The Two Sides Of Single Child Parenting

There are many of us who have been blessed with a single child. As parents we are happy with our one blessing and may have opted out of an addition to our family.

There are of course advantages and disadvantages to such a situation. The advantages — we can focus on our one child and spend well for better education, other activities and give him/her a luxurious life. We can also shower all our love and affection, warmth and attention without having to share among siblings. On the other hand, a single child is a lonely child, and may grow up to be selfish without learning to share and interact with others in a meaningful way.

It is true, however, that the parenting of a single child is different from that of multiple children. An only child tends to develop a close relationship with parents, but builds self-esteem very early in life, attains high grasping power, is more expressive and more motivated at school because he/she receives more attention and encouragement from parents. But then we see our child experiencing a deep loneliness and may be unable to share thoughts and feelings.

The single child also doesn’t go through sibling rivalry and may not learn the skills of tackling problems in life or that of handling inattention. And there is an absence of sibling support later in life. There are however, some ways in which we, as parents of a single child, can support and encourage our child to overcome these difficulties and turn negatives into positives.

Encourage Friendships - It is possible that your single child may keep away from interacting with others and choose to “cling” to you. Encourage your child to interact and develop friendship with others. This will help your child develop stronger social skills. In fact, when your child is interacting/playing with others, carefully observe the interaction and if he/she doesn’t share toys, help him/her realize that being selfish can only result in loneliness and no friendships. Planning get-togethers among friends and extended family with children often does help.

Set Boundaries – You can guide and teach your child to know when it is appropriate to demand attention and when to be self-sufficient. It would be to the advantage of both you and your child, if he/she is not allowed to dictate the terms of the parent/child interaction. Your child should be helped to realize that parents too have their own responsibilities and duties and need time for themselves. Do show appreciation when your child shows signs of understanding that there should be balance in the parent/child equation.

Develop Self-determination – Unknowingly, your child can become totally dependent on you for moral support in any or all activities. Encourage your child to be self reliant, to engage him/herself and to have fun. Do not feel obligated to be your child’s entertainer throughout life.

Parenting a single child brings its unique set of challenges but the joy of watching your child up with adequate love, attention and resources at his/her disposal makes up for compromises and feelings of guilt that many parents experience in this situation.