I could see my father’s image pop out of the scroll as the lawyer was reading my father’s will, “Last will and testament of me, Prakash Arora,”…. …and after that everything went blah, blah-blah, blah-blah. The interesting part came when I heard “ To my darling daughter Ritu, I leave, a boat.” I always dreamt of cruising the world in a small luxury boat, maybe it would even have a casino, I thought. There was the Sea Princess of your dreams and now I was going to get it ……but the next words the lawyer said ensured that my Sea Princess sank ,“Ah yes, Miss Arora”, she said, “here’s your boat.” A paper boat!

My mind reeled back to a five year old Ritu, who had rushed indoors at pitter-patter, the first drops of rain on the window-sill. My father had looked at me and said, “come Sweety, let me teach you how to make a paper boat”, and with his deft fingers he had carefully and cleverly folded the paper to form a boat, hypnotic and beautiful, and father and daughter had stepped out in the rain, and set the boat adrift in the rushing muddy water, and watched it toss from door to door. What my father was doing then, was creating a legacy. One that would help me enjoy the monsoon, the rain water and paper boats forever.

Kabir has rightly said, ‘Kadli seep bhujang much, swati ek gun teen’. The first drop of rain, that falls into a Banana tree forms camphor, into an oyster forms a pearl, and into a serpent’s mouth forms venom. Each one of us is as unique and precious as the first drop of rain. The legacy we leave behind, camphor, pearl or venom is our choice.

Margaret Thatcher got the legacy of ‘commitment to service’, from her father, a shopkeeper. A dyslexic child grew up to become General George Patton because his father left him ‘courage to conquer’.

We can all become immortal by leaving living legacies, not only for our children, but for every life we touch. A famous Chinese proverb says, ‘the faintest ink is more lasting than the strongest memory’. ‘Letters from a father to a daughter’ made Pandit Nehru immortal not only for Indira Gandhi, but also for the world at large. Dr.Ralph C. Smedley’s living legacy is a not-for-profit organization called Toastmasters International.

Everything including life is temporary. It melts away like ice. Leave living legacies that will last beyond the mists of time. Create timeless treasures.

I am reminded of the famous ghazal of Jagjit Singh, ‘Woh kagaz ki kashti Woh baarish ka paani’ Take my wealth, fame and youth, but return to me my childhood monsoon, the rain water and my paper boat.

My paper boat sails on. A living legacy that reminds me of the time that I spent with my father that has made me the person I am today. I can see my father no more, but he is still with me, as a living presence.

How would you like to be remembered, what will your paper boat be?

]]> http://tickledbylife.com/index.php/the-living-legacy/feed/ 4 http://tickledbylife.com/index.php/a-tea-kid/ http://tickledbylife.com/index.php/a-tea-kid/#comments Wed, 14 Jan 2009 06:07:37 +0000 Dr. Ritu Arora http://tickledbylife.com/index.php/?p=3602 For those of you who are familiar with the ins and outs of tea life, the sentence is self-explanatory. Almost to the extent of abracadabra. One can almost visualize a tiny tot, who comes into this world, after endless months of patience, with expectant parents under half-baked medical conditions, and lack of communication to share the joy. In those days it was the postman, who carried the news far and beyond, and if you were lucky, a letter of congratulations back as well. There were very few cars then, and if you were lucky, your parents owned one. Everybody knew the “who is who” of the entire Northern Bengal.

Yes, the mention of tea, immediately brings the hills of Assam and Darjeeling to mind what with movies like Chameli memsaab and, more recently, Parineeta. But my dear friends, tea life extends way beyond that, even to the foothills of the Himalayan Range, the Dooars area. Life upcountry is very different from the layman’s imagination. The Britishers had long left the country and gone, but their culture still remains in this part of the world. For the unsuspecting, it is the place where the grass is always greener.

Blessed with a not so tiny farmhouse accommodation, a house full of servants, with all of them at beck and call, is much better than a five-star hotel accommodation. The servants were always too eager to please. Half-witted simpletons and really nice people at heart. The cook would take pride in his baking, and would come up to show-off his fresh baked biscuits, asking you to sample them. The gardners were busy round the year, mowing the lawn, planting flowers, fruits and vegetables, watering and manuring them, whenever required. If the lady of the house, the Memsaab, picked up a few flowers from the garden for her flower arrangement, it was the gardener’s lucky day. An additional duty was to keep the garden of the house free from any snakes. One or two would pop up in autumn, and the gardeners had to be careful, in case the Saab or Memsaab or their kid would want to walk around barefoot in the garden. What fun it is to bask in the warmth of the sun during the rainy season, or to chase a dog barefoot in winters, to be able to rise in the morning to smell the flowers, to smell the newly opened roses and to squeeze lavender pods, for the aromatic water, which left one feeling fresh and fragrant throughout the day. Those endless winter hours on the lawn, reading a book, actually more of looking around, than reading. The chirpy birds, the pets, the flowers, the blossoming trees, the tea bushes, and an occasional rainbow, made a beautiful sight. Summers were more of playing in the sand or in dried hay, and tiring oneself out completely.

No one can forget the sweet fruity aroma of fresh tea being made. As a child, the joy that one feels in having a cup of fresh made tea, while the rest of the world is left to enjoy whatever is stored, packaged and sold, months later at a retail store. The whiff of tea, as one neared the factory, was enough to make you want to become a tea-taster. And hundreds and thousands of workers, just stopping to have a look at the planter’s kid, was enough to give you the feeling of being someone really important, even as a kid.

In Tom Hank’s movie, “Forrest Gump”, his mother says, “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’ll get.” This child then steps into the real world, the world of school. St. James School, with the Christian Missionaries, has proved to be a boon to planters, since time immemorial. Even planters, who live about 100 kms away, prefer sending their kids to this institution. There are others who are not so willing to take up responsibilities, and prefer the boarding for their young ones, their choices chiefly being Mayo, Doon and Darjeeling. In terms of education, St. James has a lot to give. All planters’ children, who have passed out from here, have gone to different parts of the world and made it big. There is something about career orientation, and a will to conquer that this school instills in you that can be compared to some of the best schools in India. The personal attention that the teachers give to the students is unimaginable. The extra-curricular activities and sports are given a lot of importance, which helps in an overall growth of the individual.

Weekly Club was more of a fun-time affair, where over a hundred planters would meet with their families. The late afternoons and early evenings were filled with football, tennis, badminton, golf and table-tennis. After sunset, while the uncles got busy playing bridge or snooker or over the drinks, the ladies would usually have a chit-chat over their kids, pets, plants, latest recipes, servants and finally husbands, though not necessarily in that order. There were a few flash players as well. The ladies’ rest room was more of a meeting room for the maids who accompanied the children. The children usually got busy playing hide and seek, or catch me if you can, running around the whole club, trying to bring the roof down. Occasionally they were allowed to ruin the ancient Piano with some of them pretending to be incarnations of Lata Mangeshkar or Bryan Adams, Madonna or R.D. Burman. Then there were a few serious and voracious readers, who always occupied the library of the club, issuing and returning books and straining their necks to the highest rack of the library in the hope of finding something new. Some digging into thrillers, adventure and mystery, others into romance, yet others into literature or history. There was a children’s section as well, with Enid Blytons’, Alfred Hitchcock, Nancy Drew and the likes. Surprisingly, the magazine rack was always empty. Occasionally there was dancing, with a crooner who would come all the way from Calcutta. Dinner and the regular round of thank-yous would usually follow this.

“It was the beginning of the rainy season. Frogs and snakes are quite common during that time of the year. Telling my city (Birpara Bazaar) dwelling friends that Mr.Frog pays me a visit every day was a little unbelievable for them. Frog Prince is a story many girls grow up with. This little fellow, just sat there, green and ugly as ever, and in his most melodious voice croaked, and looked at me from the broken bathroom window. As if it was a sin to have a broken window. One day, instead of throwing him out, I caught him in the soap dish, and carefully transferred him to my lunch box. You can well imagine my friend’s surprised face when she opened my tiffin box and our dear friend leapt at her face. He got his ‘legendary kiss’ but we saw no prince around. Sadly, she wasn’t transformed either. It was truly an affair to remember.”

This forms the baseline of the story, of the life of a planter’s daughter. Incidentally, she signs her name as Dr. Ritu Arora.

–

Dr.Arora is a freelance corporate trainer, Reiki master, feng shui consultant and aromatherapist. A periodontist by education, a Toastmaster by passion, she has been actively associated with radio, theatre and fine arts. Visit her websites www.mentalsparks.com and www.camelliastory.com.

Mohan nearly fell into a pool one day. Sohan, who was nearby, saved him. Then onwards, every time they met, Sohan would remind Mohan of the great service that he had performed.

Mohan got annoyed at this behaviour. Then one day, he took Sohan to the water, jumped in, stood with his head just above the water and shouted, “Now I am as wet as I would have been if you had not saved me. Now please don’t remind me of the service performed by you.”

What do you say?

Do comment below.

1.) Just start.  That’s it – just get started.  Pick up one stack to sort or one drawer to clean out. Just take one step on your new walking program.  If you’re like me, once I get started, it’s game on.

2.) Hire someone else to do it.  Seriously.  I pay someone to clean my house and it is the best money I spend.  I don’t want to spend my time cleaning, but I don’t want to live in a dirty house.  Let’s say paying someone isn’t an option for you.  No problem – just find out what it would cost to pay someone, then next time you find yourself putting it off, think, “If I get this done it will save me $75.”  You’ll either be motivated to do it or you’ll write the check.

3.) Let go of perfection.  I believe (and we do lie best when we lie to ourselves) that my procrastination is linked to my perfectionism.  I feel that if I can’t do something right (i.e. perfect), I shouldn’t do it at all.  So when I think about the database entry, I think I don’t have time to do it all, so I do nothing. And a 15 minute job accumulates into a five hour job and all my leads are cold.  Better to do it halfway than not do it at all.  Better to walk one mile than zero.  Better to have half the laundry folded than none.  And go back to number one – once you start, you often finish.  Perfectionism is idiotic.  (And yes, I am working on being less of an idiot.)

This is another reason why people don’t delegate or hire others.  Many women tell me they won’t hire someone to clean their homes because that person wouldn’t do the job as well as they would.  Okay – if you want to spend your life cleaning your baseboards, rock on!  I’ll be out enjoying my life.

4.) Trick yourself.  I got a lot of this done because I fooled myself into thinking it was fun.  I sat at my desk, lit some candles, put on some TV shows I like and did data entry for hours.  Hey – see number three – we lie best when we lie to ourselves.  Tell yourself going through all that junk you’ve been hoarding will be fun!  Whee!!!  Or find a way to make it fun for you – invite a friend over to help you with your closet or promise yourself a reward when you’re finished.   Bribe yourself!

5.) Create urgency.  I wanted to get stuff donated before the end of the year to help reduce my taxes, so I cleaned out closets.  Maybe you have a birthday coming up and you don’t want to spend another year in your current state.  If you can set some kind of goal or deadline, this will help.

6.) Dump it all.  Maybe there are stacks in your office or a bunch of junk in your garage.  Get a box (or boxes or trash bags) and just pitch it all.  If you are not using that stuff, get rid if it!  If that’s too drastic, date the boxes – if you didn’t need anything out of then in a year – for God’s sake – THROW THEM AWAY!  If it’s a hobby or a craft project or a piece of exercise equipment – be honest with yourself – use the damn thing or toss it.  Here people start thinking, but I spent $250 on that!  Yep – then try to sell it on Ebay, because that money is gone, baby and it ain’t coming back.  Most of the time your old junk really is just junk.  For all the time it might take to sell it, you’d be better off just taking it to Goodwill and writing it off.

7.) Multitask – maybe.  Depending on the task, multitasking might help or it might harm.  If it’s reading, I can go through a lot of stuff while I ride the stationary bike.  I feel like I’m getting some exercise AND accomplishing something.  I love it!  But sometimes trying to multitask derails me.  Deactivating my e-mail alert was a huge time saver – no distraction, more focus, more execution.  Every interruption slows you down dramatically.

8.) Think of the consequences.  If I don’t update my database I lose touch with my clients and that can cost me money.  If you don’t go through those stacks on your desk, you look disorganized and lose credibility.  If you have chaos in your e-mail inbox, you may miss opportunities or appear unreliable.  If nothing else, clutter saps your energy and wastes your time.  Take control.

Try a couple of these – I’m telling you from the other side, when you finally get the task done, it will take much less time than you thought and you’re going to feel a lot better about yourself.  Now I need to get that mailing out.

————————

Denise Ryan, MBA, is a Certified Speaking Professional, a designation of excellence held by less than 10% of all professional speakers.  She is a blogger http://motivationbychocolate.blogspot.com
Her website is http://www.firestarspeaking.com where you can see more articles and sign up for a free newsletter.

Our own good intentions are often hidden so deep that we are sometimes not even consciously aware of them. And our reactions are usually so deeply ingrained and spontaneous that we seem to be having no conscious control over them. Still we want others to judge us from the best that we can be, or from our best intentions that are hidden deep beneath our angry reactions. However, when it comes to judging others, we tend to judge others not by their inherent goodness, but without a second thought, by their panicky reactions. It seems that it gives us immense pleasure in proving that we are better persons than others—though the person we all are is the same One without the other.

There is a 20-year-old lampshade at our home that I was considering to throw away as a part of routine monthly cleaning. It suddenly struck me that except for being dirty it was still functional. I spent an hour cleaning it with Brasso and tamarind solution. Now, it had the incredible shine on it that any owner would feel proud of, and I realized what a mistake it would have been had I really thrown it away.

We all are like this beautiful shining lampshade. But we do not care to connect ourselves back to our natural luster and shine—our divinity—through the ‘Brasso’ and tamarind solution of conscious breathing, meditation, daily review of our actions, contemplation, introspection, and mindful living. We seem to have lost touch with the great potential we have, and the mission we are born to fulfill with it. Disconnected from our real inherent goodness we get easily overpowered by the dirt (our conditioned reactions) that we have allowed to gather on ourselves.

Inside the golden cage that we tend to clean with care every day, the divine bird within starves to be cleaned and fed. Those, whom we tend to admire as saints, are no more divine than the cruelest among us; they have only come to be more aware and better connected to their divine bird within through the three questions that they keep asking themselves. So next time you are about to react with anger to humiliate someone with vengeance ask yourself (like them):

1. “Is it in accordance with what I really am and stand for?”

2. “Am I reacting out of my past conditioning (and reinforcing it thereby) or acting out of the lessons learnt thereof?

3. Am I, a few moments from now, going to feel peaceful, happy and contented, or regret what I am about to do (or not do) or speak (or not speak—for example, saying that you are grateful)?
 
The more often you ask these questions during the day the more quickly you will regain your connection with your real divine and blissful self within. However the practical problem in this is the fact that we get so carried away by our ceaseless thoughts, emotions and the activities of the day that we usually do not have the briefest of intervals at our disposal to have the opportunity to ask these three questions and the dirt of our conditioned responses keeps on accumulating. Here is the trick called ‘Develop your backpedaling  muscle’ to take care of this problem.

Develop your `backpedaling’ muscle to keep the dirt from accumulating.

Often people suffer more from their negative emotions and consequent reactions based on them than from others’ deeds that evoke them.

So let your actions stem from your core self instead from your conditioned reactions. Shift your focus of attention from judging what the external world is doing to you to observing how you are responding to it. Others can offend and hurt you only if you permit them to.

And we permit them to offend and hurt us only when

a) We resist their freedom to act the way they want to even if it is absurd, immature, cruel, and unjust or seemingly at our cost.

b) We judge others’ actions, especially when we do so negatively. Without a judgment there is no ‘emovere’ or disturbance, and in its absence the undisturbed stillness of the present moment still continues to remain with you. And your judgments are after all merely a collection of thoughts.

Others’ wrong behaviour, in fact, belongs to us because it is always a reflection of what is wrong with our own inner world. It is therefore a feedback we can use as important lessons in our lives. Although our negative emotions seem to be our responses to something external they are purely our own creation. We create them because we do not want to take the responsibility for any unpleasant thing and being good at projecting things out we tend to locate their source outside ourselves. Negative emotions, in fact, are the way some people have learnt to process and respond to external happenings with.

While cycling we start backpedaling, in case we want to stay in balance without wanting to move forward with the ongoing usual fast speed lest it may make us ram into a vehicle waiting at the red light. Similarly whenever you are about be carried away by the strong winds of the ill learnt emotional upheavals and negative reactions rising within you, imagine that you are ‘back pedaling’ i.e. you are letting your negative reactions and emotions be watched by you without being acted upon. This is best done in two parts: begin to become aware of your breathing and then start anticipating the response your emotions and habits are about to drive you to. This will also give you the necessary time interval and opportunity to ask and answer the above three vital questions. Though, it is simple but shall prove to be a life-transforming habit for you.

Initially you may find that it isn’t easy backpedaling (holding yourself from action that your negative emotions are tending to drive you to), but every single time you bring yourself to manage to do it you will be strengthening your ‘backpedaling’ muscle. Learn to sacrifice what you are (all that appears to be tempting, convenient and easy now) for the sake of what you want yourself to be (the difficult part that you want to eventually turn into easy, convenient and spontaneous).

With practice, as your back pedaling muscle grows in strength you will begin to realize that you are regaining your will power and grip over your life. An infant finds it difficult to grip a ball or a spoon but with practice it becomes easier. Things become easier for her only because, despite the inconvenience, she first takes up the challenge to consistently do what appears difficult to her. How intelligent would it have been for her to choose instant ease and convenience every time only to eternally postpone the ease that was supposed to be her birthright?

To lead a blissful life is no one else’s but our own responsibility. When we blame others for keeping such a life from us, it still is kept from us. Fixing blame does not fix the problem. Only by taking responsibility and working towards it, does a blissful life become ours.