Healthy boundaries change everything

Imagine two kids fighting over a toy. “It’s mine!” “No, it’s mine!” They yank the toy back and forth, neither kid letting go, neither kid giving up.

Now, imagine you’re the toy. Not only are you being pulled this way at that, but, more importantly, no one is playing with you. Your purpose, your great potential is being squandered, lost in the scuffle. You’re a participant, but you’re not empowered.

Now imagine the reaction from the two kids when the toy shakes them off and speaks its own mind. Everything changes.

Think of a time when you felt like that toy: tossed about by the opinions of others, used or overlooked, not contributing to your full potential. What kept you from exerting a healthy boundary of your own?

In the toughest, most challenging situations, the situations in which we most need to claim our space and protect ourselves, our ability to think and plan wisely can get pushed underground. We’re too busy just trying to get through the moment.

What if we insert a powerful analogy into that tough moment, in the form of a visual image with the ability to trigger and empower? Visual imagery can short-circuit brain freeze and provide direction, even when you feel overloaded.

Here’s how it works. Imagine that every person is the captain of their own little boat, a rowboat big enough for only one person. We all float in our boats on the water. When we approach one another we’re easy to see. And small boats respond quickly to their environment. If the guy in the boat near you suddenly flings his big foot into your boat, you notice. Your boat tips and you hang on tight, fighting for balance. Not only that, if you shove his foot back to him and put some distance between the two boats, you’ve declared a boundary. The visual analogy of sitting in your own boat provides a simplified way to recognize a boundary breach and to figure out how to set things right.

The next time you find yourself in a situation where you’re being pulled in a direction you don’t want to go, stop and hold onto the sides of your boat. Look around to see who’s trying to board. Get your own feet back into your own boat. Ask yourself what you need. Then row in that direction.

Healthy boundaries change everything. Take a good look around. You’re in charge, Captain.

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Grace Kerina founded www.HighlySensitivePower.com to provide tools and encouragement to empower sensitivity, including the Healthy Boundaries Handbook and the Creativity Prompts Compendium. You can reach her at grace@highlysensitivepower.com.