Shalu Wasu is Tickled By Life » Humor

A Horoscope Pisces Me Off

Abhijit Bhaduri — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 14:55:52 +0000

There are days when you are the pigeon and there are days when you are the statue. The trick lies in getting an early warning especially on the “statue days”, so that you can take in a deep breath and last out when your head is being held underwater. In my case the pigeon days are few and far between. It happens ever so suddenly and if I do not immediately take advantage of that tiny sliver of an opportunity I have only myself to blame. Horoscopes are helpful to take a sneak peek into the future. I read them regularly. My newspaper carries two of them (written by two different blokes) on Sunday. If you miss one of them while being stunned by their editorial, you can always read the other one without having to flip back on the pages. Tip for you: If you do not like the prediction for your own zodiac, try reading the one which says what you are looking for. If being a Scorpio does not bring me money this week, I am OK taking the prediction for Pisces if they are the ones with cash in the wallet.

Like it happened last month when I was going to have an all important discussion on salary hikes with the Big One. I checked what the week’s prediction was for Scorpio (my zodiac sign). It was not pretty. It said, “You will have a difficult time convincing a colleague (ahem, someone is being cryptic) about your point of view. Avoid arguments. Money matters will keep you worried.” Whoa! I needed a sanity check on this one. So I read up what the prediction for the week was for Taurus – my boss is Taurean. It said, “Avoid getting into an altercation with your colleagues about money matters.” There was no reason for the prediction to come true, but it did. The Big One must be reading the same newspaper.

I have a simple solution to this problem. I am taking writing out predictions not by zodiac signs but by topic. This horoscope is about the twelve things that matter to everyone regardless of what zodiac sign you are – crab (Cancer) or twin (Gemini). It works even if you follow the Chinese calendar and you are a pig or rooster or monkey. Net net, no matter what beast you are, I have a prediction for you. What’s more, it s a prediction you will like. Read this on a bad day and it wll cheer you up.

Health: You are in the pink of health. If someone asks you start exercising, remember, this week is not a good time to start. After all the year has 52 weeks. Choose an auspicious time to start the regime, not now.
Money: Money is coming your way. If you are facing a temporary cash crunch, don’t worry, you will get bailed out – remember how everyone gets a bailout package just before they go bankrupt? So chill. Think big. You ARE rich.
Romance: The opposite sex is called so because they have been going in the opposite direction. This week, your magnetic charm will work. So be prepared to read advice on money (point 2 above). So stuff will happen even to you. Honest. It has to…
Office: This will be the best week you have had in a long time. Your projects will all finish in time. Your work will be praised – even by that nasty person who sits in the corner table playing Solitaire all day. You will be given a raise and made to be the big cheese so you get an unlimited expense account right away. (Read point 2 and 3, who do you think will be popular? wink …wink…)
Shopping: Plan your shopping. You are going to be busy buying stuff all of next week to spend what will come your way this week. Some of the brands have strange spellings. Learn them. Remember your shoe size and color choice as you leave home. Credit cards will work. So go splurge.
Travel: This week will see you doing a lot of travelling to exotic places. By that I do not mean your long commute to the office. The Pizza Shop is not my idea of an exotic destination. Think out of the box or suitcase if you must. It could involve air travel – relax. Read section on Food to feel reassured.
Traffic: There will be no jams this week. You can drive like a maniac and everyone on the road will indulgently wait for you to drive past. You are in a hurry. You have stuff to do. We all understand. Read section 8 below.
Parking: Parking will be plentiful. That is going to last for the next seven days from the time you read this prediction. So save this one for a rainy day. That is the time you really need to park someplace and run to the nearest washroom. If in doubt read section on Traffic.
Telephone: The phone company will waive off charges for you to use the phone. This is that wee of the year when telephone companies like to give customers a surprise. Nothing like having a 100 free minutes added to your account – evey minute. You can even call your microwave for an hour and you will still have minutes left to spare. Oh yeah, there will be no telemarketing calls to receive – unless you are making them. Remember this could lead to what section 3 predicted.
Food: This is your lucky week. Even airlines food will taste delicious. This is the count no calories week. No matter how man helpings of chocolate cake you have you won’t resemble any of the animals mentioned in the zodiac sign – leave alone the sixth one in the chart.
Television: TV will feature your favorite program (including those that you secretly tape and delete diligently). There will be no annoying ads at crucial moments of sporting events – unless you have made any of those ads. In that case only the ad will play all day on all channels. So no matter who watches what channel, your ad will get the highest TRP ratings.
Emails: The office email server will be taken down for maintenance this week. They are upgrading stuff. If you don’t answer mails for a week, the world will take you off their mailing list. You will no longer get annoying emails that assign work to you.

If you feel I have not given enough good news in a certain section, leave a comment behind. We need to build a horoscope around these twelve vital areas and not zodiac signs.

You can read more articles on Humor at http://abhijitbhaduri.com/category/humor/

If you want to read the usual stuff on sun signs, here is a link to Linda Goodman’s sun signs.

Meet Cartoonist Ajit Ninan

Abhijit Bhaduri — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 03:34:43 +0000

The morning newspaper and a cuppa chai is a ritual that is common to a large part of the human race. But people read it in their own manner. Some glance at the headlines and head straight for the sports page. So open the editorial page and shake their head disapprovingly at the affairs of the world. I head for the cartoons. I grab the newspaper and head straight for Ajit Ninan’s cartoon. I look for two elements of wit in a cartoon – the visual and verbal. Ninan excels in both. With most cartoonists one lands up choosing between the two. Ajit started his career with FD Stewarts – an ad agency in Chennai before they transferred him to Delhi. While in Delhi Ajit started contributing cartoons to Target – a magazine for children run by the India Today group. That led to an offer to join the media group as cartoonist and illustrator. Ajit’s cartoons in India Today, Business Today and Target got him noticed. He joined Indian Express newspaper in 1992 before drawing for the news magazine Outlook. He is now with The Times of India as their Chief Graphics Consultant. Ajit used to run a cartoon strip called Detective Moochhwala (and his tail-less dog called Poochh, which means tail in Hindi) for Target. That comic strip had cult status amongst readers and it was amazing to see Ajit pack in a tight storyline and brilliant graphics in about 35-40 frames.

Nephew of the cartoonist Abu Abraham (1924-2002), Ajit grew up in Hyderabad. The highlight of his time at Hyderabad Public School was when he used to get “suspended” for drawing cartoons of his teachers. According to Ajit, “That allowed me to sit in the library and go through stacks of Punch and New Yorker cartoons. Cartoonists James Thurber and Arnold Roth were my inspiration. As a kid I spent many doing detailed sketches of machines and turbines. My love for these gadgets showed up when I drew Moochhwala who used hi-tech inspired gadgets like Katchem Krime Komputer – which was a dig at the Ku Klux Klan.” Ajit looked at my caricature of him and said, “That’s spot on! The hair on the eyebrows was michievous.” We caught up over lunch and many cups of coffee.

Abhijit Bhaduri: Where was your first cartoon published? How old were you then?

Ajit Ninan: My first work was published in the last issue of the children’s magazine Shankar’s Weekly. I think that was in 1968 or 69 and they shut down after that. Maybe because of my cartoon!! They sent me a Money Order for Rs10/-. I promptly spent eight bucks out of that buying myself a new pair of school shoes.

Abhijit: How did you know that you wanted to be a cartoonist?

Ninan: I am a “Mallu” (Malayali for the uninitiated) but from Hyderabad. I was weak in Math. So it had to be art. My ambition was to teach in a college. I thought I would move all my classes to the afternoon and get to sleep late everyday.

But I did not start off doing cartoons. I started off drawing complicated machines and turbines. As a cartoonist you have to learn to draw all kinds of things and from all angles. If you need to draw a tractor, you have to know how much of the wheel would be visible, what shape the headlights are. Where are they fixed etc. You have to be able to draw all those details. Only then can you use them in a cartoon. A cartoonist’s mind has to be like a Rotoscope. When I am looking at a person, or reading a news item my mind automatically churns ideas, creates images, exaggerates a point of view. That is important for a cartoonist.

(According to Wikipedia: In the visual effects industry, the term rotoscoping refers to the technique of manually creating a matte for an element on a live-action plate so it may be composited over another background.)

Abhijit: Whose cartoons do you admire?

Ninan: Mario Miranda’s drawings. He is the only Indian cartoonist who can have a hundred characters in a drawing and still have harmony. His pen strokes are so confident. He will take care to make a guy in a black coat stand in front of a white door to bring out the contrast and details. I grew up admiring the works of James Thurber and Arnold Roth of New Yorker. There are two kinds of cartoonists – those who attract attention with the blacks and those who use white (space). American cartoonists use a lot of black – their politicians and business people wear black. That explains their style. Our style has to be to use white. Abu Abraham shifted to using more white after he started to draw in India. I love Lurie’s style of big heads and small bodies. I used this style while drawing the business leaders caricatures.

Abhijit: When you draw cartoons for a living, does it not tend to take the joy out of what could be a nice hobby? How do your friends treat you?

Ajit: It is a stressful and lonely role. You cannot delegate it to anyone. You always have to have ideas that have at least a 24 hour shelf life. If you are on vacation, the continuity has to be maintained for the reader. My friends expect me to always come up with something wacky. Some of them are wary about getting themselves depicted as a cartoon.

Abhijit: How do you draw caricatures? Are good looking people more difficult to draw caricatures of?

Ajit: Yes, good looking people are more difficult to draw. I find it tougher to draw women than men. When Rajiv Gandhi became Prime Minister, I was worried until he built his helipad ! By making Manmohan Singh as the Prime Minister, in one stroke Sonia Gandhi has deprived cartoonists of so many cartoon topics. Manmohan Singh is difficult to make fun of. But cartoonists still manage to.

I always start with the nose. Then decide where to hang the rest of the face. (hands me a collection of biz leaders’ caricature he has drawn.)

Abhijit: What is it about the state of Kerala that has produced some of India’s best known cartoonists – Vijayan, Kutty, Shankar, Ravi Shankar, Abu Abraham to name a few? (Just check out this list at http://keralacartoonists.blogspot.com/)

Ajit: I think it is a combination of literacy and political leanings that Kerala has to offer. All that Leftist ideology encourages people to cock a snook at the establishment. And then of course, having a largely matriarchal society ensures that the banter between the sexes is always witty.

Abhijit: How did having the cartoonist Abu Abraham as your paternal uncle influence your work?

Ajit: He was a very insightful man. Abu used to say, you need a high degree of intellect to be a cartoonist. Get to the essence of a situation, then visualize it in the most concise fashion. Do not fill up your drawing just to show people that you draw well.

Abhijit Bhaduri: How did Detective Moochhwala and Pooch get created? I was a great fan of those cartoons. I know I am not alone because I see many others pining for Moochh and Poochh. (Download a hi-res copy of this cartoon from here)

Ajit: Moochhwalla was inspired by cartoonist David Low’s character Col Blimp. I kept the dog Poochh white in color as it would save the hassle of coloring and shading the dog. (Pulls out a comic book version of Moochhwalla comics collection and shows me). I just loved coming up with those stories and crazy gadgets. Fitting a full story and the drawing on to 35 odd frames was a challenge. And not to forget the “silent” cartoons.

Abhijit: How would you go about hiring a cartoonist?

Ajit: I would gauge the person’s mind more than the lines. You need a wacko sense of humor. Then look for the person’s ability to visualize. I would ask the person to come up with as many visualizations of say, the hammer and sickle or any other party’s logo? After all the cartoonist is conveying a political point of view with visuals. The cartoonist should not have to wait for a news headline and then think of a cartoon. Humor can’t be simplistic humor either.

Abhijit: What is the role of a cartoonist in a newspaper? With newspaper readership dwindling worldwide, what will happen to cartoonists in future?

Ajit: There are many opportunities for cartoonists. Look at animation films like Shrek and Madagascar. They could employ hundreds of cartoonists. There are web sites and TV channels that look for cartoonists. Above all cartoonists need to be able to work in teams.

Abhijit: Any cartoon you regret having made?

Ajit: At the height of the Bofors scandal, I had drawn Rajiv Gandhi like a Pope surrounded by black sheep with one white sheep that was supposed to be VP Singh. Instead of the cross on his clothes I had used the Congress party symbol. That had offended some Christian groups. Another time I had shown the map of India to be like a Ganesha. Gujarat and the Eastern states being the ears etc. That offended a few Hindu groups. So I apologized.

Ajit Ninan has a fan club on Orkut. Click this link to join that community.

Read more articles on Careers, Management, Music, Books and the usual this and that by Abhijit Bhaduri on his website at http://abhijitbhaduri.com

The Three Email Challenge

Abhijit Bhaduri — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 07:57:54 +0000

Why Facebook is a challenge

The experience of growing up online will profoundly shape the workplace expectations of “Generation F” – the Facebook Generation says Gary Hamel - the management guru. Very clearly if you are one of those who believes that you are now with it because you now know how to use email, you do not belong to the Facebook Generation. Dear Gary, you will be happy to know that I am no stranger to Facebook. As someone recently mentioned that you haveto be on Facebook (which I am even if it is really tough) to be considered cool.Many teenagers continue to express deep angst at the enhanced age generation who have now taken over as Facebook users. When a website has like two or even three generations using it simultaneously, it clearly is a message to the youngest of the family to move on and seek online shelter for the homeless someplace else. The young and the young at heart cannot necessarily share the same cool hangout spots.

Despite all the developments on the net, none of the social networking sites have found an answer to the Three E-mail Challenge. Put simply it means, with friends it is tough to exchange more than three emails on a subject without running out of steam. Let me explain what this is all about. In the pre-email era, the probability of meeting someone from school or college was remote. You met a couple of them at the airport or maybe if you missed your flight, the way I met Pingy after years. A freak snow storm had left me stranded in a remote town and that’s when I met Pingala Reddy, my class mate from school. While he wasn’t my best friend then, I must confess I really enjoyed meeting him after so many years. Right after I got back I wrote him an email (email no 1) thanking him for his hospitality and how much I had enjoyed meeting Pingy and his family. That I would love to host him and his family when he would visit my part of the woods next. Pingy wrote back instantly (email no 2) saying he will take me up on my offer for sure. I wrote back (email no 3) that he was welcome to do so any time and that my family would love to meet the Reddy family. This email was followed by silence. The point being that with friends who you meet after years it is impossible to have an email exchange beyond the three. Facebook doesn’t have a solution either. After many years Pingy wrote another mail (enclosing photo of family vacationing in Spain) and asked me if I was planning another trip to visit him? This was email no 1 of this exchange. In email 2, I responded that a family vacation in US would break the bank and hence not on the cards unless he offered to fund the trip. Pingy sent a cryptic smiley in email 3 as a response. We haven’t corresponded since. See how going beyond the third email is a challenge.

I met Rascal Rusty at Dubai airport last December. He was running to catch a flight but managed to convince me to sign up on Facebook before he rushed off. All the blokes of our class were evidently getting buttonholed into joining this social networking site that all the college kids had discovered a while back. I signed up and promptly added Rusty to my list of friends. I trawled the site to look for more classmates. Slowly I found Joy and Gur there as well. I now had 3 friends on Facebook. The community was growing. The only thing was that I did not quite know what to do after that. One day I learnt how to write on the facebook wall. Spray can in hand I went and wrote a bold “What’s up?” on all three walls. Joy ignored me. Gur replied “Nothing” and Rusty said that he was traveling for the next 2 weeks to Venezuela and will respond after he is back. The three email challenge has been replaced by the Facebook version of it.

Meanwhile I got a friend request from a person who I could not remember ever having met in my life. I accepted it simply because of the compulsion to not be seen as a boor who would not say hi to a stranger. That’s how Josh became my friend. He had 462 friends on facebook. He was clearly a popular beast. He could well be the next President with such a large number of friends to support him. By now I had discovered how to peek into his photo albums and heck, was I scandalized by some of them. Since he is a friend I will not share with you what I saw beyond gently hinting that Josh has the lifestyle of a rock star if the photos were anything to go by. The next morning I found that he had thrown a sheep at me. Thrown a sheep? Whoa !! What’s that all about. What was I supposed to do at this act of unprovoked violence? Should I throw a knife back to show that I was not to be taken lightly. I thought of asking Rusty, Joy or Gur for advice. Then I remembered that in most murder mysteries lesson no 1 is if someone threatens you, do not broadcast it. So I decided to be discreet. The next morning I found Josh had sent me a patch of green earth. The fellow is finally coming to his senses I thought and wants to make peace. I have decided to keep quiet and see if this fellow is serious about gifting me real estate. With the falling prices of real estate this fellow probably thinks it a bargain to pacify me with a nice 4 acre plot. Hmmm… I wonder if I should forgive him by accepting the “patch” as he likes to call the plot. I changed my mind. I maintained a cool aloof silence which got Josh to send me a poke on Facebook. How does a poke get delivered? Maybe someone comes home, rings the bell and without exchanging even a hello, pokes you and goes off. I am really ticklish and hence I stayed home without answering the doorbell for a day. I was wildly successful in throwing the “poke delivery person” off track. They could not find me. I have since then been discovering one new surprise everyday. There is a quiz which lets you learn what you were in your previous life or scary ones that discover how low your IQ is. Today I checked my Facebook account. I think Josh is crazy. He sent me a party hat. He is mistaken if he thinks I will forgive him so easily for throwing a sheep at me and that too when I had done nothing to provoke him.