5 Reasons Why I Got Off My Tail And Found A New Passion!
I’ve taken some time this month to clean out my Gmail inbox, the main goal being to have a completely empty inbox. I went through each email one by one, until I got to the very last entry. It was labeled “journal” and dated 12/14/06. I knew it was there for me to print and tape into my actual journal (which I never write in unless things are sad and confusing and I need some clarity), but I don’t think I’ve looked at it in almost 3 years!
In December of 2006, I was dating my now-husband, Luke, for almost a year and we were living together. Truthfully life was good! But while I was in this amazing relationship, and holding a “grown-up, non-sales, getting-my-full-paycheck-all-the-time job” which, at the time, I liked despite my condescending micro-manager of a boss.
The confusion I felt was in regards to acting – my passion, my dream since I was an Annie wannabee. Here’s what I had written in my journal:
I feel my acting stuff just sorta slipping away. I still have the desire and the need to do it – if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be upset about it – but I lost the optimism and the spark. I don’t feel jaded, per se – just worn out and tired of all this. I’m tired of chugging along, weary of the highs that don’t materialize and the lows that are just crushing. I feel like I’m not making headway, that I’ve never made headway. OK, maybe I am just a bit jaded.
But then it comes back around to the other part of what I need and what I want, which is a relationship that’s not strained by me being away. I also want to be financially stable and have a social life in NYC. And while I’m itching to be on stage again, I don’t want to give up the other pieces of what I need.
So I’m desperately trying to figure out a balance between my heart and my head. Do I do this job and have my social life and take a break from the business of show? Or do I keep this job and take all my personal days for auditions, to keep plugging away at this? Or do I just throw in the towel, keep on plugging away at my day job for a paycheck and the lifestyle I want to lead? Or do I go back to school to try to find something else that I can be passionate about?
I’ve been trying to unjumble my head for over a year with all this, and while I want to make both things work – be able to go on auditions and do extra work while I also have my day job – the more I try, the more tired I feel. So what’s the compromise? I feel like I’m a Practical Dreamer.”
That spring, I enrolled in the Career Change Workshop at NYU. That summer, I enrolled at ICA to be a life coach. I found my way, but I can’t help wondering how I really got here. These may have been the 5 push factors:
Being tired. Let’s face it, I was worn out and jaded. I lost my spirit and wanted it back.
Feeling stuck. I knew that I wasn’t going out on auditions, and eventually I realized that the job I was in was not going to be the job that I was going to have forever (or even another year!). I knew I needed to make a change or risk making a career out of doing something that I rocked at, but hated (namely sales and customer service, since my experience and personality kept me steadily employed in those fields).
Growing up. At the age of age of almost-29, I knew that the one goal I had my whole life was no longer the right goal for me. My priorities had changed and I wanted to pave a new path based on them.
Refusing to compromise. I could have easily stayed with that job or, I could have left and gone to the next customer service/sales position. But that was unacceptable to me. I spent my whole life chasing a dream, trying to make a living doing something I loved – making a living not doing something I loved was not an option.
Being a self-starter. I know it’s an extreme comparison, but changing careers is like being an addict. You have to acknowledge you have a problem and then you have to be the one to do something about it – nobody can fix your problem for you but you.
Where are you on your journey?
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What if you feel stuck…but have no idea what you are passionate about! Maybe, while drifting along,you lost sight of things that gave you a kick.