However when it comes to creative thinking, ambiguity is a good thing, even a great thing. If we are too specific with guidelines and rules to solving problems, it doesn’t give us much leeway to generate new ideas.

Generally we are uncomfortable with uncertainty. When we are in this state, we feel irritable. We try and resolve the uncertainty and become comfortable again quickly. We feel compelled to appear more certain, confident and decisive than we really are at that time. So we would rather leap to a conclusion and then focus our energies in defending it. This, most of the time is the sub optimal solution.

By its very nature, life does not lend itself to close scrutiny. It is fuzzy, indeterminate and paradoxical. There are contradictions everywhere. Wanting to understand life is to expect it to be straight, neat and orderly which it is not. We can say just one thing for sure about the world: “I don’t know.” When we are okay with the ambiguity and paradoxes of life, we know that there are no standard answers in life. We break loose fresh perspectives and look for several possible answers. In the process, we turn more creative.

In fact this article itself is paradoxical – We started by saying that ambiguity is bad and then we said it is good! That’s how life is. Learn to enjoy ambiguity.

So what should we do to get comfortable with uncertainty?

1. Accept that uncertainty is certain

2. Enjoy being confused. Be comfortable without a solution!

3. Be a ‘find outer’, not a ‘knower’

4. ‘I don’t know’ is a GREAT ANSWER!

Tell yourself…  “Do Not Panic.”

When in distress this is the very first thought that should emerge from your brain.
To you.

So, go ahead…and train the brain.
Get it ingrained.
As it helps.
A lot.

Half the battle is won once you assertively tell yourself. “Do Not Panic.”
Whatever be the situation.
Calmness gets restored.

The brain and its thinking machinery tend to get jumbled up when they find themselves in unusual circumstances.
When they get presented with situations that are not arranged in a logical way they are used to.
All logical thinking comes to a grinding halt.
And… you tend to panic!

Don’t.

You need to sustain logical thinking coupled to quick reactions to over come a disaster/emergency.

Thoughts precede action don’t they?
Hence, this command from you to your brain…makes it hold ground.
Stops it from going haywire.
Calmness gets restored by the by.
Makes the brain remain functional under adverse situations too.

When you say these magical words “Do Not Panic”
You get to regain control, and are back in the driver’s seat…it may not be the usual… calm drive, but a jerky murky one.
All said and done you get to getting the hold back on the situation on hand.

A deep breath, if not a few of them, also help, in remaining calm and cool.
Deep breathing under adverse circumstances is indeed a rejuvenating effort.

Once you are in control and not panicking, get down to conscious, regular deep breathing.
All your senses will thus get to get a good supply of oxygen and will work better.

As Combat Pilots, we are trained and mentored, to work through emergencies.
Any emergency that we would have in the air, has/had the potential of getting disastrous results, if, as a pilot one panics/panicked.

Hence, when we not only get to tape up the emergencies we also make it a habit to utter these words ” Do Not Panic” right at the very beginning of any emergency related procedure.

Since having stopped fighter flying decades ago, I have forgotten almost all the emergency procedures, but this beginning line “Do Not Panic” has been deeply embedded in my consciousness.

With my feet firmly placed on “terra firma” ever since I hung up my gloves…”Do Not Panic” …has helped me on several occasions when I have been in tight corners.
So also has deep breathing, as a sequential effort, after uttering “Do Not Panic”

Keeping the eyes closed for a few seconds…if the situation permits…once you are back in command along with deep breathing, helps you normalize the situation quickly.

Let’s take a very small but a common example, when matters could, did and do get worse, if one panics… i.e. when you have a power outage, all of a sudden,

We are ensconced in darkness…do we panic?

No we don’t…not any longer.

We know that either the UPS will take over or the captive power will.
If the two don’t…we will have to light a candle/lamp.
Don’t we get up and light a lamp/candle?
If neither happens?
Yes we do…without panicking.

The frequency of this action being staged, in day to day life, used to be more in the yester years when power outages were so common.
UPS and captive power generators were luxuries, then.
No more.
But, the sequence of events and actions that need to take place to dispel darkness, are by now so well taped up…to this generation too that
They don’t panic any more like their ancestors did.
They act and react calmly to this situation as and when it happens.
Had they panicked …instead…they would/will create a chaotic situation as their ancestors did.

Now…after a lapsed period of time, our body, systems, react calmly to this situation…as the sequence of what to do next, have/has to happen and will happen, are so well known, to the human mind as a mindset.

Similarly ,it is possible to train the mind to get over exigencies when they happen!
Provided that procedure is known to you.
And you have been over that procedure again and again and acted accordingly in a simulated environment.
Like Fighter Pilots all over the world do.

Since, we do not have all the procedures well written for all the emergencies that do happen in day-to-day life…at least the first line, of those, should have been written, and learnt as a procedure, should be by hearted by one and all.

It should get taped up in memories too.

That signature line is called:

“Do not Panic”

You won.t if you tape it up…and God willing, come out of the situation calmly too.

As well begun is half done.

–

Arun alias Axee  is an ex-combat pilot turned executive life coach. He is actively involved with Brian Tracy in a novel learning initiative, iLearningGlobal.biz/axee. Contact him at emarshalarun@gmail.com

A well known painter friend of mine once said that having an art show is like “pulling down your pants in public.” My favourite mystery quote about acting is, “acting is like being naked on stage and turning around very very slowly.” People ask me if I get nervous before a big speaking gig. My answer, “If I’m not nervous, I’m in trouble.”

It’s not so much nervousness as it is delighted-but-anxious butterflies that are reminding me that: the stakes are high when you’re hanging your story out for all to hear; screwing up would suck severely; and that the universe is rooting for you…but don’t screw up. On the rare occasion when I have NOT felt some butterflies, when I’ve been smug {one of my least favourite human behaviors} and thought to myself, “slam dunk, I’ve got this in the bag,” then I was either less-than-amazing, or I didn’t really care and shouldn’t have been there in the first place.

HOW TO MAKE DOUBT WORK FOR YOU:

1. Smug is the enemy of excellence. If you’re not even slightly doubtful or anxious about your performance, talents, contributions, or big presentation, than you better generate yourself some positive doubt. Lance Armstrong doesn’t enter the race thinking it’s a done deal. He knows he could lose so he tries harder to win. No matter how many times you’ve performed the surgery, made the sale, or given the pitch, you’re not infallible. Play to your audience. Be present. Watch for cues. Refine your intentions.

2. Bring YOU forward, along with your doubts. “Naked” and “artist” are often used in the same context because true self expression is a form of vulnerability. And it’s that exposure, that authenticity that makes all the difference. Whether you’re writing a report or teaching yoga class, sincerity is the winning formula.

3. Anxiety is healthy. A little bit of anxiety opens the doors to possibilities and strength…adrenaline, clarity. It’s a rush telling you that you’re alive and that you can do it – even if you need to put the doubts firmly in their place – you can do it.

Before almost every Fire Starter session or stage gig I have a mini moment of doubt and think to myself, “I really hope I can be of some use here,” Or, “If this crowd doesn’t laugh in the first three minutes, I’m cooked.” And then I take a deep breath and smile. And my butterflies and I head out to take flight.

Naturally, we want try to get as far away from anxiety as possible – which usually just results in us being anxious about being anxious. You resist and so it persists. But what if rather than pushing it away, we actually welcomed anxiety when it showed up? What if, rather than dreading the discomfort it brings, we looked at anxiety as a delivery service of inner truth and other such soul goodies? Because every time anxiety shows up, it’s our psyche’s way of saying, “Knock knock, I’ve got something to show you about yourself that you really should see.”

Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard explained anxiety is a natural condition. (How liberating!) He believed that anxiety is “a cognitive emotion that reveals truths that we would prefer to hide but that we need for our greater health.”

And that it’s a valuable to for shaping our ideal lives. Think of it this way, beneath the butterflies in your stomach, behind the clouds in your mind – is your greater truth, and it’s trying to break on through.

TURNING ANXIETY INTO POWER

STEP 1: Face reality. “I’m anxious.”
Simply notice your anxiety. Firstly, you need to be aware of your actual indicators of anxiety – they can be different for everyone. A lot of the times anxiety is trying to talk to us and we’re just not picking up on the physical or mental cues. For me, anxiety manifests in what I call, priority confusion. If I wander from room to room in the house, unsure if I should tidy, check my email, walk the dog, or write a novel, then I know something is up. I’m typically very laid back and laser-like decisive so if I can’t figure out what’s first on the to-do list, I know that anxiety has come callin’.

When you see the signs of it, all you need to do is simply state it. “I’m feeling anxious.” There. You said it. You probably feel better already. Getting real is always the best first step.

STEP 2: Inquiry. “So, why am I anxious?”
This is the step that requires real work. It’s the kind of inquiry that calls for both concentration and compassion – a tricky combo. Having an “inquiry image” might be helpful. I often see dilemmas as layers of soft, earthy sediment within myself, and each question is a drilling down through the silt. “So why am I anxious?” I ask myself. “Because I don’t want to be late.” Not quite, that doesn’t feel true. “So why am I anxious?” I repeat. “Because I’ve got so much to do.” Nope, that’s not it either, it’s not making sense to my heart. “So why am I anxious?” I drill down. “Because I’m afraid that when I show up I’ll be rejected.” Bingo.

When you get to the true reason for your anxiousness, and there may be more than one explanation, then there’s usually a softening that occurs when you come across it.

So you called it like you see it. That’s powerful. And you’ve identified the reason – even more powerful. Now you’re ready to rise above it.

STEP 3: Take responsibility.
This is where your real power comes in. This is the fun bit, where you get to be a creative grown up, the master of your own domain. Once you’ve discovered why you’re feeling anxious – whether it’s fear of failure, or a memory of past hurt or humiliation, then you need to counter the fear and negativity with courage and optimism. It’s that simple – and that challenging.

Whatever you want to call it, positive thinking, re-framing, self-encouragement, ra-ra-rah, this is where you need to step up to the plate, look at your fear head on and confront it with your truth. The truth being, that you manage to get through everyday whether with grace or grit; that fear will not kill you; that your God, or your friends, or your grandma in heaven will have your back; that you have risen above before, and that you will rise above again; that, it’s only life after all.

Anxiety doesn’t come bearing the solution. It’s just there to direct your attention to the problem. It’s like a headache that signals to you that you’re hungry. The headache reminds you that your body needs nourishment, and then it’s up to you to feed yourself. Self-care is a divine responsibility. To befriend anxiety is to choose your deepest strength. It’s turning brain fuzz into brilliance, and the jitters into vital fuel to help you shine brighter than ever.

I am painfully shy and a compulsive introvert. All through school and architecture college, I had successfully stayed away from all forms of public speaking to the extent of not raising my hand to respond to questions for which I had the answers.  If I had to make a presentation, I would strive extra hard on the content in the hope of my work speaking for itself. Alas that never worked and eventually I learnt to adjust  but lost out to peers who had the gift of the gab.

Moving on, like a conniving coward, as I was finally reveling in the smugness of ducking yet another obstacle of life, fate with its perverse sense of humour came and hit me bam in the face.

Who would have ever thought a design school would have mandatory public speaking classes?

So here I was, in my first public speaking class with a bunch of mostly gregarious and confident students.  The few that I suspected were stuck in the cold like me, gave such warm and lucid self introductions, I contemplated running out of the room and keep running to end of the earth. To squash all expectations at the very onset, I hammed through my introduction, thereby successfully displaying my complete lack of oratory skills. After several perusals of the course material, I realized class presence and quizzes alone could carry me through the class. Haha I had managed to dodge the bullet again!

However, that quirky little demon, “Bright Idea” which dresses in  black with cape and a wizard’s hat – I am convinced that it hates me to the bones – suddenly appeared on my right shoulder. Though I tried to fight its hypnotic spell, I finally capitulated to its absurd demand of giving the class an honest try.  So I spent the next few weeks reading the text book repeatedly, making bundles of notes, writing, re-rewriting and practicing my speech in front of the mirror until my throat hurt.

At last, came the day of my first speech. I walked up to the podium with a zillion butterflies in my stomach, my heart palpitating at clinically dangerous levels, my throat parched worse than the driest sections of the Sahara, to face a dozen disinterested faces, a few stifled yawns, the blessed bowed heads completing assignments and the beaming encouraging face of the professor.  My breath was coming hard and shallow, my knees were giving away and my head was spinning in sync with the Earth. And then I heard my own voice, strong and clear floating across the room, emphatically raising the bowed heads and wiping off the boredom. I was looking down at forty mesmerized strangers trying to catch onto every word coming out of my mouth.  What sheer power I held!

After the first speech, the next few came much easier and I finished the class with top grades. I subsequently enrolled for the debating class and won each one I participated in.  I took the basics of public speaking and nudged them into every crevice of my life.  Consequently, job interviews and presentations not only became a walkover but my social life suddenly exploded. From being the silent outsider, quietly sipping her drink in the corner, I abruptly metamorphosed into the confident, intelligent raconteur at parties.

Spontaneous public speaking isn’t yet one of my natural abilities. I still write my speech, practice, practice and practice till my throat hurts and I wrestle the butterflies. I know there are many more out there like me; languishing in the shadows, resignedly watching less competent peers march ahead by virtue of the elusive gift of the gab. Hey don’t surrender! Give public speaking one honest attempt and I promise you will soon be ruling the roost.  There are many good books on public speaking in the market but I know, if you are how I used to be, you will never open one of those.  However, I also know that once you have experienced the power of captivating your audience you will buy those books by the dozen and read them voraciously from cover to cover until your pores bleed oratory knowledge.

Here are some basic pointers to take you there:

- Write down the main points of your speech. These could be either just words or short sentences.
- Now format an essay with the words and sentences you have jotted down. There should be introductory paragraph, followed by two or three paragraphs of the body and a concluding paragraph.
- Read this essay aloud. Make necessary corrections. Keep repeating until you are moderately satisfied.
- Now add a suitable anecdote here and there, infuse some humor but please don’t overdo it. If you are not comfortable just skip this step.
- Stand in front of a mirror and read your speech aloud. After a couple of times, try practicing without actually reading your essay.
- Keep practicing until you know your speech almost by heart.
- Now concentrate on your facial expressions, voice modulation and hand gestures. Try to use your body to communicate.
- Keep practicing until you have perfected your speech. This may take many more attempts than you ever imagined. I had to practice my first speech close to thirty times.
- However never try to memorize your speech to the last word, pause and gesture since that will spoil your spontaneity.
- The time has come to deliver!
- Walk up to the podium confidently. Remember all the amazing speakers watching you also had to practice their speeches, felt a zillion butterflies in their stomachs and almost died from shortness of breath.
- Smile – it helps ease nervous energy.
- Breathe, breathe and breathe.
- Look down at your speech, look up at your audience and speak.  Don’t shut your eyes instead look them right in the eye. The adulation will egg you on.
- Finish to the thundering applause and bask in the glory!

Please take that first step and before long you will be progressing in leaps and bounds. Eventually you will master the art but until then keep practicing, smiling, breathing and speaking! Speak out loud.

Fear!

Why do we fear, one wonders? You may recall that as a very young child, you were usually free from fear. You may be perched at the edge of a high wall, or about to touch the hot tea kettle – you aren’t scared! But could we call it bravery? Certainly not! Being unaware of the dangers, one is free from the fears. So at this very early stage in life, that parents and well-wishers rush in to make the child aware of the impending dangers and to protect the tender young one.

Again as a child, does one fear other people? Certainly not! A child normally trusts that the world is full of angels they want to meet – except when someone is aggressive. Soon enough, the child begins to think, he/she can do anything on impulse and then it is time to tell the child what is acceptable behaviour and what is not!

“Don’t pick that crystal! It cost us a fortune,” you yell at the child. Not that you want him to know how many day’s wages it cost you to buy it, just that you don’t want him to drop it and break such a lovely possession. It wouldn’t be long before the little imp learns to cope with high decibel levels and continues to do just what he wanted to – pick up that crystal – and throw it! So your effort to control the child’s behavior has just failed and the child has just learnt how to overcome the “fear” of a yelling adult.

Time to look for a better and more effective method, you tell yourself. How about spanking? Or punishing the child, maybe? You are at your wits’ end, nevertheless. When it is time for the child to go to play-school, you are alarmed because you have yet to discover the really effective means to discipline your child. But now you have other folks, who would share the responsibility of conditioning your child to the ways of the world, such as the teachers or the school administrators.

Now that you’ve got the hang of it all, you may be wondering why am I, knowing nothing of psychology should be writing about learned behaviour and fear?

Well, I am motivated by some recent incidents of extreme and ruthless punishments which were meted out to kids as “discipline’. I refer here to instances where children were beaten up or made to stand out in the sun with bricks on their shoulders. Is it not time that parents, teachers, education experts and child psychologists got together and identified punishments that are acceptable to a civilized society and those that are not? Do schools have any guidelines on this subject?

Once out of school, it is time to join college! One is not so sure whether your “conditioning” was complete or incomplete, but you sure did pass the tests and stuff. So off you go to college – to have fun! But one wonders what is your idea of fun? If it is cracking jokes in the canteen in your spare time or slipping away to a multiplex near your college once in a while, then there is nothing to worry about except the occasional irate lecturer who might have noted your absence one day when you played truant. But not everyone is satisfied with such innocent pastimes and you may have to worry about what “fun” means to others – especially your seniors!

Their idea of fun could be ragging newcomers – and that could be you! Fortunately, the practice of extreme ragging is not as rampant as it appears from the extreme cases that are reported by the mainstream media. Some college students do participate in mild forms of ragging – usually for fun – and certainly not the kind which turns “real fun” into its ugly anagram – “funeral.” Some instances of extremely dangerous cases of ragging have taken place notably in the case of young Aman Kachhroo. But, after reading the reports about these incidents, one begins to believe that these cases are not really about ragging but something beyond that –bullying.

It is then that one realizes that the child had not been taught about how to deal with bullies! But weren’t we busy teaching the child to fear all along? Did we spare a thought about how the child would cope with fearsome bullies?

Isn’t it time to introduce courses and discussion forums to embolden the child, so that he or she will have the courage to speak up against the scourge of bullying and deal with this menace more effectively?

Especially, when the world is yet to learn to cope with terrorists, extremists, tyrants, scamsters, criminals and what-have-you – all bullies of a kind!

Just in case there are others like me out there who have not heard of this, the Wallenda factor refers to the fear of falling or failing. Shortly after Karl Wallenda fell to his death in 1978 (traversing a 75-foot high wire in downtown San Juan, Puerto Rico), his wife, also an aerialist, discussed that fateful San Juan walk, “perhaps his most dangerous.” She recalled: “All Karl thought about for three straight months prior to it was falling. It was the first time he’d ever thought about that, and it seemed to me that he put all his energies into not falling rather than walking the tightrope.”

Mrs. Wallenda added that her husband even went so far as to personally supervise the installation of the tightrope, making certain that the guide wires were secure, something he had never thought of doing before. When Karl Wallenda poured his energies into not falling rather than walking the tightrope, he was virtually destined to fall.

I realized that most people and even organizations tend to develop this orientation over a period of time, especially when they become more successful. When one starts off life with little to lose, the focus is on trying new things, experimenting, taking risks. The focus is on learning, experiencing and growth. Usually this makes life richer, more interesting and lot of fun. One gets caught in a positive cycle which often is self sustaining.

For the average person, then comes marriage, children, monetary responsibilities, home loan EMI’s and a focus on savings. And along with it comes a shift in focus and orientation. Slowly the focus is on managing the unknown future, usually through a monetary cushion. This is the crux of the issue. We fear the unknown! I guess that’s the single largest reason why death inspires so much of discomfort and fear. One does not know for sure what lies on the other side.

So, with the change in focus the Wallenda Factor kicks in fully. One gets increasingly bogged down in avoiding failure.

The same can be said for many organizations. When they are in the start up stage, the focus is on success and usually they succeed. And then the focus shifts on sustaining the success or rather avoiding failure. This leads to less of innovation and experimentation and more of reviews and analysis. I remember a comment which aptly describes the latter behavior; “Driving while looking only in the rearview mirror”. Is it any wonder that accidents happen?

Over a period of time, one finds that the conversation centres increasingly around the good old days.
This has been discussed and debated in the leadership context in various publications and not succumbing to the Wallenda Factor is considered to be an important leadership trait.

I am more focused on how the average person can recognize and avoid this orientation to live a fuller and more meaningful life. If you are a victim of the Wallenda Factor, the following guidelines might be helpful:

Acceptance: Accept that the unknown will always be unknown.

Continued focus on learning: There is no greater fun than learning new things. A case in point is this article, which came about because I did not know something. Learning something keeps the mind agile and also diverted. It could be something to do with your line of work, art, craft or even just plain old whistling!

Constantly share and thereby enrich others: Sharing could be anything. Your knowledge, experiences, memories or money! The internet today has made sharing so much so easier. Don’t let the imagination die down.

In short, keep the child inside alive, well and kicking. Be curious, experiment and enjoy the journey.

Yes, the bad weather did leave its mark on the big, strong mountain – an erosion here, an erosion there but that didn’t make a difference. The snow made its home on the mountain, yet it never complained of feeling cold but was rather proud of the beauty the snow added to it. When the snow melted away, it took with it the mountain soil – a souvenir of the mountain. The strong winds too would take with them something from the mountain, but still the mountain stood there big and strong, beautiful and radiant.

The little girl wondered why we couldn’t be like the big strong mountain. In spite of all our troubles, no matter who tramples all over us, if we could be like the big, strong mountain, how nice it would be – no tears, no sorrows and no complaints. In the stillness, she heard a little voice say to her:

Yes, you too can be like the big, strong   mountain, but for that my dear, you have to weather the storms in your life first, experience the pleasant and unpleasant and learn from it. Remember, no one can do any harm to you unless you allow it. If you are cool and calm in all your moments, then you too can be like the big, strong mountain.

–

Arpita Ghosh conducts various  training modules on communication skills, goal-setting,  developing leadership skills, Life is A Blank Canvass – Create Your Own Picture, Follow Your Heart and many others at college and corporate level.

So here we are back to our flat bellied world, only to find that we have purged more than necessary from the system. We have had to let go growth-steam , production- rhythm , momentum of change, motivation to experiment, learning ladders of progress, tenets of teamwork, enrolment of ethics, relationship realty, partnerships and scores of nutrients that are needed to fill the system with sustainable growth and competitive advantage. And all because the enema of deflated vision, along with powerful doses of survival laxatives impartially wash out all elements in the tubes!

Weakened at the knees of stability and glassy-eyed from the spasms of painful “detoxification” of the business blueprint of growth, one can be excused at despairing at the shrunken and emaciated remains of a thriving life. Blown away and blown apart are the lives of thousands and for countless generations onwards this effect will snowball to create the greatest revolutions of economic life on the planet. What do we do with this sick world? Well the best thing is to dig in your heels on the slopes of the downturn and force through a U- turn.

Let’s look at what we can all do to chip in during these tough times. My guess is that it is very similar to what we do when we are really sick. We get a diagnosis done, medicate as advised, support the recovery process, stay in the groove keeping hope of recovery alive, get back up as soon as we can, allow recovery to complete the journey beyond the sensation of wellness, plant flags of our learning on the way ahead, learn new ways to be more resilient and forecast how to deal with future illnesses resident on the journey, achieve a new fullness of health which promises to be more resilient and immune to the bacteria of breakdown.

Translate this to the times of today, and we can look beyond the “medication” which is in progress, and work out the steps from supporting recovery to future new health. The organization and the individual can work in tandem to produce the armour we require.

What the individual can do

•    Use the time available to get back into shape – health, knowledge, skills and abilities.

•    Enroll your hobbies into your mainstream of life – the future may lie there instead.

•    Recast your lifestyle – critically examine what you need and what are the excesses that can be cut away.

•    Repair and renew the life you have – revisit old practices like walking instead of driving , visiting instead of emailing ,  using cost effective public systems  in transport and communication instead of costly private luxuries, budget-shops instead of glitzy malls with expensive distractions, more meals at home instead of fast food take-aways and glamorous dining at starred restaurants, a quiet and enjoyable  sip of wine at home with the family at dinner, rather than the wallet shaking pub-crawling crave, living with the fashion statements already in your closet rather than the ones in magazines and showroom windows, more polish on the shoe leather instead of new leather – old leather is so much more comfortable, and well… you complete this list!

•   Invest in the future rather than spend for the present, because the future is still available. So educate yourself further with well-chosen courses that add value to your future, certify your knowledge and pick up additional skills by examining what your natural talents and abilities can do for you.

•   Provide yourself with options by creating them from the “meta-markets” of your life-skills. For example, if you are a good teacher, learn to become a professional life-coach, a trainer, a counselor. Or if you sing well, train your voice professionally, if you are knowledgeable and skilled, learn to teach and pass on the baton of success to others, if you like gardening,  learn to landscape, if you draw and paint, then start offering your skills to printing and publishing houses, learn and certify yourself in computer animation courses, if you like cars and bikes, learn how to repair them, learn how to design them, if you like playing with colour, learn how to apply it in industrial design and interior decoration and so on.

•    Combine incomes, skills and lives – get back to community living.  Try the new-old way of sharing with family or creating sharing families with friends. Let your networking skills create synergistic skill and life networks that live the practice. It will help you build organizations for the future. You may never need to “get back to work”!

What the organization can do

Well to begin with the organization jumbo-jet can pull full throttle on the twin-engines of good governance and corporate social responsibility. These are those very engines of growth they have touted and won awards for in the “good times” and must now fly in their passengers (read employees, channel partners, vendors, stakeholders etc.) in the “bad times”. Because the passengers are on board since they have already bought their tickets which paid for the fuel and carriage, and cannot be simply jettisoned because the pilot and crew are incompetent to perform to full emergency measures!

This would call for measures such as:

•    Counseling the employees what to expect of the future in this business.

•    Increasing the level of in-house expertise through training and development activities in a focused manner to support and sharpen skills directly related to business.

•    Stepping up motivation by involving close examination of the hygiene and motivational factors and what strengthening of these would result in better performances.

•    Conducting talent identification processes to identify what talents other than those aligned to business are available and counseling employees how that can use their talents to cope with the future.

•    Creating creative “brain-shops” in the organization to examine extreme and diverse ways of leapfrogging or re-scaling or reframing and reinventing business life cycles.

•    Cutting the flab from business spend across the organization rather than simply cutting salaries and jobs.

•    Investing more in focused operations like R&D and product distribution rather than advertising and promotional gimmickry.

•    Moving from cost-cutting to cost-reduction as a design not a mere measure.

Together the twin clasp of individual and organizational effort to stem the hemorrhaging flow of talent, competence, capability and opportunity can help restore some of the equilibrium to the violent see-sawing of life today.

None of the suggestions offered are all consuming or exhaustive, nor do they prescribe fortune filled futures, but they do allow you to dig in your heels and gouge the hell out of the downslide to slow you down enough to craft the U-turn after which the real hard work begins – going back up the hill!

–

Dexter J Valles, business and life trainer renowned for his programs under the “At the Steering Wheel of Life” and “Winning Edge” banners, is CEO of Valmer International, a Mumbai-based management consultancy. Contact him at www.valmarinternational.com or http://valmar.page.tl

Artwork by Favio Castan provided by author.

We are all faced with our challenges, whether it is a physical handicap like I talked about in my article “Yes I can”, people in our lives telling us we can’t do it or our own attitude preventing us from moving forward. I and my staff are fortunate that we get to watch students and grads face their challenges head on and conquer them. They have no idea what they give back to us by merely letting us share in their journey; it is a gift and every gift brings a new life lesson.

We had a great day in Career Services today; and here is why.

Today we feel like we opened a door. A door that we hope leads to opportunities that will launch the career of one of our very special graduates. To understand the way we feel you have to understand our friend Lori and her journey to today.

Lori started with Herzing College Online in 2006; she is blind in one eye and has almost no vision in her “good eye”. In order to be successful in college, she needed special software that magnifies the computer screen by 700% allowing her to read each word, letter by letter, meticulously and slowly. Enrolled in the medical billing and insurance coding program she spent the totality of her education not looking at her test scores because she was afraid of failing and just didn’t want to know. If you have ever seen a medical billing and coding book you know what an amazing undertaking it was for Lori, the material is complex, specific and requires accuracy, a challenge for an able-visioned person. Lori graduated in 2008 with a 3.89 GPA; an honors student.

It is now time for our department to swing into action and help our new graduate find a job. We’ve spammed every medical clinic, hospital, nursing home and healthcare facility in Atlanta, Georgia with Lori’s resume and she has been given the opportunity to interview with several offices. Yet she hasn’t received an employment offer; after seeing her coke bottle glasses and visual limitations employers just aren’t interested despite her medical billing and coding abilities, caring demeanor and determination. It has been six months and Team Lori has had no luck.

In late December I shared with our new President Lori’s story and the unique challenges of helping graduates with a disability like Lori’s. He raised his eyebrow and asked me how it was that we were going to help her get employed. I replied that I know that there is an employer out there that will see the potential in her and give her a chance. It is just a matter of finding them.

This is the moment that revelation hit.

“I am going to send her resume to every eye doctor in Atlanta, GA, surely an eye doctor will understand her disability, and surely they will see that all Lori needs to be successful is a magnifying glass and a chance.” And that was it; a magnifying glass. We’re going to send out Lori’s resume with a cover letter in the tiniest font possible and include a magnifying glass in hopes that some medical office out there will do just that…give Lori a chance.

So today the staff gathered together to work on Lori’s resume project. Tammy printed itty, bitty cover letters and Lori’s resume. Kay signed the letters and stuffed the envelopes. Tammy and I added the magnifying glasses and sealed them; all the while saying positive mantras out loud along with the recipients names. You are probably already thinking we are crazy but it gets better. You know how people throw salt over their shoulders for good luck? Well we decided that for additional luck, we would “salt” the resumes before we sent them. All seven of us took a turn shaking salt on Lori’s letters thinking positive employment thoughts and hoping for a positive outcome before turning them over to the mailbox. Call us crazy, but it couldn’t hurt and at most we wasted a little salt and it was a fun team bonding moment.

Lori has touched each of us in Career Services in some capacity. She always has positive words to say and a hopeful outlook that is contagious. You can’t talk to Lori on the phone and not smile; it’s not possible. Unlike the other staff, I have had the pleasure of meeting Lori in person and the opportunity to give her a big hug, an opportunity we are rarely afforded in the world of online education. I’ve seen in person the “light” that is Lori and thank Herzing for that opportunity. Today we hope that we are able to give back to Lori by bringing to the surface “her employer”. The job she will fit in, that will benefit from her talents and that won’t see her disability but her capabilities. We all go to bed tonight hoping we opened that door for Lori and can’t wait to celebrate with her when she calls to tell us she received a job offer.

Please join us in sending well wishes to Atlanta and if you are a doctor’s office in Atlanta…call me, I’d like to tell you about one of our graduates.

(Blogged with Lori’s permission; she wants the world to know that a disability is not a limitation.)

–

Amy is the Director of Career Services at Herzing College Online and teaches career development courses for the online campus. Email her at achastek@onl.herzing.edu or visit http://www.herzingonline.edu.

Recession! Not quite what we expected huh! The dream run, the bull run, ball of a time… and countless other descriptions of the times gone by all sound distant now, a far cry!

People losing jobs, inability to pay up the credit, no taxes, no revenue to the government, no money in the market, no cash available to extend credit, no new enterprise, banks and companies going bankrupt, it has come a full cycle. This economic situation has affected everybody, left, right and the center (literally and metaphorically speaking). People grappling with the situation are getting hooked up to anything that remotely sounds, looks or feels hopeful about it.

Look at the 2 million strong gathering for the inauguration of the 44th President of the United States. Do you think they came to see an African American take oath? Not entirely! They came to witness what “audacity of hope” could achieve!

They had come to witness the miracle that was, hope, which fuelled a single man to achieve whatever he did for himself, his family and his country. They see a messiah in Obama and expect him to lead them out of the shambles. I call him a messiah because rarely in the history of mankind have individuals exhibited such courage and been an embodiment of hope during difficult times. Whenever they did, they were immortalized as messiah. Though he does not have a magic wand to weave and alleviate the situation, at least people think  that there is something new to get excited about, something which they could use to sleep over on a difficult night.

Not just Obama, there are people who have looked up to their spouses, family, friends, colleagues, mentors, bosses….So what makes someone a messiah or at the least a mortal who people could look up to in times of hardship? Well, as you might have guessed by now, the answer is HOPE.

I recently came across an e-mail forward which read, “Hope – it is the feeling which you have when you go to sleep without knowing if you will wake up the next day but still have plans already made for it.” No hope is good if you do not trust it. A similar e-mail forward had this story which was really intriguing: “Trust is a feeling that a one year old child has, when you throw him up in the air & catch him again…he still laughs and enjoys it…in case he doubts, he will cry when you throw him in the air, that means the child is doubting on your capabilities…and whether you would really catch him or not.” Same way…only people who do not have trust in hope, worry during troubled times!

So a positive thought process, the ability to look at the brighter side of things, a good hope with the trust of the little child is the key.

During an interesting conversation with my uncle, I gave him what I thought was a predicament. It goes like “If you ever are in a situation where you, your wife and your father were drowning, and if you get a chance to wish for one person who could be saved, whom you will pick?” Without any hesitation he replied, “Me.” I was stupefied at the answer and more so the speed at which he answered.

His reasoning was simple. If he was gone, then he wouldn’t need to be worried as to what happened to the other two. And if he were alive, he was confident that he could do at least something about them. Subhash Ghai a renowned Indian film maker once said “Unlike in cinema and everything else, there is no second take in life.” So, if one believes that all they need to worry about is their life and everything else in life can be reclaimed, they sure can relieve themselves of the entire emotional burden which they carry.

I have had a few occasions thankfully as an emancipator. I have tried my best, over a cup of coffee, a mug of beer or across the table. I have shared whatever positive I came across and hope to have instilled some confidence, and positive mindset.

Some of my queer perspectives about this whole new situation did lighten up a few souls.

For example, the social stigma (in India) around “losing a job” is getting eroded by the day. Not long ago before the lay-offs became the news of the day, it was a sin if you lost your job. People were worried to such an extent that they committed suicide for losing their jobs. But now, it is OK for someone to lose a job. The society at large understands the situation. In fact retrenchment is discussed in a lighter vein.

Let us take a look at the spending habits. The young generation of Indian BPO and IT folk who started with lavish spending have been caught on the wrong foot in their very first step. They have learnt a simple but valuable economic lesson “Do not spend more than you make” very early in their lives. This is a significant development.

I had a chat with the director of finance of a large multi-national. He had some interesting insights as well. According to him, a down turn in economy is good. This is what differentiates the boys from men, the mediocre from good whether it is companies, people, and technology or as a matter of fact just about anything. He said that this is the right time for some brilliant ideas to flourish. People will now look at the fundamentals of anything and just not the speculation in the market.

So if one were to derive an inference, it is the right time for us to differentiate ourselves. Do whatever we had been wishing to do. To take up endeavors which we had feared might fail. As FDR said during similar times, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself…”

Nothing to worry about other than our own life and wearing the cap of hope with the feather of trust of a one year old kid will make us “the emancipator”.

–

Sundararaman Viswanathan is engineer by qualification, manager by profession, aspiring writer and a wannabe entrepreneur at heart. He currently works as a Transition Manager, with vast experience in managing the support of mission critical IT systems.

Like thousands of others I also blindly chose the career path shown by parents & society without thinking what I really wanted to do in life and did not give any importance to what I really loved.

I love to dance, to write, to travel. These are the things I have loved to do since the time I can remember.

Today at 30 I’m a Supply Chain and Logistics Manager in a company where I’m struggling to connect emotionally and professionally with my environment. Of course my current assignment promises to take me to greater heights as my next role would be of a Supply Chain Controller! But is this what I want to do? The answer is No. And even though I decide almost every day that I will now do what I actually love to do, the thought fades away in less than 24 hours as I start tracking trucks and shipments!

In the volatile times our country has faced in the past few months we have realized that life is too short to be wasted. If you ask me for an idea of a perfect day I would say…one that allows me to take care of my daughter and work from home. But the thoughts of losing my independence, status, money and our grand lifestyle keep holding me back. It’s difficult to decide which way to go.

We keep putting our plans on hold for the right time to come…because of the time we’ve already lost. Maybe I could have also been a dancer or writer if I had pursued my interest at 20… and I let myself be happy with just the thought.

I look at my two-year-old daughter and wonder if I’ll let the same thing happen to her. After all in our Indian society we all want our children to become doctors or engineers, don’t we? Will I be any different? I really hope so. And that’s a promise I can make to myself.

And I hope that after reading this you would change your mind too!

–

Currently working as a Supply Chain Manager, Bhavna is a follower of Nicheren Daishonin’s Buddhism and has based her life on the Lotus Sutra of ‘Nam Myo Ho Renge Kyo’ to win over any situation in life.

The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear!

It is believed in Indian mythology that the demigod of fear appears in front of infants every now and then to induce fear in them.  He conditions their mind from early days.  Whether there is truth in this story or not, it is certainly true that all of us teach our children to stay safe and thus condition their mind to be fearful of snakes, fire, etc.

To amplify this, the human brain is an intelligent self-learning program. It trains itself on something that it is has experienced once or a couple of times.  Thus from our early days we are programmed to react in fear.

We also learn to mask our fear. But other animals usually don’t do so. A dog will not wag its tail when it wants to bite you… it will mostly charge or bark. But we conceal our true emotions. A common example at workplace is ‘faked’ smile!

Fear is at the core and it manifests itself in the form of anger, greed & lust! Anger and greed are very relevant emotions at work place.

“Only thing we have to fear is fear itself,” said Franklin D. Roosevelt in his inaugural address in 1933 when the economic depression was at its peak. The situation is very pertinent to us today.

So next time when someone at work shows these emotions – anger, greed or lust – you need to understand the core issue, i.e., his FEAR.

-    If your boss micro manages, it is because of his fear of your slackness or poor efficiency.

-    If your boss watches you by the clock, it is because of his fear of your poor productivity and insincerity.

-    If your boss doesn’t recognize your efforts, it is because of his fear of his disability.

-    We pay taxes for the fear of being caught by law, rarely to help run the government.

-    We dress up well for the fear of avoiding embarrassment by peers rather than looking good!

-    We drive an expensive car for the fear of social status rather than comfort.

Satyam’s recent debacle leading to Raju’s resignation is another example of corporate fear. He has confessed in his resignation letter that due to poor performance of the organization and low promoter stake, he FEARED take-over by institutional stakeholders. Thus the books were written to show good performance.

Solution to the above situation is to act without fear. Easier said than done, but there is no short-cut to this. Unlearn what you learned since your infant days.

Some simple steps that you follow:

- Before you react, think if it’s a result of someone’s fear. It surely is! Find out who that person is and give him the comfort to overcome the fear.  In the above example of the boss not approving your leave, give him the comfort of a back-up resource, make your commitment to be available in case of emergency, etc.

- Plan proactively. For example, if you fear job loss, look out for a job from today and don’t wait for pink slip, equip yourself with new skills constantly, etc.

- Get yourself a coach. It is always better get some valuable advice from someone who has trod the path. Believe me…it helps.

- Set yourself on a path of transformation to free be from fear, lust, greed and anger! It is not easy, but even a small step forward will show positive results.

- Identify a role model. It motivates you to see someone who has achieved it. It’s a confidence building measure. Two of my role models are Buddha and Gandhi!

So all it takes to ACT WITHOUT FEAR is to know what those fears are!

–

Nilakanta Srinivasan aka Neil serves as Senior Vice President in a multinational firm. His expertise is in Operations Management, Process, Customer Service, Organizational Development & Leadership Development. He can be reached at nilakantasrinivasan@yahoo.com.

Several years ago, prior to working for Herzing College, I worked for the Technical College system and received a call one summer day in 2002 from an elderly lady. Strikingly crass and grumpy she had called to find out about computer classes that were available at the community center I managed in northern Wisconsin for her grandson who had just graduated from high school. I gave her my sales pitch, got her address, sent her some information and honestly didn’t give it another thought.

A couple of weeks later I was at the center and one of my instructors came into the classroom I was puttering around in and said “There is someone here to see you”. I thought it odd as no one really even knew I was at the center, not even my staff, I just happened to stop in. I went on into the waiting area to find a little old lady sitting next to a young kid. I said “Hi” and at the moment she opened her mouth I knew EXACTLY who she was. She just had a bigger than life, in your face personality; she was a fighter. We started to talk about the classes and signing her grandson Robbie up. She went on to tell me that Robbie would need more time than others to complete the class, the classes were self paced so it really didn’t matter but she was adamant that I make sure the instructors knew he would need more time.

This whole time we chatted, Robbie sat in total silence with his hands on his lap, looking down at the table; she demanded so much of my attention that I hadn’t even looked at him. After telling me yet again that Robbie would need extra time, she reached under the table and grabbed his hand, bringing it to the surface and harshly dropping it on the table saying “SEE” and pointing to his hand. My mouth dropped or at least it felt like it did. Robbie had no hands. Not hands like you and I have. He suffers from Aperts Syndrome – http://www.emedicine.com/ped/topic122.htm – and basically has three large digits on each hand the size that are about the thickness and size of four of my fingers combined.  People suffering from Aperts also don’t have any joints or ability to bend like your fingers or my fingers. Upon seeing Robbie’s hands I immediately went into counselor mode, telling them about our special needs department, tutors, etc. Robbie’s grandmother wanted nothing to do with it; she just wanted Robbie in the class and some extra time.

Giving into her demands, it came time to decide which class to enroll Robbie in. I suggested that we start with a basic Windows class, to get acclimated to the computer, how it works, etc. But no, Robbie wanted to be in Excel, he wanted to learn Excel. There was no arguing with his grandmother (I tried) so I took her $70.55 in tuition, had them fill out a registration form and told Robbie I would see him on the first night of class and that I would bring his textbook with me to class.

The first night of class

Robbie and grandmother showed up on time, grandma left telling Rob that she would be back in two hours to pick him up.

I gave Robbie his book.

He could not remove the plastic shrink wrap from the book.

I thought, “There is no way this kid is going to finish this course.”

I removed the plastic from Robbie’s book for him.

Robbie then couldn’t put his book in the book stand next to the computer and asked me for help.

I put his book in the bookstand and I thought, “There is no way this kid is going to finish this course.”

I pulled the instructor aside and asked her to watch Robbie, and to let me know the minute he needed help. I assumed that there was no way Robbie would be successful in the course.

Three days passed and I had not heard from the instructor. So I called her and asked, “How Robbie do?”

“He did fine.”

Robbie did more than fine

Robbie finished Excel in pace with the other students and got an A. Robbie then went on to take eight additional computer classes to earn a MS Software Certificate, straight A’s, except for Access Part 2, he got a B in that one. It took Rob two years to finish nine classes, one by one. Showing up for class like clockwork in between horrible surgeries where they were putting metal plates and screws in his head to fix bone deformities, Rob kept plugging along. Taking a break here and there because his grandma could not afford to pay for the class or the book; waiting while she saved up enough of their social security incomes to move forward. Mysteriously a “free” or “donated” book always seemed to be available for Robbie, they just happen to be lying about. It’s funny how things work out like that.

Robbie was a joy, always had a hug waiting for me. Smart, so smart and shiny so very, very shiny, a simply beautiful person behind an unfortunate shell. Smiling through everything life dealt him and overcoming any hurdle he set his mind to. His grandmother despite her tough exterior was a sweet lady too; a heart of gold, having to be tough to get things done for the grandson she had raised since birth.  She too always had a hug for me.  My education was found in those hugs.

After completing the Software Certificate, Robbie decided to pursue a Web Page Design Certificate that required a MAC computer and required that his 76 year old grandmother drive him 2.5 hours one way, twice a week for the classes. I put a MAC at the center and gave him a key to the building so he could come whenever he needed to do his homework (they couldn’t afford to buy one), DVR paid for his grandmother’s mileage removing one barrier to his education and Robbie started once again, taking one class at a time.

The hands of a person with Aperts syndrome

No boundaries for Robbie

The Green Bay Press Gazette was looking to the college for stories so I asked Robbie if he would like to tell his story and he did. One day the phone rang and an elderly lady told me the newspaper had given her my phone number and asked me for Robbie’s address. Because of privacy issues I couldn’t give out that information so I asked her why. She went on to say that she had saved up $2000 for a new computer but after reading Robbie’s story in the paper had decided that he needed it more than she did and she wanted to send him a check. She did.  Others did too.  The community rallied around Robbie; community is a beautiful thing.

When I left the college, Rob was working on finishing the Web Page certificate and planned on starting a business working from home building web pages. There is no doubt that he will reach the goal that he has set for himself. Robbie can do anything.  Robbie can be anything.

A picture of Robbie hangs above my desk, next to pictures of my kids. He taught me to never assume that someone “can’t” and that no matter who you are if you set your mind to something you can do it. One of the most valuable life lessons I’ve learned in my 37 years. There are no excuses to not see your goals come true, no matter what hurdles you face, be they physical, limitations thrust upon you by others or your own internal walls. The only true limitations we have are the ones we put on ourselves.

So now when a student calls and complains about trying to balance work and family and school or about some other hurdle they might be facing, I tell them about the boy with no hands who can navigate any computer you put in front of him and then I tell them to take “can’t” out of their vocabulary.  The lessons learned from Robbie and his grandmother will stay with me forever and have shaped the person I’ve become; especially when it comes to dreaming big, setting goals and seizing the future.

So dear friends, alumni, students and anyone else reading this…“You can. Yes you can.”  The journey to your goal won’t be completed in a day, but step by step, course by course, student by student, sale by sale, job by job, degree by degree, goal by goal or choice by choice.  Looking down the road at the path you traveled once you’ve reached your goal is a priceless gift that you can only earn; it isn’t handed to you, nor is the guarantee that it will be easy.

Reflection brings me to thinking about my next goal. There are a few.  Helping Herzing College be the best when it comes to providing career services, education and opportunity, keeping my staff happy and growing in their positions, watching my kids develop into young adults, continuing my own education and spreading Robbie’s  message, “yes you can” hoping to empower anyone who has doubts about themselves.

–

Amy is the Director of Career Services at Herzing College Online and teaches career development courses for the online campus.  Residing in Milwaukee, WI she does volunteer work for several non-profit organizations and enjoys giving back to her community.

(If you have a “yes I can” story, please do share with us at Tickled by Life.)

Bullies are a fact of life. The physically or intellectually stronger will always attempt to overpower the weaker. In the office, the psychology is the same. Nice people who are not in a habit to grumble or complain are seen as good game and some of the brasher elements will want to intimidate them for their own ego boosts. And this they do. Very few victims have the experience and basic understanding to tackle and counter these jabs.

Mostly, bullies are very adroit and stick to the safe side by using words. Their abuse is cleverly mingled with work related incidents so the victim if at fault, is already under a pressure of guilt. These bullies know what they are doing. It is simply their need of controlling others. Often they use work as an excuse to unload on the hapless juniors unusual responsibilities so as to first create an impossible situation, then by demanding something in return they give the promise of alleviating the stress. It is blackmail of sorts and many succumb.

Every office without exception has seen this scenario and it is being enacted at any given moment somewhere. The problem is it remains hidden as most of the time there is nothing untoward to report and more often than not, even if there is something to report most people are too scared to do so. Keeping the job and not to be seen as weak can be an extreme motive. Who would believe them anyway? Unwittingly the victims are only encouraging the act but who will bell the cat?

Verbal abuse is very common. As it is not physical, there is rarely anything to show as evidence. Until and unless a tape recorder is always actively recording every word said. Even then there is always a logic and excuse. But abuse is abuse. The problem is in the fact that the abusive harangue never gets the reprimand it deserves. It tends to get diluted in the telling. A complaint later on paper may look rather silly. Without the pitch, intonation and body/face expressions the whole thing becomes meaningless. There may not be any conscious malefic intentions behind it but it is definitely a tool of control and assists greatly in keeping the other person submissive and scared. It is an age-old technique, very deeply embedded in the human subconscious and very widely used in communities where feudal tendencies have prevailed for a long time. Though the perpetrators rarely realize that it is self-defeating as it lowers morale and brings down productivity. Who cares? The feel of elation and superiority is so addictively pleasurable!

It is imperative that victims do not learn to live within these conditions, as the scars are long and deep. Who knows when the abuser may become bold enough to even get physical? Tolerance only encourages and emboldens. A broken bone can be mended but the psychological scars can ruin a person’s life.

What can you do? Here are some watchwords to save yourself from this trauma:

KEEP YOUR COOL. Do not get into a slandering match. Call his bluff. Distance yourself. Never argue or explain your stance. The moment you get into an argument, you have lost. This is true in any situation in life, be it with your boss, colleagues, students or children. Bullies are really cowards deep down. If you feel confident enough then give him a dressing down; if possible in public where his image is shattered. There is though a flip side here: he may eventually become vengeful and really attempt to do some serious damage one way or another.

DO NOT FEEL guilty, afraid or compassionate towards your abuser. Remember the abuser is using your own feelings to manipulate you. By focusing on your weaknesses, guilt is built up and you forever remain under his clutches psychologically. Verbal violence is used to frighten and this may easily one day convert into physical. Don’t get into the trap of thinking he needs you. Nothing could be farther from the truth in such conditions.

IF THE DEMANDS are unreasonable, say so; as far as possible without upsetting the apple cart. Although expecting a reasonable response from a bully is really asking for the moon.  Object at the very first instance of perceived misbehavior. Delay in objecting will turn the situation into an acceptable habit.

GRIN AND BEART IT is not a good policy. Let others know and take help from the right people. If the situation is impossible and if you can,t live with it, quit.

–

PK is a teacher of languages/communication, counsellor and a businessman active in 6 countries. He combines his knowledge of life with his education in management, applied psychology and occult psychology from his time in The Ashram in Pondicherry and assists aspiring managers to reach their next level. Please visit http://sites.google.com/site/pkcentreforchange/Home

Often we do not try for fear of losing, but even if we lose, aren’t we winning? Winning experience, winning friends, and winning sympathy.

“Oh you were good !” “Hard luck, but there is always a next time.” “The judges were partial, I liked what you said.”

These are the words I have so often heard, naturally, after losing contests. And what has it got me… plenty of friends.

I was a teenager, when I first stepped in for a state-level speaking contest, with shaking feet and sweaty palms, and I asked my mentor and sounding board, “Do you think I should participate, uncle?”

His answer was simple, “What have you got to lose?” and that was that. Sure enough I lost the contest, well actually came a second, but lost the first place all the same. But I had won!

Overnight, I was the queen of the college with my picture in the papers, acknowledgements and smiles from passers-by, and a lot of applause wherever I went. I had gained popularity and I had gained friends. But the best part of all, I had gained experience. After that there was no looking back. Needless to say, I had gained confidence. The winning streak continues still.

People usually ask me, “What if we do not win?”

My answer is simple. You guessed it, “What have you got to lose?”

If you think you are losing your face or reputation by losing a contest, admit the fact that you were not good enough in the first place. The problem is that we are looking at our loss so subjectively  that we do not look at anything else. Not even at what we have gained due to the loss. We keep staring at the closed door instead of looking at the new windows that are opening for us.

“How do you do it?” people often ask me. Well it’s as simple as 1, 2, 3.

1.    Think laterally.
2.    Think without boundaries and limitations.
3.    Think of what you are going to gain.

We have to find what works for us, and what we can improve about ourselves. The secret behind converting a loss into a win is what we gain out of the experience.

A famous doha reads:

“Jin dhoondha tin pahiya, gehre paani paithi
Main bhapura duban dara, raha kinare baithi.”

Which means, “Those who strive, conquer by jumping into the waters, and I, scared of drowning, sit at the shore empty-handed.”

Every day is a new beginning. Go on, give yourself another chance. In life there are no guarantees. Do we stop picking roses because a thorn could prick us? Do we stop walking because we might fall? Do we stop swimming, because we might drown? Do we stop driving, for fear of having an accident? Do we stop trying just for fear of failing?

Then why do we stop believing in ourselves? Why do we stop taking more chances? Why do we stop participating in contests or experimenting in life?

Find the technique that works for you. What have you got to lose?

–

Dr.Arora is a freelance corporate trainer, Reiki master, feng shui consultant and aromatherapist. A periodontist by education, a Toastmaster by passion, she has been actively associated with radio, theatre and fine arts. Visit her websites www.mentalsparks.com and www.camelliastory.com.

In our world today, it seems that one thing that is fully certain is change.  The speed of transformation that our business world is seeing – the rapid growth of technology, the ever changing needs of consumers, the needs of our families, the continued demands of our bosses and competitors, and the unending wish lists of our valued customers – does confirm that change is critical.

Many of us have the habit of resisting change. If at all possible we would rather avoid or pass on any change and maintain the status quo. There are some who are always looking for a change in the way their home or office is set up or in the way they conduct themselves. However, most people prefer being “settled” and feel uncomfortable at the thought of change.

In the days ahead, with the accelerated ecological imbalance that humanity has created in our environment, there is a definite pending change in the universe. One small example of such is that Delhi marked December 2008 as its warmest winter since 1953. The many reports of climate changes, the erosion of forests and lack of rainfall is a sad change that we are inviting upon ourselves.

Recently I met a senior level bank manager from Andhra Bank. The manager was explaining how difficult it is to get the staff members within the public sector in India to change and move on with the new demands of our time. The competition from the private sector is ruthless, but some public sector employees still remain relaxed and reluctant to make any positive progress or change at all.

Because change is inevitable, it is best to prepare for it. Change can be a painful process at times. It requires saying goodbye to old processes and adapting to the new, which at times may be strange. A principle and attitude to adopt in times like these: Let us change for the better. Be it in the way a job is done, be it in relating to family members, be it driving or communication, be it in one’s view of other, or whatever may be the case. Let us change for the better.

The major two categories in which change occurs or must occur are:

1)    Inner personal life

2)    Work / Home / Business life

A fine example of the change that occurs in our personal lives is given by nature in the emergence of butterfly from the cocoon.

Metamorphosis of the adult butterfly is a beautiful example. As we studied in our school days, there is a four-stage process that produces an adult butterfly.

A) Egg: Female butterflies lay their eggs on plants to enable the newborn caterpillar (later stage) to get food from plants’ leaves.

B) Larva: Also called caterpillar. It emerges from the egg after a few days. The caterpillar spends most of its time eating.

C) Pupa: The caterpillar forms a protection shield called a pupa when it has finished growing. Most of the transformation takes place inside the pupa.

D) Butterfly: When the pupa has finished transformation, the butterfly emerges from the pupa. The adult butterfly lays eggs on plants after its mating period, and the circle repeats.

In our personal lives we should look for change, a change for the better. Through the ‘egg, larva, pupa’ stages we must wait to become the beautiful butterfly in our character and in our being. Not only does this change become a showpiece to others, but becoming beautiful in our inner selves becomes a great benefit which only we will know.

Second, in professional life, statistics indicate the amount of stress a change brings in one’s life. For instance, a person’s stress increases by 35% during the move from one house to another. Stress increases 55% during a job change; 60% when a child is born. Although the percentage differs from person to person, the issue of change and its effect on every person is significant.

The best policy is to be ready for change. Welcome it when it comes. If we build a ‘least resistance policy’ to change, which in any case is inevitable, we will eradicate undue stress and increase our ability to cope as we adapt to any system or process tactically.

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Sam Paul is the Chief Information Officer of OM India (a reputed NGO) and a human Rights activist for the past two decades. He is currently a research student of Acharya Nagarjuna Ranga University in Andhra Pradesh.

I had other reasons for feeling like I was on the top of the world…

I’d been promoted three times in the past three years. Regional Training Manager David Keith was now my colleague instead of my boss. We both reported directly to the Human Resources Director, an elderly Englishman named Anthony Kennedy. Great buddies, Dave and I usually traveled together to Singapore and other Timex assembly locations in the Far East. I enjoyed my job with the Regional Human Resources Department so much that I sometimes felt guilty getting paid. (In fact, Mr. Kennedy had been nagging me for months to complete my self-appraisal form so my annual merit increase could be processed, but I kept on putting it off. “What’s the hurry?” I told him. “I’ll get a retroactive increase anyway.”)

Although it wasn’t part of my job, I was often tapped by the Regional Marketing and Sales Group to conduct customer service seminars for Timex watch dealers. I didn’t get any extra pay, and had to stay at my desk after hours to make up for the time I spent doing these seminars, but I tremendously enjoyed helping the Timex dealers and staff understand the unique V-movement in Timex watches and why we didn’t need jewels like other mechanical or analog watches.

I also taught part-time at the National College of Business and Arts (NCBA). To cater to the thousands of young assembly workers pursuing a college degree, NCBA had opened a campus right next door to Timex. Some ingenuous folks had even constructed wooden stairs over the concrete wall that separated Timex and NCBA, shaving off a few minutes from the walk out the Timex front gate, down the block, and into the NCBA campus.

My growing family lived in relative comfort. In fact, we had recently moved into a beautiful bungalow in San Mateo (Rizal), a town outside Metro Manila. The peace and quiet, not to mention breath-taking views of the sunset and the mountains, more than made up for the hour-long commute to/from the Timex watch assembly plant in Cubao, Quezon City.

Life was great, I thought to myself that fateful Friday in January 1983 as I bounded up the steps to the Regional Office, still humming “I’m on the top of the world” under my breath.
Even as the massive frosted glass doors slammed shut behind me, I knew that something was terribly wrong. The office was eerily quiet. There was none of the usual morning chatter as the regional staff got ready for another busy day. What was even more chilling was that the staff desks were all unoccupied, and the directors’ office doors were all closed (a rare sight in the “come-right-in-and-tell-me-what’s-on-your-mind” atmosphere of the regional office).

“Where’s everyone?” I quizzed Dave, glancing at all the empty desks. “In there,” he replied, gesturing towards the closed doors. He paused and then said with an inscrutable expression on his face, “The old man wants to see you.”

My heart pounding in my throat, I tremulously stepped into Mr. Kennedy’s office. There I learned the painful truth. Timex was closing down the Manila facility and consolidating its Philippine assembly operation in Cebu. I’d be losing my job by end of March. “But I’m three months pregnant!” I blurted out. Mr. Kennedy said there was nothing he could do. “Don’t worry, you’ll easily find another job,” he assured me.

I left Mr. Kennedy’s office in a daze and headed for the cafeteria. The hallway was filled with distraught assembly workers. Unlike me, these girls had been handed their final paychecks and asked to leave immediately. Some of them were wailing unabashedly, while others sobbed quietly as they gathered their personal belongings from their lockers. It was surreal. The words “I cried because I had no shoes, until I saw a man who had no feet,” came to my mind, as I forgot my own misery and tried to console the girls as best I could.

That weekend, I started sending out job applications and writing to headhunters. Nancy, a consultant with a leading search firm, echoed Mr. Kennedy’s assurance that I’d easily land another job – until I told her that I was pregnant. She promised to check with her clients and get back to me. I knew the answer even before she called. “I’m really sorry,” she apologized, “but my clients prefer someone who can work uninterrupted during their first year.” It was the same elsewhere. I’d get as far as the interview but the minute I mentioned I was pregnant the door would close. Some well-meaning friends advised me not to disclose that I was pregnant but I didn’t want to start a new job based on deception. I decided to stop wasting time, money, and effort on a futile – and extremely frustrating – job search, and wait until after I gave birth.

When March came and I got my final pay, I realized to my chagrin that through my own fault (neglecting my self-appraisal), my separation pay had been computed on my current (lower) base salary.  To make matters worst, the kids got sick and I needed to spend for lab tests and medicine. My bank account quickly dwindled down to zero. Fortunately, a nearby grocery store allowed me to buy food and other necessities on credit – but for how long?

I sold Avon products and Readers Digest subscriptions to help pay the bills. The only mails I received were window envelopes, some with “FINAL NOTICE” stamped in red. I didn’t have any money for a cake or ice-cream for my son’s fifth birthday, and it broke my heart.

Then, on May 26 (my birthday!), I received unexpected mail. I stared at the Abenson letterhead for some time, racking my brains for anyone I knew in the country’s largest appliance chain, before opening the envelope. The salutation read “To the Baby Maker, from the Profit Taker” and went on to say that Abenson was offering me the position of Human Resources Development Manager. It was a total surprise since I didn’t know anyone in Abenson but I soon learned that the Timex Marketing Director was also Abenson’s consultant, and the Timex watch dealership was owned by the same family.

So, while I waited to give birth to an adorable baby girl, I had a job waiting for me. I realized that I needed to LOSE my job to GAIN this managerial position. God does work in mysterious ways.

Think about this. This employer, whenever they decided to offer you the current position, clearly did that on the basis of your personal and professional credentials. In most cases, it could be even probable that you were offered the coveted position only a few months back. And when the employer did so, it was clearly on the basis of merit and merit alone. So, the pink slip was an occurrence owing to the global happenings that have had a cascading effect that has had a bearing on your organization too.

And whole bunches of your own colleagues and peers, and those in the professional fraternity have been affected. All of them are competent and capable in some way or the other. So are YOU. You were a clear choice for a said role and responsibility. You have been doing a good or even a fabulous job. You have contributed so much to the top-line and bottom-line, directly or indirectly. In the rush to manage changes in such times, most organizations seldom even communicate in this way… guess you need to take it in your stride and move on.

So, even remotely connecting the event – pink slip – to your capabilities will be doing gross injustice to you as a person. Never ever do that. (Just in case you are reading this as a fortunate not-pink-lipped, now you know what is to be told to your mind and heart.)

When you have not been responsible for the event, you only have to ACT now on what can be done to make things better. And steering clear of any negative thoughts and self pity gives you so much of positive energy and mind space to focus on what needs to be done now.

The future holds so much more than the present. You have all the knowledge and power to do whatever you choose personally and professionally. And for that just make sure that there are no energy leaks – from your mind and body.

You are even more capable now, with more time to do and plan your future. Choose that mindset and it will do all the good to you.

Look only for the positive. Shun the bad vibes, and all the negativity.

Thanks to the nature of our lives and work today, most of us are hooked to the internet, 24/7. This makes us sort of vulnerable to the news. The news spreads fasts. And bad news spreads even faster. And thanks to the fierce competition for viewer eyeballs and readership, television and the print media have a liking to cover news about jobs lost and pink slips.

If you are connected now, just Google for the words pink slip or job loss, and there you get all gloom and negativity right at your table; but what I suggest is precisely the opposite – resist the temptation to hunt for the bad news.

What the media does is to spread a sense of gloom all over. You can’t help much, as they are doing their job. But here is what you can do.

Don’t pay attention to any information that will feed to your sense of uncertainty.  You are capable, and all the more sure of what you want -  a great opportunity, a better way of living, all the positive energy possible, and a great mental make up to keep you happy when things seemingly are not at their best.

So, make it a point to read only information about growth plans, good things that are happening, which industries will do well, what areas you can re-skill yourself in, where inspirational, good speeches and well-being seminars are happening etc. That will make you feel good. And in turn you will be an ambassador of good news.

The unfortunate thing that happens in such times is that wherever you are – your desk at the office, cafeteria, or in the public transport – a vast majority of the discussions are only around what is going wrong. Seldom do most of us realize that all this talk of recession and slowdown spreads negativity all over. It is just not possible for you to focus on the good things of life, when what all you hear and see is not so good.

And that is the precise reason you need to discipline yourself only to be inclined to hear and see good news. Spread cheer. Talk more with your spouse and kids. Play with them. Teach you kid and ask him what happened at school today. See if your spouse needs any support at her work or in home-making. Abhor watching television – by doing that, in all probability you are catching what you avoid outside right at your drawing room!

You could connect more with your hobbies for which you seldom had time. Read books you like. Write to your friends and well-wishers, and those in your professional network. Attempt to connect with old friends and relatives. Connect with an NGO where you can be of some help.

Go ahead and do something that will make you feel good or make you a better person. As most personality gurus would say, like attracts like. Good attracts good. So, make it a point that you will attract only the good. Or one step ahead, ONLY THE BEST.

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Muralidharan is an HR practitioner and a recruitment professional. A strong believer in spreading cheer and positivity, Murali currently works out of Chennai and is a voracious reader and a prolific writer.