I love Ralph Waldo Emerson’s writings. He lived in the 1800’s and was a philosopher and essayist from Boston. In his essay, Self-Reliance, he says “There is a time in every (wo)man’s education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better for worse as his portion; that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is given to him to till.” I believe he was not speaking literally here about farming…but rather telling us to “till” the life and gifts given us in order to tap into that endless good.

He also says, “Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string. Accept the place the divine providence has found for you…nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of our own mind.”

A coach once gave me some great advice that I embraced. She said, “flaunt your quirks.” The quirkier the better. What this means is that all the qualities and characteristics that make you unique are part of your essential, true self. And when you are being true to yourself you are attractive to others. You will attract just the right people into your personal and business world. Think of someone who you consider successful. Can you name some of their “quirks?” Chances are you can.

Being authentic doesn’t happen in one fell swoop. It happens daily in the choices you make – if a decision is based on what you imagine society thinks you “should do” or when you make a choice based on what you think will impress someone else…that’s probably not authentic.

When you have defined what’s important to you –where it is important to expend your time and energy on this planet –and you make your choices guided by that…you’re being authentic.

Learn from others. Sure. Take what you like from them and integrate it into who you are. Don’t imitate…that makes your soul wither…let your unique spirit shine in the world!

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. –Timothy Leary.

Mr/Mrs God created the universe in opposites. Presence and absence. So we have day and night. So what is absent in the day is present in the night and vice versa. The day offers you lots of energy and enterprise. This is what helps man make a good living. On the other hand, the night offers calmness and creativity. So this duality of day-night results is a complete, holistic life, that is, time to make a living and time to process the joy of living. Now who on the planet can tell me which is more important or less necessary and why?

Let us understand this in the light of the times and factors that contributed to building this pattern of behaviour among humans. When in the primitive shelters like caves, man because of his physical strength and ability had to fight it out with the weather and wild animals, while the woman was the one who had to be protected and to be supplied the food.

Also every time she had to carry their child for long nine months (without even the most basic medical facilities, she would become entirely dependent on her man). This was the norm even when she reared the child and he ventured out to do all that was needed for his family’s survival. He could not bear, feed and breed the child because of his anatomy and she could not run, hunt and fight the brutal wild animals because of her specialized anatomy. He brought the food and she prepared some semblance of a meal. Till this point, none of them thought of the other as being superior or more important. There was no comparison, just an appreciation for the mutually supportive roles of the man and the woman.

This was before man became a social animal. As soon as he became socialized and tribal living ended, things began to change as the roles of males and females were questioned by each other. The spectre of comparison began to rear its head with the thought that  between the ‘day’ (man) and ‘night’ (woman), man was better and more important, hence he became dominant and oppressive. And woman felt she was  less important so she felt dominated and oppressed.

In the times that we are living in, there’s no need for useless comparisons. How can you compare day and night? Can day exist without night and night without the day? One cannot exist without the other. Day and night, like man and woman, are nothing but two different software programmes that run on the same hardware and operating system. So you can compare them for example, only if you can compare Microsoft Office and Microsoft Media Player. We are at fault when we say, “Woman can do everything that man can do and more”. Why waste yourself in doing what man can already do for you? Why and how is earning a meal better than cooking a meal?

My message to all the differently talented, skilled, programmed but restless female half of the human race is: It’s about time you stop comparing yourself to and liberating yourself from men. Enjoy your power as a woman and your role as a nurturer as you complement and balance the human equation to make it whole.

It breaks my heart when I work with women who hold back and don’t fully share their gifts with the world – even when I can see that they are shining stars.  And I can relate!  I’ve been there.  I had very little self confidence in my younger days (middle age has its blessings). Here are five tips to build your entrepreneurial confidence.

1.  Act now. Procrastination feeds fear.  With each success you have, you lay another brick in your confidence foundation.  Choose an action that you feel you can accomplish — even if it’s a little scary — and get it done.

2.  Keep an accomplishment log.  Women often discount what they’ve accomplished, attributing their success to luck or other people.  Keep a log of your accomplishments  and read them when you start to feel self doubt.  This is also a great tool to keep your resume or portfolio updated.

3.  Save testimonials. I have a “testimonial” folder in my outlook email box.  When someone sends me a thank you or a compliment of any kind, I save it in that folder.  This serves two purposes: firstly testimonials are a powerful marketing tool — people love to buy from someone who shows them testimonials that talk about specific outcomes, and secondly, reading them reminds me of why I get out of bed every day and do what I do.

4.  Faith it till you make it. I know…you’ve heard “fake it till you make it”…but at the Authentic Life Institute … we say “faith.”  I have said “yes” to requests that are in alignment with my business and values even though, at the time, I wasn’t confident I could meet the request.  I knew I’d figure out the “how” if I made a commitment.  An example was the first time I was asked to give a radio interview…my first internal reaction was a big gulp and a “I’ve never done that and don’t have a clue what to expect” fear.   My external reaction was a confident, “Yes, thank you for the opportunity and what date are you looking at?”  In this case, the interviewer was experienced and sent me questions ahead of time…yes, I was nervous and no, I don’t think listeners knew it.  With experience, I’ve learned to have a few “talking points” I want to be sure to work into the interview, regardless of what questions the interviewer asks…I didn’t do this the very first time and it was just fine.

5.  Don’t Dwell on Mistakes. Do you ruminate over your mistakes…playing the scenario out in your mind over and over again?  That’s a habit to drop.  Instead, learn to become a gentle, reflective, observer of yourself.  For example, after I give a workshop or presentation, I reflect on the experience.  I consider what I might do differently next time and then I spend more time reflecting on all the things that went well.  Most of all, I congratulate myself, for “getting out of the way” and remembering that the purpose of the presentation was to inspire others.  Yes, learn from your experiences, but keep the big picture perspective.

Walk tall today.  Know you have unique gifts to share with the world.  Confidence is attractive…let yours shine!

We’re so occupied with home improvement and self-improvement that it’s difficult to see the true self that’s underneath. Who are you fixing, anyway? Do you know? Maybe you don’t need improving at all. Perhaps your original self is more beautiful than you even imagined.

Freedom worships inquiry. The truth is far easier to deal with than illusion, evasion or avoidance. You can wrap your arms around it. You can look it in the eye. You can take it to the bank. I think Saint Thomas had it right, “What you bring forth will save you. What you don’t bring forth will kill you.” Truth frees.

Stop looking for the answers.
Look for the question.
What question are you living?

{FYI my current living question came to me from Patti Digh and I’ve been noodling on it with glee for a few weeks now: “If my art provided everything I need in my life, how would I approach my life?” Ahh. Just the inquiry itself creates space in my heart for more.}

Rilke hit it home when he proclaimed: Live the questions, live them now!

So…?

Dear Danielle at 20:
1.    Algebra really is useless.
2.    Credit cards are mostly evil.
3.    Talk is cheap.
4.    If he doesn’t stay until morning, he’s probably married or deeply insecure.
5.    There is no soul mate. I know, this is particularly hard news to take because you are longing for The One 24-7. But, guess what, The One is The One because you say he/she is. And that’s way more liberating and empowering than anything preordained or supposedly destined.
6.    And while we’re dissing cosmic romanticism – there’s no such thing as destiny. Life really is what you make it.
7.    Tragedy happens. Yes, everything happens for a reason, but life can be cruel and wrenching and while it all comes out in the cosmic wash, some souls collide and mistakes do happen.
8.    Louise Hay is a magnificent woman, but there is more to the machinations of life, illness, and cosmology than the simple explanations offered by You Can Heal Your Life. Cancer is not necessarily a result of repressed guilt, and you may not necessarily choose to heal your life this time around – that’s okay. Illness doesn’t make you a New Age Loser.
9.    Diplomacy is overrated.
10.    If your boss tries to french kiss you, it’s out of bounds.
11.    Only lend books if you don’t want them back.
12.    Go to more concerts.
13.    If you don’t kiss girls in your twenties, you’ll probably never get around to trying it out. You should try it out.
14.    You’re right – kindness is one of the most powerful natural resources there is…infinitely renewable.
15.    Your feelings are exceedingly more useful than your ability to rationalize your fears or other people’s poor behaviour.
16.    Your heart….your heart….your heart is where it’s at.
17.    When you turn 40, you shall be rocking like never before, grateful for absolutely everything, and you will finally, finally feel like earth is home….for the most part.

Tip #1:

Offer a class related to your business at your local community college and/or adult education center. There are two great advantages to this tip. One is that teaching a class can feel less scary than being a “presenter.”  Chances are that you are passionate about the services or products you offer.  When that’s true, it’s easy to create a class/workshop to share what you know with others.  For an hour to an hour and a half class, decide on 3 main points you want the audience to know about.  Think of some stories or examples related to each of the 3 points and write those down.  Finally, create some kind of interaction that can be done around each point (for example, share their experience with the person next to them for 5-10 minutes, or ask for examples from the audience that are shared with everyone, or have them do a written exercise).

A 2nd advantage of this tip is that these organizations print the catalog and have large lists of folks who receive them.  Check out other presenter’s listings, particularly those who have several classes listed, or who are regularly brought back to teach.  Follow the format they use to describe your class.  It’s typically about 3 sentences followed by 3 learning objectives (what you will get when you take this class) and a short 2-3 line bio.  You’ll need to remember that these folks need to hear from you early.  If you want to present in the fall, you need to contact them in the spring.  They have a several month lead time in order to publish their catalogs.

Tip #2:

Contact local networking and service groups to let them know you are available for speaking. Get online and research the groups in your area.  Create a list of 2-3 topics with learning objectives, along with your bio, and send it to all the groups you can find within the distance you’re willing to drive to speak.

For example, this fall I will be speaking at a chapter of the National Association of Women Business Owners (NAWBO), at a Volunteer Center and at a Rotary Club meeting.  I don’t charge for any of these, but I do ALWAYS collect the contact information, including email as well as postal addresses, of almost everyone in the room.  You can do this by offering to email them a special report you’ve written in exchange for their information or you can hold a drawing for a book or one of the products you sell to those who give you their contact information.  Don’t forget to get testimonials!  Again, spring is a good time to contact these folks.  Their program officers are usually setting up a calendar of speakers for the following September through August.

Tip #3:

Offer to give a seminar at your spiritual home or local library. These organizations have plenty of experience in promoting activities to their members.  In the case of spiritual communities, it is common to share the workshop proceeds if there is a fee; however, you can also sell your books/products “back of the room” and make as much, if not more, from these sales as from the workshop fees.

Tip #4:

Get some free publicity. Most newspapers and radio stations have a “calendar” or “weekly section” that will list your workshop at no charge.  Craigslist is another great place to post your workshop at no cost. Appearing on radio talk shows to discuss your program builds great interest in your topic. Start to develop a network of contacts within your business and media communities.  Write and submit press releases about your workshops (that’s the topic for another article!).

About the Author:

Ann Ronan, Ph.D. is an author, speaker, certified career coach and self employment expert, and vision generator.

Ann delivers smart, simple ways for people to acknowledge what they love to do and do more of it.  Her articles, products, and books have motivated and inspired readers in numerous print and online publications.  She regularly leads coaching programs, tele-seminars and live retreats, bringing the message to audiences internationally that living a passion-based life will bring prosperity and success.

She was recently selected from a nationwide search to be featured in Discover Your Inner Strength. The book features best-selling authors Stephen R. Covey (Seven Habits of Highly Effective People), Brian Tracy (Million Dollar Habits), and Ken Blanchard (One Minute Manager).

1. Rebecca Walker’s perspective on Chris Brown’s violent attack on Rhianna: “This is about relationships and what healthy ones look like,” she told ABC News. “It’s about intimacy and how little we, as a culture, know about cultivating and maintaining it. It’s about love, what it is, and what it isn’t.”

2. This Goddess of Design + Typography, Marian Bantjes.

3. That even though, after two years of breast feeding and 30-some (okay, almost 40) years of gravity, my husband still praises my ta-tas like they’re the holy fruit of life. Good man.

4. The pure, tar-like amber oil that Chantal in Albuquerque gets from the guy in Bali and send to me here in Vancouver. Makes me feel like someone really knows what my heart emits.

5. This quote from Clarissa Pinkola Estes, author of the monumental, Women Who Run With The Wolves, a book that that was like a hot house for my own blossoming: Each woman has potential access to Rio Abajo Rio, this river beneath the river. She arrives there through deep meditation, dance, writing, painting, prayer-making, singing, drumming, active imagination, or any activity which requires an intense altered consciousness. A woman arrives in this world-between worlds through yearning and by seeking something she can see just out of the corner of her eye. She arrives there by deeply creative acts, through intentional solitude, and by practice of any of the arts. And even with these well-crafted practices, much of what occurs in this ineffable world remains forever mysterious to us, for it breaks physical laws and rational laws as we know them.

Go to the river, sisters, and brothers. Go to the river.

Subhadradi too was one of Mamai’s closest friends but in a very different way. She had been Mamai’s maid for as long as I can remember. They shared an unspoken understanding that develops between an employee and her employer after many years of faithful service. I also suspect old age, widowhood and the wounds of life had brought them even closer.

I can’t remember Subhadradi actually ever working at our place. Yes, she would at times make Mamai’s bed, prepare a paan and even occasionally fold her clothes but she never scrubbed, cleaned or cooked like the other maids in the house. However, what she did most of the time was blabber this preposterous story of being an aristocratic lady who had never even poured herself a glass of water till the 1947 Partition reduced her to destitution.

Of course, even at a very young age I had heard horror tales of the Partition and the subsequent bloody mayhem on both sides of the border, including those involving the extended family. However, never had I or anyone else around heard a story of such deprivation and it sounded extremely implausible.

Moreover, I had at times seen Subhadradi do dishes at a neighbor’s and my young mind couldn’t envisage that frail woman in the tattered sari on her haunches scrubbing hard at another family’s dirty dishes as an elegant wealthy lady. People used to incessantly taunt her and call her names. In fact, I had even caught Ma in a foul mood snap at Subhadradi and call her a liar.

One afternoon, a month or so after my sixth birthday, I returned from school to find Ma decked in fancy silk and the aroma of the special three layered pudding – the signs of a guest for lunch. I was told that Princess was coming for lunch. As I could make out from Mamai and Ma’s conversation, this was extremely uncharacteristic of Princess – she never paid anyone a visit before late afternoon. To add to Mamai’s tensions, a visibly uncomfortable Subhadradi declared she was going home early on grounds of feeling unwell. Ma rightly pointed out that she’d feel even worse in her dingy shanty home and it would be better if she slept it off at our house.

I was still working at the pudding, when Mamai called for Subhadradi. It had so happened that Mamai had been raving about Subhadradi’s special paan to Princess for a while. Surprisingly, in all the years that Subhadradi worked for Mamai, Princess had never met her. But then Princess always visited in the late afternoon long after Subhadradi had left. Subhadradi came in with her head uncharacteristically buried in her chest. Suddenly, Princess stood up, walked to Subhadradi and embraced her in the regal way that society ladies did at that time and they exchanged pleasantries. The day then continued as usual; Subhadradi returned with the neatly folded paans. No questions were asked, no explanations given. Ever since then, no one in the household ever heard Subhadradi’s blabber again.

Even a six year old had understood that Princess, with dignity and grace had just corroborated Subhadradi’s story.

I learnt two significant lessons of life that afternoon. Firstly, to lend a patient ear to and trust even the most outlandish stories as a person already savaged by the cruelties of life might just need that to carry on. Secondly, to respect a person’s dignity by refraining from all embarrassing questions. Every day when I read about or watch educated men and women air their dirty linen in public, I remember that afternoon spent in the company of three women of another time and the power of words that remained unspoken.

Question: How many women with menopause does it take to change a light bulb?

Woman’s Answer: One! Only one! And do you know why? Because no one else in this house knows how to change a light bulb! They don’t even know that the bulb is burned out!! They would sit in the dark for three days before they figured it out. And, once they have figured it out, they wouldn’t be able to find the darn light bulbs despite the fact that they’ve been in the same cabinet for the past seventeen years!

But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, two days later, the chair they dragged to stand on while changing the stupid light bulb would still be in the same spot! And underneath it would be the wrapper that the light bulbs came in because no one ever picks up or carries out the garbage! It’s a wonder we haven’t all suffocated from the piles of garbage that are a foot deep throughout the entire house! It would take an army to clean this place! And don’t even get me started on who changes the toilet paper roll! I’m sorry. What was the question?

Sheesh! Talk about making a mountain out of a mole hill! But that seems to be the story of my life these days. Hormones are real and unbalanced hormone levels in our bodies can cause us to act differently (particularly in us women). Have you ever seen a transsexual and wondered how he manages to look more like a woman than some women?

Did you see the male on America ‘s Next Top model last season? Either he happens to have been born with more progesterone and estrogen than testosterone or he had some injections. Whatever the case, there is an imbalance. As we get older, our bodies stop producing the amounts of hormones necessary for us to lead “normal” lives. Thus we have a world full of old men who are grouches and old women who are witches.

Unfortunately, a lot of people get set in their ways (especially when they live alone) and end up living lonely lives. To top it all off, men go bald and develop large bellies and women have grey hair and square bodies. It’s just a mess! We hate looking at ourselves and each other. No wonder we lose our patience with people and pull out old pictures of ourselves every chance we get.

God told us that we are not going to live forever and Nature tells us that we are not going to be the sexy or buff people we were twenty five years ago!

There are things we can do however:

We can pray and ask God to give us the strength to become more active and less hungry!

We can see a doctor and ask for natural hormone replacements.

We can have faith and believe.

We can be reminded of old people who drive us nuts and make it a point not to act like them.

We cannot give into ourselves. We just can’t. We have to learn to love ourselves. Temper tantrums are accepted for babies but not for us. Mood swings are accepted for babies but not for us. Eating everything we get our hands on is expected from babies, but not us.

Let’s keep it real, if you are my age, more than likely, we have more days behind us than we have in front of us. We want our last days to be a blessing for everyone that we come in contact with (not a burden).

Let us grow old gracefully. And for the rest of you, be patient with us, God is not through with us yet. Remember children, do what your parents tell you. This is only right. “Honor your father and mother” is the first commandment that has a promise attached to it, namely, “so you will live well and have a long life.” (Ephesians 6:1-3).

 Women must be decisive, have self-pride (vanity is good), be independent, give high priority to their needs, and network.

 GOAL can be an acronym and the expansion is Guts, Ownership, Ambition, and Learning.

 First identify your core capability. Then you need to augment, package, and position yourself. Learn to play chess with your career and life moves. Think three or six steps ahead.

 Seek out difficult or highly visible assignments.

 Look the part and act the part, before you get the part.

 Develop a style that male managers will be comfortable with. The right packaging and communication style plays a great role in collaborative working environments.

 Instead of breaking the glass ceiling, try and break the wooden table at a meeting.

 Quickly identify “Passes n Misses” and make your stand clear. Have a bunch of rakhis in your handbag and when you tie the rakhi, tell the men you really mean to be their sisters.

 Leave emotional baggage back at home. Identify support groups for sharing and mentoring.

 Be mentored and be a mentee too. But make sure that counselling does not turn into nagging. The mentor and prodigy must change their styles and get feedback from each other.

 Entrepreneurs need to be thrifty and measure using metrics.

 Do not expect support at all times. Pray to God and remain positive.

Case Study of Lijjat Pappad: The case study of Lijjat Pappad was discussed by Chandra Prabakar , VP  of Ramco. Gujarati housewives from Mumbai started Lijjat Pappad with a base fund of Rs 80. The annual sales for the first year was Rs 6196. They started a series of other businesses with hits and misses. Today, the annual sales are over Rs. 300 crore. Lijjat Pappad was featured in the Economic Times as the Business Woman of the Year in the year 2002.

Case Study of Wrong Perceptions: A women manager once called office reporting dizziness. When she returned to work in a few days she found a lateral hire taking on few of her responsibilities. When she attended a board meeting in a couple of months they asked her if she was in the family way. She was a bit surprised and put-off. Later, she came to know that a new hire was in place to take her seat when she went on maternity leave. So, the company had wasted money on hiring and training a new person when there was no need. Thus assumptions and perceptions had hit the bottomline.