Nial | Aug 20, 2009

Several years ago I had the good fortune to be mentored by a stunning individual. Much of what I was ‘taught’ and the thinking I was exposed to simply went over my head. Actually that’s not entirely true, it went in my head – the subconscious mind soaks up everything like a sponge, even if it doesn’t appear to make sense at the time. My point is that it has taken me several years to extract the real value of these lessons and to understand not only how they really apply to me, in a personal development sense, but the real value of this knowledge and how others could benefit from it.

‘Knowledge is power’ – a quote often heard and one I had the benefit of hearing from my father over many years when growing up as a teenager. Again, I didn’t really understand what this statement meant, or more essentially, what this meant to me. As a young adult the concept of power related to simple and obvious examples; political leadership, strength of force and perhaps even the ability to impose one’s will on another. Today I now know that power is much more to do with the self. Thankfully it appears that cliché we used to hear so much ‘empowerment’ has been replaced with others, so perhaps we can now free to revisit the theme and really aim to understand what it means to each of us on a fundamental level.

Personal development is the path to growth. This brings a multitude of benefits. It is probably fair to say that for a lot of people the idea of personal development is a catch-all phrase that encompasses a study of the self and ways to improve in different areas. Some people focus heavily on self development from the perspective of becoming more effective in their chosen career.

Many smart people realise that simply improving your technical skills and knowledge is not enough. If you want to excel in your chosen career, and life generally, you need to equip yourself with a range of tools; including skills and knowledge but also the ‘softer’ skills of good communication and ability to influence, as well as strong sense of purpose and iron-clad self-belief. This focus on the emotional and for some even spiritual development is a task taken up with relish. After all, the development of the self is the highest achievement we should all seek – to be more valuable and beneficial to others in life we need to be the best we can be. This is not a new philosophy but one that humans have pursued for thousands of years and is the common theme found across so many religions and philosophies. So perhaps I can pose you one simple question to you; what is it that you think stops so many people from either embarking on this worthy quest, or give up so readily when the going gets tough?

‘Try’ is an interesting word. We all use it, some more than others. We teach our children that to ‘try our best’ is good enough. Another jewel I was handed by my former mentor was the real meaning behind the word try. I challenge you to ‘try’ this on for size and see how you feel, at a gut level with this argument; try is the word we use to describe the following – “I will do this until I find it too hard or difficult and then I will give up”. Some people react badly to this lesson; I’ve had howls of protestation when quoting this statement. Who would ever like the label of being a person who simply gives up when the going gets tough?! But giving up is not the issue here. Sometimes giving up is entirely the right thing to do. Every good entrepreneur knows the real skill is in knowing when to get out of a venture or project and find a new direction.

In my own personal experience I spent many years battling with a traumatic situation in my personal life and remained in that situation despite the fact it was literally killing me, simply because I believed that I could not (or should not) give up and accept the reality that was in front of me. My values told me that to give up was to let others and above all myself down. Ironically when I did eventually ‘give up’ and let go the dynamics of the situation changed dramatically and a new road to recovery opened up, my life began to change for the better and so did the lives of others around me. No, the actual kernel of this lesson is simple; anything worthy of achievement will often contain an element that we simply find unpalatable, uncomfortable and, as so many people will think and describe, the source of stress and anxiety. That emotional pain that some of us push ourselves towards is actually a sign, a signal of something very important and, I put it to you, an essential element of personal growth.

If you feel uncomfortable and anxious, good, know that this means you’re growing. Don’t fear it or allow it to control you, know it is in your life for a reason.

The lesson my former mentor gave me was this; at a deep and fundamental level much of what we pursue in the quest for our personal development will result in us feeling pain and frustration. The degree may be slight; we may simply experience the feelings of anxiety and stress, or just feeling uncomfortable and generally agitated with our current situation. In the more extreme cases we may even encounter real fear; the fear of complete failure. Certainly, some people in this situation describe the sense of a complete loss of personal belief and conviction. Thankfully this may rare and temporary but the emotions it can bring are still powerful and dramatic.

This may be a stark admission but I also still occasionally experience periods of complete loss of self belief. This overwhelming feeling comes, often unexpectedly, like a tsunami and takes me. A downward spiral of emotions that follows almost always ends at the same place; that eternal question – is this really all worth it? Thankfully because of the teachings of The Winning Edge, and constant support of my new mentor, Richard Jackson, I am able to prepare for these moments and can hold on to the knowledge that just like that tsunami I will eventually be washed back up on to the beach. Perhaps a little dazed and gasping for breath but still very much alive and welcome of that fact.

Feeling uncomfortable and dissatisfied, or even frustrated, stress and anxious are all signs; signs that you are probably operating in a way that is beyond your setting for ‘normal’. It’s certainly worth remembering that these feelings are only the physiological reaction to how your brain is interpreting incoming data. As trite as that could sound this is a vital point to remember and will help to shield you the next time you encounter them.

All stress and anxiety is self-induced, this is a provable fact, albeit a very uncomfortable one for some people to fully accept. If you are operating at a level that brings you the feelings of stress and anxiety it demonstrates that you are probably operating in a way that you are simply not used to – you are literally outside your comfort zone. This can be daunting but also massively liberating; it should be accepted as a marker to remind you that you are somewhere new in life and probably experiencing something your neurology just isn’t familiar with. The trick is to be aware of it and above all accept it. Respected personal development proponent Jamie Smart offers this wonderful phrase; “acceptance is the WD40 of personal growth”. How perfect; wouldn’t we all want to oil the wheels of our own growth occasionally?!

Of course it could be that you really are operating beyond your limits and if you have genuine doubt about your ability to cope, or ever worse fear the real consequences that could befall you, then you should reevaluate the situation and, if need be, extract yourself from it appropriately. Taking risks without calculating the odds and being aware of the potential outcomes is foolhardy and not the sign of real entrepreneurship, nor is it an attitude to be recommended to those wanting to experience the journey of personal growth and development.

My challenge is a simple one. Ask yourself these questions at every opportunity; am I actively pushing myself beyond my comfort zone? What actions am I deliberately taking, in a calculated way, to raise my game and what will I do today to place myself in a position where I probably will feel unsettled, anxious and ever ‘stressed’? This is the key to personal growth. Growth is often painful and uncomfortable but soon this new level of being becomes our new ‘normal’ and we can then aim to step up to the next level, and so on, reaching for that elusive goal of being the best we can be.

One thing is for sure, stretching yourself will bring stresses and discomfort but also the immense sense of satisfaction and feeling of massive achievement. In July of 2008 I joined a small band of similar lunatics and decided to participate in the world-famous Bull Run in Pamplona, Northern Spain. Originally a great idea in the pub a year before turned into a macho challenge that meant few would pull out without fear of ridicule.

A year later, standing in the crowd, early in the cool morning air, listening to the silence of many hundred ‘bull runners’ all experiencing the same emotions of fear and considerable anxiety, I really asked myself ‘why?’. My mind raced with a mixture of possibilities; just walk away and join the spectators, run with the bulls and suffer the horror of being on the evening news as the latest tourist to be gored to death, or simply hold on, feel the fear and run as fast as my feet could carry me.

What on earth could have possessed me to join in a ritual that was as much a display of collective madness as much as a test of manhood and carried the very real risk of being flown home in a black plastic bag? Completing the run and arriving, in gladiatorial style, to the immense wave of noise and emotion in famous bull ring of Pamplona was without a doubt one of the most intense experiences of my life. My heart was pounding so hard I thought it would burst from my chest at any moment; I was on adrenaline overload. At that moment, I was more ‘alive’ than ever before and living more in the moment than I had thought was humanly possible. With the pain of personal growth comes the sweetest of rewards; living our life completely consciously, being there, being complete and yet being aware that we can all be so much more.
So be more!

Nial Adams – now leads a team of dedicated Associates who promote the acclaimed Winning Edge personal development programme from Mancroft International. A father of two, Nial enjoys the crossover of boundaries between his personal and professional life, both of which are dominated for his desire for personal growth and understanding, as well as his desire to help others experience this amazing journey. As a long-term practitioner of classical martial arts and ranked Master Instructor he has spent over 30 years searching inside for the answers.

Contacts:
Mancroft International, Drayton Old Lodge
Norwich, Norfolk, NR 8 6AN, United Kingdom
Tel. 0844 884 2940
W. www.mancroftinternational.com
E. nial.adams@mancroftassociatesltd.com