The up-close managers tend to see roadblocks like this as a major problem. They see a hitch in the smooth running of their department. They see things no longer running to time or cost or output. And they see the effect on today’s, tomorrow’s or this week’s bottom-line.

That’s why the knee-jerk reaction of the up-close manager is to step in as soon as a problem is detected and fix it quick.

The let-go managers see it quite differently. When they see their employees hitting a block, they don’t see a “problem”, they see an opportunity. They see the chance for people to learn and grow. And they see the effect of such an opportunity not on the short-term bottom-line but on the long-term development of the employee and the organisation.

That’s why the quiet approach of the let-go manager is to be supportive, to be there and to lead.

On our Leadership Skills courses at ManageTrainLearn, we like to relate the story of The Butterfly’s Wings that perfectly encapsulates this difference.

It goes like this.

A man found a butterfly cocoon. One day a small opening appeared. The man sat and watched the butterfly for hours as it struggled to force its body through the little hole.

Then it seemed to stop making progress. It appeared as if it had gotten so far and could go no further.

The man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily.

But something wasn’t quite right. The butterfly had a swollen body and shrivelled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly expecting that at any moment the wings would enlarge and expand to support the body.

Neither happened. In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with its swollen body and deformed wings. It was never able to fly.

What the man in his kindness and haste had not understood was that the struggle for the butterfly to get through the small opening in the cocoon are Nature’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

We’re all a bit like butterflies. We sometimes come to a stop in our development when the next stage is a major step in our growth. But we need to do it ourselves. Because when we do, we don’t just get to where we should be; we also learn how to cope with “problems”, how to face up to life’s difficulties, and how to learn about ourselves.

If you manage people like the man in this story, why not take a deep breath next time someone in your team has stopped and is struggling. Be there for them but learn to let go. And, you never know, they too might learn to fly.

This is one of my favourite New Age doozers. Puhleez. Like, getting hosed because you didn’t get it in writing wasn’t a major drag. And spilling your friend’s secret to the wrong person burnt that bridge to a crisp. Or not saying “yes!” to the one that got away – well, THAT sucked. There are such things as mistakes. Major screw-ups and human stupidity happen to the best of us. The rest of us are in denial.

And yes, yes, mistakes are positively divine, each one moves us forward – even the ones that flip your world upside down. I’ve never made a mistake that I didn’t learn to love. But before we spiritualize and varnish the error of our ways, it’s incredibly useful to put our faux pas under the microscope. It’s liberating. It’s grown up. It’s dignified. And best of all, once you see your mistakes for what they are – you are more certain to good and truly move on!

Give it a go: Admit to your mistakes. Just admit it. No one else is listening. Make a pathetic, grizzly list of all the “sooo should not have’s” in your life. Don’t resist it. Clean house! (I’ll go first: should not have done a 50/50 deal with X, should not have shared the news that G’s wife was having an affair with his…sister, should not have struck a “creative control” deal with last publisher, should not have gotten B’s name tattooed on my ass.)

I wager that rather than feeling grossed out, you might get kind of giddy – eventually. You could feel the rush of knowing better, the delight of being the wiser for your wear. A subtle sense of compassion may start wafting into your being. Okay, maybe you still feel like a total dork. But find solace in your maturity. Because it takes courage to look your life squarely in the eye and admit your humanity. Humility clears the path to higher knowing…or a good laugh.

In December of 2006, I was dating my now-husband, Luke, for almost a year and we were living together. Truthfully life was good! But while I was in this amazing relationship, and holding a “grown-up, non-sales, getting-my-full-paycheck-all-the-time job” which, at the time, I liked despite my condescending micro-manager of a boss.

The confusion I felt was in regards to acting – my passion, my dream since I was an Annie wannabee. Here’s what I had written in my journal:

I feel my acting stuff just sorta slipping away. I still have the desire and the need to do it – if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be upset about it – but I lost the optimism and the spark. I don’t feel jaded, per se – just worn out and tired of all this. I’m tired of chugging along, weary of the highs that don’t materialize and the lows that are just crushing. I feel like I’m not making headway, that I’ve never made headway. OK, maybe I am just a bit jaded.

But then it comes back around to the other part of what I need and what I want, which is a relationship that’s not strained by me being away. I also want to be financially stable and have a social life in NYC. And while I’m itching to be on stage again, I don’t want to give up the other pieces of what I need.

So I’m desperately trying to figure out a balance between my heart and my head. Do I do this job and have my social life and take a break from the business of show? Or do I keep this job and take all my personal days for auditions, to keep plugging away at this? Or do I just throw in the towel, keep on plugging away at my day job for a paycheck and the lifestyle I want to lead? Or do I go back to school to try to find something else that I can be passionate about?

I’ve been trying to unjumble my head for over a year with all this, and while I want to make both things work – be able to go on auditions and do extra work while I also have my day job – the more I try, the more tired I feel. So what’s the compromise? I feel like I’m a Practical Dreamer.”

That spring, I enrolled in the Career Change Workshop at NYU. That summer, I enrolled at ICA to be a life coach. I found my way, but I can’t help wondering how I really got here. These may have been the 5 push factors:

Being tired. Let’s face it, I was worn out and  jaded. I lost my spirit and wanted it back.

Feeling stuck. I knew that I wasn’t going out on auditions, and eventually I realized that the job I was in was not going to be the job that I was going to have forever (or even another year!). I knew I needed to make a change or risk making a career out of doing something that I rocked at, but hated (namely sales and customer service, since my experience and personality kept me steadily employed in those fields).

Growing up. At the age of age of almost-29, I knew that the one goal I had my whole life was no longer the right goal for me. My priorities had changed and I wanted to pave a new path based on them.

Refusing to compromise. I could have easily stayed with that job or, I could have left and gone to the next customer service/sales position. But that was unacceptable to me. I spent my whole life chasing a dream, trying to make a living doing something I loved – making a living not doing something I loved was not an option.

Being a self-starter. I know it’s an extreme comparison, but changing careers is like being an addict. You have to acknowledge you have a problem and then you have to be the one to do something about it – nobody can fix your problem for you but you.

Where are you on your journey?

My granny used to have a mango tree on her lawn. One evening strolling around her garden, I saw a chameleon sitting on the mango tree. The chameleon had just jumped from the creeper and its colour was slowly changing from green to brown. Suddenly a thought pumped in my mind, “It is a chameleon,” as my lips curled downwards in disdain.

Grandma was watching me. She walked slowly to me and asked, “Isn’t it amazing how it changes its color?” I looked at her and replied, “But, it’s ugly. It is a chameleon.” Grandma just smiled.

A few days later we walked to the market and grandma accidentally got in the way of a lorry. To avoid hitting her, the lorry driver swerved dangerously close to a scooter that was being driven by a young man. He lost his balance and crashed into a bucket of tomatoes. A bunch of young boys cracked up. Looking around angrily, the scooter driver yelled, “You ugly, old woman, look what you have done!”

Those words pinched my heart. Later that night I asked mom, “Ma is grandma ugly?”

“Who told you that?” Ma asked gently.

“The guy at the market said she was old and ugly.”

“But, she is the most beautiful women I have ever met. That means you have not noticed her properly.” Ma replied.

I went to my Grandma’s room. She was sleeping. I looked at her face. That was the most beautiful face I had ever seen: a face filled with compassion, love and grace.

She was beautiful because I was ready to see the selflessness and depth that had shaped her over the years. I could feel it because I wanted to feel her. Since then I have never seen an ugly thing in this world. Even today I can tell you that old is beautiful and chameleons are fascinating.

See without judgment, hear without prejudice and feel without inhibitions; heaven is here, here is heaven. All is beautiful.

Are you are bored of doing what you don’t want to do?

If you no longer believe in ‘Never Give Up’….

If you believe your old pattern of life can’t work anymore….

If you are too stressed and unhappy…

Then why don’t you give up? Free yourself!

Just give up and release your worries, fears,resentments, failures and guilt. At work or in your personal life, if you think you are failing again and again and it is not working for you, even after putting in all your energies and best efforts….just give up.

If people are not happy with you or if you believe that you are not made for something, then there is no point in hanging on. Maybe you have reached the end of the cycle and need to move on to another chapter in your life. Life is nudging you to move ahead through your discontent and unhappiness.

Do what You (your larger, universal self) are inspiring you (your smaller, everyday self) to do.

Do what makes you laugh and what you want to do repeatedly. Go where you can excel and show your best. Be with people who love and appreciate you. When you are fulfilled, there is no place for stress, unhappiness and repeated failures in life.

It is never easy to change professions or leave old, lifeless relationships behind. You might have commitments or social and personal responsibilities. But remember, you have one chance at this life and half of it may already be gone. The big question is: if not now, then when? When will you find the courage to live an authentic life where you are true to yourself?

Wake up now and get going. Make some plans and shake off your lethargy. Find yourself before you lose your will. Start from scratch or with your plan — but just start! Give up your excuses and get ready to embrace a new beginning with new hope. You deserve to be fulfilled and at peace. Don’t you?

Most of us spend our entire lives in the relentless pursuit of happiness. We pull our blinkers on, determined to find this elusive bliss, dismissing anyone or anything that comes in the way of us and our pursuit. Then one day, we suddenly arrive at the end of our lives, exhausted and disillusioned. Our tired eyes tell the story of one that tried but failed as we mutter, “Bliss kept eluding me.” And with that we lay down to the ultimate defeat as Bliss whispers….

But I beckoned to you, and you chose to bury your nose in your work instead of going to camp beneath the stars with your son.

I reached out to you in the form of the sun slowly sinking in the horizon over the Indian Ocean, but you wanted to rush home so you could catch the last 5 minutes of the football match.

I called out to you through the cries of your newborn but you lamented that you had lost your sleep.

I walked by your side, but like the horses that pull carriages in Central Park, you held on to blinkers, set your sights straight ahead and searched for me as if I were a destination to be reached.

And therein she revealed herself. Bliss is not a destination, for if you perceive her as such, she will surely elude you and remain forever a distant, unfulfilled dream.

Everyday Bliss reveals herself in all her splendor and glory. She is in the gurgling of a newborn, the smile of a child and the longing gaze of a lover. She walks this path with us every moment of every day to make our life’s journey meaningful. She is in the mundane pockets of happiness and in every moment she beckons to you.

So come, sit with me on this white sand, and as the sun slowly sinks over the horizon, listen to her twinkling laughter as she dances on the water’s edge.

“Oil your hair regularly son, else you’ll lose it before you hit thirty.”

“Its just a phase, you’ll figure it out don’t worry, you’re just a teenager.”

Seems like yesterday when I was eighteen and got these regular doses of wisdom from you dad. I just went with the flow, partly because I had no choice. Now I am about to hit the thirtieth winter of my life and I am wondering…what the hell just happened? My best years just whizzed by and I am….well, not really sure…about anything.

Dad, I have a career, yes you were right about it, but you know what, I don’t want it. I look at people at work who have been here for more than a decade….and I am scared to death to end up like them. They are nothing but a bunch of corporate zombies. No zeal, no enthusiasm, just a hefty pay check at the end of the month, and the only motivation to go home, if at all, is a loveless quickie with their wives, out of need and not want.

Why didn’t you trust me to make money if I had gone the way I wanted to? Yes, the success rate in the non-conventional fields is low, but I would have survived. I am surviving this aren’t’ I? No, I haven’t figured it out yet, why you pushed me here where the only thing to look forward to is the “end of day”.

Dad, to confess, I hardly oiled my scalp when you were not looking, and I still have a full head of hair. Why did you force me to have the whole oil refinery operating on my head? Why did you think that if I went around trying hair do’s and tattoos I would turn into a punk? Well, I never got to have those; all I have now is a head full of useless hair, which is frowned upon by my boss at the mildest hint of any style, that is anything other than boring. I wouldn’t have minded losing it, had I used it in time. I would gladly trade every strand of my hair now for a mo-hawk back then.

Dad, the phase is still persisting. I was reckless, I was confused, I was wild. First the teens and then the twenties whizzed by and I am still all those things. I am as reckless as I was as a teenager with money. I could never have saved my pocket money back then and I am not able to save my salary even now. I am as confused as a teenager. I never understood why I was studying the things on the curricula and now I never understand half the procedures I am made to follow in the office. I am confused as to why I am doing what I am doing. I never came around to the idea of the “career ” that you chose for me.

Dad, it’s not that I blame you, I blame myself. Maybe I was not reckless enough. I should have been more reckless and followed my heart in spite of you. Maybe that would have worked out…. maybe not…. but one thing is for sure, I wouldn’t be writing this letter to you sitting in my bleak office when I should be climbing the corporate ladder to a drab future.

You know what, it’s better late than never. The one thing that this big bad rat race has taught me is, even if I win it, I’ll still be a rat. So, I am going to keep trying to hack it in the world the way I want to. The reason for this defiance, well, there are many, but mainly because on my fortieth birthday when I come to visit you, I don’t want to write an application to someone asking for leave permission.

Maybe I am wrong, maybe I haven’t grown up, maybe your way is the way to go, but if I keep going this way, I’ll never get rid of the nagging ‘what if’. For once, Dad, I wanna tread the forbidden road and not the one ‘less traveled.’

When my father thought that I should go to a boarding school (9th birthday), I had already made the best of friends at the neighborhood school. When Papa gifted me with a bicycle (14th birthday), I already had a learning license for the Hero Honda. When he suggested that, I should stop experimenting with my hairstyle every fortnight (18th birthday), I had already started shaving. When he wanted me to be a chartered accountant (21st birthday), I had already submitted the form for my advertising course. When he asked me to settle down (24th birthday), I was already bored with my advertising job. When Papa wanted me to get married (26th birthday), I had already had my second break-up.

There is one very popular phrase to describe this dynamic — Generation Gap. It has existed since the times of Lord Krishna and his father Nanda; Shehanshah Akbar and his son-turned-Romeo, Shehajada Saleem and even Gurubhai (Dhirubhai) and his schoolteacher father.

What creates this situation of conflict between a father and his son? This invariably happens because both parties are stuck in time. Sometimes in the present, at other times in their past and at some other times in a hazy future as envisioned by both. I mean, when the father is looking at his son’s future, the son is talking of his father’s past. Moreover, when the son talks about his present, the father tells him of his own past. Then, when they both talk about their present, the son is not impressed by his father’s past and the father is worried about his son’s future. Strangely, there is no talk of either the son’s past or the father’s future.

We need to understand the high price we end up paying for these generation gap conflicts. The first loss is that of mutual respect. When the silence between two individuals is uncomfortable, the relationship is in danger. The two pairs of eyes cannot meet even for the time it takes to say, “Papa” or “Beta”. Many dreams are withheld or allowed to wither away just because their experiences and expectations are different. Many emotions are repressed and concealed because of swollen egos (father) or irrational exuberance (son). What remains are many unexpressed feelings and unending arguments.

Let’s take a mango tree to represent the father. Firstly, it bears a mango (his son) only when it has grown strong and high enough to be able to nourish and sustain the mango. The mango tree makes itself dense and strong to protect the mango from the weather, animals and even greedy humans. It sheds all its leaves during autumn to retain the fruit. The tree initially gives the mango its own green colour. The first flavor of the young mango is also like the leaves. So, for an onlooker the young mango is not visibly distinct from the mango tree. Thus, the identity of the mango is the mango tree.

With time and the process of natural growth, the mango matures and it acquires its own sweet taste and a distinct vibrant yellow, saffron or red colour. Now the identity of the mango tree is the mango. The world knows the tree by the variety (identity) of the mango. Either the mango is plucked or the tree lets it fall because it has grown in weight and individuality. When they part ways there are no more expectations and promises. Just a simple and strong bonding of the soul called the “seed” (the mother). And of course of the name “mango”. The mango (son) gives back all he has received from his tree (father) by becoming the tree for another yet another mango.

And so the cycle of life continues continues along for another generation. Sons are born, fathers brim with pride and expectations abound. But with the years they grow apart and there are bruising conflicts along the way. But usually the relationship survives in one form or another. It’s been happening for thousands of years. Nothing much changes except the faces and places…..

Now my quest leads me to several points of reflection.
I could sit here and write for ages on how to plan and implement a scheme to multi-comply with several requests at the same time.
Meetings, phone calls, laundry, cleaning, cooking, answering the phone, driving, food shopping, choosing clothes, houses and haircuts, changing job, picking holidays…

But.

But then something happened.
A swift change in my daily life.
I chose to write this piece.

Dumped and multi-tasker. L-O/I-V-E, work and feed your soul.

How many people get dumped every day?
How many relationships crash in a matter of seconds everywhere in the world?
How many of those unions were really not meant to be?
How many of us manage to go to work the day after?
How many decide to stop feeding their souls?
How many lose their way?

How many questions would you like to answer, after a break-up?

I could tell you that the union I am talking about was meant to be. Which is as true as it could easily be false.
Magical encounter, two wise souls, desire to love someone akin.
Busy lives longing for a piece of calm land.
Where to hide when it is allowed.
Where to plan a future as we want it.

But.

Obstacles come from within.
And there is no worse enemy than our own fear.
To be. To believe. To behave.

Then reality – as it comes – hits you in the face.
Slap you with a yell.
Did you really think it was going to be this easy?
And it is over.
No more land. No more plan. No more.

Soul aching.
Duvet calling.
All you want is to sleep.
A sleep without dreams.
Heavy body swallowed by the mattress.
Let me be. Or – better said – let me not be.
I don’t feel like.

But.

This life I have chosen to live.
This path I am walking…
Its pace and rhythm.
Did I really think it would have allowed me to not be?

Practicality. Is what saved me from that dreamless sleep.
My job – an ambitious, complex project I am fully responsible for,
Could I leave it on hold?
Was I allowing myself to stop thinking, planning, managing…
Therefore not feeding my desire to achieve?
Turning down those who believe in me and my passion?

No. This is not me.

Multi-tasker me. Live again.
Waking up in the morning is the hardest part.
And I am switching to present tense because yes, the scar tissue is still recovering.
I find myself completely submersed under the duvet.
Wrapped into my cocoon where dreams take me to another land, another present, a parallel dimension.
The first few steps follow a confused route towards the coffee machine.
While my foggy brain recollects thoughts.
Personally I find that the hardest part of break-ups and sentimental delusions is the first half hour after waking up.
While opening my eyes, all I see and recognise are my cat asking for breakfast, my orchids smily blossoming and the purple light coming through the curtains.
The perfect balance of my beautiful life.
Then. I recall.
A rain-loaded cloud blurs my coloured scenario and there it comes.
I am not his. Anymore.
Coffee and shower do their part in bringing me back to normality.
That survivor state where all you have to do is get out of the house.
Get dressed, find your keys, lock the door, make it to the elevator, say “Hi” to the doorman, get in your car, wear your sunglasses, drive out of the parking, dive into London.
Life is Here and Now.
Once more, today.

Multi-tasker me. Drive, Sing and Cry.
I am driving while re-shuffling the cards of this past month memories.
Playing with them, the game of life is once more in my hands.
This is how it was.
This is what happened.
This is why it did happen.
And there you are, my dear myself, and you’d better cope with it.
Because I am not going to allow you to trash what you are, what you have, how far you’ve got…
Cry, sing, scream, fall. But remember.
You will have to stand up. And walk again.

Multi-tasker me. I get to work.
People ask me. How, Why, When.
Answers. Phone calls. Excel sheets.
Development. Plan. Strategy. Turnover.
Are you sure this is the best way to do it?
Focus and don’t rely solely on your energy.
Delegate… Organise… Schedule… Prioritise.

AndthenallofasuddenIlookatmyselfinthemirrorandrealiseIhaven’tbeenthinkingabouthimallday.

Smiling at my reflection. Food for my soul.

Multi-tasker me. I live my life.
I adore it and feed it.
Nurture it. While dealing.
With this life that is not….
Not easy.
But not as hard as we make it.
And it is ours.
No one else’s.
Are you still walking towards that uncertain destination we call happiness?
There is no wrong track.
You choose. Mistakes do not exists.
As long as you keep choosing.

Multi-tasker me. And my gadgets.
Yes. One tiny paragraph devoted to practicality.
Get connected. And remain connected.
Wire yourself to this magical yet virtually real dimension.
The World Wide Web.
Make yourself available.
Work when outside darkness reigns.
And smile at the stars during a 2 am meeting.
Toast at the freedom of doing it Your Way.

It does not matter How. You choose.

Multi-tasker me. Communicate.
Never stop communicating.
When silence calls. Talk to it.
Be precisely and exactly Yourself.
But be aware of it.
Recognise who you are.
Even when the fog is so thick it seems there is no way out.
Share. Write. Whisper. Cry.
Words need water to grow. Sometimes.

Multi-tasker me. Love.
Dumped and yet.
Able to love.
Be love. Eat love.
Walk love.
Walk the talk of love.
If you prefer.
But cling to your love.
Remember your love.
And your loved ones.
Those who are here.
And those who left.
Love them, now like yesterday.
Even when it is over.
Do not forget you loved.
And when dawn…
That mirror. Your eyes.
Swollen. Teary.
Love them too.

Multi-tasker. Play all the way.
What are we here for,
If not to play all the way down.
And up. When it hurts. As well.
Stop fighting. Just follow.
Yourself. And no one else.
No one will ever tell you how to.
Better than your inner voice.
The player – wise and courageous.
That You Are.

The power within is what kept me from falling.

Multi-tasker me. I do not forget.
Who I am.
And what I am here for.
Someone once told me…
Waste your life with joy.
Like all important things.

When we are frustrated we lose patience and the ability to be civil to others. This generation needs patience more than its predecessors. Those were the days when people received letters by the snail mail post, weeks after they were sent and they would welcome them with enthusiasm and excitement. Now we are complaining about our computer speed and how we can improve it by nanoseconds. We have taken our speedy information access and work beyond human levels with our man-made machines and now we have grown impatient with any activity that is slow and time-consuming. Thus, impatience has become a social disease.

How do we cultivate patience? One word: FAITH. We must learn to have faith in our fate and ourselves. Faith that, in the end, everything is meant to be fine, and if it’s not as we anticipated then it’s not the end. Order, rather than chaos is the ultimate goal of the universe. So whenever you look, look at the bigger picture, which is the more accurate one. Remember, “Our patience will achieve more than our force,” said Edmund Burke.

The other thing we tend lose quickly is our head. The familiar demons of temper outbursts and long-abiding anger keep haunting us. This happens because either we try to control situations according to our rules or we believe that we haven’t been given enough control by others. Let us get one thing as clear. For whatever reason we might be here, it has nothing to do with controlling anything. So why stretch?

Now, how do you keep a cool head? Again, one word: AVOID. Try to reduce your passion for the things that arouse your anger. Try not to belong to the things that hurt you. The only thing you belong to is your spirit. Everything else is meant to distract or destroy you – but only if you allow it to happen. If there’s a particular person, reason, or passion that test your temper then remove it from your life or get yourself out of the situation. Escape it or avoid it.

The only unavoidable thing in life is death.

Finally to sign it off….Life’s real wisdom lies in taking serious things lightly and light things seriously.

I am not against using Facebook. I believe it’s the best networking site (I am a Facebook user as well). But I am amazed to see the outrageous Facebook fad taking control of so many lives among people of all ages.

We all know that Facebook is meant for an age group of 13 years or over of age but many children under the stipulated age are signing up to be members with false information. There is the danger that these children could become victims of dangerous online adult predators, which is one of the biggest risks associated with social networking sites. These children wind up adding unknown people to their ‘friend-list’ leaving themselves open to cyber bullies or even worse, a parent’s worse nightmare – the pedophile.

Teenagers are among those most addicted to Facebook. Precious time which could be used for other constructive activities such as reading, playing sports, or learning new life-enhancement skills like meditation, aerobics and yoga is spent on Facebook. The site not only encourages teenagers to waste valuable time, but also leads them into the pit of peer pressure when they are compelled to participate in all kinds of silly contests such as “Who’s The Sweetest Person?” There are an alarming number of ‘post your photos competition’ which lure teens to post photos of themselves online. This is a welcome signal or green light for every pervert and child predator online.

This is a dangerous trend not only for teenagers but for Facebook users of every age who are not well-informed about the hazards of socialising online.

I have seen people going crazy about Facebook, making desperate efforts to increase their friend-list in order to ensure he/she has a more friends than other people. They choose to ignore the fact that most virtual ‘friends’ should never be trusted and can violate your privacy at the drop of a pin.

Ludicrous as it seems, there has been a new twist in the story these days as parents deliberately make up profiles on Facebook in order to check up on their kids (one would think that older people would have better things to do with their life than playing around on Facebook). The end result is that the whole family turns out to be on Facebook instead of spending quality time together.

Don’t get me wrong, Facebook is a great platform to express yourself by making up your own group, keeping in touch with friends and exploring other interests. However, one must remember that Facebook is just another means to enjoy life but not another means to live life.

By limiting yourself to Facebook, you lose out on a rich and exciting life of real possibilities beyond a social networking site.

So the next time you log on to Facebook with the intention of spending hours in useless socialising, pause a while and ask yourself, is there something more interesting, constructive and uplifting I could be doing with my time?

The lady was busy in drying her clothes while she kept an eye on the children. Her son must have been about seven years of age and her daughter close to four years. Her youngest child was a girl, who seemed to be about a year old and she was sitting in the pram enjoying the game of her elder siblings.

The two kids were running to and fro, dancing, jumping on the chairs, rolling on the floor and laughing. Their game was not new and their gestures were ordinary. But I was captivated by their innocence, smiles and laughter which were as fresh as a morning breeze.

I wondered if I were like them when I was a child. Did I forget about the world and laugh to my heart’s content? Did I play similar games? Were my smiles as genuine as theirs coming directly from the heart? Was my laughter like tinkling bells?

As I stood there I wished I could be a carefree child again.

It is sad that as we grow older, we stop remembering the child in us. The busy lifestyle of today has taken everything from us that is carefree. We are paying the price for our complexities and technologies that we once created to make life simpler. We all need to make life simpler rather than more complex.

We should stop worrying about the things over which we have no control over and think of solutions rather than problems. The rat race for a big house, big job and more money will never end so why WORRY? We should enjoy and live each moment of our lives as if there is no tomorrow. So let the energy flow out of you! Smile at everybody you meet. Laugh out loud at silly things and let the child in you LIVE again…..

The normal human instinct and reaction is to lash out and let loose the anger and frustration that such situations obviously release. It is quite natural for anyone in such situation to feel alone, bereft and angry.
It is at this juncture that one needs to remember, “How is it relevant?”. Let’s replay the scenes with the ‘how is it relevant’ context.

Scene 1. “The boss is firing the hell out of a person and the person is miserable”. The boss has been a great enabler in the past and will be so again. So, how is it relevant that he is angry now? Or, the boss has been an insecure joker and anyways, you are looking out for a job, so how is it relevant? Anyways, nowadays, we don’t spend our lives in a single job and definitely not with a single boss. So, how is it relevant?

Scene 2. “The boss is miserable because the subordinate is not delivering”. The boss has had several subordinates and will have many more. If the subordinate does not deliver, move on. How is it relevant? A leader needs to do their best to get the team to deliver and grow. However, if the team is following Murphy’s Law of having risen to the heights of their incompetence, what can an individual do? How is it relevant?

Scene 3. “The entrepreneur is spending a sleepless night because of tough calls required that would impact everyone’s life negatively in the short term”. Either the promoter has focussed on the welfare of people before or not. If the welfare has not been the focus, the tough call is a confirmation of the promoter’s selfishness, else it’s a reaffirmation of the promoter’s focus on the overall good and growth of the team and organisation. Sleepless nights; How is it relevant?

Scene 4. “A friend or a partner fights with you for no reason and one wonders what happened?” Like the promoter example, there have been great times before or not. If there exist memories of great times, then how is the fight relevant? If not and you are going to move on, again how is the fight relevant?

Every event in our life is but a turning point. The fork we choose is based on what has happened before as also the fact that nothing is permanent.

So, getting too involved in the present and getting too involved, especially negatively is just not worth the time and effort. Ask someone who has lived long enough and most situations in life would evoke a memory of having handled it by saying “How is it relevant?”.

We often realise this in hindsight. My suggestion is to use this approach through life and make better choices with regards to how we react to situations. Hope you enjoyed this article. Anyways, “How is it relevant?”

I enjoyed sharing this thought!

When things are that charmed, I always pay closer attention.

The creation of sand mandalas is a ritual in the impermanence of life. Incredibly complex patterns are painstakingly built by trinkling grains of coloured sand into their microscopic places. Mandalas can take many weeks to construct – not a grain out of place. And then….the mandala is swept into the wind, the sea, or smeared up into a pile of nothing but sacred sand and given to worshipers or carried to the river by procession.

All that work. Then poof! Since not many of us have worked in the medium of sand, try this metaphor on for size: imagine covering a 5 × 5 foot canvas working with only the teeny tiniest brush. You work round the clock for weeks, barely eating. Eyes stinging, hands cramped. The perfect masterpiece of meaningful complexity – worthy of the Louvre. Instead of a gallery show or collecting a commission, you take it out back and burn it.

Or, imagine building a successful company from just an idea; weaving a marriage together for years; growing a community; a garden; a belief system that guides your entire life — then letting it all go, just walking away. No leverage, no strings, no regrets.

Could you do it?

I think I could. I think I might.

In a family where communication has not been encouraged and allowed to flourish, this becomes a bubbling volcano. Soon it erupts, ignited usually by the youngsters as the elders are conditioned to control emotions and reactions.

As parents, our fears are about demands that can’t be met and the disappointments that follow. No parent wants to see his/her offspring hurt and therefore we try steer them into safer harbours. The ships of youth however, are not interested in safety. They hastily unfurl their sails to test the winds and its intimidating challenges, many of which are new to the reality of their parents. Parents as helmsmen keep shouting out words of caution. While the youth says, “Let go, let go.”

Should one let go or not, is the crore rupee question. (Hopefully this would replace “the million dollar question” saying that is popular in western countries). At the end of the day, each is the master of his/her destiny. So, if one has taught the child well and he/she has grown up with common sense and a responsible value system, it is probably time to graduate from parenthood and let go.

Surely as the sun rises in the east, they will fall and hurt themselves. It is still the best time-tested way to acquire maturity and wisdom. But, your teaching, good examples and instilled value system will help them to recover their balance and climb back in stride again.

That’s the true treasure and inheritance you leave behind. If they did not learn how to be resilient while accepting life’s dualities and inevitable disappointments, all material legacies would be useless.

So, if you have prepared them for the mix of challenges, joys and disappointments that are pureed into life then you have grown up, as a father or mother or parents! Now, you have the luxury of regressing into youth again and having a ball! Of course, a part of you will always be there to catch them if they fall and can’t find their way back up. But until then enjoy your graduation from parenthood and take life easy with some cream and sugar.

Frustration! It is a word which is commonly associated with feelings of helplessness and sometimes rage. So is there a way out? The answer is a big Yes!

Any human emotion generates a certain amount of energy. For instance, if we feel happy we are naturally energized and can accomplish all those chores which we don’t even like doing. If we feel gloomy, we are sapped and our energy level goes down. So energy is the key which drives us to do something or not do it. The most valuable aspect about frustration is that it generates enormous amounts of energy. The sheer feeling of helplessness coupled with a great degree of determination is the source of that energy. This energy, if properly channelled into action can achieve incredible results to free us from the constraints of frustration.

Here are the four basic steps:

Step-I Acknowledge! (A)

The first and foremost thing is to accept the fact there is a problem or obstacle. You can’t do much about it. And the issue is taking a heavy toll on your life. Even then you are not able to do much about it. You have a problem which is affecting your life and you cannot yet see or understand all the factors contributing to the situation.

Step-II Reassess! (R)

There are some circumstances in our life for which we can’t hold anybody else responsible but ourselves. Some people realise this while some don’t. At the same time there are many things which are beyond our control. I mean there are many uncontrollable issues in life which you have to take in your stride. We have to prudently assess which issues are under our control and which are not. A word of caution here! If we falter at this stage it will mean that we have let things go from our hands.

Step-III Disregard! (D)

If you have decided that there are few things you cannot be in charge of, there is no need to waste and energy time mulling over them. So forget them! Concentrate on those areas over which you have some control and influence.

Step –IV Finish it! (F)

Since you have now identified the things that are under your control and influence, go for it now. Complete the tasks and employ all your pent up emotions in working through those situations. Solutions have a way of coming in unexpectedly from unexpected directions when we embrace our situation fully and begin tackling the source of our distress.

After honestly assessing the situation and breaking down the factors into the categories discussed above, more often than not, you will see that you are out of the frustration zone. Now you see how frustration can be helpful in life? Whenever you are frustrated, don’t be feel helpless. It is simply an indication that you need to put on your thinking cap and sort through the equation with your best analytical skills. The seeds of solution lie within the very problem itself.

This is the first in a series of simple articles on basic personal problem solving. Look out for follow up articles in the weeks to come.

Etymologically speaking, William Shakespeare used the term ‘sea change’ in The Tempest to mean the change of Ferdinand caused by the sea. Shakespeare used the word to mean a transformation of form while substance remains the same. However today we use this term to mean a change which is large and sudden.

Ignoring the confused usage, I set about thinking about change and what it means to us. We resist any change that disrupts our routine and time- tested ways of doing things. Change makes us anxious and disoriented. We resist change by being passive and cocooning ourselves. And as change stares at us, we adopt tactics like offering resistance, criticizing and being cynical about it.

Given the turbulent environment of the days, can the waves of personal sea change ever leave us untouched? The answer is ‘no.’ So, how do we cope with this?

Here are the five A’s of managing sea change:

a) Accept – Change is here to stay. Remember in the evolution chain, we human beings started off by sharing a common ancestor with the apes. Look at how far we have come since then.

b) Adapt – Our forefathers had a wonderful capacity to live through sea changes in their times. They had the resilience to face and survive change under extremely harsh circumstances. If they were unable to manage change, we wouldn’t be here today. We share their DNA and are created to be flexible so we can adapt to change.

c) Analyze – Change brings in both good and bad. Initially things could turn out to be bad, but we must believe that the final outcome will be good. See the woods, not the trees or the shrubs.

d) Act – Having analyzed the situation, the next step in change management is to work out a plan to meet change, manage it without trauma and then implement the conditions.

e) Await – Last but not least, await and prepare for the next wave of change.

And as the old saying goes, “Change is the only thing in life that is permanent.” Let us stop being a change-phobic and remember that we are all masters in change management.

Recently I met a woman whose fiancé decided to break off the engagement after 2 years of courtship. Shocked by his decision and deeply angered about another woman who had taken her place, she was determined to find her answers with the help of a tarot reading.

Her first question to me was, “How can I heal from heartbreak?” I winced a little more as over the years I had realized that some forms of grief must be experienced and there was no magic pill that would take away her pain. Healing would take time and she would need to be patient.

Her cards revealed a time for absolute self honesty. For a start, it would help to admit feelings of hurt to herself. Hiding behind feelings of anger or calling him repeatedly and demanding explanations was simply aggravating the situation. What would help would be time out for herself, to cry and process the grief.

Further cards indicated a time of confusion, blame and resentment but it would pass. She wanted to know how much time would be needed to go through the period of uncertainty and intense hurt she had bottled up inside. My response was, “As long as it needs.”

Different people respond to heartbreak differently. Some move on after a few weeks, others hold on to the pain for weeks, months and years. Clearly what was required was a willingness to go through this painful process, one day at a time with the knowledge that one day she would wake up and realize that the hurt no longer exists. Patience reveals her lessons in different ways and she would need to accept whatever happened and allow the heartbreak to run its course.

She began to cry again and we sat together in silence. (Her tears would flow repeatedly over the following weeks but somewhere she was learning that heartbreak is a part of growing up).

Her final question was to find out if she would meet someone else. As I laid out the spread, the cards revealed a fresh start with another young man who would shower her with love and affection. The cards also showed she would be enjoying a great deal of success in her job. Her tears didn’t stop at that point but there was a glimmer of a smile. Hopefully I prayed silently, she has found a reason to allow herself to heal and move on.

Her story is not a rare one. All of us have faced heartbreak at some point in time in our lives and though there is no perfect way to heal the pain, here are a few suggestions which might help:

1) Ultimately we all have to move on from the ending of a painful relationship. And it’s different for all of us. Some of us heal faster and some take time. Be patient with yourself if you’ve just broken up, and if a friend of yours is recovering, be patient with him or her.

2) Don’t start thinking about about being friends with your ex lover immediately. Your first relationship has to be one with yourself. Be your own best friend, pick up the pieces and slowly build back your sense of self.

3) Express your pain and anger. Bottling it up only makes it worse; talk to loved ones or a counsellor and simply let it out. Crying helps with this release.

4) Learn to trust again. All relationships involve risks and the expression of free will. Don’t let one bad experience make you believe all men/women will hurt you again.

5) Work on building back your self esteem. Surround yourself by people who love and appreciate you.

6) Rose quartz, rose incense and Himalayan salt lamps are excellent soothers and can aid in the process of healing.

In the last month or so, I’ve witnessed two store closings, three blog unpluggings, two staff fires, three complete re-namings of brands, and some serious slashing of product lines. YES! All making way for success!

Here’s the thing about defining fulfillment on your own terms. You don’t have to have a storefront to be a wildly successful retailer. You don’t have to get up early in the morning to beat the competition. You don’t have to keep staff who are slagging because you’re a humanitarian or unionized (besides, cutting someone loose so they can go hone their truer talents and bliss is profoundly humane). If it’s not working, you get to give it up – quickly, just like that.

Quitting is a form of enlightenment, I tell ya.

Yes, success is gritty business. You’ve got to hustle your bustle. You’ve got to eat intensity Wheaties for breakfast. But there’s a difference between happy rigor and inane slogging. Slogging doesn’t work. It just doesn’t. You can’t plant misery seeds today and expect to get a juicy crop next season.

I hear this time and again, “If I just hang in longer, maybe she’ll come up to speed. It might sell in the summer. If I dig deeper, I’ll learn to love Excel.”

‘Fess up – it ain’t workin’. You’re smart to see it. You’re brilliant if you move on.

Indicators of when it simply is not working:
1. You use “It sucks” in a sentence to describe any aspect of your situation.
2. You “drag yourself” to it.
3. Sunday night anxiety (dreading Monday).
4. Dismal sales (yes, the universe speaks to us through cash flow).
5. The bleak absence of synchronicity.
6. Not a whole lot of thanks coming your way.
7. Your mother is your best customer.
8. Seething resentment.

The clues are so generic that we just plow them over with duty and ego and fear of totally flopping.

But vitality is a sensation, and it requires a sensitivity to signals and surroundings – and the courage to flow and shout and stomp your feet in sync with the signals of life.

Don’t worry about how you’re going to fix what’s broke. Just notice what sucks with ruthless honesty. It’ll be a momentary rush when you do. You might even feel a strange sense of elation. And when you’re high on the truth, you’ve got a new vantage point of where to go next. Turn the lights off when you leave. Announce your new destination.

Pushing maintains the swirl. Sometimes, what’s out of sight and zooming toward you isn’t quite here yet. A leap in another direction doesn’t always land you in a more findable spot.

Waiting may be the quickest way to get somewhere.

How do you know which tack to take? Push or wait? If pushing makes you hyperventilate, makes your eyes bug out with effort, then maybe you’re pushing against yourself rather than anything that’s actually in your way.

If you think you’ve done everything right, but there’s still no reward, try waiting. Even for a little while.

Now and then, allow yourself be the target, not the arrow.

If you’re wondering why you have been overlooked by the gods, consider the possibility that they can’t pinpoint your location through all the dust you’re kicking up as you flail.

Take a deep breath. Sit down. Be quiet. Sip your tea.

Photo: Sleepy Buddha by Silvio Tanaka

“People change all the time and forget to tell each other.”
Lillian Hellman

Change is a marvelous thing to celebrate. Acknowledging growth helps us to keep on growing. Taking stock of the leagues you’ve traveled is especially useful for those of us who drive ourselves so hard to be – whatever we’re craving to be.

I used to believe in soul mates, in “The One.” And then I learned that “The One” is “The One” because you say he is.
I used to be angry and didn’t know why. Now I’m righteous but happy.
In my twenties I WILLED it to happen. Now I allow it to happen.
I used to need ritual. Now I just want the peace that lies beyond structure, even ritual.
I no longer care if you don’t agree with me. My heart is softer. I have more room for more opinions than my own.
I used to think I had to earn my keep, sing for my supper. Now I follow my bliss and the feast finds me.
I used to ’round up’, adding a little glow to the story here ‘n there. Now I relish the weightless cleanliness of precise and plain communication – which can still be done poetically.

And the list goes on….evolution is always spiraling outward, upward, seeking it’s own creative edge. Ducklings turn into swans. Feminists turn into humanists. Hearts heal. The narrow expands. There’s much to celebrate.

My neeeeeed to dance MUST be resurrected. My life depends on it. I don’t need therapy or an intensive to get back in touch with that fire. I just need to invite it back. A simple 1 and 2 and 3 and dance!

Even if we have continuously repressed or neglected the truest aspects of our being, that energy can come back into our lives with only the slightest invitation. Because, that which is true rests easy and hopeful – like flowers rest in winter, knowing that spring always comes. There’s no need to fret over faded passion. Your mojo and moxy are always within reach.

What part of you would you like to revive? The part of you that was playful – no matter who you were with; the part of you that planted a big smooch on your partner when they came home; the part of you that believed the world was waiting for you to show up? Put a name to that part: free, moxy, audacious, fearless, theatrical, hearty…and make that your word for the day, the week, this season. You don’t need a ‘revival plan’ or an action list – just one word, invited back with all your heart.

If it’s part of your spirit, even dormant passion won’t take much to ignite. Vitality is a muscle memory, like riding a bike. Or dancing on tables.

Cheerleaders are said to be a small crowd across the globe, and it makes them very special and unique for what they do – fly across continents to be at sports venues just to spread cheer, warmth, positive energy, smiles and laughter. So, wherever they cheer, they are an epitome of what all of us aspire to be… just plain happy within and outside.

The power of their presence is felt when you see them cheering the crowds – you and me included.  Does anything cheer you more, bring more joy, more vivacity during these matches than these cheerleaders? They dance and giggle through you TV screen irrespective of how the match is poised. Whichever team you and me may patronize in the game, we are all on one-side – the side of the cheerleaders……

These cheerleaders are not just bone and flesh, pretty and chic…. In each of them is a teacher, a nurse, a corporate executive, an airline hostess, a travel guide, an architect…but above all, they are cheer-leaders and their goal is to spread as much joy and cheer cutting across color, creed, and continents. This is the power of positive energy at its best.  If each one of us, above all we do in our lives, decides to imbibe cheerleading, this world will be a greater place than it is now.

Each of these cheer leaders have their own set of problems, they have overcome many hurdles in life than any of you and me, they have their successes, failures and setbacks, and in some cases even insurmountable tragedies.

BUT they are a determined lot – put all of their personal life aside, and be here and now, only to make you and me smile, laugh, feel happy, feel good, be a bundle of positive emotions.  Believe me, even the critics of these cheerleaders, get infected  with their joyful emotions. THAT is the power of spreading positive energy, smile, happiness, and joy. We all must imbibe a little bit of cheerleading in our daily schedule.

Amongst them, each of these cheerleaders invests so much of time and energy in staying and looking to be what they are…. Be it keeping their good and happy looks, an ever smiling disposition, a strong mind and body to take them across countries, and make a million and more spectators reciprocate the same positive energy and joy. I don’t think there could be any other small group akin to these wonderful cheerleaders. Cheerleaders are power packed positive emotions their best. They  are teamwork at its best. Each one of these cheerleaders is from a different place, nation, speaks a different language, has a unique set of life goals and career aspirations. But when it comes to their ‘here and now’ goal of cheering, they are the best team, move as one, dance as one, and smile and make you smile as one…a cohesive and close-knit team that performs only to accomplish the group’s goal to cheer. These are great management lessons in how teamwork ought to be.

Cheerleaders spread joy and happiness not to one sport…  They do the same for cricket, baseball, football and any other sport which would want to get them to cheer the crowd.  That is an example of a vision statement, irrespective of what is done… a vision to spread joy and cheer, and positive vibes for a huge audience.  So, here we learn the power of having a personal or corporate vision.

Let’s all benefit from a few good life lessons from these cheerleaders!

–

Muralidharan is an HR practitioner and a recruitment professional. A strong believer in spreading cheer and positivity, Murali currently works out of Chennai and is a voracious reader and a prolific writer.

It has truly been a life changing journey for me since the moment my daughter was born. Fatherhood has been a truly transformative experience.

Thought it would be fun to share some of the personal growth lessons I have learned in my journey of last three years.

1.    Always keep smiling: When kids find themselves in a difficult situation they usually smile and work around the issue. There are some things in life we just can’t predict.  Even with a great deal of planning, it’s possible that life will throw at us knotty moments. We need to greet those moments with a sense of good humor and proactive fascination. You will always find that smile on a child’s face whatever the situation be. It’s said a child smiles 1700 times in a day, a young adult smiles 17 times and a matured adult hardly smiles. We should just be like a kid and face every moment of our life with a smile.

2.    Physical activity keeps you healthy: Kids are into some physical activity all the time, not because it’s healthy, but because it’s fun. They participate in sports, climb trees, run etc. It’s also said in the Puranas and I closely watched it in my six-month-old daughter that for the first six months a child is always found in any of the yogic postures and mudras. That’s also precisely the reason why in the first six months the mental growth of a child is maximum. Just watching them in the initial months can comfortably teach you all the postures of padma sadhana which is the best practice of a healthy living.

3.    Love without expectation: Any form of love that a child shows is the purest form of expression. When a child hugs you, kisses you, looks at you with love, it’s 100% natural and it’s done with complete genuineness and without any expectation. Thus a kid teaches us everyday life’s greatest lesson ‘LOVE’ and how to express it.

4.    Living the present moment: Kids live by their instincts openly and without hesitation. They are enthusiastic about life, eager to learn, and curious about everything. They are not worried about the past or anxious about the future. They live every moment with awareness, enthusiasm and complete consciousness. Watching them teaches you one of the biggest lessons of success, give 100% to the present moment.

5.    Dance for yourself: It’s about enjoying life’s simple pleasures. Put a kid in a puddle and watch him cheerfully splash around. Or just tickle a kid until he is beet red from laughter. All of these are simple pleasures that children love to partake in. I think the biggest sign of a life well lived is to be able to dance at anytime, anywhere as if no one’s watching. Children do it all the time.

I’m looking forward to many more years together of learning with my two teachers of life my angels Pia and Dia. I’ll also suggest each one of you to watch kids closely, learn from them for they are life’s greatest teachers.

–

Kaushik is a Business Training and Development professional working with a well known MNC bank in India. His interests are reading, travelling, trekking, spirituality, photography, cultural and social activism. He has travelled extensively and seen all states of India and most of the Himalayas.

You should really choose to live like that. I choose to see all the small “tickles” that life gives me, and by the fact that I actively choose to see them.

I choose to live my life forward, and I choose happiness actively every day. I choose to see positive angles in life, rather than focusing on what doesn’t work.

Time and again I have the joy to be confirmed in that I made the right choice. I’ve been contacted by the most amazing and inspiring people who enjoy my words and actions.

Can you get happier yet – yes, of course, you can! By actively choosing happiness on your own part, you will infect others. Isn’t it just fantastic? It’s as simple as that, choose to do what makes you happy, find bright spots around you and then it spreads like rings in water.

Find the place that gives you energy, and bathe in it! I dance hip-hop. Yes believe or not, a coach in her mid-40s is dancing hip hop. O)

It truly is to be “tickled by life” in abundance – to be with people who share the joy of dancing. It’s awesome to give it my all at training and then some at the tournaments.

I admit it – I’m really not the most competitive person in the world. If I did my very best on the floor, the medals become less important. I just get such an inner joy that makes me so high that it itches.

Everybody would ideally want a gold medal. Not getting one can be disappointing but not for me. If I know I have danced the best I could, I am just so “tickled by life” that everything else fades.

What turns on you energy in your life? How are you tickled by life?

Please remember that joy is infectious. O)

–

Karin Ludvigsen is CEO at the coaching company Phokus in Denmark. She is a certified business and life coach. She is tickled by life by dancing hip-hop in her spare time. Feel free to contact her at: karin@phokus.dk.

Are we being true to ourselves and the universe which is organizing our lives around us? There is so much expectation from the universe but to receive we have to be in the club of givers without premeditated calculations of why & what.

When we give our youth, time and energy to family, relationships, work we do so with an intent which is very self-oriented at the core. No conditionals!

The joining of the club of givers requires, spontaneity, the opposite of the tendency to hoard, live with less and as far as possible with the minimum one can. At the same time sharing of goods, effort and time because somebody is genuinely in more need than you and could obviously put whatever you are parting with to better use. Finally the belief that the universe is there and will give what you need anyway.

Did you choose your name, parents, brothers, sisters, friends, teachers or even the place & date of birth? You accepted all these without preamble so what is bothering you now?

The best givers are intensely alive and very involved in life. When you drop the critical, calculating and the judgmental attitude, there is an aura of compassion which builds up around you. Then you can only give. I know many millionaires and I have been blessed by the help they gave me in cash, kind and personal time.
As an exercise study your life and see how many things are lying around you that are never used and list them out. Second step if you feel there are others who can use them and NEED them, would you be ready to pass them on?

This is living in the present. Things come and go. We are only caretakers or users for a while. Like a coin which changes hands hundreds and thousands of time in its life time. Yet the humans have been able to delude themselves into believing that things belong to them. These people close their doors so effectively that nothing goes out from them nor anything comes into them. What a waste of a lifetime – it is so sad; these people are doomed to repeat their lifecycles over and over.

So how does one open out to the universe; How to be a witness? How to grow out of the petty self? It is simple really. See the world with benevolent eyes. Don’t judge – observe as a third party, witness. And above all: don’t try to change the world. Identify yourself with beautiful things and surround yourself with them.

Learn about all the things that are negative in character, like noise, obnoxious materials, obnoxious emotions etc – anything that leaves a bad after-taste, shocks or frightens or as the environmentalists would say – polluting. Try to distance yourself from these. And then join the club of givers.

You’ll see things will start falling in place.

–

PK is a teacher of languages/communication, counsellor and a businessman active in 6 countries. He combines his knowledge of life with his education in management, applied psychology and occult psychology from his time in The Ashram in Pondicherry and assists aspiring managers to reach their next level. Please visit http://sites.google.com/site/pkcentreforchange/Home

Choose happiness!

Make a choice each day; choose to be happy with what comes and what has gone. There are plenty of things to rejoice about.

Do not forget the little things: Your smiling colleague. The little girl who babbles with her mother. The wind flying through your hair, making you feel like you are living. Every little thing like this is happiness smiling your way.

We want to see all of the big happy things, but remember to see all these little things; the ones we barely notice in our everyday lives.

Look around you and see the world as if you’ve never seen it before. Put the “happy goggles” on. Look at the people around you, look at the nature, look at the wildlife, look at the surroundings, see how wonderful it all is.

Can you do it?
Try!

Are you feeling stupid?
Try again!

Did you find something?
Do you smile a little bit now?

You are on the right track!

The first step is not the most difficult step, it is simply the first.

Now think of three things that made you smile or left you feeling happy today.

Write them down.
Now look at them again and recall the emotion you gained from each thing.

Now remember the three things that made you happy yesterday.

Write them down.
Look at them again and recall the emotions individually.

Then think about three things that you felt happy about during the last week.

Write them down.
Look at them again and recall the emotions you felt from them individually.

Can you see the pattern? )

It works – try it and you will see. If you do this exercise over and over again for a couple of days, you will not be satisfied with just three things. You recall even more.

When you begin, it may be difficult to find three things, but suddenly it dawns on you, that the positive experiences are queuing up on you.

You attract them and you choose to see them. Indeed, they are present all of the time, but you must choose to see them )

Why are we doing this?

The principle is that your happiness is a choice, and you can turn it on, even off, whenever you please, but you might need to practise at first. The amazing thing is that the more you choose to turn on your happiness-switch, the easier it gets.

Now, you might be left thinking: “All the terrible things happen to me, all the time!”

I know – I’ve been there!! But yet again, it is about how you handle it.

People get sick and other traumatic things happen, but you can choose how you want to move forward.

Take life in your own hands and do not let others choose your path. There will always be situations that you can not change. However, you can change how you see them, and you can change what you learn from them.

I know it might seem difficult, but believe in yourself – it can be done!

Find a bright spot, hold on to it, and don’t let it slip away from you. Find the next bright spot, see the small pleasures and make sure to really feel it in your heart. Feel it in your soul.

Laugh all that you can, see all the funny movies you love, or the ones you haven’t seen yet, and laugh. Put your pain behind you and choose life and happiness.

I have been going down this path, and I truly believe that you can do the same!

Let us choose happiness!