You single? Yes. It is a long story filled with suitcases and international travels, me moving Monday and no one able to follow my route, me longing for love but me refusing commitment without even realizing it. Until that spring day when I decided to start pondering about it, one of those inner mechanical reactions no one can predict nor stop.

While living in Brooklyn, in 2006, I was recommended by a friend to buy a highly inspirational book called Oneness. It was filled with concepts I have heard and thought about before but it was following a line I was scared to delve into at that precise moment…depth of ourselves. Who are you when you take off your skin and other layers? How can we love someone else and still remain who we are, without unrealistic or selfish expectations? Way too much for a person who was about to pack and leave the country – alone. Or better said – with my cat. No time nor willingness to take the risk of discovering that my bags of certainties were actually filled with doubts.

I finally left and flew all the way to Barcelona to find myself more miserable than ever. I was alone, job was anything but satisfying, my cat was giving signs of depression and my last fling was horribly gone before it even started. One night, early spring 2007, I was fixing some shelves in my bedroom and that big blue book fell on the floor face up.

I am Oneness, open me, it was whispering. And so I did.

Now I am not going to write an accurate review of the book and its content but there is one specific concept that deserves a special position among the lessons learnt I feel like sharing.

Detachment

Detachment is a state in which a person overcomes his or her attachment to desire for things, people or concepts of the world and thus attains a heightened perspective. (Wikipedia)

So far, so good. But what does it mean to put this state into practice for someone who is not Buddhist nor affiliated to Hinduism? How can a normal, average, western mind comprehend the real meaning of this concept and apply it to everyday life? That was a challenge, I must say. It took me almost two years to reach my partial goal and at once my perspective is plenty clear to be put into writing.

My lesson starts with what I learnt from Taoism that preaches the concept of “knowing when to stop and feel content.” The idea of it was so not in line with my personality that the real struggle was firstly represented by the search for a space within myself where that rule could fit. I had to learn when and where to stop and, in doubt, I stopped. Period.

I stood still and gave a profound look at things from the outside. Maybe meditation could help some to learn how to visualize themselves on emptiness. I chose a cloud to sit on while mind-mapping my life piece after piece. I recompiled a list of broken relationships, where my need for love was obfuscated by the – not so detached – right to own and claim. This is mine and if it is mine now, it must be forever. Forever is a word that applies to one part of ourselves and one only. Our soul, this is our only forever-friend and we’d better understand this first, in order to enable it to share part of its path with someone else.

Matter-of-chance loneliness was another key aspect of my journey. Due to my relocation to Spain, I found myself longing for Love and – funnily – abandoned several times in just a few months. Why? Is it me? What am I doing wrong? Unfortunately, it would take me much more than a ‘tickle’ to describe the bitter feelings I experienced, the constant disappointment I was going through. But I believe that one conclusion counts for all.

I was needy inside while seeking for help outside. Does it give the idea? The walk towards detachment and personal development was tough, I must admit. I had to recognize mistakes hard to swallow. I was the one who claimed without giving, said without listening, enjoyed without caring, planned without living….I think I received love without loving, sometimes, but this is still a hard one to be accepted.

And then Today comes. Today is that day when I wake up and go to the kitchen to make my bitter-sweet morning coffee, with one eye still closed, but I am on auto, stumbling into the supermarket calendar. One drop of hot coffee hits my naked foot and I almost curse: Valentine’s Day. All right. Fine.

For the first time in my life, I feel I have something to say about it beyond “Oh, how nice when people are happily in love…” or “Yes, I am single. Thank you.” On the contrary, 2009 is for me the year of true, unconditional, generous, pure love. So here we go with the positive outcome of my two-year exploration in the depth of loneliness and detachment.

One day, mid-June 2008, I woke up to find my eyes brighter than usual and my mind clearer than expected. There was a new me waiting along with dawn. What had happened? Was I finally ready to share? That magical day brought me to book a flight to Japan and that was an initial statement of freedom and true love towards myself. I deserved a reward and the pain was finally and unexpectedly gone.

It took me a long time to understand the power of the process I started and I had to fly several times across the planet to put things into perspective. Some might call it awakening and some others could point at me as a self-destructive person that seeks for non-justified pain through a series of never-ending questions. But the truth is that since that day in mid-June, things changed. I am still single, not completely able to relate in a committed way to others, but I have cured my heart and I now consider myself able to feel and live that detached love Oneness was talking about. It is the love I give to my friends daily, those tiny lines I send them to remind them I care and think and embrace them with an open soul. More time I devote to my family, learning to share with them my fears, opening my – and their – eyes on my weird truths and listening to theirs. It is the random encounter with strangers I might never see again, when my heart starts pulsing faster and I feel there is no room for rationality. It is the surprise when I am given the second chance to meet them. And it is the awareness. I am aware of the constructive power of positive thoughts (why not?), wishful and yet proactive. Those hints that come to you when you are not actually looking for them – and I am sure we have all experienced the “not looking, finally found” game. Like that one day, while you are sipping a fruity drink on the other side of the world and someone smiles at you and you wonder why. Maybe it is your soul that smiled at him in the first place, showing its beauty in the nakedness of purity. If you know what I am talking about, than maybe you can enjoy a ride on your cloud, see things as birds do. The map of yourself might not be too tragic, after all!

I have never felt this loved before. My surroundings are filled with people that care for me and I do feel it every single day, along with the first ray of sun hitting my face – and my cat asking for breakfast.

This is a short and positive message to all of you, on a day mostly seen as negative by those that are still exploring the field in search for their half apple. Love, just like every other feeling, is a state, but a state of soul. Learning how to treat and feed it while educating our mind to stick to the principles of simplicity and detachment will lead us to that field where half apples grow wild. That will be the day when you stop exploring the world and turn in to yourself.

And no apple has ever been juicier.

Manifest plainness,
Embrace simplicity,
Reduce selfishness,
Have few desires.

Lao-tzu (604 BC – 531 BC)

–
Arianna lives with her cat, Nietzsche, and some friends in sunny Barcelona. She considers herself a wannabe writer in spite of her moody relationship with her unpublished novel. Life brought her to live in New York, Barcelona and who knows what is next.

A thousand thoughts and a million words are available for this one single concept of our lively world. This shows how much it matters to us. We might have multifarious definitions but everybody can perceive clearly when he or she feels it. We might have different approaches to it but we all are touched by it in some or other form on some or other day and that moment is precious to us.

Parental love, love of pets, love of things, love of thoughts – anything can be the object of our love. We all want what we love but we are told that if we love something, we should let it go. We should not desire to keep it, rather we should set it free.

Here is the crux of the matter: Is love to give or to receive? These are two different aspects of love -  to love and to be loved. The most common confusion is that what is taken as love is generally our desire to be loved.  And that is the reason it is not easy for us to love something and set it free.

So, if you want to know what you actually love, ask yourself a simple question: What is it in your life to which or to whom you are ready to give, rather you love to give? If you like to write even if nobody is ready to publish your writings, that means you love to write. If you readily do everything for your kids even if they do not acknowledge it, you love your kids. If you want to sing without any hope for appreciation, you just love to sing. If you are ready to give benevolently, you have love in your heart.

Love may change with time or you may no more love something which you used to love. In those cases your love is not false. Till when you feel like giving, you love it, when you stop giving, actually you stop loving. Generally we give with a hidden hope of receiving returns in future. When that hope dies with time, our love also dies.

The return of love actually resides in the joy of giving itself. If you find that joy, you can continue to love; if you lose that joy, your love will not last. Because, if something does not give you joy, you automatically stop feeling good about it.

So, if you want love in your life, open you heart as wide as the sky and start giving yourself. You will not lose anything but be filled with a feeling of completeness because completeness does not come when there is nothing left to add; completeness comes when there is nothing left to deduct.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

–

Rachana Sharma has Doctorate in Philosophy and Masters in Philosophy and Sanskrit. She has published articles in various philosophical journals such as Paramarsh (Pune University), Journal of Philosophical Research (New Delhi), and The Philosopher’s Index (Ohio University, USA).

• In today’s world, driving is a fundamental skill that provides independence and ease of commutation. If your partner doesn’t drive gift to her a driving course or teach it yourself!

• Swimming is a life-saving skill and if she doesn’t swim, gift to her a swimming course. It is a pure value and boosts her confidence.

• For partners who are coffee addicts, gift a kilogram or two of green tea. The stock would last for a few months and by then she would be addicted to green tea. Green tea has many health benefits.

• ‘Art of Living’ course conducted by Shri Shri Ravishankar to increase energy levels. In India, it costs less than $50 for a weeklong evening course.

• Financial literacy is one of the key ingredients for a happy life in the modern world. Does your partner invest in mutual funds, equity, insurance, real estate, etc.? Does she plan her finances by managing cash flows, income and expenditure effectively? In many cases women outsource this critical task to their spouse or parents. You can gift to her a book on this subject like ‘Rich Dad, Poor Dad’ by Robert Kiyosaki. ‘Everything you wanted to know about investing’ is another book that gives implementable tips.

• A gift that motivates your partner to lead a healthy life is indeed a great gift. If she doesn’t exercise regularly, you should gift her a pair of jogging shoes and motivate her to work out for at least half-an-hour a day. And you can join her too!

• Good hobbies go a long way. Gift her something related to her hobby.

• There are pros and cons of writing a daily diary but it is certainly worthwhile to use diary to manage time effectively. Diarizing important events and recording memorable moments are helpful both in professional and personal life. You may consider gifting a diary to your partner.

• Pets may not substitute your company, but gifting a pet can be considered too.

• A unique experience is worth a million dollars. Try giving your partner an unconventional experience. Visiting an orphanage or a place of worship of another religion are some examples. After all, every one of us lives in our own world and to learn about others is quite an eye opening experience. For many of us ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ would have been one such experience.

• Though gifting a book may sound orthodox, the value that a good book delivers is immense. Some of my recommendations on must-read books are ‘As a man thinketh’ by James Allen, ‘Think & Grow Rick’ by Napoleon Hill, ‘7 habits of highly effective people’ by Steven Covey, ‘Jonathan Livingston Seagull’ by Richard Bach, etc.

–

Nilakanta Srinivasan aka Neil serves as Senior Vice President in a multinational firm. His expertise is in Operations Management, Process, Customer Service, Organizational Development & Leadership Development. He can be reached at nilakantasrinivasan@yahoo.com.

In our society we seem to need an excuse to tell people how we feel about them, or show them with tokens of our affection. At Christmas, we exchange gifts and take time away from our busy schedules to be with the people who really matter in our lives. On Valentine’s day we are presented with yet another opportunity to open our hearts and share our souls. The marketplace makes it very easy for us to do that, presenting us with a cornucopia of delicacies and finery, from chocolates, to strawberries and whipped cream, to diamonds, singing teddy bear deliveries, and an abundance of greeting cards with just the right sentiment.

It matters not how you choose to serenade the ones you love on this auspicious occasion, what matters is that you do! Whether it be with a store bought treasure or a simple handmade delight, the form is not important, but the sentiment is! Valentine’s day gives you another opportunity to do something that comes naturally for you, as natural as breathing, and that is to BE love and to GIVE love. It is who you are and it is the only thing that really matters in the end.

I leave you with a Valentine Poem and my love…

A Table in a Restaurant on Valentine’s Day

I want to be a table, in a restaurant, on Valentine’s Day!

Think how glorious that would be, And how many people would spend that special day with me.

What will they talk about? What will they say? Will there be laughter and people at play? What are their stories? How far have they come? What will they tell me, the old and the young?

Will hearts open and tender souls touch? Will there be magic that moves me so much? Will there be secrets and sadness as well? How much will they venture to be and to tell?

Will they remember this day gone before? And where they were then, and now they want more?

And though they look different, with each changing place, As the food and the wine, they’re invited to taste.

Each one is trying to do the same thing, Whether in depth, or a casual fling.

Just for a moment to touch someone’s heart,

And feel loved by another before they do part.

————————

And, in the spirit of gift giving, I would like to invite you to claim your free instant access to our Wealth Without Limits – Prosperity Series – Lesson 1, as well as many other goodies and bonuses when you visit: http://www.wealthwithoutlimits.com You will find a free audio and video there for you to use as well. From Veronica Hay – The Prosperity Poet and the Insights and Inspirations Hub.

According to her, the generation gap is a convenient excuse to say “NO” to just about anything she wants, or wants to do. She also thinks 50-year-olds can be light years away from teenage crushes and fond glances that find their way into greeting cards.

So, even before I can recover from the recessionary spiral of January, we’re headlong into month two, running smack into Valentine’s. The girls are like goggle-eyed teenagers surrounded by fireflies, and the jabber-jabber on the phone threatens to spike my phone bills once again.

Each girl in their group is profiled with the most attention she’s likely to receive from suitable boys. And their probability assessments could teach analysts of the presidential elections, a thing or two. This is when the applied mathematics they learn is put to the ultimate test – much to the discomfort of their teachers.
 
But there has been one aspect to Valentine’s Day that gets me tuned in. Unfailingly, every year, there’s one close friend of Radhika’s who patiently answers all my questions, and nudges my understanding of teenagers to a new level of enlightenment.

This year, Ritu had a new story. She told me about a friend in her neighborhood whose grandparents were separated for years – at least thirty years from what she gathered. I presumed Trevor and Edith were around seventy and wondered how tortuous it must be to remain decidedly distant – for years on end. I then learnt that for the last ten years Trevor sent a huge mush of roses and the biggest cards money could buy, for Valentine’s. He did that year after year after year, only to draw a blank.

Ritu then let me into another secret; the girls were planning to bring Trevor and Edith together for Valentine’s. First, they would design ten return-cards meant for Trevor – for each year he had so fondly wished that the tide would turn. Next, they worked on at least 20 ways to coax and convince Edith to relent – just that teeny, weenie bit.

This was so touching, I found myself numbing to the growing lump in my throat.

Their plans included a cozy candle-lit dinner at a restaurant nearby and a specially decorated car – arranged by one of the girls – to take the couple to an ice cream parlor they liked to visit when they were first married.

While their game plan was praiseworthy in terms of good intentions, a negative response could be devastating for Trevor. I had to play my own little role to ensure that all of this wasn’t merely child’s play.

I secretly obtained Edith’s address and went over on a surprise visit. She was a good math teacher and my excuse to go over was to ask her if she could help my daughter improve her equation with the subject, if not her grades. Half way through a discussion on the lack of concentration among teenagers, I guided the conversation to what the girls had planned and how they were innocently treading on thin ice.

I told Edith that I was obviously trespassing private space and was risking her wrath and what the girls had in store for me, if they knew I had let the cat out of the bag. I also explained to her that this was one concerned adult who wanted to prevent a rebound of emotions, if something went wrong.

For all that I said, there was a deathly silence. Edith had a pained expression on her face that seemed to look far into the distance. When she regained composure, Edith took me aside, to open a large brown box with a crisply ironed wedding dress that had retained its vintage pride.

 “I knew something like this would happen this year and have my answer ready,” she said. “NO. I won’t be a stick-in-the-mud, this Valentine’s.”

(That evening, I announced a special party for the girls on the 13th of February that was on the house. And the boys were welcome.)

–

Sharath Bhat is a freelance advertising writer from Bangalore. He blogs at www.indianink.in.

Just about to turn thirty, I was given a rare opportunity to have a private audience with His Holiness The Dalai Lama. “Hey kid,” my boss said on the other end of the phone, “I think I’ve got us a meeting with the Dalai Lama – at his place in India. You in?”

I had no idea how I was going to swing three weeks in India, the flight from Seattle to New Delhi, Delhi to Bangalore and back. “Yeah, I’m in.” And like most things meant to be, the money showed up at the right time and I showed up in smelly Delhi with high expectations.

His Holiness is based, along with the exiled Central Tibetan Administration, in the high mountain region of Northern India in Dharamsala. It is essentially a little Tibet, teeming with refugee Tibetans and transported monks. And it’s a hell of a trek to get there. Planes, trains, and mini vans switch-backing up thin, cliff-side roads for hours.

Dalai Lama day

After being thoroughly frisked and passed through metal detectors, my five travel mates and I were ushered into a His Holiness’s meeting room furnished with stunning tankas and red mahogany trimmed sofas. We waited like groupies before the big show.

We were told we’d have precisely fifteen minutes to meet. And he was already fifteen minutes late. What if something more important came up? It would be understandable if he blew us off at the last minute. We weren’t diplomats or officials. We weren’t even Buddhists.
He burst in, robust and radiant, “Sohhh sorry! Sohhh sorry to keep you waiting.” {You’re the 14th reincarnation of the venerable Dalai Lama and you’re apologizing to this motley crew? I thought. Now that’s an entrance.}

Compassion, women + Gen X

We spoke of universal consciousness. Are there different consciousnesses on different planets or dimensions? “One, ultimately one consciousness, is what I think,” he replied. We spoke of current military actions and politics. We laughed. We mostly laughed in amazement at his bellowing belly laughs. I watched him like a hawk. I thought to myself, don’t be glamoured, Danielle. His greatness could be a projection from followers, a role he plays. And still, I felt a complete sense of clean, sincere, awesomeness. In my most humble estimation, this guy registered as The Real Thing.

The clock was ticking. One after the other, like school children in a row, he gestured for each person to ask their question. And then he skipped a beat. He abruptly turned to me. Penetrating gaze.  Fuzzy eyebrows raised. “You. You have a question, yes you.” It wasn’t my turn yet. It was Valentines’ Day. I really just wanted to say, “Sir, will you be my Valentine? I have a total crush on you.”

I said, “Uh, yes, well, my generation is at a crossroads where no other generation has been before. {Duh, that’s naturally true of every generation.} And I wondered, what message do you have for us Gen X’rs?”

“Ah yes, crossroads.” Nodding briskly. “Well, in the West, you have education, and this is good. And you have technology. And this is good. But, you do not educate your people in values. Values of the heart. Compassion. This you must do.”

“And you see, it does not matter whether you are Buddhist or Christian.” he went on. “Compassion lives in heart, beyond religion. Even me, Buddhist, I can say, you do not need Buddhism, just the compassion of the heart.”

“Women know this,” he went on. “Because, peace, peace is implicit in women. You put boys together, they make war. You put women together, they make peace. Women are the leaders of the future.” He spoke of Jimmy Carter as a leader with feminine-based principles, and Benazir Bhutto as a “very aggressive woman, but good leader…very good leader.” And he laughed. And laughed.

Almost an hour had gone by.

Seen and loved

Even though his secretary insisted we wrap, HH glanced around the room and said, “Okay?” as if to ask our permission to be excused. Quick photo op. Cameras flashing. More laughter.
And then the Dalai Lama did the most incredible thing. When I thought he was about to exit left and high tail it out of there, he moved toward the doorway entrance and waited patiently for each of us to file out. And then he hugged each one of us good-bye. Slowly. Firmly. Like your favourite grandparent hugs you – with thankfulness and deep care, like they have all the time in the world.

And when he pulled back from our Most Holy Bear Hug, he looked me in the eyes, as he did with each of us, and he smiled wide and nodded. And let me tell you, without an ounce of romanticism, being in his gaze was like having the milky way grinning down on me. I have only rarely in this lifetime felt so clearly seen, and so clearly loved. The simultaneity of recognition and acceptance was intoxicating.

And out we filed.

So how do you follow up a meeting with the Dalai Lama? With fries and Coke in a smokey cafe, of course. We debriefed in the glow. We were stoned on the experience. We dissected his political views and take on universality. And each one of us, in our own way, said, “How about that hug, eh?”

–

Danielle LaPorte founded www.whitehottruth.com, is lead author of the bestseller, Style Statement: Live By Your Own Design, and co-founder of www.carrieanddanielle.com. A former think tank exec, she helps entrepreneurs rock their careers with her signature Fire Starter Sessions. You can reach her at d@daniellelaporte.com.

More relationships break up because people don’t know how to validate each other than for any other reason.  Over time, their pent-up frustration turns into anger. This is truly a shame, because the skills for “fighting fair” are very easy to master with just a little practice and patience.

Getting rid of your partner does not get rid of the problem, because half of the problem is yours. You can walk out on your relationship, but you can’t run away from yourself! Rather than blaming each other, couples can learn how to work as a team and coach each other through difficulties and power struggles. To do this, you must create a safe relationship where you can express needs and fears, and learn skills to effectively resolve anger and conflict.

One of the biggest causes of unresolved anger between people is a lack of understanding. Men and women have different strengths and weaknesses, different ways of expressing themselves, and different childhood wounds that they’re trying to heal. And yet, when it comes to the need for love and intimacy, we are very much alike; we simply express it in different ways.

Too many people break up before they make up a solid couple. At the onset of a relationship or marriage, there’s infatuation and the thrill of the chase. But at some point things begin to change. One partner may begin to withdraw, leaving the once-pursued confused and insecure. At this point, many relationships break up, unless the partners wake up and learn how to navigate through the stalemate.

Every relationship holds the potential for sudden stalemates. These events can actually solidify your partnership if you know what to do. There is no perfect relationship or person out there, so stop looking for perfection and work with the partner you have — or the one you’re about to start a relationship with. Don’t wait for the right time, move now! Every relationship offers us opportunities to perfect our skills and further our personal growth!

The first step in beating the odds is to throw out misguided rules like “Don’t make the first move,” or “Wait at least one week before you call back.” Such rigid rules lead us further away from each other, instead of bringing us together.

To keep your love burning bright, you need to forget about obsolete rules that don’t work, and focus on tools that do, so you can nurture the relationship. Start by throwing out the rule that women should not make the first move!  Women are actually more prepared in some ways to make the first move because their socialization makes them comfortable with connection skills.

For single women, make the first move by giving a man your business card or phone number, or inviting him out for coffee or a hike. For married women, make the first move by inviting your husband to a romantic evening or calling him at work to tell him that you are thinking of him.

This Valentine’s Day, how about letting go of the old habits and rules that don’t work? Be creative, take the initiative to get things going, and then keep doing what works to keep your love going strong!

–

Ada is an Arizona-based kinesiologist, vibrational healer/instructor and a life balance coach. Her work blends compassion and Higher wisdom with powerful intention to accomplish profound shifts of consciousness for clients. Visit her web site www.AdaPorat.com.

After a thousand years of darkness -
Let’s spread the light
Light of joy, laughter and happiness,
Let’s end this dark night

It’s time to walk in the sun rays –
To be bright and have an upward glide
To strive for new horizons and new ways,
To feel the liberty and pride

After a thousand years of loneliness –
Love has come my way
Life is full of stars and their brightness,
Roses all the way, will never let him go away

–

Result-oriented human resource professional with four years of generalist experience in strategic recruitment, employee relations and employee development, Ghazala is a Human Resource Manager and responsible for staffing, trainings, performance management, policy formulation and implementation and employee relations.