Tickled by Insults
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PK | Apr 13, 2009
Discussing the “Sayings” (5)
If you can’t ignore an insult, top it. If you can’t top it, laugh it off; and if you can’t laugh it off, it’s probably deserved. – J.Russel Lyne
I find a great beauty and truth in this saying and in my own life has it has happened more than once. I have never been able to top an insult. The exchange or attack got me seething alright and I would have loved to see the guy’s head blown off. But outside I kept my composure and some remnant of dignity.
Topping an insult is what I would dearly like to do. But I don’t know what happens to me then. I just can’t ever think up one retort at that moment. Later I would not be able to stop myself by coming up with hundreds of brilliant ones but never – never at that particular moment. I suppose it requires a presence of mind I just don’t have. At that moment in time I am so shocked and hurt; my ego and self-regard in shreds that my thinking process freezes over. Then at the back of my mind another background noise is at work. I cannot stop thinking about the brawl I may be getting into. Brawls mean complications, waste of time and even money which I don’t have.
There was no way I could really laugh it away either; that would have been too darned demeaning.
My education has been faulty. I have been taught to be precise, correct and sincere. My spiritual peace is important therefore my mental makeup does not go for exaggeration except when I am obviously aiming for humor. The picture I have obtained from unsavory exchanges is that the art of insulting requires truckloads of a coarse dishonest streak that comes with an ability to lie off like a heartless scoundrel.
There is also attached to this criteria the ability to weave a fact into an insinuation as a foundation and then top it with an accusation; the idea being to attack the person and not the subject. Only an idiot would try to clarify himself in this situation. Some often do get tempted and soon realize that every time they open their mouth they are only giving the opponents some added ammunition.
I am just 5 foot four, 60 kgs(140 lbs) and with age, strength diminishing with joints getting sore and painful. I am terribly scared that a good brawl would develop into a dramatic scene of fist-cuffs flying around and I can’t afford that. No, trying to top insults is not my line and I would not advise it to anybody. What I do is to stare at the guy and maintain an absolute silence both in body and mind. This eventually puts the attacker off and calms him off too. 
Then I look for an escape route and walk off if I can or if I am on the road get into my vehicle ready to run if the situation permits and while accelerating off, leave a parting shot of words which I have rehearsed often before for these moments. I normally say something negatively nice like; – If you can’t talk like a reasonable man, I am going off. There is no abuse there for my opponent to latch on to for another round and I don’t wait for the prologue anyway.
Then coming back to the element of honesty in my own self, I must admit there is always some basis for the argument to have started in the first place. If I consider myself wise and adept at gauging moods then I should not have allowed myself to enter into a fray of this nature. It can only be stupidity because I let my vanity be pricked or I reacted by anger or something which opened the door for a backlash, fate adding to the occasion by giving me a worthy and most unscrupulous opponent.
Silence and running away are the best solutions. Refuse to engage.
Filed Under: Miscellaneous
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Your comments came at a perfect time.
I write for a local website that gives small business advice.
Last weekend I was confronted on line by a person who did not like what I had to say about their form of doing business in this economy. Instead of reading the post as a positive spin on their self worth , they took it as an attack, and promptly posted a scathing rant on my abilities and professionalism. I was shocked and hurt, But to rub salt in my wounds they contacted my superiors and complained. I was livid!
They felt it perfectly fine to read into the advice a very personal edge that must have hit a nerve, So they lashed out. They do not know me personally. I am very kindhearted.
My Boss contacted me and said “This person was over reacting”, but we agreed to let it go and change the subject thread.
That should have been the end just as you said “driving away!” LOL
But the person keeps enlisting friends to post and bring it back to the front like a roving gang of bullies. They just feel the need to take me down.
So with humour and a scathing wit, I keep changing the thread on that website with fun subjects and hoping this finally sinks in.
Thanks for the article, It couldnt have come at a better moment for me!
i really like the way you write….very honest…straight from the heart…unlike you retorts come easily to me
….but with time i have realised that its not very good idea to always retort back and shut up your opponent ….while it may give you momentary pleasure…a feel good feeling but later on when you dwell on the incident….you do feel a lil dirty yourself…there are times when you should just walk away from a situation and not dignify each and every insult by topping it….BUT there are times when you shld let other person know that he or she can not take you for granted..insult you and walk away with it. 