When still a baby, the elephant is tethered by a very thick rope to a stake firmly hammered into the ground.

The elephant tries several times to get free, but it lacks the strength to do so. After some time, the animal gives up trying, believing that it cannot be free.

At this point, the trainer changes the thick rope to a thin one but the elephant makes no attempt to run away. Even when the elephant reaches adulthood, it continues to be tethered by a thin rope, reconciled to its captivity.

As you grow up and gain experience, you absorb assumptions which then drive your life and limit your choices. They are similar to the elephant’s thin rope tied to a post. You can break away from them with a simple tug if you want to but you don’t.

As you acquire more and more experience, your repertoire of blind assumptions grows too, correspondingly limiting your choices. Your experience becomes a hindrance in your being creative.

Here is a list of 15 elephant tethers that possibly hold you back from being creative. Look at them and do identify the ones that apply to you. Are you willing to do something about them and break free?

Tether 1. What will people think?

Your selfconsciousness is one big hurdle in your being creative. You don’t even try to do so many things in life because you are afraid of making a fool of yourself. You waste a lot of your energy in protecting yourself and presenting a ‘good’ image.

You had no such inhibitions as a child and therefore you were naturally creative. It is perhaps the fear of the unknown and what might happen that makes you selfconscious. It holds you back and hinders your creativity.

When you walk into something in spite of the fear, it simply vanishes because by then the unknown turns into the known. The trick is not to think in terms of conquering fear but being with it.

When you let go of your selfconsciousness, you turn more creative.

Tether 2. But I’ve never had any great ideas!

Most people don’t have enough opportunities to bring out their creativity. So their creative abilities remain untapped. It seems to make no difference because not being creative is not too inconvenient.

Being creative is actually a search for a better way and in today’s world most solutions come ready-made. Most of the things that you do have been researched and the ‘best’ ways to do them have been arrived at.

Most people follow the standard ‘best’ ways without questioning Рhow to clean teeth, how to reach office, etc. They do a great number of tasks automatically.

Trying a ‘different way’ may in fact be inconvenient in most situations Рdriving speed, the route to office, how to tie your shoe knots, standing in the queues, etc.

Most of these automatic ways are perhaps good. By sticking with them, you are able to accomplish many tasks without thinking. They save time but you end up with the habit of not thinking afresh.

Over time, you develop attitudes and assumptions which prevent you from thinking creatively, locking you into the existing ways of thinking and doing things. You become a prisoner of familiarity. You never have great ideas.

As a result, even when the need arises for you to think differently and generate new ideas, you are unable to do so.

Tether 3. What is the right answer?

One of the worst aspects of formal education is the focus on the correct answer to a question or problem. When somebody asks a question, you generally give an acceptable answer instead of an original one fearing it might be wrong.

While this approach helps you to function smoothly in society, it hurts creative thinking. Real-life issues are ambiguous. There is no one single answer to any problem. There can be several answers if only you think about them. They may all be contradictory and yet correct.

Tether 4. I don’t want to fail.

The fear of failure is something that you learn in school…and it never just goes away. All through school, you perhaps take hundreds of tests, exams, assignments, etc. You are in one big trouble if you fail even once. You are scared of failure.

By the time you finish school, the fear of failure has seeped into your system and you avoid situations which could result in failure. You are extra-careful about whatever you take up. You play safe.

The fear of failure does not let you try new things, crippling your creativity.

Tether 5. That’s not my area.

Creativity requires finding connections between unrelated things. The diversity of your interests and experiences enhances your ability to find connections.

When you explore completely unrelated areas, you are pleasantly surprised by the interrelatedness of almost everything. You start seeing new possibilities when you discover new connections.

In an era of hyper-specialization, the scope of work is getting narrower and narrower. Loss of creativity is the immediate casualty.

When you just stick to your area, you hinder your creativity.

Tether 6. I don’t like uncertainty.

If you are not confused, you are not thinking clearly – Tom Peters

When people are confused, they feel compelled to resolve the situation quickly, making it systematic and orderly again. They are likely to miss the key issues in their haste to do so.

There is something in the culture or perhaps in the education system, which makes people want to be ‘knowers’ rather than ‘find-outers’.

This attachment to ‘knowing’ makes you feel jittery and inept when you ‘don’t know’. This tendency is so engrained that even small kids begin to lose their curiosity in order to become ‘knowers’.

However, when it comes to creative thinking, not knowing is a good thing and ambiguity is a great thing. Certainty is the enemy of creativity.

If you are certain about something, you don’t have much leeway to generate new ideas to solve problems.

Tether 7. That’s the way it is done!

The need for standard ways of doing things is perfectly legitimate. But then it gives rise to an ever increasing number of rules that govern people’s lives.

While some of the rules are legitimate, some are totally unfounded. They are not very different from the thin rope that tethers the elephant.

Tether 8. Everyone says so.

When all think alike, then no one is thinking. — Walter Lippman

The desire to belong is a powerful one and at times it leads to ‘groupthink’. This herd approach is probably a relic from the cave age. It is important to have a mind of your own in order to be creative.

Tether 9. How can a boss lose face ever?

Bosses are generally hung up on being always right. It is unimaginable for them to be proved wrong. They just can’t afford to lose face. Such over-protection of their ego hinders their creativity.

Employees almost always tend to go along with bosses. While harmless minor disagreements are okay, they are careful not to have a difference of opinion when it comes to larger issues.

No boss can be creative if he is surrounded by people who can’t dare to contradict him. He will be provoked into thinking creatively only when his views are challenged by someone.

Tether 10. My work is so boring.

One of the perils of over specialization is repetitive and uninteresting work. It makes you resentful, robbing you of your creative urges.

Tether 11. Smart people respond quickly.

When quick response is valued, you avoid deep thinking missing out on the finer points of an issue. You start giving out readymade answers. In trying to be smart, you sacrifice creative possibilities.

Tether 12. I feel safe when I am like everyone else.

People start off as unique beings. They are very different from each other as children and young adults with their very own likes and dislikes.

Yet, as if by magic, they get into a common mould after they reach their thirties. Their likes, dislikes, wants, needs and goals somehow begin to converge. They seem to become more and more like one another.

As a result, their creative abilities suffer.

Tether 13. I have strong views and firm opinions.

There are people who pride themselves for having firm stands and being inflexible. They have strong views and unshakable opinions. They are too judgmental.

Being judgmental means blocking or ignoring other points of views. It means reducing your options and leaving your mind with much less to work with. It is then reflected in your ability to generate ideas and solutions.

When you are nonjudgmental, you have an open mind. You have more choices. Being nonjudgmental reduces the surface functioning of your mind, stimulating its deeper functioning.

Then you allow your unconscious mind to throw up more ideas into your conscious mind. You are more creative.

Tether 14. Why keep thinking unnecessarily when I have found the answer?

Such is the hurry to find a solution that people are satisfied with the first one that comes to their mind. They stop thinking further.

However, if you don’t share your ‘first’ idea and keep thinking more and more, the subsequent ones are sure to be better.

The more you think, the more the chances to find better solutions. You never know when you will hit the jackpot.

Tether 15. Self-fulfilling prophecy

Two similarly qualified groups of engineers in a company were exhibiting different levels of creativity.

The two groups were alike in all respects. In the research subsequently conducted by the company, there was only one finding.

The difference between the two groups was that engineers on one group believed that ‘I am creative’ and engineers from the other group believed otherwise.

I will of course keep updating my progress. So can you.

1. Exercise

Everyone knows regular exercise can do wonders for your body and mind! Start small, keep it simple and keep going!

2. Learn to reframe any situation

A reframe is a different way of looking at things. Being able to reframe experiences and situations is a very powerful skill which can help to generate ideas from a different perspective. Read this article – Reframing a situation for creative ideas.

3. Figure out what time to get up

People fret so much about what is the best time to get up in the morning. Getting up early seems to work for a lot of people, but it is not for everyone. The only way to find out the hours when you are most productive is to experiment. So try getting up early for a few days and try moving to a different pattern every few days. Stick to the one that feels most natural and productive. For me, getting up early has never worked, so I work late and get up late.

4. Remove blame from your relationships

Stopping the blame game will remove negative energy and pay rich dividends. Check out these articles – On living life and building relationships without blame, Mars and Venus as each other’s teachers.

5. Patience is bliss

I admire people who do not lose their patience. I am what a lot of people would call a very patient guy, but I see a lot of benefits in developing this habit even more. The good thing is that patience is a skill that can be cultivated. “It’s in my genes” is not a good excuse.

6. Empathize

There is a very old American Indian saying that we should not judge a man till we have walked for a mile in his shoes.

When we look at any situation from our point of view, we are looking for options, ideas and solutions from one point of view. However if we try and look at any situation from another person’s point of view, the options, solutions and ideas that we will get will change and most of the time for the better! If we can make it a habit to look at each situation from multiple points of view, the options, ideas and solutions available to us will also multiply. This is particularly so in situations related to personal relationships. When we have a sense of empathy, there are greater chances that our solutions will be WIN-WIN rather than WIN-LOSE.

7. Passion rocks

Everything seems to fall in place if YOU have figured out what drives you. If you have lost your passion (or never had any) for your work or relationships, figure out a way to get it back. (Changing jobs is 112 times easier than doing the same to your relationships though!) Check out this article – Passion is your real wealth!

8. Eat healthy

Again, a no brainer but so important. Your body (including your brain) is made up of the food you eat. What do you want it to be made up of?

9. Cut down one recurring task every week

It could be putting your bills on auto pilot, some money automatically getting deposited into your savings account, creating rules for your email to get deposited into different folders, electronic payments instead of depositing cheques, delegating responsibility and authority, or outsourcing.

10. Make friends with failure

Failure has such negative connotations, and yet failure is what brings us closer to success every time. Many times failure is essential for us to move on to the next level. Find more in this article – I love to fail.

11. Get comfortable with ambiguous situations

Generally we are uncomfortable with uncertainty. When we are in this state, we feel irritable. We try and resolve the uncertainty in order to be comfortable again quickly. We feel compelled to appear more certain, confident and decisive than we really are at that time. So we would rather leap to a conclusion and then focus our energies in defending it. This, most of the time is the sub optimal solution.

12. Be curious

A curious mind enables you to see what most people generally miss. By keeping your curiosity and a sense of wonder alive, you spur your mind to create new channels of thought. You find new connections and become more creative. Check out this article – Is curiosity a cousin of creativity?

13. Live with a purpose

Have a ‘big goal’ in life. Life without a big goal is dull, meaningless and boring. After you have determined your ‘big goal’, make sure that every day takes you closer to the big goal.

14. Have fun on the way

It is important to work towards big goals and even more important to have fun on the way. The goals are a means to have fun on the way!

15. Have a soulmate

To live is to relate. When you have a relationship of deep affinity, empathy and mutual trust with someone, you have a sense of completion and life suddenly starts feeling rich and bright.

16. Take on debt

Yes, you read that right! Very few people have grown very rich without leveraging. So, be cautious but take on healthy debt. Just make sure your returns are more than the cost of money though!

17. Enjoy the simple pleasures

The simple pleasures are more satisfying, longer lasting and often free! So try sleeping in late, lie down in the grass, stomp in a puddle, call in sick and go for a movie, help someone anonymously. A good idea is to make a list of 25 of these and make sure you do tick off a few every day!

18. Learn to say No

Being able to say NO is perhaps the most useful productivity tool out there. Check out this article for more on this subject – Say NO and feel great!

19. Peace-of-mind fund

Again, something basic but very useful if you have not already worked on it. Having an emergency cash fund that will last you 6 months will give you an extra punch in your next discussion with your boss!

20. Cut down on the news

Watching or reading most news is useless and depressing. A lot of it is an attempt to influence your mind anyway. Give yourself a break. Stop watching or reading news. If something is worth knowing, you will get to know!

21. Create family time

Just do it. You know in your guts that it is the most important thing. Go with your gut feel. Do not allow your conscious mind to win on this one.

22. Be yourself

Don’t waste your energy in wearing masks. Paradoxically, no transformation is possible without self-acceptance.

23. Learn to lose!

Losing an argument (and not feeling bad) is absolutely wonderful for relationships. You’ve got to try it and see for yourself. But remember, the key is losing an argument and not carrying any negative feelings forward.

24. Get out

A lot of us have forgotten the great outdoors! When we are not in our cubicle, we are probably watching TV or surfing the net. The same is true for kids. Spending time in a park or near a lake is therapeutic!

25. Delegate

It’s better for both of you! Find out more here – Dare to delegate.

26. Boost your self-worth

You are what you think. Stop comparing. You are one in six billion with unique strengths. Take some time to appreciate yourself for all your wonderful qualities. It may be worth it to check out what qualities all your friends see in you! Also, keep it in mind that you are never too small to make an impact!

27. Do not fear rejection

The fear of rejection is worse than the rejection itself! Check out Dealing with rejection in your job, you are approved! Certified, signed and stamped by YOU! and Fear of rejection

28. Use email efficiently

It is not uncommon to save many hours a week by being more efficient with your emails. Check out - I save 1 hour every day by using simple email tricks!

29. Hang around young people once in a while

Apart from making you feel energetic, this will trigger off a lot of ideas and probably open up your mind to what is the next big thing.

30. Learn how to present better

Presentation skills are very important. The good thing is that most of us have lousy presentation skills and so it is easy to stand out! Take a look at my first attempts at standing out – Avoiding death by Power Point.

31. If you smoke, quit!

I do not need to read any more. Read this if you are not convinced. – Kick the butt. Get a Life!

32. Brand yourself

In the world that we live in, it is important to treat yourself as a brand. Read this article – Success through Personal Branding!

33. Learn mind mapping

Mind maps are helpful in generating tons of ideas quickly. Read – My journey with Mind Maps.

34. Be more creative

“The creative act, the defeat of habit by originality, overcomes everything.” – George Lois.

Creativity can solve almost any problem. Read these popular articles. Why be creative?, 16 habits of highly creative people and 15 elephant tethers that stop you from being creative!

35. Be good at saying sorry

When you say sorry something magical happens and the world conspires to make you win! Look people in the eye when you say sorry.

36. Be fantastic at saying thank you

Repeat.

37. Keep learning something

Never stop challenging yourself. You could learn a new language, build a website, start a blog, or write a book.

38. Imagine

Some people call it day dreaming! It just works wonders as relaxant and of course it helps in boosting your creativity. Imagination is visualizing something that is not there. It is seeing something with your mind’s eye. It is the bridge between ‘what is’ and ‘what can be’! Check out – Is imagination another cousin of creativity?

39. Stay Positive in negative situations

“In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.” – Albert Einstein

40. Be aware that you are procrastinating

Procrastination itself may not be bad. It may simply be your mind telling you to go slow or maybe your subconscious mind does not agree with a rational decision that the conscious mind has made. Just be aware so that it may not become a bad habit. This might help – Understanding and Overcoming Procrastination

41. Review your day

A very useful habit that helps to keep the focus and helps to plan the next day. Just 2 minutes before going off to sleep may be enough.

42. Do not bust other people’s ideas

Even the ability to come up with ideas of your own does not give you the right to bust other people’s ideas. Read this useful article. – Idea Busters at the work place!

43. Keeping in touch with old friends

This is something that I am very bad at. My plan is to make one phone call to a forgotten friend every week.

44. Don’t keep doing ‘something’

Being busy sometimes becomes a habit. We feel uncomfortable when we are doing ‘nothing’. Don’t let that happen to you. It is simply wonderful not to be doing anything (sometimes!).

45. Smile

Something so basic and yet so powerful!

46. Assume the other person genuinely likes you

You will be surprised at the remarkable change in your relationship.

47. Break your regular patterns

Don’t let your brain get too comfortable! Shake it up every now and then. Take a different route home, cook something no one has ever cooked before, go for a movie during lunch time.

48. Get to the root

Every problem usually has 2 solutions. A temporary fix and a permanent solution. A permanent solution may require more time and effort initially but it is in almost all situations, the better choice.

49. Learn to unlearn

Sometimes it seems that the whole world is trying to teach us something. It is overwhelming and can get you into a rut. It is important to do a regular clean up exercise. Check this out – The power of unlearning

See you in Shangri La!

Once in a restaurant when the waiter was obviously ignoring this rude customer whose hissing calls were beginning to get on everyone’s nerves, I turned to the hissing man and asked him what was he trying to accomplish? Could he not use words and gestures instead of making that awful noise? Was he aware that he was being very rude to the waiter and the patrons who were eating there? Imagine my shock when he calmly said his behaviour was perfectly acceptable. He pointed out that there was no other way to catch the waiter’s attention because he did not know his name. I pointed out to him that the waiters had name badges and or otherwise he could use the generic term of “waiter” or be polite and say “excuse me.” Obviously I was wasting of my breath because nothing I said was heeded.

But why do humans behave choose to behave in this offensive way?

One obvious thing is that it seems to be a perfectly acceptable type of behavior amongst certain groups of people and they are actually surprised when anyone points out that “tsk-tsk” is not a respectable way to address any human beings and even some animals might snap at one’s finger is this were done to them.

The larger issue is the true lack of respect towards another human being, especially those who are rendering a service.

I completely agree with the film Munnabhai MBBS wherein the hero advises a young girl regarding a prospective groom, over a radio talk show. Reacting to a query on how one’s character could be judged in a few minutes meeting, the hero says, “Observe how he calls out to the waiter. If he says, ‘excuse me’ or something like that it’s fine. On the other hand if he snaps his finger and says, ‘tsk-tsk’, don’t waste your time and walk out.”

How I wish that that we legally throw out people who “tsk-tsk” in a hotel, restaurant or for the matter anywhere!

But we fail to see the bigger plan.

Instead we align ourselves to shallow, human-created values and then desire to look different, to live elsewhere and to have material things that we cannot afford. We are never satisfied with what we have been given.

It is interesting to note how often we secretly covet the lifestyle of our neighbours and friends. It is human nature to perceive that the “grass is always greener on the other side.” This flawed perception is responsible for many of the problems we are facing today. If we can learn to accept and even appreciate our circumstances and see them as integral to our development as human beings, then we are going to have fewer dissatisfied people and a much lower incidence of depression.

Contentment is a rare trait and those who are satisfied with their circumstances are the luckiest people alive because they can enjoy life deeply while inspiring others to do the same. We are always craving something or the other, forgetting the fact we have should be properly exploring and utilizing whatever has been gifted to us by God. It is only with the passing of time do we realize that we’ve missed many opportunities to appreciate the true value of what we have been given and by then it is too late to turn back the clock.

Certainly we should aspire for other things in life: a better education, better health, job promotions and a more comfortable house but we must also cherish what we have right now as we are reading this article. A bird in hand, is better than two in a bush. Take a little time to do some introspection and you will see your life in a different way.

Make your glasses green, and then you’ll find that the grass is really greener.…on your side of the fence!

My empathic answer is NO. They can be used as assistants to you and as a support system but making them the de facto guardians and tutors of your children is a big NO. What do you want your children to imbibe; the habits and attitudes of your servants? Is this what you have foreseen for your child?

I see so many children in the park coming out to play with their servants continuously admonishing them, don’t run – you will fall, don’t do this and don’t do that – you will get hurt. As by shouting from far they have done their duty. What kind of upbringing is this?

When nothing works they use threats which they cannot ever carry out. The children are no fools. They soon learn to manipulate their attendants. What are we tuning them up for? Surreptitiously we are helping them imbibe attitudes that will hurt them in the long run.

Do you want the child to grow or remain a stunted little dwarf, big in body but small in mind? Do you want to see your child turn into a thinking, self-confident, courageous and intelligent child or a scared, cunning and lying imp?

In many cases the servants who all have mobile phones are so busy on it that they have no idea what mischief the child is up to. Isn’t that an open invitation to trouble?

I have noticed this in myself when I am driving. The need to focus on whatever others are doing is so strong to avoid collisions because in Delhi one drives by the rule that if there is space one has to go in and fill it up or worse if you have a bigger car, your self-importance gives you the right to go ahead first. This creates a situation where you have to drive with one eye on the rear-view mirror and the other three eyes on the left, front and right. Of course there is also this continuous analysis that is humming inside the brain. And every now and then, the perceived stupidity of the other guy vents itself out in expletives.

So coming back to our original premise, we need to consider the why and why-nots of the situation. The question is why some people speak their part only in anger; and this is not just anger, it is also laced with a heavy dose of indignation. Indignation presupposes that the person has been wronged and has been made to suffer due to the unworthy actions of the other guy. This also presupposes that some sort of judgment has already been passed. So, I can safely say that the person speaking out in hot flashes is not being pragmatic, he has not bothered to listen to both sides of the story and feels so strongly that he has been wronged that there is no space for discussions in the situation. The situation is exacerbated by the person’s need to not only prove his point but also teach the other malefactor a lesson even if it has to be drilled into his head. This I suppose is what they call road rage when it happens on the highway.

How we tend to work ourselves very often into a lather for nothing is beautifully illustrated by a story I read many years ago. It was titled “Want to borrow a jack?”

A motorist had a puncture somewhere out of town and was appalled to discover that there was no jack in his car. Now at the unearthly hour of 4 in the early morning where would he find the assistance needed and that too in the middle of the country side. Let’s not forget that this story comes from a time when cell phones were not invented. So although his head was brimming with anger against all the people who could have done this to him, he was cool-headed enough to look around. In the distance he noticed a light and decided to walk towards it. Soon it became obvious that he was approaching a farmhouse. This got him thinking. “What if the farmer does not open the door? He must surely be sleeping and will be upset at being disturbed at this hour of the night. But my need leaves me with no option but to knock at his door so to hell with the farmer. The farmer can always say no and that will be that and people are so unhelpful anyway nowadays, etc.”  By the time he reached the farmer’s door he had already worked out his case against the disturbance he was going to cause. If only the poor city-slicker had any idea that farmers get up rather early and are generally the most helpful kind of people on earth as they are deeply in tune with nature’s vagaries. Anyway this motorist knocks on the farmer’s door and the farmer opens the door. But before anything could be said the motorist blurts out: “Now are you going to give me the jack or not?”

Why are we in such a hurry to prejudge? Why do we feel superior enough to be judgmental with so much righteousness? The other day I was back in my old school which is an ashram where the morning hours are for meditation and no other activity is encouraged especially in the meditation area and near it. I was sitting there; it was six in the morning. Just then an old lady comes, sees the latest newspaper daily around nearby, left by another ashramite and asks me to tell her the cricket score. So I pick up the paper and open it. After all if the old lady is more interested in cricket scores and meditation is not her forte, who am I to judge? But before I could do my good karma, an old teacher of mine passes by and immediately scolds me for reading the paper in the meditation area! Boy, I was so amused. It was so much like my childhood when I was being scolded for something or the other, never heard nor given a chance to explain. I left immediately and went to the sea beach nearby to cleanse myself of the indignation that this teacher had injected in my atmosphere.

When people burst out in an immature manner after living on this earth for so long, I do wonder if they have learnt anything at all. Why can’t they, even if they have been apparently wronged, keep their cool and state their case without anger?
Our courts would not be so filled with cases and divorces would diminish in numbers if they did so. Everyday skirmishes would turn into studious discussions.

I am reminded of this saying by Isaac Asimov –“Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.” And I will leave it here for you to judge!

Pradeep Maheshwari is a Delhi-based author, personal growth frainer and marketing consultant.

As the tap was not being closed the water gushed continuously. I began to wonder ….was my roomie using water from the wash basin to take his bath? As soon as he came out with his towel to dry his face I realized that all this time he had not been bathing but shaving. He had kept the water flowing the whole time. Why do we need to keep a tap on while we shave?

With this thought of water wasting in my mind I finished my daily chores, got ready for office and went to the kitchen to check out the menu for breakfast. There my eyes caught the faulty tap of the kitchen wash basin from which a very small stream of water flowed down the drain. I wondered to myself — can’t we call a plumber and get it repaired? Won’t this save us a lot of water? On the way to the office, my mind was kept busy by the thoughts of precious water being wasted at the guest house. I started calculating the amount of water that was flowing down the drain.

A rough assumption of the water that might be wasted while shaving was about ¼ of a bucket, and with that faulty kitchen tap it may be around 3 to 4 buckets in the whole day. Here we are talking of wasting three to four buckets from one room of one house in one street of one city of one state of one country. I multiplied that by an arbitrary figure of a modest 100 million every day for the world, and the shocking realization hit me like a ton of bricks. We are wasting hundreds of millions of buckets of water every day on a planet that has a shortage of clean water.

Where are we going wrong? Why don’t we understand that we are wasting this precious resource through carelessness, laziness and indifference. Is it basic education? No I don’t think so. One out of the two people involved in today’s wastage of water incident was educated and working at a middle level management position and the other was hardly educated.

Maybe it is just general awareness that is lacking among all of us? Maybe we are unaware of the consequences of this dreadful wastage of water? Maybe we are so selfish we have decided that the future generations – our children and grandchildren – will look out for themselves.

How can we stop wasting water? First we will have to change our attitude. We will have to feel responsible for the world that we will create for future generations. And what is the solution? How can we make everybody aware of this problem? Through public education programmes, water metres and higher water rates perhaps?  As far as I am concerned I have always felt that the children can make a world of difference. Let’s  also begin by adding water conservation and environmental studies as key subjects on schools’ curricula.

Just imagine that you are shaving one day and you have kept the tap gushing water …. then your kid comes up to you and tells you, “Dad please close this tap. You are wasting a lot of water. The planet is drying up.  You need to save this water so that I can have enough clean water to drink when I get older.”

Won’t that make you change your attitude?

This incident reminded us of the callous manner in which sports is administered. It also brought our attention to the almost total lack of professionalism in all walks of life that is our bane. Moreover it called to attention the country’s lack of readiness to host The Commonwealth Games just around the corner.

But I wish to make a larger and far more critical point after I point out the following comment from a news item:

“What the IPL has succeeded in doing is create a new generation of half-baked players with faulty techniques who strut around like superstars based on their dubious performances in the IPL. This year in South Africa, Manish Pandey became the first Indian player to score a century in the IPL. He is nowhere in the ‘national’ reckoning. But in a recent interview he glibly explained how he has attained celebrity status due to that century — and proudly stated how he now wears tight shirts with buttons open, low-waist jeans, and spikes his hair.”

The contrast between the way we treat our cricketers and the manner in which we treat stars from other sports is glaring enough. But the point I make is this: We cannot but think along caste lines on any subject.

When we think about any person, institution, event, activity, profession, game, dress, style — anything at all — we think along caste lines often without consciously being aware about it. The Usha incident when contrasted with the Manish Pandey attitude demonstrates how cricket is the ‘upper caste’ sport and how athletics is identified as ‘lower caste’ in origins. It is impossible for Pandey to be treated like Usha even though Pandey has yet to establish his credentials at any high level. If the talented Usha had been fair skinned and considered ‘good looking’ along accepted lines, she would have received more respectful treatment! We classify good looking people as ’upper caste.’ In our ethos it is absolutely necessary to be endowed with white or light skin in order to be considered good looking.

Look at the way the much touted India International Film Awards (IIFA) which are held in exotic cities all over the world. If you notice closely, shorn of the glamour, you will find something outrageous — the awards are given only to Bollywood personalities. Why is that so? Here is a guess — Southern stars — to take just one region of India — are too dark skinned to be seen on stage with the ‘good looking’ Bollywood stars irrespective of the talent of ‘Madrassi’ stars.

I was shocked at the response Amitabh Bachhan gave when he was asked to name the 100 best movies made in India since Indian cinema began. He did not name a single southern film! I believe there is more than ignorance at play here. I also cannot believe that he sincerely but erroneously believes that southern films are not good enough. It is no coincidence that he is the Brand Ambassador for IIFA.

Many readers may be executives who read business magazines. I ask this provocative question: Why is it that the front covers of such industry magazines over the decades have been adorned by assorted CEO’s, CTO’s and CFO’s but not project managers, materials or production managers? There is a caste system here too!

Do we treat the Middle East NRI with the same awe and respect as the US or Canada based NRI? Think about this carefully. It is true that people everywhere tend to resort to classification but for the sheer contempt with which we treat those who rank as ‘low’ Indians take the cake.

I have more to say on this topic but I suggest you wait for my new book: CAN INDANS THINK?

The funny part is that I have seen a few of these faces busily waiting for their baggage at the carousel and I use the words ‘busily waiting’ because of the impatience they telegraph through their actions and gestures. On one hand I am tempted to ask them which company they work for or own and invest in that organization. Because, all said and done, such intense effort would have rewards, right?

On the other hand I am also tempted to find out which organization they work for and try to decipher how much of this enforced urgency is actually productive and how it helps them, their team and the organization. Is this a function of our modern society where action is rewarded over inaction, even if the action might be counter productive? Or, is this a manifestation of insecurity and the projected ‘busyness’ is assumed to create an image of contribution, productivity and success to feel important and impress others?

My personal view is that this is more a reflection of a jumbled thought process and every new thought, memory jogged, stimuli received is enough to activate a fresh, new frenzy of action! Introspection and concentration are obvious casualties. Serenity is of course not to be considered at any point in time.

Lastly, such orientation is more reactive and feeds on itself to become repetitive, and deliberate, carefully measured responses no longer feature in the scheme of things. Every time, I am on a flight or elsewhere and I see these very busy people, I feel like holding up a huge sign in red saying “STOP, TAKE A DEEP BREATH!” Focus, concentrate and direct your thought, energy and action.

I am reminded of the advice Arjuna got in archery, when aiming at a bird’s eye. He was told that there is nothing else in the universe excepting the bird’s eye. Even the bird should cease to exist in the archer’s mind. Only then will the aim be true and the arrow hit the mark. A simple enough lesson followed more as an exception than as a rule. Most probably the modern day Arjuna might have a laptop with a telescope to aim at the target, while checking mail and also answering an important call through his blue tooth hands free. And most probably, he might be posting his status updates on Facebook and Twitter saying, “Aiming for the eye”. Most likely, the following status update would be, “Shucks, missed again”!

Let me explain.

The character of a people can be gleaned in many ways. Thus when people from other countries visit India they form opinions on the basis of what they see and encounter from the moment they visit the Indian embassy in their countries for a visa. Then follows the tourist’s experience on our streets. The results are well known to you.

I can see another way in which we can be judged. I suspect that when educated people meet at a seminar for example they may unconsciously use this yard stick to assess the character of a people. When Indians plan to attend a seminar in a foreign country they are judged from the moment they land up at that country’s embassy in India for a visa. As tourists, Indians are not regarded highly in many countries if surveys are to be believed.

I shall attempt to drive home my point by a recent concrete example which I have experienced. I may add here that I too am guilty of such reactions and I see such reactions in the US as well.

I wrote an article titled: “Why I Am Ashamed To Be An Indian.” I wrote it after reading a moving piece in a renowned journal in the US. I was not aware till I read this article by a celebrated writer of the extent of slavery in the India of the 21 st century. I was shocked to read that:
[1] There are more slaves in the world today than at any other time in history.
[2] India has more slaves than the rest of the world.
[3] In India many young underage girl slaves are being exploited for sex.

I wrote this piece hoping that someone higher up — like Rahul Gandhi for example — might take notice and take action to save these unfortunate Indians even as we gloat about our rise to superpower status. I was somewhat taken aback by the reaction from some readers. There were no doubt positive responses. But the barrage of verbal lashings I got was informative of the psychological forces I had unleashed. I list some of the more shrill ones without suggesting that they represented the national ethos.
[1] ‘Rubbish!’
[2]‘There is no slavery in India.’
[3] ‘Slavery is justified.’
[4] ‘You refuse to see India’s development.’
[5] ‘Why are people so negative?’
[6] ‘Did not Dr Kalam tell us to see the positive side of India?’
[7] ‘Ravi should not be allowed to write such things — he is getting cheap publicity.’
[8] ‘The sources of Ravi’s article are dubious.’

I have this theory that applies to individuals and nations. Initially a nation is touchy about criticism. I call this the stage of insecurity or the 3 Monkey Stage. In this stage we feel that any criticism against us is ‘motivated’ and never well meaning and people ought to concentrate on what we think are our achievements. We shut our ears. On our part we refuse to see the many tragedies happening around us — we shut our eyes. We are so fixated on our achievements that we shut our mouths to any self criticism. .

In the second stage which I call the stage of confidence, people are so confident of themselves that they accept that when they see themselves in the mirror, they see many warts. They are prepared to face criticism square on. The US was till recently in this stage. In a lighter vein I feel the Sikh community is in this stage; most ‘sardarji’ jokes show them in poor light and are originated by Sardars.

I can see the US slipping just that little bit as their country falters seriously on every front: economy, foreign policy, crime, corruption, educational standards etc. If things do not improve they may well regress to stage one and join India. Incidentally Indians settled in the US betray this mentality in that they often refuse to accept that their adopted country has serious flaws. The American may well accept these flaws but not our NRI!

In stage three which I call the stage of overconfidence, a nation cares not damn what others think about it and does whatever it deems fit even if it shocks the whole world. China fits the bill. Some may say that the US too is dangerously close to this stage even now.

To return to the reactions to my article on slavery my readers could well have googled for ‘Slavery In India.’ One of the first entries there is: http://www.hrw.org/legacy/reports/1996/India3.htm

Everyone should accept this responsibility.

Ever since I moved to India, I have found myself deeply concerned about the extreme levels of pollution around me. The government can do very little or perhaps lacks the vision and perseverance to protect our environment. But Indians using their own initiative, can make a difference! It is now up to every citizen of the country to shoulder some responsibility for protecting the environment.

You can start by reduce your usage of paper, plastics, styrofoam and limit the use of cars, electricity and disposable containers. Reuse plastic bags and containers for as long as possible. Use less water to wash and while taking baths. Try to use containers that are reusable for years and not just months. Each small step will go long way without significantly affecting the quality of your life.

Whenever I visit offices in India I am amazed and amused to see people sitting with suits and ties in an air-conditioned room that is permanently fixed at 18 degrees C. There is no need to waste so much electricity over-cooling offices! Why don’t employees go casual smart on all days except on the occasions when there is a real need to be formally attired. Even dressing ‘formally’ in India is not necessary, and we can dress appropriately without a stuffy and silly suit and tie ensemble that was not designed for our climate anyway. This will help us to conserve electricity because we can cut down on the use of air-conditioning.

The food choices we make also have a profound impact on our lives and environment. From farm to plate, growing food uses enormous amounts of fuel, water and chemicals. By making few small changes in our eating and buying habits, we can help our environment and indirectly we will be helping helping our children and grand children who will be inheriting the earth from us in the years to come.

Consider eating locally produced food and avoid products which come from far away. Eat seasonal food, which is referred to as ‘climate friendly’ food to help cut down the demand for storage and transport refrigeration. By eating beef, we help to create a great deal of pollution because cows produce methane, a potent global warming gas, and the grains typically used to feed cattle consume large quantities of energy and chemicals. Worldwide, the destruction of forests for cattle ranching creates massive amounts of global warming pollution. It is the same for poultry and sea food farms as well.

So, when you shop in your super market, avoid food products that are not grown locally. In the US, most produce is transported an average of 1500 miles before it reaches the consumer. Think about how much refrigeration and transportation pollution that is created to get the food the produce from point A to point B. Buy fresh, buy local and avoid frozen or extensively processed and packaged foods.

Save water by using less for your daily needs. Remember an average of 6000 children die every day, due to water-related diseases and the unavailability of clean water. Many places around the world are going dry due to lack of respect for the natural resources.

The time to act now; it is a chain reaction and every little act of conservation on your part helps in a significant way.

The people in Nuba Mountain in Sudan walk 7.5 hours to fetch water. Imagine that! If there should be a another major world war it might very well be due to the diminishing fresh water supplies around the globe. Think about that the next time you shower for 20 minutes or leave the tap running while you brush your teeth or leave your water sprinkler on all night long. What are you doing to preserve the environment? Think!!!

Talk to an Indian politician and depending on his party ideology he will eulogize Mahatma Gandhi, or Patel, or Indira Gandhi or Anadurai or Kamaraj or Karl Marx or Chairman Mao or someone else, all the way back to Lord Ram. When I ask my scientist friends who wax eloquent about our ‘great scientific achievements’ of the past, about what is our contribution to the world these days they have little to say.

I ask scientists this question: If you say that India had an advanced scientific culture in the past and many modern inventions like aircraft first existed in our land, can you now predict at least one life altering invention or discovery that the west will come out with in the future and which is already known to India?

Even computer experts in India shock me by telling me that Sanskrit is best suited for programming. I stun them in return by asking if any computer program has been written with this ‘fact’ in mind. I also ask them – will or can you write a programme using Sanskrit in a meaningful way?

When I see how we break rules and laws in daily life casually and with impunity, I ask myself why are we as a nation so indifferent to law and order? Is there something in our DNA that makes us disobedient? During our freedom struggle we were taught by our leaders to disobey rules with a view to making it difficult for the British to govern us — this was called ‘civil disobedience’. But 62 years after Independence we continue to be disobedient. The past holds us in thrall and our old habits die hard.

The World Health Organisation has announced that Indian roads are the most dangerous in the world with 13 fatalities every hour! Why do we disobey traffic rules?

I suspect that we are not only prisoners of the civil disobedience mindset but also of another phenomenon. I refer to our past village life. Many aspects of our daily lives are a vestige of our past rural lives. To be sure a majority of our population still lives in villages. Our town and city dwellers continue to behave like villagers. Thus in a village there is little fear of being run over by a bullock cart. Today the lack of fear of an accident on the part of jaywalkers may be a vestige of this behaviour. As for rash driving this may also be due to the rural attitude of the powerful considering themselves exempt form any law — this is evident to this day. Thus a truck or car driver has a power that can be exactly measured in terms of the horse power of his engine multiplied by his speed multiplied by his connections! How can you expect him to respect a mere pedestrian?

The way Ganeshotsav is celebrated in say Mumbai is proof that ‘India lives in the villages’. Nowhere else in an advanced nation will a ‘celebration’ be permitted to hamper traffic across a city and throw normal life out of gear for almost two weeks. To give one more example, the way some of us celebrate Holi is an instance of pastoral life transplanted into city life. Readers may not know this sensational stuff. There was a case where a Hindu family in a major city in the US celebrated the wedding of their son with 3 ELEPHANTS striding slowly down a road accompanied by band baaja! No doubt the band baaja belted out Bollywood hits accompanied by dancing, inebriated revelers.

You might have also noticed that politicians perceived to have an urban orientation find it difficult to win an election.

To put all this in modern psychological terms Indians are victims of the Stockholm Syndrome. We have begun to enjoy being prisoners or hostages of our past.

This leads us to another phenomenon that I shall discuss in another article. I call this phenomenon the Great Indian Gridlock.

While we all admired the screen villain l begged to disagree with Milind. I asked him if he ever recollected anybody being named Pran even before the villain entered Bollywood? The silence in response to my question told its own tale. ‘Pran’ was a rarest of rare names and the possible fact that few if any had that name may have nothing to do with the actor’s screen deeds. The evidence did not support Milind’s contention.

It may seem obvious but many neglect to remember this simple guideline to good thinking—the need for credible evidence. This form of thinking, called Evidence based Thinking or EBT is now being rigorously being applied in a range of subjects such as medicine, management, sociology etc.

An interesting example of EBT is available in a recent issue of The New York Times where an article sought to discuss what appears to be a curious phenomenon–the trend of reducing crime rates in the USA. The first half of 2009 has seen a sharp fall in crime rates across the country even in cities that have been the hotbeds of crime like New York and Chicago. Even cities hit hard by bank failures and the consequent loss of jobs like Charlotte, are showing reduced crime levels. What is even more surprising is that cities that are known to be traditionally crime free are showing increased crime rates.The writer’s conclusion? Astrologers and tea leaves readers may be better able to predict crime rates than scientists!

Let’s look at the inadequacy of traditional predictors and how EBT proves these to be inadequate:

THE ECONOMY: This seems fundamental but the evidence is stunning–the Depression era had lower crime rate than the Prohibition era!

MORE CONVICTIONS AND IMPRISONMENT: The incarceration rates have been increasing but EBT shows that crime rates have been zigzagging up and down seemingly unconnected to each other.

ABORTION RATES: It is suggested that legalizing abortions has helped in avoiding unwanted births. These unwanted kids go on to become criminals or so the theory suggested. But EBT shows that there are many countries that have legalized abortion but have not seen declines in crime rates.

GUN THEORY: Expanded gun ownership rights have deterred criminals who must now consider whether their victims are armed. Thus, the theory goes, with more and more people possessing guns crime rates can be expected to go down but EBT shows that while New York gun ownership is low, reduction in crime rates is the most significant in that city.

ILLEGAL DRUGS: It is suggested that illegal drug use drives up crime. EBT shows that the percentage of those arrested in New York with illegal drugs in their system has remained more or less flat.

To make a long story short almost all traditional predictors of crime have failed to stand up to careful scrutiny under the rigorous lens of EBT. Even the popular theory that poverty leads to crime, has been belied. Andrew Karmen, a criminologist at the John Lay College of Criminal Justice in New York noted, ‘There are people out there putting up with an awful lot of suffering and they are not complaining all that much’.

In medicine EBT shows that many medicines and surgical procedures including angioplasty and the removal of disk have little or no benefit to a patient and the situation can be managed simply by comparatively inexpensive drugs.

Management gurus who apply EBT say that ESOPs do more harm than good. Wall Street gives enough evidence of this with Merger and Acquisition failures almost 70%.

The summary–we need more rigorous research and must be wary of facile theories.

Two final remarks. When banks in India are the subject of discussion, critics say that government-directed lending is responsible for bad loans. EBT shows that the rate of bad loans is much higher among well-heeled borrowers. Bad loans in microfinance schemes are negligible even though the borrowers are among the poorest of he poor.

EBT also shows that the most attractive cities to live in India are NOT Mumbai, Bangalore, New Delhi. Which are the 3 best cities? Look for evidence on your own please.

“Use your manners, would ya?” said the the group leader. “Turn around and come back in quietly.”

And in mid-rage, huffing and puffing, buddy just stopped. Calmly. “Oh. Okay then.” And he left the room, re-opened the door, walked in and sat down in the nearest empty seat. Quietly.

Standards work wonders.

When we routinely justify people’s poor behavior, we block the chances for change to occur. Excuses repress clarity. I worked with someone for too long who was bipolar manic depressive and we always chalked up her behavior to their illness. We let her off the hook for all sorts of crappy behavior. But nasty is nasty, and mean is mean, and my standards are higher than that.

So next time your mother is a bit well, you know how she gets. Or your typically grouchy neighbor is a grouch. Or your always-under-a-lot-of-stress boss loses her cool because she’s so understandably stressed… Call it at face value, all afflictions, dispositions and psych 101 labels aside. There is no excuse for bad manners.

Common sense is a mighty powerful thing.

The irony of the situation is that even after thinking so much about time — its significance and the consequences of wasting it — most of us fail in managing our life time successfully! Therefore, I thought of sharing a little secret of mine that might nudge you into appreciating time and using it well.

Just imagine you have a big bottle to fill every day and you are given three things to fill this receptacle: the first is big pebbles, then you have small pebbles and finally you have sand. However the one condition is that you have to fill the bottle in such a way that no spaces are left among big pebbles, small pebbles and the sand.

There are three ways to do this: first you can fill the sand first then the small and finally the big pebbles. But if you do so, there will be spaces left between big and small pebbles as all pebbles are of different sizes (remember we need to fill the bottle while completely packing it).

As a second option, you can fill the small pebbles first then the big stones and then the sand but this time some of the sand will tend to slip down from the spaces between the big pebbles and reach the small pebbles so we will still have some minute spaces in between (this method clearly fails).

Thirdly you can first fill the big pebbles but since they are of different sizes some space will be left in between so next you can fill the small pebbles which will occupy the spaces left between the big pebbles. Although the small pebbles are of a different size, some space will be left in between them as well. These minute spaces can be filled by the sand and in this way you can completely fill the vessel without leaving any spaces.

Now you must imagine that time is like a vessel and the big pebbles are the most important things in your life. The small pebbles are less important matters and the sand represents the things that have least importance on your priority list. The empty spaces left in between signify the regrets or opportunities missed in life, so you must divide your work in order of priority to leave no empty spaces (regrets or missed opportunities).

Remember as you utilise your time so shall you define your life. Make your life’s priority list and examine it regularly with this illustration in mind. Are you putting the small, insignificant things things first or are you pre-occupied with the not-so-important facets of your life? Are you neglecting your inner self, your big dreams, your family or your spiritual life while putting friends, ego, and money first?

So what kind of life are you opting for today — one filled with spaces or one with no spaces for regrets?

Whatever for? There is nothing wrong in owning a phone and having it alongside for emergencies but to have one alive and in use when one goes to school or college; isn’t it rather self defeating? I mean, you are at school to study and learn new things. How can you do that when you head is busy SMSing or listening to music of today which is just RAP anyway? Do you need to have a doctorate in psychology to understand that if you your mind is not focusing on the lectures or subjects being taught you will retain nothing? Then why go to school at all?

The school authorities have woken up to this stupidity only now and their knee jerk reaction is to ban the mobile. This is another extreme decision. All they need to do is ask the children to shut the unit off when in school premises. The kids may need or want to use it later when they go out of school. It is a tool of communication and emergencies do not come announced.

My personal opinion on mobiles is that it has just given yakking a new dimension. Nobody feels any need to organize their lives or memorize anything or think anything out. They just push the buttons and disturb anybody at any time as and when they feel it is convenient to them.

Speaking with good purpose means conversing with others in a way that is honest, straightforward, and with the aim of building better relationships.

Take for example the following phrase: “You’re so sloppy. Your work area is such a mess.”

This is likely to antagonise the person to whom it is directed who will most likely respond in the same manner (since behaviour breeds behaviour) or go on the defensive. Either way, your point will be defended or denied and the conversation, to say nothing of the relationship, will pretty quickly be over.

If, on the other hand, you worked out in advance that you really needed the other person to know how you felt and what you wanted them to do, you could phrase the same message in the following way which leaks no anger or put-down: “I find it really hard to share an office with you because we have such different ideas about organisation.”

Now, you have the basis for a much better working arrangement.

Bobby DePorter, the president of Quantum Learning Network, says that there are many ways we can learn how to speak with good purpose. Here are 3…

1. a “No Tolerance to Gossip” policy, since gossip is exactly the opposite of speaking with good intent.
2. letting people know your intent when you speak. So, instead of the slightly sinister-sounding “Have you got a minute?”, use visible communication and let them know what’s on your mind, as in “Have you got a minute to talk about the Jones’ contract…?”
3. avoiding shut-downs by turning the conversation from them to you. So, if someone is telling you about a problem they’ve got, don’t “me-too” them (“Yeah, I know what you mean. The same thing happened to me…”) and don’t give them your solutions (“If I were you…”).

Marshall Thurber, the real estate mogul, has a rule in his office: “If it doesn’t serve, don’t say it.” When he finds anyone breaking this rule, with gossip, negativity, or not thinking before opening their mouth, the culprit has to put a $20 in the charity box.

The result is not only that people stop saying things that are hurtful, malicious, or just plain unnecessary. They stop thinking them too.

I am not against using Facebook. I believe it’s the best networking site (I am a Facebook user as well). But I am amazed to see the outrageous Facebook fad taking control of so many lives among people of all ages.

We all know that Facebook is meant for an age group of 13 years or over of age but many children under the stipulated age are signing up to be members with false information. There is the danger that these children could become victims of dangerous online adult predators, which is one of the biggest risks associated with social networking sites. These children wind up adding unknown people to their ‘friend-list’ leaving themselves open to cyber bullies or even worse, a parent’s worse nightmare – the pedophile.

Teenagers are among those most addicted to Facebook. Precious time which could be used for other constructive activities such as reading, playing sports, or learning new life-enhancement skills like meditation, aerobics and yoga is spent on Facebook. The site not only encourages teenagers to waste valuable time, but also leads them into the pit of peer pressure when they are compelled to participate in all kinds of silly contests such as “Who’s The Sweetest Person?” There are an alarming number of ‘post your photos competition’ which lure teens to post photos of themselves online. This is a welcome signal or green light for every pervert and child predator online.

This is a dangerous trend not only for teenagers but for Facebook users of every age who are not well-informed about the hazards of socialising online.

I have seen people going crazy about Facebook, making desperate efforts to increase their friend-list in order to ensure he/she has a more friends than other people. They choose to ignore the fact that most virtual ‘friends’ should never be trusted and can violate your privacy at the drop of a pin.

Ludicrous as it seems, there has been a new twist in the story these days as parents deliberately make up profiles on Facebook in order to check up on their kids (one would think that older people would have better things to do with their life than playing around on Facebook). The end result is that the whole family turns out to be on Facebook instead of spending quality time together.

Don’t get me wrong, Facebook is a great platform to express yourself by making up your own group, keeping in touch with friends and exploring other interests. However, one must remember that Facebook is just another means to enjoy life but not another means to live life.

By limiting yourself to Facebook, you lose out on a rich and exciting life of real possibilities beyond a social networking site.

So the next time you log on to Facebook with the intention of spending hours in useless socialising, pause a while and ask yourself, is there something more interesting, constructive and uplifting I could be doing with my time?

The other instance is that of Mayawati who brazenly announced that several hundreds of crores of rupees that could help alleviate the many crises  that her state faces will go to install hundreds of statues of  the Dr. Ambedkar, Sri Kanshi Ram and Mayawati herself!

Let me begin by examining Mayawati’s action. In a larger sense what she is practicing  what sociologist MN Srinivas termed ‘sanskritisation’  in which  people of the ‘lower castes’ attempt to imitate the ‘upper castes’ whenever they move up the socio-economic-political  ladder. Thus Mayawati is doing what is essentially  Brahminical — idolization, in this case  herself.

After all a unique feature of Hinduism is the idolization of God or anyone perceived to have  ‘attained’ God or exhibited exemplary qualities associated with divinity. Thus there are any number of idols to what are essentially human beings in almost any Hindu temple.

My observation about idolatrous thinking is as follows: This line of thinking can and almost always does lead to cult formation, hero worship, personality cult,  to people surrendering their own ability and right to think for themselves. Just look at India’s political parties. In most parties the leader is idolized to such an extent that there is no second line of leadership outside  the ruling family, there is no inner party democracy, no fresh ideas emerge over decades.  The difference between most of these leaders and the ‘Dear Leader’ of North Korea is marginal.

This goes to extreme  lengths when roads, bridges, stations, airports, are named after these cult leaders. I find it difficult to name a single city where there are ONLY three structures named after say Rajeev Gandhi.

In a recent  discussion in a US paper about the prospects of India emerging as a superpower, an analyst pointed out that the hierarchical nature of Indian society and institutions  prevents creativity and no country that merely copies what others have discovered or invented can ever  become a superpower. Our idolatrous thinking in relation to those perceived as ‘higher’ than us  prevents free thinking and therefore stifles creativity.

Those ‘higher’ than us includes parents, teachers, ministers; those ‘higher’ than us in the office hierarchy; those  ‘higher’ in the caste system; those richer than us; those who dress better than us; those who are better looking than us and those whose skin is ‘fairer’ than ours.

In one survey conducted by a Mumbai tabloid it was revealed that people living in the tony localities of south Mumbai  considered people living in modest suburbs to be ‘genetically inferior’! The list of ‘ higher’ people who need to be therefore idolized ensures that most of us end up with an inferiority complex.

I may add that the US also exhibits some form of idolatrous thinking in the tendency to make larger than life heroes of its achievers.  Many readers may know that Thomas Alva Edison is rated the greatest inventor of all time — he has the largest number of patents to  his  credit. But few may know that Edison was more a leader, a motivator than an inventor.  The credit for his inventions ought to go to the many scientists who toiled in his laboratory at New Jersey. That has not happened and in typical Hollywood fashion, it is Edison who emerges as a ‘sole’ hero.

This is also the case with the many corporate heroes one reads about in business books. The CEO gets almost all the credit though it is always  team work that lifts a company to great heights — this is something that American business books will admit in their more sober moments.

The excessive television coverage of US presidents can be disconcerting. Television stations will tell  you which restaurant Obama went to, which dress Michelle Obama  wore, and  even what the White House dog had for breakfast! Not unlike the bad old days in India when Doordarshan, the only TV channel at that time, seemed to have its cameras attached to ministers’ behinds  trailing them everywhere bar the bar and the washroom.

A paradox in all this is that in India  atheists indulge in more of idolization than the devout Hindu. Thus the DMK that officially is a party which upholds atheism and ‘rational’ thinking is among the most idolatrous and irrational of political parties in India. They have set up more statues in Tamilnadu than even the RSS or VHP  would have done if they had come into power! The manner in which their top leadership, the ruling family, is treated with obeisance with people falling at their feet, is more reminiscent of the much reviled (by the DMK)  Brahmin touching the feet of ‘saints’. Jayalalitha carries this idolization to great horizontal lengths  when even her cabinet colleagues (when she was the Chief Minister) were mandated to prostrate at her feet at the start of every cabinet meeting.

It  is no surprise that  in the Tamil film world, we see the worst kind of idolization — after all politics and films are closely intertwined in that state. Bollywood has its own watered down version of idolization. Just Ask Amitabh !

Outside of politics one can see idolatrous  thinking and behaviour in religion and business. I have seen at a Mumbai meeting many people idolizing and literally worshipping Dhirubhai Ambani. The  man would ‘bless’  prostrate people sometimes without  even looking at them. He would talk to someone else perhaps striking a  lucrative deal,  even as he waved his ‘divine’ hands  over the supplicant! I imagined the possibility that that deal may have been at the expense of the man pitifully lying at Dhirubhai’s ‘lotus feet’.

In religion, essentially  in Hinduism, one sees the power wielded by gurujis and matajis. I have seen respected scientists suspending their scientific thinking  when talking about their favourite guruji. One  ‘scientist’ told me that she had seen one of India’s most popular babas make the sun rise in the west! The many miracles attributed to these gurujis and  blindly believed by masses of idolatrous people attest to the dangers that befall us when we allow idolatrous thinking to jettison even common sense. What does Indian society need urgently?
ICONOCLASTS!

We screw up. We trample over people’s feelings, we let our insecurities get the best of us, we make big fat unfair assumptions based on the past. If you’re interacting with other humans in even the slightest way, you will at some point have good reason to apologize.

But sorry is one of the most misused words there is. We’ve diluted it. We need to give it back its power. Sorry is a powerful word that sends a very particular vibe to your brain. I’m careful how I use it. And when I do, I mean it with all my heart and I’ll do what ever I can to make things right. But I rarely regret things. I rarely pity people. And I’m almost never sorry for how I feel (thanks to a lot of therapy).

sor⋅ry
1. feeling regret, compunction, sympathy, pity, etc.
2. regrettable or deplorable; unfortunate; tragic.
3. sorrowful, grieved, or sad.
4. associated with sorrow; suggestive of grief or suffering; dismal.
5. wretched, poor, useless, or pitiful.
6. (used interjectionally as a conventional apology or expression of regret): Sorry, you’re misinformed. Did I bump you? Sorry.

Do not say it if you don’t mean it. 
Sorry is often used as band-aid for social discomfort. It eases the blow when we say no to someone, decline, or back out. Sorry can actually complicate the exchange. It’s unnecessary gooey-ness. Just leave it out and stand by your truth with grace.

To the salesperson: “I’m sorry, I’m not interested today.” Why be sorry? You’re simply not interested. If you genuinely wish you could help them with a sale, then say just that.

“Sorry to bother you…” Why assume you’re a bother? How about, “I hope I’m not bothering you, but …”
“Sorry you feel that way.” This is a very tricky usage because ultimately, you’re not responsible for other people’s feelings. If you were a genuine jerk and you hurt someone’s feelings, then really step up to the plate with something like, “I’m so sorry that what I did made you feel that way. Yikes. I wish I’d been more sensitive. I won’t do that again.”

But thanks to psychobabble and supposedly useful “communication skills”, the “sorry you feel that way” phrase is often just a dupe – it’s not an authentic apology at all. It’s condescending placation that is supposed to disarm someone who’s pissed off. Someone tried to use this on me once. They’d gone behind my back on an issue. I confronted them and said it was completely uncool. “I’m sorry you feel that way,” she responded. Oh reeeally?

Your word is your wand. If the word fits – and ONLY when it  fits – use it with all your heart. When you’re sincere, there’s usually no apology necessary.

What usually happens is a few days after trying, we actually feel liberated from the confines of the old habit. But just before the smile turns to smugness, a little test is tossed on our path to see if we have truly learnt.

For me, these cosmic-generated tests are regular occurrences. Sometimes I pass them and sometimes I fail miserably.

I have learnt that simply because I make a fervent promise never to be impatient again does not mean my words have the power to dissolve the impulse to lose my temper. Tests will appear before me in the form of a chatty cashier and her mobile phone in the supermarket, oblivious to the long queue or my toddler who is mastering the fine art of selective listening or others who will slowly tweak my resolve till I am tempted to say or do something out of impatience.

These tests do not appear as some form of cosmic mockery but are a self-generated indicator that more inner work needs to be done for our rewards as souls in human forms. We have chosen the human form to learn lessons and certain experiences will be repeated until we learn at the deepest level of our consciousness.

Some lessons are rooted in karmic patterns inherited from previous lives. Some lessons are meant to extinguish ordinary personality traits like impatience or procrastination, but at the end of the day a lesson is a lesson. And even after making a resolve, we need to face a few challenging tests to see if we are willing to sweat for the reward. If you give up soon after promising to change, the tests will keep coming back. Persist and someday, someone may present you with a badge in the shape of a star.

Do you have any habit you’re struggling to break? Why not take a few minutes to ponder on what is causing you to break your resolve? Did you quit the diet? Did you return to smoking when the pressure got too much? Or gave up cleaning out your papers halfway through the exercise? I suggest taking things slowly and setting goals that are achievable. Try saying, “For the next one hour I will be patient,” and when you catch yourself getting impatient again, repeat the affirmation. Do this for several days until you begin to see some positive results.

Ten or more years later and he is still waiting.

Trying to help others in India is almost impossible he sighed.

I recall that about four years ago I contacted several organizations including charities, orphanages and lepers’ homes and suggested that they send someone over to collect used clothes, vessels, books etc which I wanted to donate. These Mumbai based institutions had one standard answer – it is up to the donor to send the articles because they cannot collect them!

Even a Christian missionary organization from which I expected a better response, rebuffed me in the same manner.

I recently read in a book by a French author who he happened to meet economist, Amiya Bagchi at his modest flat for an interview. At the end, the author, impressed by Bagchi’s excellent collection of books, asked him what he intended to do with the books. He was thinking about the economist’s advancing age and the lack of space in the modest flat.

Bagchi’s response stunned me.
‘University libraries are being devoured by mice. I keep them at home so that I can preserve the culture of India.”

Let me tell you a secret. I spend three days a week at one of the large bookshops in the Washington DC area reading the latest, finest books in my areas of interest. I am writing two books on the basis of what I have learned in these stores. I spend about 7 hours sitting in the coffee house inside the book store paying $6 for two cups of coffee. I have read over a thousand books each costing over 40 dollars apiece.. The staff are courteous and help me locate books, even ringing up other branches to acquire the book I want to read – knowing that I have no intention of purchasing any book.

Readers may recall that Sachin Tendulkar once received the rare gift of a Ferrari car from an F1 champion. The cricket whiz was asked to pay Rs 80 lacs as customs duty. What did presumably India’s richest sporting star do? He did some influence peddling, the good old Indian way. Tendulkar used the good offices of late Pramod Mahajan to influence the NDA government to waive the customs duty. This was granted.

A day later I read a letter in the media from a man who ran an orphanage. He was disappointed to report that he had received an offer of toys from donors in the US for the benefit of the orphans. He was slapped with a hefty customs duty which he obviously could not afford. His appeal was turned down by the government with a curt letter citing the reason for declining his request -a shortage of revenue.

Come on Bharat, you are a great country, ranked as one of the most promising emerging nations in the world. With a little more effort and concern, many of these age-old red tape hurdles can be overcome to facilitate a quicker and more equitable distribution of available resources in the interest of every Indian citizen.

The struggle happens every day when we fight and argue with our own foggy brain under the warmth of our blanket and try to present ourselves the gift of that extra ten minutes by hitting the snooze button. Invariably ten minutes do stretch and we find lifting ourselves from the bed dejected having lost the battle once more.

Let me try to list down some very simple ways to win the battle of the bed:

Be motivated to get up early: The force of a deep desire of getting up early is the best way to bring mind over mattress. If we are really motivated to wake up at a certain time, we will surmount all excuses of going back to sleep in the morning. If we really value the benefits of getting up early, we will make it happen come what may.

Getting up at the same time everyday: Whatever our pattern or requirement of sleep, it’s imperative for us first to set a fixed awakening time. It may be a bit difficult initially to hone in on the right range of bedtime for us. There may be huge oscillations staying awake too late or going to bed early some night but eventually a time will set in when we will know what time is best suited for us to go to bed. We will automatically go to sleep at a time every day allowing enough sleep to wake up refreshed in the morning.

Early dinner: An early dinner before 8 PM everyday gives you ample time to digest your food. It eventually prepares you for a more deep and sweet sleep.

Don’t watch television just before sleep: The biggest energy sapper in most lives today is the process of watching television. It takes a lot of positive energy out of us, makes us lounge till late night and gives us insomnia. We should avoid watching television just before sleep and replace it with other habits like reading books, playing or reciting rhymes to our kids. Let’s try and enter sleep with sweet thoughts which will help us eventually to get up early and refreshed.

Snooze button is kept out of reach: We need to keep the alarm clock away from the bed and not right next to us. It will force us to get up from bed and not hit the snooze button lying in the bed. Once you are up, in all probability you will stay up. The best way is to stretch your body completely for ten seconds and force yourself out of the mattress.
Let’s now win the battle and join the esteemed “5 o’ Clock Club” to success.

In this journey to success, be guided by those words of Sam Veda: ‘A person, who rises early in the morning, feels energetic and remains active throughout the day. The mind remains fresh for the entire day. Therefore we should make it a habit to get up early in the morning.’

Read another point of view here - Forcing yourself to get up early in the morning is pointless!

–

Kaushik is a Business Training and Development professional working with a well known MNC bank in India. His interests are reading, travelling, trekking, spirituality, photography, cultural and social activism. Reach him at k_cborty@yahoo.com

The successful entrepreneur is well-organized.  The more organized the professional the easier the day. The best and most successful understand how to move around the hurdles in a structured manner so that they accomplish more – with less.

I recall many years ago living in New Jersey and commuting to Manhattan, one frequently stopped to pay tolls. These necessities are required for road improvements, etc. yet they become an annoyance and add time to your commute. Tolls create agitation because you need to stop and restart, they frustrate you as you fumble for ways to weave through the longest line to ease your commute and finally, distract you as you watch other foppish commuters.

There are three tolls in your life and your business that disrupt your day. They are:

1.    People
2.    Problems
3.    Processes

Each of these factors contributes to a waste of time, energy and euphoria and manages to throw your days into pandemonium. For you to gain instant organizational momentum you must embark in three ideologies:

•    You must have some selfishness.
•    You must keep in mind moments do not return.
•    You must embrace the issue and make an immediate change.

If you keep these in mind throughout the day your disarray will lead to order.

When we look at organizational skills we need to first understand what gets in the way of efficiency and organization and the most common cause of disorder. Procrastination detains you. When you steer away from confrontational or imperative issues you back up other issues creating a domino effect.

There are a number of major reasons for procrastination such as is a FEAR. The issue takes too long to complete, is too boring or simply is ridiculous and takes time from something else. Yet, research shows that in 98% of instances when procrastination exists, the excuses for procrastinating actually take more time than the issue itself.

If you find yourself not dealing with things, paperwork is piling up and calls unreturned then you must absolutely begin to change you habits. Paperwork, calls and reports do not disappear because of avoidance they grow LARGER!!!

Self-management is simply the result of developing good habits and letting them control you. Another way to look at it is don’t let bad habits control you  – you are in charge – so you make choices. In order to overcome procrastination one must meet it head on. Moreover, there are numerous things you can do to refrain from procrastination. They include:

1. Get the things you hate to do completed first. Stop putting things off until tomorrow or the next day since it will not get accomplished anyway. Get the calls, the reports, the meeting with the nasty client all out of the way first and the remainder of the day is easier.

2. Stop seeking alternatives through email and voice mail. Many individuals hide behind electronics. Refrain from wearisome habits and confront the issue. The manner in which to stop poor behavior is confronting it. This is what you tell your clients, isn’t it?

3. Stop pondering. More time is spent on not conducting the task then physically doing it. When surveyed, 93% of participants stated that blowing off the issue took more time than the physical issue. Pay bills twice per month; make calls and emails first, etc.

4. Prioritize. Most people simply lack good planning and goal setting. The only way to stop sputtering is simply to prioritize. Plan the day and stick with it, do not enable interruptions.

There are also some additional guidelines for sanity and organization:

1. Create time frames – block out times in a day for specific activities and events. Do not enable interruptions during these imperative times.

2. Hold yourself accountable – ensure success by keeping to times and to goals. You hold your clients and relatives to specific schedules why not yourself?

3. Keep only one list – good organizers place information in one place so that they are not distracted. The problem with most people is that they don’t keep a list at all. Others have too many, to remain atop the issues have one list such as a to-do and keep it in a location where you are most apt to view it.

4. Keep a notepad wherever you are – One of the best methods for organization is to keep pen and paper with you at all times, if you are technologically desirous then a recorder. During a single day individuals have numerous thoughts. When was the last time your great idea would place you as the world’s wealthiest person only to forget the idea hours later? With so many distractions interrupting our days it is best to record those precious moments. Keep a notepad wherever you go: auto, airplane, business bag, knapsack, nightstand, bathroom etc. Never lose another thought. Once you create the memory then transpose the idea to your main list for ultimate success.

–

Drew Stevens is a business growth expert. He speaks and consults around the world for organizations that require expertise in leadership and marketing. Visit Drew at www.drewstevensconsulting.com/freestuff and get hundreds of dollars in FREE selling tips.

Why do people smoke? Why do they continue smoking even though they know that this habit of theirs is slowly but surely eroding their health? According to a study more than 70% of tobacco users want to quit, but can’t. Why do they find it difficult to overcome this habit? As I understand it, there are two primary reasons for it.

First of all, it is a stubborn habit. Most people naturally connect this habit with many everyday activities (visiting the loo), times of the day (first thing in the morning; after meals), social interactions (smoking with friends; smoking while drinking), and emotional states (sad, stressed; happy, celebratory) etc. These situations continually trigger the urge to smoke. Since these triggers often work at the subconscious level, this habit becomes difficult to get rid of. It acts like a reliable, old friend you can turn to for relaxation, comfort and focus.

Secondly, it acts as an addiction. The body and the mind get used to the ‘adrenaline rush’ from regular nicotine fix. The very thought of quitting triggers strong and uncomfortable physical and psychological reactions, pressurizing the person into resuming smoking. Sometimes this discomfort of quitting may last for several weeks or months.

What are these withdrawal symptoms? People who have tried quitting are well aware of them. Typical withdrawal symptoms are irritability, restlessness, sadness, nervousness, coughing, sore throat, constipation, insomnia, fatigue, weight gain, difficulty in concentrating, decreased heart rate, and an increased appetite. No wonder most people have a hard time kicking up this habit!

In such a difficult scenario, what can a cigarette smoker do to drop this habit right away? The first thing a smoker should do is to get a physical examination done. They must learn the extent to which their health has been affected by smoking. This action puts the subsequent actions in perspective. Recommendations should be sought for reversal of the damage already done. This step is absolutely essential.

Then the smoker should seek support from family members and friends for emotional encouragement and listening ears. He will need all the support he can muster during this change process. He should not socialize with people who smoke (at least during the initial stage), as it is always hard to resist when someone lights up in front of you.

The third important action is to get a healthier lifestyle. The process of quitting can produce a temporary drop in energy levels. It can reduce concentration power and increased mood swings. To overcome these difficulties, one should improve one’s diet, exercise, and sleep patterns. One needs to take better care of oneself in order to replace the ‘nicotine highs’ with ‘natural highs’. All this requires a lot of self-control. However, there are no highs that nicotine can give but brain cannot generate through healthier means. You just need to discover these means. You need to plan in advance, be more creative and committed to the process.

In the absence of such a preparation, people often give up their attempt to quit smoking. How can these people stay motivated? Most people know that they want to quit smoking, but they do not know why? Most often the answer is that their mother/wife/girlfriend/doctor want them to quit. These external pressures can never be motivating enough. You need to genuinely want to quit, and know the reasons for quitting. If you are trying to quit smoking, you better have a list of reasons. This list can act as a kind of map you can turn to when going gets tough.

What are the common reasons for quitting?

• People want to add more years to their lives.
• They want to decrease their heath risks.
• They want to save the money they spend on cigarettes.
• They want to prove to themselves that they can meet the challenge of quitting smoking.
• They wish to improve their lifestyle.
• They wish to experience more natural energy.
• They want to be good role models for their children and grand children.
• They do not want to pollute the environment.

Take a look at these reasons and determine ‘your’ reasons for quitting. Whatever your reasons are, just write them down and keep this list handy. Read this list of reasons whenever you get the urge to smoke. This way you will lay a psychological groundwork to make quitting easier.

Clinical hypnosis works wonders in helping you keep your goal and the reasons for that goal continuously in your mind, 24×7. Since habits and addictions tend to be very psychological in nature, this is the most holistic approach to quitting. It can help you change and improve the way you think about yourself and your ‚Äòproblem‚Äô. However, it is your ‚Äòdesire to quit‚Äô, which is critical for taking an action.

Most smokers look for explanations and excuses for not quitting. Remember that you must hold yourself accountable for all that you do. Excuses are a dime a dozen and they don’t mean a thing. When all is said and done it is your choice whether to quit or not to quit. You can choose your convenience over a commitment or vice-versa. The fact remains that when you do not fulfill a promise, you let yourself down and regardless of your excuses you do not carry a high opinion of yourself. Don’t ever fall in this avoidable trap.

Are you wondering what made my son quit smoking? Well, the panacea for all ills: Meditation! I too had a small role to play in it. I had given him a book, ‘Autobiography of a Yogi’ by Paramhansa Yogananda. This book has had such a profound influence on his young mind that he has started meditating regularly. It is this new found passion, spirituality, which did the trick.

Since the proof of the pudding is in its eating, may I cajole all those smokers, who are planning to quit smoking, to try this tried and tested formula. Start meditating; do it right now. You will not only get rid of your addictions, but also reap many other health benefits.

Good listeners are becoming extinct among us. What is even more disturbing is that very few of us are concerned about our inability to be attentive listeners.

The ear is a radar that picks up frequencies created by any kind of sound and sends them to the brain. This is hearing. Hearing is an effect (of some sound or noise), while listening is an effort. Hearing is a natural biological function while listening is a choice on our part. Many of us have only heard and never really listened in our lives. Listening is an effort to receive all that comes to the ear in the form of speech or sound and understand it as well as if you have spoken it. A good listener tries to understand what is being said. In the end he may disagree sharply, but because he disagrees, he must know what exactly he disagrees with and that can only happen if he listens attentively. Listening is quite an evolved process within human consciousness.

When a knowledgeable man speaks, only a wise man has the ears, heart and wisdom to listen. The wisdom he possesses is not because he is wise, but because he listens. Out of the 5 senses, listening uses the least amount of energy. Perhaps that’s why sound (alarm) is used to wake up from sleep. Listening is a very sensitive process with complex psychological inputs. Let us explore some of them.

You don’t just listen to sound outside you. You can listen to your own voice. Try speaking your name, and it sounds like the crescendo of a concert. Try listening to your thoughts, they sound even louder and clearer because they are even closer to the brain. Try listening to the feelings of pain, relief, desire, joy, surprise etc. Each of these has a distinct sound associated with it. I would even go to the extent of saying that everything in this world is sound or has sound or makes sound. All you need is a set of ears that can catch, convey and comprehend these sound waves.

The one factor that will make you a genius listener is patience. There is no barter for patience. The second equally important intention is to get the message right, as exact as possible. Therefore what you need is a positive body language to make the speaker feel confident that he is making sense to you. This will help him to convey his idea better, so the eventual beneficiary is you, the avid listener.

Here are the thumb rules to being a good listener:
1. Listen to the speaker, instead of planning what you will say in return.
2. Listen as if you are listening to the cancellation of your death sentence.
3. When you speak, make sure that you have finished speaking before the audience has finished listening.
4. Interrupt only when the speaker wants it.
5. Remember, your ears will never get you in trouble.

I will sign off now with one of my favourite quotes on listening: I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. Robert McCloskey.