Have you ever walk into a business establishment where the host, salesperson or customer service provider makes you feel so special that you love going back, even though you could have gotten a better deal elsewhere? The difference is more than the product, services, quality, price, terms, availability or delivery dates. It is the charisma, personality, manner, charm & presentation of these people.

The chemistry & actions of people can either repel or attract you to do business with them. All of us have to do some form of selling in every area of our life, whether we are aware of it or not. The principle of charisma, charm & a positive personality is contagious, & it attracts people to you like a magnet at work & at home.

Self- confidence
When you feel self-confident, you naturally carry with you a level of charisma & charm to the forefront. To get self-confidence going for you every morning, start with dressing for the part you want. If you are leaving for work, dressing up professionally not only makes you look good & feel great, you are more apt to conduct & present yourself in a professional manner. Chances are when you feel good about yourself; you will do your best & hence be more confident.

Focus
Maintain your focus & refuse to allow yourself to be distracted by issues other than the task at hand. This is crucial especially when you want to actively listen to your partner, your prospects’ challenges, needs & objectives. For instance, when speaking to your clients over the telephone, do not read your emails at the same time. Active listening requires your full & uninterrupted attention. Remember you are not in a meeting to give a sales pitch, but to help your customers solve their problems or achieve their objective, & you cannot do so until you know what it is. So give them your undivided attention.

Interest & Attitude
So what makes people attracted to you? Psychologists have researched & explore many factors for years, including physical qualities, cooperativeness, intelligence & many others. One strong finding is that people are attracted to you when you share the same attitude about life, such as parenting, work ethics, values & philosophy, relationships, welfare, legislation, even movies, smoking & drinking. It affirms a person’s ability to be sensible, to interpret the world correctly, and to make good predictions about the future. Another reason is people naturally assume that those who share similar interest and attitude will like them, which in turn make them like you. So if you want to be favorably received, see if you can look deeper & find where you agree rather than disagree. Everyone prefers to hear that ‘you are right’ rather than ‘you are wrong’.

Sex appeal
Another interesting fundamental is sex appeal which adds flair to your personality. Even if you are a warm, interesting & approachable person, your interactions with others can be flat if you don’t show at least a little sex appeal. Sex appeal goes beyond sexuality. It’s different from the sheer physical attributes of showing skin or flaunting your body. It is a sign of openness to engage others by becoming interested in what they do & how they think & feel. It is a healthy & natural part of yourself that you display, in all settings; whether it’s business, social or romantic. The process is the way you show your appeal, through your appreciation & attraction to others with your sense of physical confidence.
Even supermodels can lack appeal if they lack interest in others & are unresponsive.

Responding to others
“People do not want to be sold a product or service. They want to deal with people who they think have their interest or who care about them.
- J. Oliver Crom, CEO, Dale Carnegie

Showing people, however subtly that you find them unique & interesting makes them feel good about themselves, and thus they feel good about you. Giving them your full attention is a good way of building rapport & creating a momentary exclusive world of ‘you & me’. Some easy ways to show attraction is through eye contact, a warm handshake and displaying special interest & appreciation in others.

Reaching out
Another way of showing attraction or interest is with touch. Subtle touches are good if you are careful & sensitive about the norms as to what is appropriate and comfortable to most people. People generally like to be touched likely even in nonromantic settings. A gentle, light & sincere touch somewhere between the shoulder and hand such as the elbow area can have a powerful positive impact on your feeling about that person even when he or she is a stranger. When meeting someone the first time, you can touch others casually as a gesture to get their attention, or to direct their attention somewhere else. The message usually is: I like you & I am a warm person. However, we need to exercise caution that going overboard may make others feel uncomfortable resulting in an adverse effect.

Be comfortable in your own skin
Your self-image & how you feel about yourself shows in how you carry yourself, your posture and your gait. The way you exhibit your body emotion is contagious much like a smile or a yawn. You can hear your own voice but you can’t see your own mannerisms and body the way others can. Hence you need to be conscious of your physical presence and the way you hold yourself. Even though you may not have control over your physical attributes, your physical presentation, your body movement & body language are noticed by other people which you may not be aware. Avoid displaced energy such as fidgeting and nervous movements. Being comfortable with who you are with confidence is how you want to be perceived. When you embrace your body & dress appropriately for the occasion, you will feel attractive and tend to present yourself positively. In turn others will feel good in your presence & thus find you more attractive.

Article contributed by Betty Kan, a Singapore based trainer and personal branding consultant.

Everything begins with the way we think, leading to the way we act and behave. By changing the way we think, we can find new ways to do things better and be better in every aspect of our lives. Mind Maps are a profound tool for effective thinking. Their contribution and impact on our thinking is impeccable.

Allow me to share with you my experiences on my journey with Mind Maps.

1. Better focus

Being pulled in different directions in the daily grind of life, trying to meet life’s competing demands and priorities and keeping my focus to accomplish all that needs to be done without distractions remain constant challenges. At times I find my thoughts straying and my thinking becomes foggy, lacking clarity. Mind Maps help to focus my mind as I would need to search and consider the most important elements of my theme to be planted on the main branches. This task requires me to drill deep into my thoughts to think about all the important factors and then prioritise them. Finding a keyword that would summarise and best represent my thoughts is the beginning of my main idea. Once I can get that going, it becomes easier to link up a continuous stream of associations, and before I know it, my thought process begins to flow almost effortlessly. At that point, my mind no longer thinks about the things that are irrelevant.

For example, when I have to prepare for a session plan for my class at Ngee Ann Polytechnic, I first focus on the objectives, followed by the learning outcome that I want my students to achieve, then the key learning points, pace and timing. If I allow these ideas to float in my head without physically pinning them down on the branches, it will not help to solidify my focus and I will tend to procrastinate my projects & tasks at hand. After prioritising the various tasks, I then decide what to work on next and allocate the amount of time accordingly.  This serves as my teaching agenda and it also allows me to be flexible with the sequence when I lecture and conduct tutorials. Hence Mind Maps help me to focus and make me more productive.

2. More organized

As soon as I discover the versatility of Mind Maps and their usefulness, I realise that they can be applied in virtually any area of my life. That is their true beauty. In fact, they are an instant power source anyone can easily tap into.

After familiarizing myself with the theory and practice of Mind Maps, I can use them as a system & structure to plan for my lessons when I teach or present. They are especially useful when presenting to and reviewing information with the students and participants as it is easy for anyone to follow since everything falls on one page.

Leonardo da Vinci once said, “In this world, everything is connected to everything else.” This is so true. I can conveniently shift from one aspect of my topic to another with ease and the students can visualize how all things connect and work together to arrive at the big picture (gestalt).  My students’ eyes would be fixated on the whiteboard as I reveal the course information through a network of colourful text, graphics and images connected by branches. I could edit the information quickly as the students contribute their ideas and add new information during our interactive discussions. It is easy to prevent drift and waffle from the agenda at hand. Likewise I could use the tool powerfully in my meetings where irrelevant ideas just won’t fit into the Mind Map of what’s being discussed.

3. Improved efficiency

Preparing for presentations using Mind Maps takes less time than writing it out in a linear form, thus making my preparation work much more efficient. It allows me to be in tune with the overview of my session plan and subject matter at all times.

Whenever an idea crops up, I can readily add it onto the relevant sub-level branch and continue to expand my thoughts without messing up my notes. I could reuse my Mind Maps for future presentations even when there are new materials to supplement, simply by adding on and expanding the original Mind Map without having to redraft everything. This form of reference saves me a lot of precious time and simplifies the process.

At the Polytechnic, my students find it extraordinary and unusual as they rarely have been exposed to this form of teaching style. It is fun and interesting as I have not had a student who falls asleep on me!

Using Mind Maps as a framework for lecture creates a greater balance between oral and written presentations with the ability to inject variation and add dimension. It is easy to move from one segment of the presentation to the other with ease of flow at the same time, allowing the students to see how every aspect of the topic is inter-related and connected to the others. Soon I see students starting to draw their own Mind Maps with their own unique expression of images and graphics.

4. No fear of failure

Understanding Tony Buzan’s mechanism for learning has helped me to plan for my success and to remove the inherent debilitating fear of failure which has been a major obstacle in my personal risk-taking efforts. In the past, the fear of failure had kept me bound to my launching pad, limiting me and preventing me from achieving my dreams to the extent that sometimes I reconciled myself to mediocrity in some areas of my life.

Recognizing that failure is just an ‘event’ with no emotional bearing or negativity, I am now more courageous to try out new things and gain new experiences and be willing to open myself up. After all ‘failure’ doesn’t really matter to others more than it does to me. I don’t put myself down because I fail. Rather I make it a point to draw lessons and learn from failures in order to do better at my next attempt. I now say, “Now that I know better, I’ll do better.” Hence I am able to put ‘failure’ in its proper perspective.  As a result, I now boldly take up the challenge to work toward my goal of becoming the best Buzan Licensed Trainer!

Tony Buzan’s ‘learning to learn’ formula has taught me how to focus on everything I should do but fear to do, combating emotional paralysis which had made me a prisoner of fear in the past.

Feedback is yet another vital ingredient to true success for me. Learning to take feedback from others in the form of constructive criticism has contributed to my success, no matter how much it hurts. Tony Buzan’s teaching encourages me to seek feedback then use it to check against my bench mark and finally make the necessary adjustments. Now I do reflect on the criticism I receive from the people I care about instead of attacking, defending or avoiding criticism altogether.

5. Increased awareness

Mind Mapping trains my mind to exercise both my right and left brain skills. This is especially good for me when I consider myself a poor artist who cannot draw well. In order to create images, I will have to enter into a higher order of thinking to search for the best image or symbol to express my ideas or concepts.

Whenever I am stuck at creating the perfect image representative of the idea I have in mind, I tend to pay more attention to the details of the objects and subjects around me at the next opportunity. I then become more conscious of my environment.

For example, looking at an object, I begin to notice its contour, dimension, proportion, shadow, shading, position, angle, depth, colours, texture, smell, taste and feel around me. Soon everything appears to be more aesthetic and interesting which I have never taken notice of before. I begin to take interest in my surroundings, learn to smell the roses, enjoy life and appreciate all the wonderful creation, rather than move through life missing out on all the details of our magnificent nature. Tony Buzan mentioned, “When you are interested in everything, everything becomes more interesting.” So life is interesting. It makes it easier for me to connect and relate to others because I am better able to make connections and associations to people and the things that happen around me.

I am grateful to Tony Buzan for his incredible invention of Mind Maps. His quest to improve mental literacy on this earth makes this world a better and more colourful place to live. I believe I am now a better person and learner because of Mind Maps. I have started to believe in myself more and am able to achieve more. To Tony Buzan, “Cheers and thank you!”

Betty Kan is a Singapore-based  trainer and personal branding consultant.