Paul is the Chief Information Officer of OM India (a reputed NGO) and a human Rights activist for the past two decades. He is currently a research student of Acharya Nagarjuna Ranga University in Andhra Pradesh.

Much of this issue stems from practices embedded within an organizational culture affecting morale and productivity. These include:

•    Leadership not serving as exemplars – some leaders today are narcissists, demeaning and ruthless. More importantly, leaders’ salaries can exceed employee pay by 425 times the average worker. Leaders need to act in harmony with employees and ensure equal treatment of all. Cultures where this practice occurs frequently include McDonalds, Fed Ex and UPS where employees and management are one.

•    Little or no accountability – the United States economic system is currently in financial turmoil and no one is accountable.

•    Career planning and succession planning is null – simply put there is no succession planning. Most CEOs and senior managers join an organization from competitive industries and companies. Whatever happened to the mailroom climb?

•    Too many silos and departmental infighting – companies are in business for one reason – to create clients. End the infighting and focus on the most vital asset! When the fighting ends (and everybody understands their reason for being employed) perhaps harmony arrives.

Causes of low morale correlate to the organization, its culture, and its management. After 25 years of research in this area, we find five factors contributing to organizational morale. A study by the Corporate Leadership Council reveals the tremendous impact managers have on an employee’s level of commitment. It is imperative to note that individuals do not leave companies – they leave poor managers. Organizational mismanagement contributes to negative morale. As recent as 2006 the Gallup Organization estimated there were 32 million actively disengaged employees costing the American economy up to $350 billion per year in lost productivity. Such loss includes absenteeism, tardiness, and poor work.

To dilute the productivity impact, research shows that taking time to build relationships with employees through personal interaction, is a key step managers can take to keep morale high. Employees need to feel trust and respect from their managers. Employees desire feedback from management to understand their work matters.

Ending the morale issue is not easy but there are cures.

1.    Begin with talent acquisition – start with the right people. No firm we work with ever hires on a proactive basis. Most firms conduct employment searches reactively. Seek employees that fit with the organizational culture and with the obligatory skills. Never wait!

2.    Hire for skill – talent is innate. Organizations hire for personality and behavior first and skill second. Skill is not interchangeable, behavior is. A great hire might have a wonderful temperament and lack the skill to plug a socket into an outlet. I recall a five star hotel that sought advice to correct housekeeping flaws. After five minutes, it was easy enough to terminate staff and find those without flaws.

3.    Look at best practices from best people – management focuses on “fixing those that cannot” rather than “improving those that can”. Icons of performance exist in your organization. Discover what they do right and encourage others to emulate it.

4.    Passion –in the 1980’s Sylvester Stallone appeared again as Rocky this time with a theme, “Eye of the Tiger”. What a great metaphor for valuable talent. Seek to acquire talent that truly loves work. Passion too is innate. Employees must love what they do and how they do it. When passion is high, so too is morale.

5.  Focus on the customer – managers, the organization, and the employees must vehemently focus on the customer. Remember Winnie the Pooh, try finding Eeyore amongst staff at Disney; Southwest Airlines and FedEx, all intensely focus on servicing the client.

Lastly, managers must constantly strive to provide feedback to employees. Feedback is not an annual performance review event. It is imperative that daily communication exists for good information and improvement. Coaching, counseling, and mentoring are components of organizational morale. In addition, many attend church and hear the words, “It is right to give thanks and praise”. Many watch professional sports and view coaches coddling athletes. We can learn something here; simple words of thanks and praise constantly improve morale and employee relationships.

Finally, the first item terminated during economic volatility is training. Research finds that employees are assets and require that treatment. Never stop training; this improves productivity and morale at all times.

Issues of low morale and productivity are onerous, volatile, and difficult to control. There is a need for management, the organization, and the individual to assist with success factors. Much is dependent on the desire to change; methods chosen and consistent follow through. However, if you do nothing you still have a morale issue. Take the time, seek remedies, and keep morale high. Doing so, lowers attrition, improves productivity, increases profitability and most importantly- reduces stress.

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Drew Stevens is a business growth expert. He speaks and consults around the world for organizations that require expertise in leadership and marketing. Visit Drew at www.drewstevensconsulting.com/freestuff and get hundreds of dollars in FREE selling tips.

I had other reasons for feeling like I was on the top of the world…

I’d been promoted three times in the past three years. Regional Training Manager David Keith was now my colleague instead of my boss. We both reported directly to the Human Resources Director, an elderly Englishman named Anthony Kennedy. Great buddies, Dave and I usually traveled together to Singapore and other Timex assembly locations in the Far East. I enjoyed my job with the Regional Human Resources Department so much that I sometimes felt guilty getting paid. (In fact, Mr. Kennedy had been nagging me for months to complete my self-appraisal form so my annual merit increase could be processed, but I kept on putting it off. “What’s the hurry?” I told him. “I’ll get a retroactive increase anyway.”)

Although it wasn’t part of my job, I was often tapped by the Regional Marketing and Sales Group to conduct customer service seminars for Timex watch dealers. I didn’t get any extra pay, and had to stay at my desk after hours to make up for the time I spent doing these seminars, but I tremendously enjoyed helping the Timex dealers and staff understand the unique V-movement in Timex watches and why we didn’t need jewels like other mechanical or analog watches.

I also taught part-time at the National College of Business and Arts (NCBA). To cater to the thousands of young assembly workers pursuing a college degree, NCBA had opened a campus right next door to Timex. Some ingenuous folks had even constructed wooden stairs over the concrete wall that separated Timex and NCBA, shaving off a few minutes from the walk out the Timex front gate, down the block, and into the NCBA campus.

My growing family lived in relative comfort. In fact, we had recently moved into a beautiful bungalow in San Mateo (Rizal), a town outside Metro Manila. The peace and quiet, not to mention breath-taking views of the sunset and the mountains, more than made up for the hour-long commute to/from the Timex watch assembly plant in Cubao, Quezon City.

Life was great, I thought to myself that fateful Friday in January 1983 as I bounded up the steps to the Regional Office, still humming “I’m on the top of the world” under my breath.
Even as the massive frosted glass doors slammed shut behind me, I knew that something was terribly wrong. The office was eerily quiet. There was none of the usual morning chatter as the regional staff got ready for another busy day. What was even more chilling was that the staff desks were all unoccupied, and the directors’ office doors were all closed (a rare sight in the “come-right-in-and-tell-me-what’s-on-your-mind” atmosphere of the regional office).

“Where’s everyone?” I quizzed Dave, glancing at all the empty desks. “In there,” he replied, gesturing towards the closed doors. He paused and then said with an inscrutable expression on his face, “The old man wants to see you.”

My heart pounding in my throat, I tremulously stepped into Mr. Kennedy’s office. There I learned the painful truth. Timex was closing down the Manila facility and consolidating its Philippine assembly operation in Cebu. I’d be losing my job by end of March. “But I’m three months pregnant!” I blurted out. Mr. Kennedy said there was nothing he could do. “Don’t worry, you’ll easily find another job,” he assured me.

I left Mr. Kennedy’s office in a daze and headed for the cafeteria. The hallway was filled with distraught assembly workers. Unlike me, these girls had been handed their final paychecks and asked to leave immediately. Some of them were wailing unabashedly, while others sobbed quietly as they gathered their personal belongings from their lockers. It was surreal. The words “I cried because I had no shoes, until I saw a man who had no feet,” came to my mind, as I forgot my own misery and tried to console the girls as best I could.

That weekend, I started sending out job applications and writing to headhunters. Nancy, a consultant with a leading search firm, echoed Mr. Kennedy’s assurance that I’d easily land another job – until I told her that I was pregnant. She promised to check with her clients and get back to me. I knew the answer even before she called. “I’m really sorry,” she apologized, “but my clients prefer someone who can work uninterrupted during their first year.” It was the same elsewhere. I’d get as far as the interview but the minute I mentioned I was pregnant the door would close. Some well-meaning friends advised me not to disclose that I was pregnant but I didn’t want to start a new job based on deception. I decided to stop wasting time, money, and effort on a futile – and extremely frustrating – job search, and wait until after I gave birth.

When March came and I got my final pay, I realized to my chagrin that through my own fault (neglecting my self-appraisal), my separation pay had been computed on my current (lower) base salary.  To make matters worst, the kids got sick and I needed to spend for lab tests and medicine. My bank account quickly dwindled down to zero. Fortunately, a nearby grocery store allowed me to buy food and other necessities on credit – but for how long?

I sold Avon products and Readers Digest subscriptions to help pay the bills. The only mails I received were window envelopes, some with “FINAL NOTICE” stamped in red. I didn’t have any money for a cake or ice-cream for my son’s fifth birthday, and it broke my heart.

Then, on May 26 (my birthday!), I received unexpected mail. I stared at the Abenson letterhead for some time, racking my brains for anyone I knew in the country’s largest appliance chain, before opening the envelope. The salutation read “To the Baby Maker, from the Profit Taker” and went on to say that Abenson was offering me the position of Human Resources Development Manager. It was a total surprise since I didn’t know anyone in Abenson but I soon learned that the Timex Marketing Director was also Abenson’s consultant, and the Timex watch dealership was owned by the same family.

So, while I waited to give birth to an adorable baby girl, I had a job waiting for me. I realized that I needed to LOSE my job to GAIN this managerial position. God does work in mysterious ways.

1.) Just start.  That’s it – just get started.  Pick up one stack to sort or one drawer to clean out. Just take one step on your new walking program.  If you’re like me, once I get started, it’s game on.

2.) Hire someone else to do it.  Seriously.  I pay someone to clean my house and it is the best money I spend.  I don’t want to spend my time cleaning, but I don’t want to live in a dirty house.  Let’s say paying someone isn’t an option for you.  No problem – just find out what it would cost to pay someone, then next time you find yourself putting it off, think, “If I get this done it will save me $75.”  You’ll either be motivated to do it or you’ll write the check.

3.) Let go of perfection.  I believe (and we do lie best when we lie to ourselves) that my procrastination is linked to my perfectionism.  I feel that if I can’t do something right (i.e. perfect), I shouldn’t do it at all.  So when I think about the database entry, I think I don’t have time to do it all, so I do nothing. And a 15 minute job accumulates into a five hour job and all my leads are cold.  Better to do it halfway than not do it at all.  Better to walk one mile than zero.  Better to have half the laundry folded than none.  And go back to number one – once you start, you often finish.  Perfectionism is idiotic.  (And yes, I am working on being less of an idiot.)

This is another reason why people don’t delegate or hire others.  Many women tell me they won’t hire someone to clean their homes because that person wouldn’t do the job as well as they would.  Okay – if you want to spend your life cleaning your baseboards, rock on!  I’ll be out enjoying my life.

4.) Trick yourself.  I got a lot of this done because I fooled myself into thinking it was fun.  I sat at my desk, lit some candles, put on some TV shows I like and did data entry for hours.  Hey – see number three – we lie best when we lie to ourselves.  Tell yourself going through all that junk you’ve been hoarding will be fun!  Whee!!!  Or find a way to make it fun for you – invite a friend over to help you with your closet or promise yourself a reward when you’re finished.   Bribe yourself!

5.) Create urgency.  I wanted to get stuff donated before the end of the year to help reduce my taxes, so I cleaned out closets.  Maybe you have a birthday coming up and you don’t want to spend another year in your current state.  If you can set some kind of goal or deadline, this will help.

6.) Dump it all.  Maybe there are stacks in your office or a bunch of junk in your garage.  Get a box (or boxes or trash bags) and just pitch it all.  If you are not using that stuff, get rid if it!  If that’s too drastic, date the boxes – if you didn’t need anything out of then in a year – for God’s sake – THROW THEM AWAY!  If it’s a hobby or a craft project or a piece of exercise equipment – be honest with yourself – use the damn thing or toss it.  Here people start thinking, but I spent $250 on that!  Yep – then try to sell it on Ebay, because that money is gone, baby and it ain’t coming back.  Most of the time your old junk really is just junk.  For all the time it might take to sell it, you’d be better off just taking it to Goodwill and writing it off.

7.) Multitask – maybe.  Depending on the task, multitasking might help or it might harm.  If it’s reading, I can go through a lot of stuff while I ride the stationary bike.  I feel like I’m getting some exercise AND accomplishing something.  I love it!  But sometimes trying to multitask derails me.  Deactivating my e-mail alert was a huge time saver – no distraction, more focus, more execution.  Every interruption slows you down dramatically.

8.) Think of the consequences.  If I don’t update my database I lose touch with my clients and that can cost me money.  If you don’t go through those stacks on your desk, you look disorganized and lose credibility.  If you have chaos in your e-mail inbox, you may miss opportunities or appear unreliable.  If nothing else, clutter saps your energy and wastes your time.  Take control.

Try a couple of these – I’m telling you from the other side, when you finally get the task done, it will take much less time than you thought and you’re going to feel a lot better about yourself.  Now I need to get that mailing out.

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Denise Ryan, MBA, is a Certified Speaking Professional, a designation of excellence held by less than 10% of all professional speakers.  She is a blogger http://motivationbychocolate.blogspot.com
Her website is http://www.firestarspeaking.com where you can see more articles and sign up for a free newsletter.

It is not wrong to celebrate success, but if you are still partying a week after you land the big order, what has happened meanwhile?

If you respond to a fantastic result with hysterical glee, will you plunge into the depths of despair when you lose a sale?

To win in the long term your emotional keel must be steady and without the yawing highs and lows. You may find the key to this skill rather surprising.

Do you know someone who sulks? Some people can sulk for years. At first this may not seem particularly valuable, however, consider this – the prolonged sulker has developed a strategy of sustaining one emotional state for a very long time.

What if they could do this with a different emotion? Well they can if they mimic how they manage to sulk for so long and transfer the skill to something more productive, such as confidence or motivation.

The secret strategies behind every behaviour are a party compendium pack of the following components

*visual by creating and seeing pictures in your imagination
*auditory
*feelings
*listening to self talk
*smells and tastes

To elicit your strategy for a particular behaviour, such as buying, sleeping, or insomnia, just run through your process and plot through each step.

Imagine Steve who has an excellent sulking strategy which goes like this�

Three years ago Steve�s brother Bob went to a works party instead of Steve�s birthday bash. Each morning since then Steve…

*has made a picture in his head of Bob enjoying himself at the works party

*says to himself �How could Bob do that to me, he obviously prefers his work mates to his own brother.�

*then gets a nauseous feeling in the pit of his stomach and his throat gets tight as all the familiar feelings flood back

Steve runs this strategy every morning and can keep the sulk going all day, regardless of anything else which could brighten his mood.

But Steve could also use this strategy to conjure up a winning state of mind as a salesman by:

*making a picture of himself sat in his office as a signed contract for a 100 fleet cars slides across the desk towards him

*saying to himself – �WOW I NAILED it, I�m brilliant at sales. What a FANTASTIC deal!”

*feeling the exciting rush of adrenalin as all the familiar feelings flood back

If he ran this strategy every morning, Steve could spend his days electrified with anticipation as he chalks up the triumphs.

What would it mean to you to spend every day like Steve?

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Sian Murphy is a copywriter with the internationally acclaimed copywriter and marketer Alan Forrest Smith and his Orangebeetle team. She also runs sianmurphycopywriter.com and loves to know what you think about the articles.  To comment, suggest new topics and discover Top Ten Copywriting Style Pitfalls You Can Avoid then visit

http://www.sianmurphycopywriter.com/10-style-pitfalls-to-avoid-in-your-sales-copy

Think about this. This employer, whenever they decided to offer you the current position, clearly did that on the basis of your personal and professional credentials. In most cases, it could be even probable that you were offered the coveted position only a few months back. And when the employer did so, it was clearly on the basis of merit and merit alone. So, the pink slip was an occurrence owing to the global happenings that have had a cascading effect that has had a bearing on your organization too.

And whole bunches of your own colleagues and peers, and those in the professional fraternity have been affected. All of them are competent and capable in some way or the other. So are YOU. You were a clear choice for a said role and responsibility. You have been doing a good or even a fabulous job. You have contributed so much to the top-line and bottom-line, directly or indirectly. In the rush to manage changes in such times, most organizations seldom even communicate in this way… guess you need to take it in your stride and move on.

So, even remotely connecting the event – pink slip – to your capabilities will be doing gross injustice to you as a person. Never ever do that. (Just in case you are reading this as a fortunate not-pink-lipped, now you know what is to be told to your mind and heart.)

When you have not been responsible for the event, you only have to ACT now on what can be done to make things better. And steering clear of any negative thoughts and self pity gives you so much of positive energy and mind space to focus on what needs to be done now.

The future holds so much more than the present. You have all the knowledge and power to do whatever you choose personally and professionally. And for that just make sure that there are no energy leaks – from your mind and body.

You are even more capable now, with more time to do and plan your future. Choose that mindset and it will do all the good to you.

Look only for the positive. Shun the bad vibes, and all the negativity.

Thanks to the nature of our lives and work today, most of us are hooked to the internet, 24/7. This makes us sort of vulnerable to the news. The news spreads fasts. And bad news spreads even faster. And thanks to the fierce competition for viewer eyeballs and readership, television and the print media have a liking to cover news about jobs lost and pink slips.

If you are connected now, just Google for the words pink slip or job loss, and there you get all gloom and negativity right at your table; but what I suggest is precisely the opposite – resist the temptation to hunt for the bad news.

What the media does is to spread a sense of gloom all over. You can’t help much, as they are doing their job. But here is what you can do.

Don’t pay attention to any information that will feed to your sense of uncertainty.  You are capable, and all the more sure of what you want -  a great opportunity, a better way of living, all the positive energy possible, and a great mental make up to keep you happy when things seemingly are not at their best.

So, make it a point to read only information about growth plans, good things that are happening, which industries will do well, what areas you can re-skill yourself in, where inspirational, good speeches and well-being seminars are happening etc. That will make you feel good. And in turn you will be an ambassador of good news.

The unfortunate thing that happens in such times is that wherever you are – your desk at the office, cafeteria, or in the public transport – a vast majority of the discussions are only around what is going wrong. Seldom do most of us realize that all this talk of recession and slowdown spreads negativity all over. It is just not possible for you to focus on the good things of life, when what all you hear and see is not so good.

And that is the precise reason you need to discipline yourself only to be inclined to hear and see good news. Spread cheer. Talk more with your spouse and kids. Play with them. Teach you kid and ask him what happened at school today. See if your spouse needs any support at her work or in home-making. Abhor watching television – by doing that, in all probability you are catching what you avoid outside right at your drawing room!

You could connect more with your hobbies for which you seldom had time. Read books you like. Write to your friends and well-wishers, and those in your professional network. Attempt to connect with old friends and relatives. Connect with an NGO where you can be of some help.

Go ahead and do something that will make you feel good or make you a better person. As most personality gurus would say, like attracts like. Good attracts good. So, make it a point that you will attract only the good. Or one step ahead, ONLY THE BEST.

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Muralidharan is an HR practitioner and a recruitment professional. A strong believer in spreading cheer and positivity, Murali currently works out of Chennai and is a voracious reader and a prolific writer.