The male version ends with the male voice-over saying how the woman started to get too close and it was time to move on. The female version ends with the female voice-over claiming that the best way for her to move on is to start getting closer and closer to the man until he gets so claustrophobic that he flees. When he runs out, the girl closes the door, cries, “Whoopee!” She then takes off the man’s shirt and throws it into a bin, which has the Move On logo branded on it.

Essentially, these ads are supposed to showcase two sides of a same situation and how each one wanted to move on from a relationship and how they both think they have managed it. In fact, I would not even call it a relationship as it is portrayed more like a brief fling! Obviously it does reflect the shifting goal posts of the younger generation with regard to relationships and physical intimacy. The brand seems to be leveraging the orientation of the current generation. But, is it also endorsing and maybe even reinforcing such a value system?

This seems to be in line with the current trend of ‘instant everything.’ Which means one does not delve deeper and is content with grazing at the edges. Can relationships also be managed in a similar way? One gets into a relationship without adequate thought, enjoy the fun times and then, move on?

If everyone wanted to move on after the fun and games, who would be around for each other in moments of agony and pain? Is that why so many youngsters were lost and depressed in the downturn? And many even contemplated taking their lives?

The flip side to this argument is the conditioning of the older generations which prepared them to stand by each other through thick and thin. Many times this led to enduring an unfulfilling or dead relationship but they contemplated the bigger picture of family preservation and companionship in the long run. In today’s context of intense competition and high stress lives, is it really better to cultivate the ‘move on’ orientation with regard to relationships?

Most importantly, move on to what and where? The old adages of the grass being greener on the other side and a bird in hand being worth more than two in the bush, are still relevant, even today. It would be great if people were to contemplate the emotional and spiritual repercussions of disposable relationships and shallow commitments. Maybe such introspection might motivate them to start developing deeper and more meaningful relationships instead of moving on, all the while. After all, as another popular saying goes, a rolling stone gathers no moss!

Curious, I asked him about the killer tsunami that struck Chennai in December 2004. He vividly described how a huge wall of waves enveloped the beach and the land beyond, submerging his small fishing hamlet together with men, women and children. Later on, I contemplated one point that struck me most during our beach chat.The fisherman had mentioned that several hours before the tsunami, the sea had receded far from the land and the waves were very subdued – this was a phenomenon he had never seen in his lifetime. In hindsight, he concluded that this was nature’s way of warning about the upcoming disaster.

In work and life, we fail many a times, to notice the small but visible and obvious changes. We do not observe them and if we do, we prefer to ignore them. By the time we notice, they take on an ominous presence and acquire the momentum of a tsunami – and all we can then do is to run for cover.

Thankfully, not all small changes lead to life-changing, cataclysmic events. While it is good not to be paranoid, it is better to have a Plan B, so that when the inevitable life tsunamis are on the far horizon, we are well prepared.

Are you are bored of doing what you don’t want to do?

If you no longer believe in ‘Never Give Up’….

If you believe your old pattern of life can’t work anymore….

If you are too stressed and unhappy…

Then why don’t you give up? Free yourself!

Just give up and release your worries, fears,resentments, failures and guilt. At work or in your personal life, if you think you are failing again and again and it is not working for you, even after putting in all your energies and best efforts….just give up.

If people are not happy with you or if you believe that you are not made for something, then there is no point in hanging on. Maybe you have reached the end of the cycle and need to move on to another chapter in your life. Life is nudging you to move ahead through your discontent and unhappiness.

Do what You (your larger, universal self) are inspiring you (your smaller, everyday self) to do.

Do what makes you laugh and what you want to do repeatedly. Go where you can excel and show your best. Be with people who love and appreciate you. When you are fulfilled, there is no place for stress, unhappiness and repeated failures in life.

It is never easy to change professions or leave old, lifeless relationships behind. You might have commitments or social and personal responsibilities. But remember, you have one chance at this life and half of it may already be gone. The big question is: if not now, then when? When will you find the courage to live an authentic life where you are true to yourself?

Wake up now and get going. Make some plans and shake off your lethargy. Find yourself before you lose your will. Start from scratch or with your plan — but just start! Give up your excuses and get ready to embrace a new beginning with new hope. You deserve to be fulfilled and at peace. Don’t you?

On the way, the little girl is busy describing her favorite ice-cream, “Mom, you know what I like most, the vanilla base with a cashews layer in the middle and then the pineapple ice-cream.” While describing her wish her mouth is watering at the very thought of the world’s best vanilla ice-cream topped with a piece of pineapple! But lo, the best ice-cream corner in town is out of the vanilla flavor. They have only chocolate.

Now this little girl is torn apart, she wants ice-cream from this corner only. The thought of walking another ten minutes to reach the not-so-nice corner did not excite her at all. And here there is only the chocolate flavor available. Well she takes it. At her first lick, she gets a pleasant sensation in her taste buds. She likes chocolates anyways… BUT how can she start to enjoy a chocolate ice-cream, when she’d spent half an hour imagining, expecting and picturing a vanilla! Now, starts the complaining, “Why didn’t he have vanilla? I don’t like chocolate, I don’t know why you brought me here. What a waste!” The mother is completely exasperated. “You’re spoiling your fun, at least enjoy what you have,” she tries to persuade but to no avail. Because while the little girl is enjoying the chocolate ice-cream, she’s also enjoying complaining!

Ever wondered what life would be like without the right to complain? The biggest luxury of life is the right to complain. If this right is taken away from us, for some life may become very boring and for some it may finally dawn that they need to own their own choices! Recently in a workshop, a participant declared, “But in life we do not always have choices.” My immediate answer was, “Okay, give me an example.” To no one’s surprise, he couldn’t come up with any. Not that he didn’t have a long list of frustrating incidents, but as he thought about them with this new perspective of choices, he didn’t think it worth mentioning those events. He already knew the answer.

It is a familiar misperception to think that we have no choices. Is it that we do not have choices in any given situation or is it that we do not want to give up the right to complain while enjoying the benefits of the choice exercised?

I have a close friend who is stuck in a job he doesn’t enjoy at all — you see the chocolate ice-cream phenomenon. On one of his more than normal grumpy days, I asked him, “So why are you sticking?” With slight irritation, he answered, “I’m not sticking, I’m stuck!” I suggested he just reverse his own statement and repeat it a few times for himself. Like, “I’m not stuck, I am sticking.” I think he tried it, I don’t hear him complaining anymore and he also got a promotion last month.

Take any area of your life that you are dissatisfied with and but you continue to remain in that situation. You will notice that it is not that you do not have another option available; you will notice that out of available options what you have chosen is the best one, the one that offers the most benefits, though this was not what you originally wished. It is in this situation that we say that we do not have any option. Essentially we are saying that we do not like the available options and would like to retain the right to complain and grumble.

Your ability to change your reality expands manifolds when you take responsibility of your own situation; when you give up all complaints and accept your choice. It is only after true acceptance of your choice that you get the energy to create new options — to make the best of the current situation being the first. This process of taking ownership and responsibility makes a deeper level change in you. You realize that you and only you are responsible for your situation and only you can bring about any change. While owning your choices can be a big burden, it actually liberates you.

I am guilty of having been caught in the urgent versus important trap for many years, before I realized what an amazingly beguiling and addictive behavior this is and most importantly how completely useless and unproductive such an orientation can be.

Let me share this little secret and hope this helps you in your life and more importantly helps you in becoming more effective and successful.

Urgency is an emotion. The online MacMillan dictionary defines it as “the feeling of wanting something very much or wanting it immediately”. It can also be called as a pressure of necessity. But, is it usually a necessity? Urgency in most cases is externally driven and is a state of mind created by demands, pressures, timelines, etc. I am not saying that there is nothing called as urgent or that it is a mirage. When one is choking or someone is experiencing a heart attack, there can be no mistake, remedial measures are urgently required.

However, in most cases, the urgency one experiences or sees another person going through is externally induced and can definitely be handled more effectively if one weren’t responding blindly or in haste.

Importance on the other hand is an underlying fact. Usually it is long term and requires much thought and lot of effort to accomplish an important task or achievement. An obvious example is one’s health. We all know it is important and the bedrock of almost everything we do in life. Yet, the urgency of several external factors tends to make us neglect and ignore this important thing till it becomes a problem and turns into being urgent as well as important.

This brings me to the third dimension, urgent and important. Some things are such and usually require priority attention. Unfortunately most of us are never taught to understand this concept and apply appropriate responses. Therefore, our responses are usually prioritized based on external stimuli and therefore urgent things usually take front seat while some important things tend to get ignored till they either lose their relevance or become urgent and important.

I can go on and on about how this lack of clarity sabotages several facets of a persons life. Suffice to say that the sooner one learns to differentiate between urgent and important and prioritize accordingly, the better their lives would be.

A simple tool to do this is to plot urgency and importance on two sides of a table. One would get four quadrants –
Urgent but not Important
Urgent and Important
Important but not Urgent
Neither Urgent nor Important
Situations in quadrant 1 and 4 can easily distract a person, steal productive time, and end up creating larger problems over a period of time if given undue importance and focus. Unfortunately, this often happens because this is usually externally influenced and often by someone in a position of authority or power. Take a simple example. A student is writing an exam and the invigilator keeps shouting out that only so many minutes are left. This sense of urgency often leads the student to miss out on some important thing in the haste to complete. This happens quite often in most work situations. Over a period of time important things tends to get neglected as everyone keeps tackling urgent tasks and slips into being reactive instead of proactive.

So, next time someone comes up and tell you that something is urgent, pause and think before rushing off into action.

“Well that sounds like a whole lotta of freaking fun.” I said to her. And I asked the waiter to bring me a Coke.

Here’s the thing: As hard-wired achievement-bots many of us subscribe to systems of success that actually become blockages to our instincts. Structures, programs, regimes, all disciplines and theories should be used to support your freedom and independent thinking, but many serve to stifle our truth.

Curiosity and sensation are exponentially more effective than obeying the rules.

In the immortal words of Johnny Cash, “I’ve been everywhere, man.” In terms of the book industry, I’ve agented books; I’ve designed books; I’ve helped a dozen authors self-publish their own books – and I’ve advised hundreds of others not to self publish. I’ve worked on publicity campaigns with major publishing houses; I’ve done grassroots and highbrow marketing. I’ve had my own book go to auction to earn a six figure book advance, get published and make it on to the Amazon bestseller list. I’m currently in the glorious, grueling process of writing my next book: The Fire Starter Sessions.

So, naturally, I’m jaded. Really jaded. And yet! I remain ever devoted to the art of the book and the game of publishing. I’m a romantic. Just like Johnny. Creating a book is an intimate experience. You give shape to your innermost feelings, you share them with critics and other lovers of ideas and story. And then you shop that baby until the cows come home. How you do it is a very personal decision.

To Self-Publish or to Sign with a Publishing House? It depends how you define success. It depends what your motivation is – profit or creative gratification? It depends on how talented you are and how timely your material is. It depends if you’re really crazy, or just a little bit crazy.

The Pro’s and Cons and the In’s and Outs of Self Publishing and Publishing Houses:

DISTRIBUTION
Let’s start with the most important aspect of making a book. Forget content and design, forget marketing and PR…for a moment. Getting your product into the hands of booksellers and book buyers should be your A#1, paramount big daddy priority.

Self pub: If you choose to self publish, distribution will be your greatest hurdle. In the eyes of major book chain buyers, you’re a nobody. The head buyer at CostCo or Borders has established relationships with sales reps from publishing houses. They have buy-meets at book shows and scheduled times where they order dozens of titles at a time for the upcoming season. They won’t even take your call. You will have to hire an independent sales rep to pitch your title.

Or…you can go to local bookstores and pitch it yourself. It’s hell – a hell possibly worth walking through, but put your armor on, wear your lip-gloss and best smile, and be prepared to schlep books in your car trunk for weeks, months even.

Pub house: distribution is done for you. That simple. This is the single most important reason to try to get your self a book deal. Publishing houses have tentacles that reach far into book shows and bookstores across the world.

THE DESIGN PROCESS
Self-pub: guess what? You’re now a book designer, content and copy editor, color expert, typography and paper specialist – and you thought you were just a guy with something important to say. Even if you hire out your book to a graphic designer (and you probably should, for anywhere from $500 to $20,000 in design fees depending on the type of book you’re producing,) the aesthetics of the book rely on your approval. Do you know what cover will appeal to consumers next season? Do you have access to the recycled paper printer you want who can print in bulk? For better or for worse, you will have total creative control. Could be a beautiful thing.

Pub house: I know more than a few authors who didn’t know what their book cover was going to look like until they saw it for the first time on Amazon — tragic but true. You may have zero say in how your baby is dressed. Could be a disaster. Could be a beautiful thing.

TIME TO MARKET
Self-Pub: The turn around time with a self-published book can be as fast as you can drive the process. Once it’s written and edited, you can have a book in your hands in as little as two months. Zoom.

Pub house: Prepare to go gray before you see your book in stores. Unless you’re writing about a time-sensitive topic of major cultural relevance (like, a meteor drops to Earth and you happen to be working on a book about How To Survive A Meteor Crash,) then you’re likely looking at eight months to two years from the time you sign your publishing contract to the day your book is in the Barnes & Noble window. It’s a long time.

Traditional publishing is a lot like the fashion industry. There are a lot of players involved and they each need lead time to do their job: the editing department, the foreign rights department, the designer, the offshore printer, the marketing team who is selling to stores a two seasons in advance, the publicity team pitching to magazines three to six months in advance, and the warehouse who needs time to ship to stores.

THE MONEY
Self pub: If you do it right, you can be earning as much as $10 bucks a book, perhaps more. Yipee! Hopefully that’ll be enough to re-coup the capital you put in to fund the book – graphic design, perhaps an indexer, various registration costs, marketing, a hefty Fed-Ex bill… It could all add up to thousands of dollars — easy.

Pub house: A book advance is an incredibly civilized concept. You get paid in advance to write your book. Wow. You typically get a third of the advance money when you sign your contract, a third when you deliver your final manuscript, and a third when the book is off the printing press.

Most authors never see a dime after their book advance – simply because they need to sell enough copies to “earn out” their advance. After you’ve sold the amount of your advance in books (essentially paying the publisher back for their investment) then you start to realize a royalty on books sold after that – which is usually in the low range of a whopping $2 per book.

PUBLICITY
Self-pub: Got contacts? You better have. Facebook friends may not get you on the bestseller list. You need editors’ emails and TV ops. It’s timing consuming and critical. Not your thing? You’re looking at a minimum of $5000 to hire a publicist to run a decent campaign for you.

Pub house: They’ve got contacts – oodles of them. Media editors and producers are used to being pitched by publishing house staffers. But don’t think for a minute that your publisher will take your book to the mount and flog it. It’s a rare exception that any book is nurtured beyond a very concentrated, one-time push to the media that lasts about three weeks if you’re lucky.

Whether you self publish or land a book deal – publicity and marketing will ultimately be fueled by your stamina.

It takes a village to raise a book. But it takes your creative genius to make it, guide it, and carry it to the world – whether that’s with a prime-time media interview or small book signings where only two people show up – and one of them is your mom.

Johnny Cash lasted so long in the music business not just because he was a pure talent, but because he was a remarkable combination of tough-as-nails and romantic. Either direction you take — self publishing or landing a book deal — you will need to be steely, you will need to embody passion, you will need to take your show on the road…everywhere, man.

May applause follow wherever you go.

Everyone should accept this responsibility.

Ever since I moved to India, I have found myself deeply concerned about the extreme levels of pollution around me. The government can do very little or perhaps lacks the vision and perseverance to protect our environment. But Indians using their own initiative, can make a difference! It is now up to every citizen of the country to shoulder some responsibility for protecting the environment.

You can start by reduce your usage of paper, plastics, styrofoam and limit the use of cars, electricity and disposable containers. Reuse plastic bags and containers for as long as possible. Use less water to wash and while taking baths. Try to use containers that are reusable for years and not just months. Each small step will go long way without significantly affecting the quality of your life.

Whenever I visit offices in India I am amazed and amused to see people sitting with suits and ties in an air-conditioned room that is permanently fixed at 18 degrees C. There is no need to waste so much electricity over-cooling offices! Why don’t employees go casual smart on all days except on the occasions when there is a real need to be formally attired. Even dressing ‘formally’ in India is not necessary, and we can dress appropriately without a stuffy and silly suit and tie ensemble that was not designed for our climate anyway. This will help us to conserve electricity because we can cut down on the use of air-conditioning.

The food choices we make also have a profound impact on our lives and environment. From farm to plate, growing food uses enormous amounts of fuel, water and chemicals. By making few small changes in our eating and buying habits, we can help our environment and indirectly we will be helping helping our children and grand children who will be inheriting the earth from us in the years to come.

Consider eating locally produced food and avoid products which come from far away. Eat seasonal food, which is referred to as ‘climate friendly’ food to help cut down the demand for storage and transport refrigeration. By eating beef, we help to create a great deal of pollution because cows produce methane, a potent global warming gas, and the grains typically used to feed cattle consume large quantities of energy and chemicals. Worldwide, the destruction of forests for cattle ranching creates massive amounts of global warming pollution. It is the same for poultry and sea food farms as well.

So, when you shop in your super market, avoid food products that are not grown locally. In the US, most produce is transported an average of 1500 miles before it reaches the consumer. Think about how much refrigeration and transportation pollution that is created to get the food the produce from point A to point B. Buy fresh, buy local and avoid frozen or extensively processed and packaged foods.

Save water by using less for your daily needs. Remember an average of 6000 children die every day, due to water-related diseases and the unavailability of clean water. Many places around the world are going dry due to lack of respect for the natural resources.

The time to act now; it is a chain reaction and every little act of conservation on your part helps in a significant way.

The people in Nuba Mountain in Sudan walk 7.5 hours to fetch water. Imagine that! If there should be a another major world war it might very well be due to the diminishing fresh water supplies around the globe. Think about that the next time you shower for 20 minutes or leave the tap running while you brush your teeth or leave your water sprinkler on all night long. What are you doing to preserve the environment? Think!!!

For about six months, my sweet husband has been saying, “Look babe, if you want me out of the office, just say the word and I’ll make space for myself in the loft.”
“It’s alright, I can make it work. Stay.” I’d reply, as I stepped over fire-fighting gear and running shoes on the way to my desk. On other days the refrain was more along the lines of, “Would you puhleeese get your crap out of here, I’m trying to write the next great inspirational bestseller! I need white space, dammit!” Ahem.

A few weeks ago, I took him up on his request. I took my space. I booted his booty and boots out. I installed a new white desk. On one of my series of four perfectly aligned magnetic white boards I hung a postcard from my favourite monastery, an old Elvis coaster, and a long pheasant feather. The others are filled with square pale yellow sticky notes of tour dates and article ideas.

The man is truly happy upstairs with his laptop and model canoe. I’m euphorically creative and the Virgo in me is giddy with productivity. What took me so long to take what I needed?

What’s right in front of you waiting to be taken, indulged, used up and embraced? Banked sick days? An offer for mentoring, free advice, or a shoulder to lean on? A rainy day account? A white canvass whispering, make me your masterpiece?

Why do we delay gratification, put off what’s rightfully ours and rebuff well-intentioned favours and offerings of support?

3 EXCUSES FOR NOT TAKING WHAT YOU NEED

“But I can take it.”
I could write a novel in the middle of a football game, in the pouring rain, on a type writer, while eating a burrito. I think it’s a mix of being an only child raised in the country, and being innately ambitious that gives me the capacity to tune out and get stuff done. But tuning out, and rising above, and weathering the storm isn’t ideal. It’s endurance. The root of the word endure is “to bear suffering.” Be it a less-than-fulfilling relationship, or soul-sucking j-o-bs, just because you can take it, doesn’t mean you should. Stamina does not always equate to bliss.

“I don’t want to impose.”
Impose! Most of the people in your life want you to be happy. Assume that you’re surrounded by grown ups who actually mean what they say when they offer to take your kids, proofread your work, or lend a hand. It feels good to give. It feels good to receive. We’re all in this together.

“I don’t need much.”
Austerity only works if it gives you the space to feed your soul. Fierce independence is life-affirming, but it’s only part of the formula for wholeness. Life is an abundant proposition – but it’s just that, a proposal. You need to say yes to all that it wants to give you. It’s a great offer.

The universe works on supply and demand. Which means it’s all yours for the taking.

Given the way that civilization has progressed in the last 100 years or so, this was indeed, the need of the hour. But our demanding professions have become our definitions – our identities, and with the recent job cuts that have come along with the recession, we see more and more cases of depression when one loses that identity, it is as if they have lost themselves. When we meet someone new the first question that comes to our minds about the other person is “What does he/she do?”

While this system has created great technological advances, wonderful products, high standards of living, has it, in the process killed our individualism and reduced our identities to that of mere employees?

Recently we see more and more companies giving more importance to the ability of a person to perform or deliver rather than their degree. To give you a real life example, a graduate in Japanese honors is a manager in training at one of the world’s leading banks. And what does she train people on? No, not just communication skills or soft skills, but she trains CA’s and MBA’s in financial products! She designs training modules and training calendars for the year. The fact that this bank is doing better than the others in this time of recession says, they can’t be doing wrong.

This brings me back to the question: is our system of education limiting us from what we can truly achieve? If I have trained to be a doctor, or an accountant, can I ever be afforded the luxury of retraining to become an astronaut or a carpenter without falling into debt and losing my credit rating? What if our education system, only taught us to be great students instead of teaching us to become just a particular professional? What if it taught us to become great thinkers or innovators? What if subjects like, “Effects Of Religious Biases On Society” or “Advantages of Organic Farming” or “Important Alternative Green Fuel Sources” or “People Skills” or “How Global Poverty Affects Us” or “How To Manage Personal Finances and Its Advantages” or “Having An Open Mind” were introduced into our curriculum at an early stage?

While they might be slightly touched upon these days, are they getting the importance they truly deserve? If terrorists can ‘brainwash’ youths into their way of destructive thinking that drives them to live extreme lives, face extreme hardships, and even give up their lives, can we do the same for a better cause? If the whole world is educated along these lines and actually prospers, how long will it take for the terrorists to find out that this is a better , more human-friendly way of life? We know it is possible to create such mass awareness – for example awareness about aids, vaccinations against polio, awareness about family planning have been a huge hit for a population the size of our country.

At what age or level of exposure do we decide that “This is the subject or specialization, that I choose — and for the next 50 years I am going to do this and nothing else”? As a teenager! By then do we know enough about ourselves to make that decision? Studies reveal a majority of adults hate their jobs and were it not for the money, they’d prefer not to go to their jobs. So the majority of us are spending time doing something we do not want to do, but are forced to through lack of choice.

A choice we made as teenagers has closed their doors to everything else and the education system has taught us that we cannot switch over any more.

What if our education system were more flexible and able to empower people to explore the changing aspects of themselves? What if education gave them the courage to align themselves to something they truly enjoy — what would happen to our society? Can you imagine the revolution and positive consequences for humanity?

Maybe it really is time to upgrade our education system.

Yudishtir answers, “The greatest wonder is that although people see living beings die every day, they still try to live for ever”.

This was one statement that slapped me hard – all of us will die one day – we are not invincible. What would happen if suddenly we all knew the day we are destined to die? Would we conduct ourselves the way we do today? With this in mind, I have become more mindful, more introspective about living life fully and appreciating the gifts and challenges that are packaged as my karma.

As I wake up today, I promise to:
Enjoy the early morning chirping of birds, the dew in the leaves and the hum of an occasional insect.
Not to get angry or upset at anything.
Go for a walk and sweat for at least half an hour.
Be moderate in my eating.
Enjoy my breakfast as if it is my last meal.
Give my spouse and child a big hug before I leave to work and wish them a good day.
Greet the people in my office cheerfully starting from the doorman.
Adopt a 60/40 ratio between listening and speaking.
At work, plan the day and work the plan.
Call up a long forgotten friend or a relative and say, “Hello, it has been too long…”
In the evening, spend some time with my child and wife and ask them how the day went.
Switch the television off to chat and have dinner with my family.
Ponder over things that went wrong during the day.
Listen to some soulful music while reading a book before calling the day off.

Let me ‘live today and die another day’.

But after his untimely passing, while I contemplated the statements made by his associates, family members, and the  news channels, I found myself feeling absolutely sad. His father, sidestepping allegations of child abuse claimed, “we shared a very cordial relationship”. If they had such a good relationship, why wasn’t  he there when MJ needed him as a lost, drug abusing son? Was Joe Jackson there for Michael during his darkest days? What about Michael’s ex-wife Debbie Rowe, his brothers and sisters some of whom he supported financially?

After his passing many people suddenly emerged from the woodwork claiming that they were  close friends of MJ.  Where were they when he needed them? Why was nobody around him except for a highly-paid, drug prescribing personal physician? Did any of them make a serious and sustained effort to wean him off his drug dependency?  Did Michael deliberately shut out those who were closest to him?  What could be the reason behind it?

Was he afraid that they cared more for his money and fame as the “Prince of Pop” than for Michael himself – the insecure, frightened man who  was still a child in many ways. Why did Michael substitute money for true love in his life? Why is life like this? What lessons have Michael taught us with his tragic life?

I wish I could meet MJ and ask all my questions. I wonder what would he say?

Visitors find my house a strange place, because the two women here, Mum and I, are never seen talking to the man, and somehow the atmosphere suggests that we never do. My house is a strange place. We don’t talk to ‘Dad’ — the word only symbolizes a blood relation, the quotes refer to the irony that the word means nothing to me. He can force any child to become an adult overnight.

Anyway, I have been able to assemble the pieces of my young memory to chalk out the story about my father. He lost his job when I was seven because the company he worked for closed down, or split up, or changed ownership, or downsized — you get the general idea. He set up a law firm after that, because he thought himself good enough — only he wasn’t. To cut the dark story short, I’d just say that failure followed, lots of it. So psychologically, he’s a mighty frustrated man. Like the office-going crowd, he leaves the house every morning, returns in the evening and stays at home on Sundays and other holidays — only nobody knows where he goes.

To me, he’s everything evil: greedy, rash, devoid of self-respect and dishonest in addition to being frustrated.

We live in the same house. Mum and I never talk to him. I am asked ‘to ignore him and act like he doesn’t exist.’ Stupid policy, if I ever heard one. I have maternal relatives residing nearby. They don’t have the time to spare me an ear: one that’s not deaf, that is.

I was fifteen when I was verbally abused for the first time — not by some mean school mate or a spoilt bully but by ‘Dad.’ Of course, I was asked to ‘ignore him and act like he doesn’t exist.’ The abuse still happens. He damaged appliances once when we were out for a few days. I was asked again to ‘ignore him and act like he doesn’t exist.’

Aunts and uncles find the situation too trivial to act upon. They are too busy with their corporate life and home-making. But never too busy to read out the list of things that I ‘must’ do for Mum once I get a fat-salary kind of job in the corporate world. I have to do that stuff to compensate her for suffering under ‘Dad.’ All in all right now, we can’t move. And he won’t move. Who wants to part with freebies and luxuries?

My aunts and uncles all believe we should not rock the boat but endure the situation until the equation changes. I can hear their empty rhetoric even now, “How come you all let it come to this?” The ever popular response goes something like this, “God, how emotional can you be?”

Some relatives even have a spiritual perspective on it, “It’s your destiny, your karma. Just focus on your duties towards Mum, ok? Pray to God, it’ll get better.”

Am I a strong person? I have started to cry against my ego. Recently I felt a pang of fear. I have started to feel I have reached the saturation point. I have begun to wonder how much more I can take. No, I guess I don’t have a reservoir brimming with strength, after all.The impact of it is that I am a shock-absorbent sort of person. Indifferent, some would say. Cruel, some might say. Numb, I say. My father and relatives — they don’t really matter but Mum means everything, though.

“We’ll live somewhere else, away from Dad, ok?” I was nine the day Mum uttered that promise. I am nineteen today. Ten years have passed since I heard these words said. Ten years since it should have happened, but didn’t. Ten years is a long time. Is there any redemption? I hate the man who made my life a hell. I loathe the people who let it happen. I’ll probably forget the details with age. Maybe I’ll forgive them. I think I will, some day. But not today. Not tomorrow. Not in a long time.

Some day I’ll have kids of my own. I’ll teach them to fight against injustice. I’ll tell them never ‘ignore and pretend.’ They won’t have to go through any of this….I promise myself.

There is a counter voice that is worth considering seriously that has been voiced by people who are as concerned with social disparities as anyone  else. These voices suggest that  people who are said to be victims of an unjust caste system do not want the caste system to go away.

Think about this. Why would they say so even after being at the receiving end of a violent, iniquitous discriminatory system? Before we try to unravel the sources of such a counterintuitive line of thinking let’s look at a similar world view but in a different context.

A friend of mine who is a  top official in a multilateral institution in Washington DC,  went on a visit to his home town of Lucknow. Out of sheer nostalgia he visited his old school after a lapse of over 3 decades.
According to him,” ‚ÄòDuring my time and even till recently I had always considered my school as one of the best schools in India. This time I was shocked to find that my school had been transformed into a Hindi medium school. I met the principal ¬†and he explained, ‚ÄúAn English medium education is in our opinion elitist. Only the better off sections used to get the benefit of our education which has always been among the best in India. But we felt that we owe it to the underprivileged sections to be inclusive so as to give them a chance to move up the socio- economic ladder. Hence we converted ourselves into a Hindi medium school. Earlier children of I.A.S officers, top executives, doctors used to dominate our school. Now the cobbler‚Äôs son, the barber‚Äôs daughter, the domestic help‚Äôs kid study here.‚Äù

To be honest ¬†I was shocked at this¬† ‘inclusive method’. ‚Ä®Readers may rant me for being elitist — that to overthrow English language almost completely as this school had done — was to ensure¬† that the underprivileged remained underprivileged. ‚ÄúI am afraid,‚Äù I said,¬† ‚ÄòThat the school management had become victims of the Law Of Unintended Consequences. Their heart is in the right place but their minds are not.”

My contention is that in our desire to¬† ‘help‚Äô people we often sometimes end up doing the opposite. In this case an English language medium based education¬† would be the best guarantee of upward mobility for the kids.
“After all have you not prospered in your career due to your proficiency in English language?” I asked my¬† friend.

Sure enough I came across a few articles by Dalit writers in the English press in India that asserted that Hindi or regional language medium is another tactic by upper castes to deprive lower castes of the fruits of development. Take the caste  system  itself. Let us do some against- the- grain- thinking. Is it possible that many people whom we sympathize with for being  victims of an unjust system  actually do not want the caste system to be eradicated? Could it be that they dread the transformation of India into a casteless society?

Some writers contend that caste bonds, links and identity  are often the only source of identity and support that many people have. In an uncaring hostile world, with uncontrollable vagaries, many people find in their caste kin the only source of   emotional, financial, vocational, and identity- giving succour. Societies evolve their support systems for the distressed in the context of their own experiences. Thus my friend Atif who is an IT professor in the US found it ‘odd’ that many IT companies in India did not downsize their staff when there were no projects for them  to work on. He explained, “In the U.S these guys would have been sent home.”
I told him that the Indian practice of not sacking people the minute there was no project on the horizon was an enlightened policy in the light of conditions in India  where there is no social security net unlike in the US.

Thus in India where there is no social security net, where few people really reach out to others of a different caste — as a matter of¬† course many find in their caste brethren the only source of succour. Just ask yourself one question ‚Äì How often do we attend the funeral of our domestic help‚Äôs husband or child ? How often do we pay salaries to our maidservant for long absence due to illness? How does our attitude compare with our own demands of our employer for medical leave, reimbursement of ¬†medical expenses etc?

I have a suspicion that our politicians’ passion for overthrowing English language and insistence on Hindi or regional language instruction is motivated not by love of the language. There is something less edifying in operation here.

Karl Marx did some against the grain thinking when he wrote: ‘Give a man fish and he will expect  you to give  him fish everyday. Teach him how to fish  and you will lose a business opportunity.’

Is it any wonder that the CPM led government in West Bengal stubbornly kept English language away for  3 decades – a period that remarkably coincides with the decline of that state on almost any parameter?
Is it surprising that  so many politicians are after the jugular of  English language? Who can be more business minded than  our politicians? I do not deny that ultimately a child learns best in the mother tongue and that we must evolve  into a more equitable society. But that will call for more thinking against the grain.

I’ve been hammering on the same concepts with lots of folks. I am known to hammer. I’m clear that I am not a coach – I’m an adviser, so I can get away with being passionately opinionated.

MY 8 EMPHATIC SUGGESTIONS FOR ROCKING YOUR BUSINESS:

1. ONE STOP WEB SPACE: SIMPLIFY AND LEVERAGE. Stop thinking of your site and your blog as separate things. Just stop it right this instant. There needs to be a paradigm shift whereby entrepreneurs create ONE on-line space for themselves that includes the “brochure ware” that is the critical function of sites, and regularly updated, juicy, and informative content, aka, a blog. Having a site with a “BLOG” button that pushes users out to a totally different space (usually not even reflecting the aesthetic brand of your primary website) is like having one clothing store that just sells pants, and sending your customer down the street to your “other” store to buy a shirt. Keep your customers under one umbrella so that they can explore and utilize your universe. Create a seamless one-stop portal of all that you do so you are capturing the various interests of your visitors in one fell swoop: to read inspiring stuff, to buy a product, to hire you as a speaker or for a service you provide. The more they know, the better. If you architect it with logic and simplicity, you can accomplish a lot in one space. Having a separate blog usually screams “after thought.” Repeat: If you have more than one on-line space that is essentially talking about what you do or sell – collapse it all into one. This also helps with search engine optimization and ranking. And erase the word “blog” from your consciousness. Think in terms of regular, engaging content that you can deliver.

2. GIVE UP IMMEDIATELY. Stop doing what’s not working. It will feel amazing. It will free up energy to leverage the stuff that has the truest, greatest potential.

3. THERE IS POWER IN BEING SOLO If there is no “we” to your company – if YOU are it, then just say so. People are hiring you. You don’t hear me saying “We at White Hot Truth…” Of course, if you need copy writers, or web designers, finance people, I’ve got a crew I’m always referring to, but, me is me, not we.

4. TALK TO ME: WRITE IN FIRST PERSON. People are hiring you, paying attention to you, coming to see you. So they want to here from…YOU. This is the stale old 80′s approach: “Danielle is a former think tank executive and communication strategist, who now works with entrepreneurs to develop their careers.” This is the magnetic/heart approach: “I ran a DC-based think tank for futurists, helped put a few authors on the map, and now work with entrepreneurs to rock their careers.” Who would you rather hire? Besides, anyone you want to work with is smart enough to know that the third person copy is probably written by…You.

5. TURN THE MUSIC OFF. If you have music that automatically starts playing when people log on to your site – turn it off. It’s annoying. People are working in shared spaces, have their own music playing on i-Pods and radios, and don’t need the interruption. If you simply must have music, at least give users an obvious icon to click it off or adjust the volume.

6. WORK WITH A WRITER FOR A BIT, EVEN IF YOU’RE A GOOD WRITER YOURSELF. Working with a talented copy writer can create quantum leaps for you. They will “interview” you and tease out angles, bio points, and creative notions that you may not have seen yourself. The right writer is an essential creative partner when you’re packaging yourself and/or designing your services. In the past two weeks, I have recommend the following ladies at least four times: Grace Kerina, Lindsey Lewis, Emma Alvarez Gibson.

7. BUILD IN WORD PRESS. I’m religious about WordPress and refer to designers who are masters of it: Paul at twothirty, and Sarah at S.JoyStudios, and Kate at ThreeSquare Design. (it bears mentioning: I don’t get/accept kickbacks for any service referrals, ever).

8. BLOW YOUR HORN Look, I’m tellin’ you: you are amazing. I don’t care who you are, you’ve got something to give. You are likely an expert in something, a gifted contributor to some form of life or avenue of industry, you’ve probably been around the block a few times and as a result, have much to give. And if you’re a newbie starting out, you sure as hell have passion to burn. So sell it, baby, sell it. Stand in your place of knowing and contribution and give it. The world needs you.

IGNORE EARLY SIGNS AT YOUR OWN PERIL. I was looking to hire an important player for one of my businesses and got set up with Start Up Guy.  Start Up Guy blew off our first scheduled meeting entirely. He stood me up and didn’t call for two days to reschedule (I’m not sure he even apologized to my assistant). But he was so seemingly qualified and connected that I chose to ignore the As-In-The-Beginning-Rule, and hired him anyway. Do I need to tell you how that middle and end went? Yep. In one way or another he continued to stand me up, until it all came down.

I met another person who, in our first meeting expressed how nervous she was about our differences and my acumen. I just smiled to be kind. We worked together for quite a while. She kept being nervous. I kept being polite. Until anxiety got the better of her, and my silence brought out the worst in me…and it all came down.
EASY DOES IT, AND DOES IT GOOD.

When I’m tempted to take short cuts or ignore early flags, I remind myself that the most fab, wonderful, sustaining experiences and relationships in my life all began incredibly easily. Spark! Yes! And Go!

Each one of my soul sisters was love and bad laughs at first site. I first met my husband at a birthday party and he talked to me about DH Lawrence and life. It was a slow burn of intrigue and candor and chemistry with just the right amount of awkward. Ten years later: same hot dynamic with varying degrees of awkward. My best clients began with amazing conversations in bars and at conferences. My worst clients began with sales pitches and grilling about how to save money. My best writing always begins with the first paragraph pouring out like electricity.

My most fruitful yeses were immediate.

Examine your first encounters and kick-offs. They may be a micro of the macro. You have oodles of critical information in the beginning if you’re paying very close attention. And if you don’t buy it from Buddha or me, then take it from Maya Angelou who says, “The first time someone shows themselves to you, believe them.” You know it, babe.

Original People, Thoughts, Ideas, Products, Efforts, Plans,
Campaigns, Features, Creators and Entertainers….
They originate to dominate.
Their origins are original,
Never duplicated.
Always original! To be duplicated and replicated after they happen.
As they do happen once in a while.

Oscar Wilde who was one of those rare originals, wrote: “Most people
are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinion, their
lives a mimicry, their passions – a quotation.”

That is the best example I could think up of to cite on originality.

Origin must be having its origins too.
It has for sure….
Within talented individuals who make and break records.
Who leave an indelible mark on sands of time.
Originality! Where and how does it originate?
How does it originate and then slowly permeate?
To obliterate the duplicates!
In all walks of life.
Through relentless struggle and strife.
All through life.

How does it get to substantiate itself with the ides of time.
How does originality ultimately substantiate itself and
make itself stand out as a one time great?
Rather than get common and kind of, out of date.
As most of the times we ordinary mortals are extraordinarily late….
Late in arresting and sustaining originality within us.
Thereby instead of being before time and original, we tend be, late….
Late in arresting nurtured. original thoughts,
Morphing them into actions.
Bold and brave,
As we internally yearn and crave,
Since we were naive, slaves.

We are late…only and to duplicate everything! Including our own
thoughts, lives and well being!
Duplicate, triplicate, as we replicate and propagate,
Through repetitive, non progressive education and experiences.
Through our inert inability to arrest that annoying inefficacy….
Like a concubine thought!

Thereby we are not an original being of our original thinking.
Our Being as such is duplicated due to such and other several
concubine-thoughts.
Concubine thinking within our cocooned, educated brick-in-the wall
types of minds,
Matured through education that is solely pursued for materialistic
lives and lifestyles.
Mundane, shallow, selfish and short lived….
Always duplicated and never original.
Clinging concubine thoughts.

Originality originates in original mindsets,
That do not get set as such through worldly education and experiences.
I know and am convinced that the origin lies in our mind sets, in what
is now recognized and acknowledged as “Superconsciousness.”

That word has now found a solid ground and following.
There are more believers and in-tillers in that form and feel.
More takers. More mind tillers.
More stakers too.
As it is no longer a secret.
Now that it is out, I hope and pray that originals are on the anvil
always, and in the making, all the time.
More surreal and sublime than ever.
Free to duplicate and replicate originality.
Free to emancipate and accelerate….
To bloom and to fructify.
Originality.
Selflessly and perpetually.
Like eternal original music and unlike short-lived duplicate echoes!
To elate and elevate.
May be levitate too.
Life, lives and life styles.
As minds and mindsets are indeed originals and should be allowed to
remain that way.

Are you a mundane or an original ?
Do you believe in yourself ?
In your original mind ?
In change?

Do you also believe and delve in Superconsciousness ?
Then let go of the mundane.
To gain through pain and perseverance.
To happen as yet another original,
To rule and remain.
Through refrain….
To originate as your own original self.

This incident brought home to me another lesson on the differences between the East and the West in the way people think; in fact this is the subject of my next book titled, Can Indians Think?

Let me cite some other instances. A Japanese company entered into a contract with an Australian company to buy millions of tonnes of a commodity, let’s say sugar. Within days of the contract the international market and price for sugar fell precipitously. The Japanese called for a re–negotiation of the contract. The Australians refused saying in effect ‘a deal is a deal.’ The Japanese felt this was unfair. The Australians felt it was business after all. What are the chances that the Japanese will do business thereafter with that Australian company?

At a discussion on the violent incidents in connection with the Nano car project at Singur, some people argued that the farmers were being unreasonable – they had been offered financial compensation, their sons were promised a job in the factory but was it logical that the farmers should let their land be acquired? Is logic all there is to life?

I have often written articles and books on thinking skills and have emphasized the importance of logic. Some readers have protested that I seem to be laying too much stress on logic and ignoring emotions. If I have given this impression then I need to improve my communication skills. I believe not only in logic but also in intuition, emotions and more importantly in non-logical creative thinking that I teach to corporate executives. My website tells you more about this. It has been conclusively proven that a person whose emotional centres are damaged due to trauma and only his logic centres are functional, CANNOT TAKE DECISIONS!

Eastern thinking tells us that it is more important to be reasonable than to use logic and reason. In the Singur case my stand is as follows: Try suggesting to a Mumbai-based executive to shift to — say Chennai, in his own company on a promotion with better salary and perks. The executive will leave the company rather than shift to Chennai (until recently at least). When asked for the reason he will shower a torrent of criticisms at Chennai without the benefit of having ever visited the city! I agree this is not universally true but you would be surprised at the response. My point is that even people in cities have their attachments to their city, locality, friends, way of life and will resist if they are asked to move to another location .

In Mumbai people are even attached to the specific train they travel in everyday. My friend Ashok will commit suicide rather than NOT travel by the 8,37 Andheri fast to Churchgate. Why blame the farmer whose family has been attached to the piece of land for thousands of generations. To say that money and a job in the factory ought to be sufficient may sound logical to the urban planner but is not reasonable to the farmer.

There is a story about a school boy who used to walk from home to school every day. One day some illiterate ruffians decide to check if education makes a boy smart. They offered the boy a choice of coins: a fifty paise coin or one rupee coin. The boy selected the fifty paise coin, bought a chocolate and enjoyed himself. This exercise continued for several days to the continuing amusement of the ruffians who firmly concluded that education did not make one smart.

An elderly observer decided to question the boy,”I think you are a smart boy,” he remarked.
“I think so too,” said the boy.
“Then are you not a fool for choosing the coin of lesser value?”
“Not at all. Those guys are fools.”
“How so?”
“The day I chose the one rupee coin the game will stop.”
Western logic would tell the kid to take the one rupee coin. Eastern wisdom tells him otherwise.

What’s it going to take?

We usually use that phrase in dire circumstances. What’s it going to take for you to wake up? What’s it going to take for me to quit? What’s it going to take for them to realize?

But life is an urgent circumstance, really, when you think about it. Birth is miraculous. Survival is miraculous. Death is inevitable. Suffering is well….optional. Life is urgent.

I wonder what my days would be like if I approached my happiness with more urgency and insistence (like I do deadlines and should-do’s). I have GOT to meet my dancing quota! Come hell or high water, I WILL get a facial and lay in the sun! Wild horses couldn’t keep me from lunch with my girlfriends!

Most important deadlines: to meander, to laugh until I snortle by noon every day, to see the first robin bird of spring before the week is over.

So, in the spirit of urgent vitality, and not knowing when death may strike, and being acutely bored of my same old pattern of complaints, I’m asking myself, lovingly but firmly: LaPorte, what’s it going to take for you to be incredibly joyful?

What’s it going to take for you to make an evolutionary leap as an artist, lover, mother, friend, human?

What’s it going to take to get you to walk to the lake that’s four minutes from your house?

What’s it going to take to get you on the dance floor?

You want to eat life whole? To know God? To radiate pure love?

What’s it going to take?

Question: How many women with menopause does it take to change a light bulb?

Woman’s Answer: One! Only one! And do you know why? Because no one else in this house knows how to change a light bulb! They don’t even know that the bulb is burned out!! They would sit in the dark for three days before they figured it out. And, once they have figured it out, they wouldn’t be able to find the darn light bulbs despite the fact that they’ve been in the same cabinet for the past seventeen years!

But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, two days later, the chair they dragged to stand on while changing the stupid light bulb would still be in the same spot! And underneath it would be the wrapper that the light bulbs came in because no one ever picks up or carries out the garbage! It’s a wonder we haven’t all suffocated from the piles of garbage that are a foot deep throughout the entire house! It would take an army to clean this place! And don’t even get me started on who changes the toilet paper roll! I’m sorry. What was the question?

Sheesh! Talk about making a mountain out of a mole hill! But that seems to be the story of my life these days. Hormones are real and unbalanced hormone levels in our bodies can cause us to act differently (particularly in us women). Have you ever seen a transsexual and wondered how he manages to look more like a woman than some women?

Did you see the male on America ‘s Next Top model last season? Either he happens to have been born with more progesterone and estrogen than testosterone or he had some injections. Whatever the case, there is an imbalance. As we get older, our bodies stop producing the amounts of hormones necessary for us to lead “normal” lives. Thus we have a world full of old men who are grouches and old women who are witches.

Unfortunately, a lot of people get set in their ways (especially when they live alone) and end up living lonely lives. To top it all off, men go bald and develop large bellies and women have grey hair and square bodies. It’s just a mess! We hate looking at ourselves and each other. No wonder we lose our patience with people and pull out old pictures of ourselves every chance we get.

God told us that we are not going to live forever and Nature tells us that we are not going to be the sexy or buff people we were twenty five years ago!

There are things we can do however:

We can pray and ask God to give us the strength to become more active and less hungry!

We can see a doctor and ask for natural hormone replacements.

We can have faith and believe.

We can be reminded of old people who drive us nuts and make it a point not to act like them.

We cannot give into ourselves. We just can’t. We have to learn to love ourselves. Temper tantrums are accepted for babies but not for us. Mood swings are accepted for babies but not for us. Eating everything we get our hands on is expected from babies, but not us.

Let’s keep it real, if you are my age, more than likely, we have more days behind us than we have in front of us. We want our last days to be a blessing for everyone that we come in contact with (not a burden).

Let us grow old gracefully. And for the rest of you, be patient with us, God is not through with us yet. Remember children, do what your parents tell you. This is only right. “Honor your father and mother” is the first commandment that has a promise attached to it, namely, “so you will live well and have a long life.” (Ephesians 6:1-3).

I happened to watch this movie “Gone Baby Gone” recently. The story line is about a kidnapping which is shrouded in mystery. A private detective, the protagonist, who is hired to help out the investigation, finds out that the kidnapper is none other than the just-retired, honorable sheriff who had lost his child in a conflict and very badly wanted to father a child.

On the other hand, the kidnapped child’s natural mother is addicted to drugs and cannot care for her daughter. However, since her daughter’s kidnapping she has shown signs of becoming a more responsible person.

The core of the movie is the dilemma which the protagonist faces once he uncovers the truth.

The investigator is faced with a dilemma as to whether he should hand over the child to her mother who might not care for her or to leave her with the sheriff who will love, care and provide for her until she becomes an adult.

What should the protagonist do?

A video shot by National Geographic during an African safari gives us this scenario – a calf was attacked by 4 lion cubs which had the calf in their hold. There were around 50 African bison, which stood helpless and were about to witness the death of the little calf. The guards and crew of National Geographic also watched the incident but had guns in their hand! They could fire in the air and disperse the cubs and release the little calf or be mere spectators!

What should the guards and crew do?

Here’s another example, which many of you can probably could relate to:

A senior manager of a large MNC quit his job and started off on his own. The top executives in that MNC were his mentors, ex-bosses and good friends. A new assignment comes up in the MNC and they invite proposals from firms. This senior manager who has branched off on his own also participates in the process. He is aware of the project, the company culture and all other nuts and bolts which are required for successful completion of the work. Also his rates are low and nowhere near to his rivals. He charges actual + a thin margin as he doesn’t have to incur other sales and marketing costs. The proposal is otherwise professional. The top executives understand that the reason behind a strong proposal from their ex-colleague is his thorough knowledge of the company’s internals.

Should the top executives award him the contract or should they set aside his proposal and evaluate other proposals?

During one of my meetings at the Toastmasters’ Club, a very experienced toastmaster for 16 years delivered a fantastic speech. During the same meeting, there was a new member presenting his first speech as the icebreaker! He also did a good job but nothing in comparison to the experienced toastmaster. At the end of the session people voted for the best speaker. No marks for guessing. It was the experienced toastmaster. When he went on stage he offered to give the award to the new member who delivered the icebreaker speech.

The winner’s conscience did not permit him to accept the award. Was he right in going against the collective wisdom of the crowds?

When I reflect on certain incidents, statements and behavior of my friends, family and colleagues, I realize that most of their time and energy are spent on following the dictates of their conscience. I am no different, I too have been there, seen it and done it!

We all have spent quite a bit of time and energy in justifying our acts and words in one way or another. This compulsive need to be guided by our conscience takes a toll on human energy. We feel depressed when we are seen to be arrogant or inconsiderate, but feel elated when perceived otherwise.

We not only want to do the right things but also seen to be doing the right things. Is this necessary? Should we not keep it simple and say that it is all a perception issue. After all, the post-modern theory which is in vogue is that of “situational ethics” where the sense of right or wrong is relative to the situation. Tolerance is the key and any form of intolerance is considered sacrilegious. So, why bother about proving to the world that we heed our conscience? Let us regard others’ take on the situation as perceptional and opinionated and move on! But, something told me that this is not “right”!

I did some research to understand the root cause for all the decisions we make in situations like the ones mentioned above. As usual the research has taken me more than a month, raised quite a few questions, including the very existence of God! The final destination or the root-cause, I settled for was – the universal truth! The book The New Tolerance, by Josh McDowell and Bob Hostetler was the clincher that adjudicated my internal debate between situational ethics and universal truth/God and delivered the judgment in favor of the existence of universal truth and God!

The debate was well-structured by the authors of the article. Hence, I would like to cite them throughout the argument.

They say that whenever people encounter situations as presented above, if they were to apply “situational ethics” vis-à-vis “comparison to universal truth”, the world would be led into a subjective mentality of “whatever feels good”, which could have a devastating effect on the society.

What is “good” or “right” to you may be “bad” or “wrong” to someone else!

So, on the question of existence of absolute truth they conclude, “…If there are no absolutes, no reality, chaos ensues. Take the law of gravity for instance. If it were not an absolute, we could not be certain we could stand or sit in one place until we decided to move. Or if 2 + 2 did not always equal 4…What a mess that would be, but thankfully 2 + 2 does equal 4. There is absolute truth and it can be found and understood…”

To further cement their argument on absolute truth, they present pieces of evidence for the existence of absolute truth and hence God!

“Yes. First, there is the human conscience, that within us that tells us the world should be a “certain way,” and that some things are “right” and some are “wrong.”

The second pointer is science…”Science is simply the pursuit of knowledge, the study of what we know and the quest to know more. Therefore, all scientific study must by necessity be founded upon the belief that there are objective realities that exist in the world and that these realities can be discovered and proven…”

The third issue for consideration “… All the religions of the world attempt to give meaning and definition to life. They are born out of mankind’s desire for something more than simple existence…”

The authors also present interesting arguments against the atheist camps! They say that, if one were to claim absolutely that “God does not exist” then, the claim is itself fundamentally flawed. The claim of atheists is based on their “absolute knowledge or truth that God does not exist” which is contradictory to their belief that there is no “absolute truth”!

In conclusion, the authors’ state, “And if there is indeed a Creator, then He becomes the standard for absolute truth…”

Though the “universal truths” are generally accepted and recognized as the official formula of ethics and morals, they have come to be debatable in our post modern society. Not long ago, slavery, racism or discrimination in any form, family planning, abortion, euthanasia, gay and transsexual rights were taken for granted and treated as non-issues, prohibited topics and were consistently ignored. Today, the voices have grown stronger and effected some action.

Does this mean our society is weaning away from the universal truth and is following “situational ethics” or the principles of “cultural relativism” which we discussed above? The answer in my opinion is, No! The society is learning to be more tolerant and become more inclusive! The society wants these issues listed above to be added to the realm of universal truths! That way we can develop a sustainable society which is tolerant and inclusive.

In essence, there is a certain right or wrong, good or bad and it is judged against the universal truth which has been given to mankind by the Creator. We need to accept the fact that we are accountable for what we say and do. This means that we cannot apply the logic of situational ethics and get away with our words and deeds. I am not suggesting that we should explain and defend every act and deed of ours, but just that we need to be conscious of our behavior and if we realize (internally) that there is a scope for improvement, we should endeavor to do so!

I would like to conclude with this true story. The conflict in Bosnia and Serbia left thousands dead. It was one of the worst ethnic cleansings in recent times. The international community, UN and a team of scientists are spending hundreds of millions of dollars trying to put together sets of 208 bones from different mass graves just to identify those who are dead and prove to the culprits that there is evidence of who was murdered and hence prosecute the murderers for their crime.

The international community, could easily prosecute the culprits as the whole world knows who committed the crimes, and give the hundreds of millions of dollars to Africa and help alleviate poverty there. But is it the right thing to do? No, every person who is charged needs a chance to be proven innocent or guilty as charged and punished accordingly. By spending the millions we could bring some respect back to the dead and their surviving families in a sense that, even after death, there is someone who will fight for justice and ensure that it is delivered to the survivors.

This ability to rationalize and internalize is a trait unique to human beings. It is not to be found among other forms of life. The rationalization will work only when we believe in a superior universal truth.

This ability to rationalize and internalize is according to me – God!

I asked her what really transpired at her final meeting with the CEO and other officials. She said, “They tell me that as an auditor I had the benefit of hindsight and could therefore pronounce my verdict on what should have been done. But they, the executives, had to take quick decisions with limited time, insufficient information and other constraining factors.”

This brings me to an important point, the working of the mind after the event. Wisdom in hindsight is well known.

What is less well known is shown by an experiment conducted by psychologists that was conducted as follows: The subjects were divided into two groups. One group was given (a) a precise description of an event that did happen (example the collapse of a company) and (b) a series of relevant pieces of information available before the event. The other group was given the same data but was given a totally opposite end (say the huge profits of the company).

Both the groups were told that they were given the facts of an actual situation.

Both groups then confidently asserted that given the information presented to them, they could have predicted the result! Remember the two groups were given the same facts but opposite outcomes !

Psychologists found that there was no difference at all in the confidence levels of the two groups.
Once we are told the outcome it has the power to produce hindsight wisdom. You can read more details about this experiment in the book ‘Inevitable Illusions’ by Massimo Palmarini.

The implications of this tendency are serious. Careers can be destroyed by blaming someone for a wrong decision that appears wrong in hindsight but could not have been seen as wrong by the executive when he made the decision. Finding scapegoats relies on this tendency to find wisdom in hindsight.

What is unfortunate is that the auditor or commission of enquiry will be able to convince the scapegoat that he seriously erred and could have ‘easily’ anticipated the disastrous consequences of his decisions and actions.

This sad tendency is found among people of every area of human activity – science, management, politics, religion, history and so on.

In my workshops on Decision Making, I bring out the idea that the wisdom or judgement of a decision maker cannot be judged purely by the outcome of a course of action. It is possible that a good outcome may be the result of plain good luck and a bad outcome may be the result of plain bad luck, unforeseen changes in the environment etc.

What is critical is to examine the decision making process rather than the outcome.

I also suggest that a good decision or course of action may have to be audited with seriousness too.

Let me suggest a real life instance. The Indian Railways have been cited as a great turnaround story. Management gurus have written about this ‘phenomenon.’ The media has whispered that one factor significantly contributing to rising profits is as follows: The railways have been in the past illegally permitting overloading of wagons. The railway officials have been overlooking this and may be even been illegally rewarded for it even as the railways did not earn any revenue on the illegal business. Along comes a new dispensation that reasons as follows – why not permit the overloading of wagons and earn revenues? As for the danger of accidents due to weakening of tracks on account of overloading, we can assume that since such accidents have not happened in the past they will not happen in future!

Now let me ask you, what if accidents take place for precisely this reason of weakened tracks due to overloading? Right now we are all congratulating the Railways for the ‘phenomenal’ success. But what if the scenario I have painted comes true ?

I can predict the following: A commission of enquiry will either fix the blame on some unfortunate scapegoat or some other reason will be found for the accidents.

If we are to heed my suggestion that ‘good’ outcomes and decisions ought to be seriously audited seriously as well, the Railways may have to change tactics on this front. But I am sure nothing of that sort will happen. Why am I confident? Benefit of hindsight, after several such past experiences .

Now for a funny phenomenon I have witnessed. Once the results of a selection procedure are announced, I try to ask a successful candidate what accounted for his success against keen competition. In most cases I hear the candidate waxing eloquent on how he gave a ‘brilliant’ answer to a question in the final interview.
I suspect that had I asked my question before the results were announced he would not have been even able to recollect that question for which he had given the ‘brilliant’ answer.

Everyday, a hunchback came and took away the bread. Instead of expressing gratitude, he muttered the following words as he went his way: “The evil you do, remains with you! The good you do, comes back to you!”

This went on, day after day. Everyday, the hunchback came, picked up the bread and uttered the words: “The evil you do, remains with you! The good you do, comes back to you!”

The woman felt irritated. “Not a word of gratitude,” she said to herself. “Everyday this hunchback utters this jingle! What does he mean?”

One day, exasperated, she decided to do away with him. “I shall get rid of this hunchback,” she said. And what did she do? She added poison to the bread she prepared for him! However, as she was about to place the loaf on the window sill, her hands trembled. “What is this I am doing?” she said to herself.

Immediately, she threw the bread into the fire, prepared another one and placed it on the window sill. As usual, the hunchback came, picked up the bread and muttered the words: “The evil you do, remains with you! The good you do, comes back to you!” The hunchback proceeded on his way, blissfully unaware of the war raging in the mind of the woman.

The woman had a son who had gone to a distant place to seek his fortune. For many months, she had no news of him and she prayed fervently for his safe return.

That evening, there was a knock on the door. As she opened it, she was surprised to find her son standing in the doorway. He had grown thin and lean. His garments were tattered and torn. He was hungry, starved and weak.

As he saw his mother, he said, “Mom, it’s a miracle I’m here. While I was but a mile away, I was so famished that I collapsed. I would have died, but just then an old hunchback passed by. I begged of him for a morsel of food, and he was kind enough to give me a whole bread. As he gave it to me, he said, “This is what I eat everyday. Today, I shall give it to you, for your need is greater than mine!”

As the mother heard those words, her face turned pale. She leaned against the door for support. She remembered the poisoned bread that she had made that morning. Had she not burnt it in the fire, it would have been eaten by her own son, and he would have lost his life!

It was then that she realized the significance of the words: “The evil you do, remains with you! The good you do, comes back to you!”

Our actions and words are born from our thoughts. Every thought is like a seed with potential to give rise to more such thoughts again. This why it is so important to be vigilant of our thoughts.

When we think thoughts of harming others, it is like tossing a dagger at the sky. Sooner or later it falls back on us. When we think thoughts of supporting others, it is like tossing fragrant flowers at the sky. Sooner or later they return to adorn us!

A simple way to treat negative thinking is by considering such thoughts like a shepherd treats his wandering sheep. Firmly, but lovingly he brings the sheep back into the flock.

We can use the word “Cancel” in our mind every time our thoughts wander to subjects we do not wish to dwell on. It is a simple but effective remedy!

Just like the carpenter shapes wood, the wise shape their lives. Let us keep the powerful moral of this story in mind and mindfully shape a wonderful life.

“The evil you do, remains with you! The good you do, comes back to you!”

The statement struck a deep chord of identification with me as I experience it everyday. My son who is experiencing the very best and worst of teenhood at 17 is the self-proclaimed champion of teenagers. Facebook was his independent fiefdom till my wife discovered it and shortly thereafter I also signed on.

Recently he made a dire prediction that this would mark the migration of youngsters away from Facebook. He believes that Orkut lost its young members because older users were overpopulating the social network. Interesting perspective! I am waiting to see if his prediction would come true.

Meanwhile I was struck by the depth of the feeling with regards to oldsters venturing into the youngsters” domain!

I recall being a rebel and usually one without a cause in my teenage years. However I don’t recall having any such youngster space which could be or was violated. At best the school/ college culturals could be termed as a youngster’s zone. Also, our oldies a.k.a our parents were not too keen on participating in such events.
So, what is the key difference between the generations and how do we bridge and manage the great divide?

I often refer to my generation as the bullet speed generation. We went from AIR, Doordarshan to DTH and from the black rotary phone to I Phones in a space of 3 odd decades. We grew up conditioned by thrift, waiting one’s turn, patience, joint living, joint spaces, so on and so forth.

Whereas youngsters today are born with a remote in one hand and a mouse in the other. Possibly with a Bluetooth handsfree tucked in the ear, too! They cannot imagine a context where one would book a scooter and the delivery date was celebrated in the neighbourhood or that you had to book a trunk call and wait to be connected!

This generation was born with computers, personal space, youth spaces, youth icons and so on. They take the business of being young very seriously. The moot point is that what happened to people like me? Why am I in Facebook?

My perspective is that we are seeing too many things that are great fun and enjoyable and want to be a part of the scene. Having grown up in a relatively deprived context, the child or rather youth inside all of us wants a second chance in this fabulous new environment. It’s almost like Alice in Wonderland.

For the youngsters, the context today is a part of their evolving environment whereas I am wonder struck and want to experience this as much if not more. This has a dual implication. On one hand we are demonstrating that one can be young at heart and experience life regardless of age. I hope the youngsters of today grow old without letting go of the child in them. However, the downside is that most such indulgences are largely materialistic and usually consists of superficial interfaces. It has very little reinforcement of core values.

The concern is whether we are actually setting an example that should not be followed.

Worried and bothered about tomorrow?
Don’t be!

Instead let’s learn how to regain the glow.

Through simple steps that I am about to show!

Let us learn to dwell in the now!
The slow…. now!
Here’s how.

Don’t stop! Go!
But – go slow.

Become the tortoise and carry the inherent hare, in you, on your back.
Yes! When the going gets slow, you too should get to go, slow.

Time for us to unlearn the fast life paces. It’s time to relearn slowness.
Learn to change gears from the top ones, to the lower ones.
Quickly.
Smoothly, both as individuals and as families.
As societies.

To go slow let us learn….
Learn to slow down our life-pace.
Learn to slow down our expenses.
Learn to slow down our plans.
Learn to slow down our thinking.
Learn to cope up with the strife, on the stride, with a smile on our faces.
Learn to live in/with less.
Learn to walk in the woods.
Learn to use the public transport once again.
Learn to cook and eat slow food.
Learn to not to frown and grumble.
Learn to earn less and live in less
As a God Bless.

What’s got to go, has got to go!

Therefore….

Let it go.
If need be, throw!
Without a wrinkle on the brow!

Don’t cling on to any thing that is not of any/much use.
Rework your clutter list, mercilessly.
From own thoughts, to other earthy belongings.
Discard them.

If it’s a credit card that is not being used, surrender it.
If it’s a car you are no longer using, sell it.
Not getting the right price ? Donate it.
Consider these current times to be as good as spring cleaning times.
Accordingly, offload as much as you can.

Do that and dip the hat.
Once done, pat the back.
As you cleaned the rack!

Share, care and dare.

Share whatever and as much as you can, with as many!
Open your heart.
Open your purse too.
Tithe as much as you can.

Don’t worry! Remember “The more you give the more you get.”
Give as you would, out of heartfelt care.

Yes – you need to dare.
Dare to care and share.
Share all that you can.
Selflessly.

Dare!
Dare to look at every difficulty as a challenge.
Look at it in the eye.
Affirm yourself and address it like so. “I am bigger than the problem, and I shall win over it”

Loom over it.
Loom to bloom once again, as you will for sure.

With a strong will and a slow pace.
With dignity and new found grace!

Lie low – spend slow.

Spend slow, both energies and money.

Lie low, like the Anaconda does. Once its tummy is full and dry season is looming over head.
With advancing drought it moves from water laden rivers, to shallow water puddles.
From drying shallow puddles, to the shady trees.
Stays there too, till it rains once again.
It knows it will.
And it does.

As, tough times do not last, but tough beings do!
It lives and survives to live again.

As it’s all about survival of the fittest.
In this the crazy “Economic Jungle”
We have created over these past 100 plus years!

When you go slow, you retain energies/savings for longer duration.
When you lie low, you retain energies/savings for longer duration.

When you do both, you retain/regain your natural glow!

So why not flow slow, with the slow flow, to glow!
Perpetually.

As slow and steady wins the race.

“People change all the time and forget to tell each other.”
Lillian Hellman

Change is a marvelous thing to celebrate. Acknowledging growth helps us to keep on growing. Taking stock of the leagues you’ve traveled is especially useful for those of us who drive ourselves so hard to be – whatever we’re craving to be.

I used to believe in soul mates, in “The One.” And then I learned that “The One” is “The One” because you say he is.
I used to be angry and didn’t know why. Now I’m righteous but happy.
In my twenties I WILLED it to happen. Now I allow it to happen.
I used to need ritual. Now I just want the peace that lies beyond structure, even ritual.
I no longer care if you don’t agree with me. My heart is softer. I have more room for more opinions than my own.
I used to think I had to earn my keep, sing for my supper. Now I follow my bliss and the feast finds me.
I used to ’round up’, adding a little glow to the story here ‘n there. Now I relish the weightless cleanliness of precise and plain communication – which can still be done poetically.

And the list goes on….evolution is always spiraling outward, upward, seeking it’s own creative edge. Ducklings turn into swans. Feminists turn into humanists. Hearts heal. The narrow expands. There’s much to celebrate.

Life also presents opportunities and they too are everywhere. We need to be cognizant to keep our eyes and ears open so an opportunity doesn’t pass us by. Networking and career opportunities can be found in the most inconspicuous places; talking to the guy sitting next to you at the airport, the woman in line at the grocery store or talking to the guy at the next table during lunch. The word “hello” opens doors; you just need to choose to be the person who is bold enough to say it.

This brings me to “Choiceortunities” where choice meets opportunity. Making the right choices when opportunity presents itself is critical to making the most of that opportunity. How many times do we think to ourselves, “I wish I had done that differently” or “if I could only do it over again”.  Maximizing our opportunities through our choices or choiceortunities; how do we do it?

Scenario. 

So let’s say that guy next to you at lunch is a manager at a company you’d love to work for. You find this information out by saying “Hello, how are you?” you’ve made the choice to open the door. The two of you have a nice little chat about current events (keep it neutral, no politics or religion); the weather and you each throw a name or two around in a “Do you know…” banter.  What next? 

Ask for a business card.

Wait a day or two.

Then email and let him know how nice it was to meet him, let him know how much you respect the company he works for and after giving a brief synopsis of your experience let him know that should any opportunities present themselves that you might be a fit for, to please let you know. Ask him if it would be OK to send your resume to him. Follow up as appropriate but don’t go overboard, it is important to be respectful and subtle.

If you see any “good news” in the local paper about him or the company, write another email acknowledging the effort and congratulating the success. If you formally apply for a job at his company, let him know and forward your resume to him.  Ask him for insight into the position; people in management love to talk! Go back to the place you had lunch from time to time to see if he is there. People are creatures of habit and it is likely that you will run into him again. Watch the company’s website for their upcoming events. Are they hosting a charity or community event? If so, attend who knows who else you might meet.

The moral of the blog is to always be on the lookout for opportunities and then back up those opportunities with wise choices that have the potential of heading in the direction you envision yourself going. Choiceortunities are everywhere and heck maybe by next year at this time it’ll even be a real word in the dictionary. Now there is a choiceortunity for “Mr. Webster”;)

Like thousands of others I also blindly chose the career path shown by parents & society without thinking what I really wanted to do in life and did not give any importance to what I really loved.

I love to dance, to write, to travel. These are the things I have loved to do since the time I can remember.

Today at 30 I’m a Supply Chain and Logistics Manager in a company where I’m struggling to connect emotionally and professionally with my environment. Of course my current assignment promises to take me to greater heights as my next role would be of a Supply Chain Controller! But is this what I want to do? The answer is No. And even though I decide almost every day that I will now do what I actually love to do, the thought fades away in less than 24 hours as I start tracking trucks and shipments!

In the volatile times our country has faced in the past few months we have realized that life is too short to be wasted. If you ask me for an idea of a perfect day I would say…one that allows me to take care of my daughter and work from home. But the thoughts of losing my independence, status, money and our grand lifestyle keep holding me back. It’s difficult to decide which way to go.

We keep putting our plans on hold for the right time to come…because of the time we’ve already lost. Maybe I could have also been a dancer or writer if I had pursued my interest at 20… and I let myself be happy with just the thought.

I look at my two-year-old daughter and wonder if I’ll let the same thing happen to her. After all in our Indian society we all want our children to become doctors or engineers, don’t we? Will I be any different? I really hope so. And that’s a promise I can make to myself.

And I hope that after reading this you would change your mind too!

–

Currently working as a Supply Chain Manager, Bhavna is a follower of Nicheren Daishonin’s Buddhism and has based her life on the Lotus Sutra of ‘Nam Myo Ho Renge Kyo’ to win over any situation in life.

It was truly like swimming in the Dead Sea, you think you are swimming well, and little did you know that there was hardly any buoyancy! The buoyancy mainly being the inflated heads of most these men!

Dates and days came and went. Coffee pubs and restaurants saw me churning food into my plate or swirling dregs of coffee…all round. I just wished – God why is it so difficult to figure out what this guy wants!!

I wound up my record of finding the right man by the mid of 2007, for fear of getting placed into the Guinness book…or let’s be humble…Limca book of Records. I assured myself this is complete hogwash and that having choices doesn’t make sense. Is it a matter of choice or destiny that you end up with who ends up with you?

We are given choices at all times. We ask ourselves why destiny can’t just lead us. Is everything that is destined, a matter of choices that you make? Or are we preprogrammed robots that do as we are told?

If yes, then who programmes us? Who works on our motherboard and updates our databases? Are we genetically tuned to repeat the mistakes and glories our fathers and forefathers encountered?

Your circumstances and situations act as parameters for your choices. Therefore if you take a good look at your choices they are directed by what seems optimum at that time more than what I should do or how I go forward.

Media is an essential tool in processing our choices since it captures our attention almost 95% of our conscious time. Look at how media has built its repertoire of images today? You have such a conglomerate of images to choose what you see perfect in your visual space.

You have ads that compare the size of sanitary napkins to the size of a young girl. You have insurance policies that present death as hope! Think about the ad that shows a middle aged man rummaging through the refrigerator for dessert and then realises his kids wouldn’t have any left!

You have old people feeling so young thanks to the paint on their walls, and therefore forget about their grandkid screaming for help. You have a car being presented as a symbol of power, power that disturbs a man spending peaceful time fishing in a calm lake.

What are the images that are being played towards our choices? Or are our choices directing these images?

Do identify who is feeding your visual image! And then set your lens in focus: Identify what your visual image has been feeding you.

If your parameters (situations or circumstances or long term value systems) don’t correlate  with the images, then please don’t skew your results by forcing them to do so.

–

Caroline is a behavioural trainer who majored in wildlife biology. The apt words for the way she spends most of her time is observation and analysis. Leisure is mostly defined in terms of music, concerts or playing the piano.